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CondiLicious
Aug 24th, 2005, 01:40 PM
My nanna died this morning. Ugh. I feels weird even looking at that sentence. She'd been sick most of my life... she got cancer when I was 7 and the chemo messed up her muscles in her legs so she couldn't walk without a stick and it weakened her heart... cancer treatments weren't quite as advanced as they are now and sometimes that's what happened... at least that's the line my nanna's GP always gave us when she got sick.

She died in the hospital in her sleep in the early hours of this morning (UK time). My mum rang me exactly an hour ago... I'm thousands of miles away from them (I'm in Florida... I've been here since June 30th) but it seems like she told me hours and hours ago. I always dreaded nanna dying cos she was always there for me or my mum if we needed anything... we kind of depended on her. So she was in the hospital since July 18th... I remember cos I sent her flowers on the 17th cos it was her birthday a few days before and she never got to enjoy seeing the flowers cos she was in there.

I loved my nanna so much. I'd fight with her every day though. She was the world's worse nag. She'd nag at everyone about stupid things... part of it was cos she was always in so much pain... anyone in as much pain as she was would be short with people from time to time. :sad:

I'm not going home though. My auntie (my nan's sister) said that my nanna wouldn't want me to come home and that my nanna made them promise that they wouldn't let me know how sick she was the past few weeks cos she wanted me not to worry about her. :sad: But I knew... they don't keep you in hospital for nearly 6 weeks if you're doing okay.

I'm gonna miss her so much. She'd do anything for anyone... She'd give you her last penny if she thought it would help you out. And I hope she knew how much she meant to everyone in our family and all her friends. I just can't believe I'm going to live out the rest of my life without seeing or speaking to her again.

I've never lost anyone before (well as an adult where I understand what death means). And I dunno what I'm supposed to be doing or feeling or if it's sunk in yet or if I'm just not really believing it. Like... I'm going to a waterpark today... And that's weird, right? Should I be in the house crying and feeling sorry for myself? I just think I need to be distracted. Whenever my nanna was really sad or if she lost somebody she'd go out and play bingo to take her mind off it :lol: So... I think she'd understand...

I just wish I'd have been home and I could have visited her in the hospital every day... The hospital is a horrible place to spend your last 6 weeks alive and she always dreaded dying in that place :sad:

Helen Lawson
Aug 24th, 2005, 01:44 PM
I'm terribly sorry for you, hon. :sad: I don't know what to say. My nanna died after 5 years in a nursing home out of her mind. We have no control over how someone goes.

Dan the Assassin
Aug 24th, 2005, 01:45 PM
I am sorry. My thoughts are with you and your family.

James
Aug 24th, 2005, 01:45 PM
Sorry to hear that. :sad:

kabuki
Aug 24th, 2005, 01:46 PM
:hug: :hug: :hug:

Go to the waterpark, sweetie. The best thing you can do is stay busy for the time being. Every day it will get just a little easier.

Tenisci
Aug 24th, 2005, 01:46 PM
i am sad for you. Hope everythiing will be better in your life in future :)

Barrie_Dude
Aug 24th, 2005, 01:49 PM
I am so sorry. This is soooooo sad

@m@nd@
Aug 24th, 2005, 01:53 PM
i am sorry to hear that :sad:
dont worry things will get better :hug:

Dexter
Aug 24th, 2005, 02:19 PM
I'm very very sorry... :sad:
:hug:

©@®eLess
Aug 24th, 2005, 02:54 PM
i'm so sorry. I know how you feel. I lost my grandmother and grandfather in 17 days in between this year :sad:.

tobi
Aug 24th, 2005, 02:57 PM
I feel sorry for u too :hug:,I knew these feelings,I lost my mum 3 years ago :sad:,keep yourself busy,It will get better and better with days goes on.

Avid Merrion
Aug 24th, 2005, 02:58 PM
:hug: for you, take care.

Maryamator
Aug 24th, 2005, 02:59 PM
i am so sorry :sad: my grandpa died when i waz liek1 year old i never knew him :sad:
but im sure everything will get better :hug:

adam_ads_n
Aug 24th, 2005, 03:03 PM
I'm sorry to hear this news but I think that she was sure that her disease is uncurable and she got used to death. I know how it is to lost a person who loved you and you loved her, because I lost my two grandfathers in about 3 weeks time. But remember: I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be sad at all. So don't be sad- I hope she feels much better wherever she is now.

ClaudiaZ-S
Aug 24th, 2005, 03:33 PM
:hug:

PamShriverRockz
Aug 24th, 2005, 05:10 PM
Aw I'm terribly sorry to hear this. Hope you're ok. Try and remain positive, think of how you are lucky to have such a special person in your life :) Take lots of care.

Nicjac
Aug 24th, 2005, 05:16 PM
That’s really a nice legacy you wrote about your nanna. Keep her in your heart – memories keep people alive, even if they are not with us anymore.

The grief process has several stages; you’ll go through all of them. Scientific research has shown that it is an advantage to keep yourself busy with activities which reflect your own happiness and the happiness of the loved one at the beginning of this process. She loved to play bingo when stressed out – you go out there and distract yourself. If you bury yourself in guilt for not being there when she died it won’t help - you.

I wish you a lot of strength – and many happy memories. She’ll appreciate that.

Rocketta
Aug 24th, 2005, 06:07 PM
Sorry to hear that! :hug:

RIP Nanna! :angel:

Lachrymarum
Aug 24th, 2005, 06:13 PM
My thoughts are with your nanna. I'm very sorry to hear of her passing.
:sad:

Snuffkin
Aug 24th, 2005, 06:31 PM
At a time like this words feel futile. I often feel there's very little to say that can help. Nonetheless, I'm sorry to hear this news and I wish you and your family well. Take care of yourself.

King Aaron
Aug 24th, 2005, 06:52 PM
I'm sorry for you. :sad: Take care. :hug:

LefandePatty
Aug 24th, 2005, 09:03 PM
awww :sad: :hug:

CondiLicious
Aug 24th, 2005, 09:44 PM
well I just called my auntie and it seems I've been lied to the past few weeks... I was told that my nanna was doing okay but that her legs were really swelled so thats why she couldn't come home. But the real story is that her heart stopped twice this month and each time they managed to revive her. And then she was sent to a specialist heart unit in Manchester a couple of weeks ago and they were going to put some thing in her heart that would restart it if it were to stop. (not a pacemaker) and she was supposed to have it last week but they didnt do it cos she was too upset so they were going to do it thursday. (tomorrow) And over the weekend she felt a lot better and was talking about coming home. And she told my grandad not to go visit her last night cos it's a long drive to the hospital in Manchester (he's almost 80 years old!) but he went anyway. So she phoned my auntie last night and asked her if she was coming to visit her today and she said she was. And my auntie said she sounded perfectly fine on the phone... not quivery or sick like she had the past few weeks. (I wouldnt know... i havent spoken to her since July 17th) But anyway... the early hours of the morning her heart stopped again and cos she didnt have heart monitering stuff on (they took it off cos she was doing better) the nurses and doctors didn't know her heart stopped so they found her a couple of hours later at 7am http://spam.timtripponline.com/style_emoticons/default/sad.gif I'm just glad that she didn't know what was happening to her and that she really did die peacefully cos apparently when her heart stopped a couple of weeks ago she didn't know a single thing about it til she woke up a couple of hours later!

So nobody told me how sick she was cos my nanna didn't want to spoil my holiday and didn't want me to have to fly home and have a summer of visiting her in the hospital. I just wish that I'd have been given the choice so I could have gone home and seen her and stuff. But I guess it's what she wanted.

And my auntie is worried now that my mum will shout at her for telling me the truth but if anything it's made me feel better... knowing she got the best treatment possible... instead of the shitty hospital near where we live... and knowing that it was my nan's choice not for me to be there cos I guess that means she knew how much I loved her and how I wouldn't even hesitate in flying back to have seen her (had I been given the choice).

Anyway, I'm sorry if none of that made sense... I'm not really thinking straight at the minute but writing stuff down like this helps me a bit more to take in what has happened. That's pretty much why I created this topic cos with me being so far away from that side of my family it's even more unreal than it most probably would be. Seeing it written down here is helping it sink in a bit.

tennislover
Aug 24th, 2005, 10:37 PM
:sad: RIP

samn
Aug 24th, 2005, 10:43 PM
I'm terribly sorry for your loss, DivaMonicaSeles. :(

flyingmachine
Aug 24th, 2005, 10:44 PM
:hug: DiVaMoNiCaSeLeS

Cariaoke
Aug 24th, 2005, 11:27 PM
awwwwww I'm sorry for your loss, Hay. I'm here if you need me. :hug:

Ems__
Aug 24th, 2005, 11:31 PM
Awwww! :hug:

skanky~skanketta
Aug 24th, 2005, 11:36 PM
My nanna died this morning. Ugh. I feels weird even looking at that sentence. She'd been sick most of my life... she got cancer when I was 7 and the chemo messed up her muscles in her legs so she couldn't walk without a stick and it weakened her heart... cancer treatments weren't quite as advanced as they are now and sometimes that's what happened... at least that's the line my nanna's GP always gave us when she got sick.

She died in the hospital in her sleep in the early hours of this morning (UK time). My mum rang me exactly an hour ago... I'm thousands of miles away from them (I'm in Florida... I've been here since June 30th) but it seems like she told me hours and hours ago. I always dreaded nanna dying cos she was always there for me or my mum if we needed anything... we kind of depended on her. So she was in the hospital since July 18th... I remember cos I sent her flowers on the 17th cos it was her birthday a few days before and she never got to enjoy seeing the flowers cos she was in there.

I loved my nanna so much. I'd fight with her every day though. She was the world's worse nag. She'd nag at everyone about stupid things... part of it was cos she was always in so much pain... anyone in as much pain as she was would be short with people from time to time. :sad:

I'm not going home though. My auntie (my nan's sister) said that my nanna wouldn't want me to come home and that my nanna made them promise that they wouldn't let me know how sick she was the past few weeks cos she wanted me not to worry about her. :sad: But I knew... they don't keep you in hospital for nearly 6 weeks if you're doing okay.

I'm gonna miss her so much. She'd do anything for anyone... She'd give you her last penny if she thought it would help you out. And I hope she knew how much she meant to everyone in our family and all her friends. I just can't believe I'm going to live out the rest of my life without seeing or speaking to her again.

I've never lost anyone before (well as an adult where I understand what death means). And I dunno what I'm supposed to be doing or feeling or if it's sunk in yet or if I'm just not really believing it. Like... I'm going to a waterpark today... And that's weird, right? Should I be in the house crying and feeling sorry for myself? I just think I need to be distracted. Whenever my nanna was really sad or if she lost somebody she'd go out and play bingo to take her mind off it :lol: So... I think she'd understand...

I just wish I'd have been home and I could have visited her in the hospital every day... The hospital is a horrible place to spend your last 6 weeks alive and she always dreaded dying in that place :sad:i've had my fair share of deaths around me this year and it's hurt a lot. i know where you're coming from and i feel for you. may nanna rest in peace. cherish the memories girl.

bionic71
Aug 25th, 2005, 12:12 AM
:hug: xxx

jimbo mack
Aug 25th, 2005, 01:13 PM
sorry for your loss :sad:

:hug:

SelesFan70
Aug 25th, 2005, 01:18 PM
:kiss: I know how you feel. I love my "nanny" dearly. I still miss her after all these years. But it does get better with time.

RayRob
Aug 26th, 2005, 02:28 AM
I'm sorry to hear it....I know what you're going through except I wasn't hundreds of miles away from home when my nan passed back in 1999 (right after the Us Open). I was gutted! I cried, but the next day i was back at college as if nothing happened - it was my coping mechanism.

The type of character I am means I have to keep doing things.....I can't stop. My nan was the same, always on the go regardless. I even shed a tear on saturday thinking of my nan - even after 6 years, because my sister got married and I was a bridesmaid, it was the first time I wore a dress since I was a toddler (I'm now 23)....i asked my grandad, "do you think nan would be proud of me?".....silly me, I'm sheding a tear now - you'll never forget your nan...ever!

It seems your Nan would have wanted you to carry on as she requested you didn't fly over to see her, and I'm sure it's because she cared grately for you!

You'll often remember your nan on big occasions of your life....I know I often think, "what would nan think of this?" Like when I graduated from college with a diploma, then uni with a degree.....going to Wimbledon for the first time - she loved watching it with me every year!

My advice, which you probably don't need me to tell you, is always reflect on the good times, try and forget how ill she's been towards the end of her life.....remember what fun you have had in the past with her - death can not take away those memories!

Hope you feel better soon :D

-Rache :wavey:

skanky~skanketta
Aug 26th, 2005, 02:36 AM
I'm sorry to hear it....I know what you're going through except I wasn't hundreds of miles away from home when my nan passed back in 1999 (right after the Us Open). I was gutted! I cried, but the next day i was back at college as if nothing happened - it was my coping mechanism.

The type of character I am means I have to keep doing things.....I can't stop. My nan was the same, always on the go regardless. I even shed a tear on saturday thinking of my nan - even after 6 years, because my sister got married and I was a bridesmaid, it was the first time I wore a dress since I was a toddler (I'm now 23)....i asked my grandad, "do you think nan would be proud of me?".....silly me, I'm sheding a tear now - you'll never forget your nan...ever!

It seems your Nan would have wanted you to carry on as she requested you didn't fly over to see her, and I'm sure it's because she cared grately for you!

You'll often remember your nan on big occasions of your life....I know I often think, "what would nan think of this?" Like when I graduated from college with a diploma, then uni with a degree.....going to Wimbledon for the first time - she loved watching it with me every year!

My advice, which you probably don't need me to tell you, is always reflect on the good times, try and forget how ill she's been towards the end of her life.....remember what fun you have had in the past with her - death can not take away those memories!

Hope you feel better soon :D

-Rache :wavey:
you sound like me. recently my cousins died and i was devastated. but i went out clubbing the next day as if nothing happened. when i came back i cried. it's just a confusing.

CondiLicious
Aug 30th, 2005, 12:27 AM
It's her funeral on thursday and I can't go. I can't get a flight. I can go on stand-by for a couple of flights but there's no guarantee that I'll get a seat and I don't want to risk spending the day of her funeral stuck in an airport on my own. So, I'm staying here in Florida. I've got her flowers all ordered and everything. And my Aunt is gonna take some photos of all the flowers and stuff cos I really want to see them. And I got to pick the charity the donations are gonna go to so I at least feel a bit involved. I just wish I could be there for my mother and grandad. And I still wish they'd have told me how sick she was so I could have been home weeks ago...

Richie77
Aug 30th, 2005, 04:55 AM
Diva :hug: I'm sorry to hear about your nanna. She sounds like a wonderful woman, and it's too bad her life was hindered by such a nasty disease :sad:

galadriel
Aug 30th, 2005, 10:14 AM
I'm so sorry to hear this,DivaMonicaSeles :sad: Don't be sad :hug: Your nanna is now in a better world :D

sweet_angel23
Aug 30th, 2005, 01:10 PM
condolence DivaMonicaSeles..

sixfeetfree
Aug 30th, 2005, 01:41 PM
I am very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

azinna
Aug 30th, 2005, 02:04 PM
I hope you get through this okay, D. Try not to think as much about what would or should have been done. I think our grandparents (and parents) have a better perspective on life and death than we do, and so it may be best to respect your grandmother's wish to preserve as much of your summer as possible.

My condolences....

daniela86
Aug 30th, 2005, 09:18 PM
:bigcry: :bigcry: :bigcry: :bigcry: My sincere condoleances :bigcry:
A lot of hugs to you :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

Denise4925
Aug 30th, 2005, 10:31 PM
I'm so sorry. :hug: