dont mind me im just gonna have a moan cos i am so pissed off with everything recently....college is my number 1 problem..i just dont seem to be able to do anything right. i've been working on a project on the commonwealth games for the past 4months which my teacher set us..only to find out that its not what we're actually doing in the exam in june. So i have have been working my ass off on something that i am not even gonna get marked for. this teacher is just so thick..i mean im no einstein but she doesnt even teach the subject i do..all she does is tells us to read the text book..if i fail i know its my fault and we are to blame but come off it..how can u expect anyone to pass a course when the teacher isnt qualified....:fiery: :fiery:
plus im really down on myself..again..im so stupid..i really need to talk to a shrink or someone. i just cry for no reason to and feel really emotional and lonely and feel that no gives a shit about me..and its true...people constantly having a go at me, telling me i will never live my dreams cos thats all they are....the sad thing is im starting to believe them..i just feel worthless. a fucked up familly doesnt help...got this awful feeling that grandad isnt gonna be with us much longer..i mean it killed me when when gran died and i have never gotten over it..when she died it felt as if half of my heart had been ripped out and im scared that the other half is gonna go...
i know there are people out there with worse problems than me but damn....i just want a normal life, where normal things happen, and i dont let people down all the time....:sad:
i've took up too much of your time already so im just gonna go back into my corner now and die or sommert:sad:
Apr 9th, 2002, 12:23 PM
Kelly I am so sorry you are feeling down in the dumps. Please feel free to email me or send me a private message if you want to talk! I had a bad time last year with illness which was a mental and emotional thing and I was off work for almost 5 months but with the doctor's aid and a counsellor I am now back on track. Just try and be positive and believe me in time you will see light at the end of the tunnel, honest! Lets hope Lindsay comes back to tennis soon, that will cheer us all up I am sure.
I am sure you are a worthwhile person and don't let anyone tell you otherwise!
Bye for now
Apr 13th, 2002, 08:05 PM
kelly, i'll send u a PM . I want u to feel better!
Apr 14th, 2002, 04:41 AM
hi kelly, i can totally relate to the things you are going through.
i have had so many ups and dosn like that, especially in college. you know that crying for no reason at all thing? i do that sometimes and i dont think it makes me crazy, just human. dont worry about it.
about people giving you flak about your dreams? if you want it enough and god is willing, you can do it. dont listen to anyone except you and god. that is what matters.
about that project thing in college. oh well, what could you do now? i know its hard NOT to think about it but you just got to. dont waste more energy on that, its hopeless! believe me, i know!
about your gramps dying, well im sorry to hear that. a lot of of my relatives, including my grams, died of cancer the past few years and it has really been tough. just pray to God to give you strength.
you know what? its ok to admit your problemas and weaknesses. it doesnt make you selfish or narccissistic. it makes you real. these are your problems and you need not compare it to anyone else's.
the TOP is here for you. hang tough. GOD BLESS.
Apr 15th, 2002, 12:06 PM
Good on you jacs
kelly - jacs is right - the TOP are here for you,
Apr 15th, 2002, 01:18 PM
:sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: :sad: thank you... you have all been really supportive and i very much appreciate all your messages.....only time will tell...i know i wont feel better overnight but you TOPS have made a difference.and i will be forever greatful.
Apr 18th, 2002, 11:51 PM
wonderful reply jacs.. .I knew there was areason you were our Prez! :)
Kelly I really hope you're feeling better now... I had a rotten time recently too, unemployed for 8 months, couldn't pay my bills, feeling worthless, the whole bit.. and it DOES get to you. My only advice is seek out those people who build you up and try to avoid those who don't...and sometimes that means making some hard choices. (family etc. sometimes they are hard on us unfairly.. .and it's not good to be around that. )
I would say too that in general crying is really healthy, and when you cry it is generally a good thing... except if you find you are crying all the time, every day.. or even several times a day. then I would worry that you are truly depressed (clinical depression), which I have had and a lot of folks have dealt with. I really hope you aren't insulted by that... I only say it because I've been through it and it's no fun. I worry when you say you're crying all the time that you could experiencing that without realizing it. It's scary because you get there without realizing it and then it's hard to get back out of that hole. Then (and again please don't be insulted) it really is good to go talk to someone, a counselor or therapist. they really can give you a better perspective on life and offer support. Anyway I've blathered on enough -- send me a message if you need to talk some more.
I hope you realize there are people out there that do care, and we TOPS certainly do! :)
May 23rd, 2002, 02:28 AM
Let me tell you. I know where your coming from.
When I was in High School. I really felt that my teachers
were idiots. Oh. Yes. Some of them were that's for sure.
If they were such great minds;why teach in high school?
I had friends;but I wasn't exactly voted most popular
or best date or whatever. I didn't feel great;but that
was my personal critical perception. I found out later
in my freshman year in junior college that some people
thought I was "smart". LOL.
Went to Junior College then onto a proper 4 year University.
I still felt at odds with the instructors. I had talks with
them in their office and I still couldn't figure out what
exactly you have to do to get an "A". What is it they want?
After a while- it hit me. The Profs, instructors etc...only
wanted you the student to rehash exactly what was discussed
in class. yes, it's a total crock. Where's the diverse opinions?
I've had Profs. who were totally indifferent to me. I don't know
why they just didn't love me like a couple of students that hung
onto their every word. It really bugged the hell out of me how
alot of lecture time was wasted with cute debates among
the Prof. and the same 3 students. HA!!
I learned to love University. I enjoyed learning and reading.
I realized that I could go beyond the required direction or
reading lists into something more interesting or entertaining.
Sure, I did the note taking and tests;but it was more about
me putting my ego aside and just giving them what they want.
Things worked out fine after that.
I know it's difficult and dull; but exams are what grades are
based on. Look at tests as sort of a "GRAND SLAM". Do
your homework about other players, practice and you'll go