We have a date for the home study. We've started interviewing pediatricians and day care centers and looking a places that sell infant items. The boxes of gifts from various friend are piling up in the basement. This is getting a bit .... real. The home study isn't a rubber stamp, but we're not expecting any problems. But you know .... infants ....they don't talk. They cry, they laugh, they mess their diapers, but they Dont. Use. Words.
How the hell do people work this out? Everyone SAYS 'it'll be fine, You'll be great'. Well, EVERYONE isn't a good parent. And I'm sure they were almost ALL told they would be.
Who on this boards HAS kids? Is it as fun as everyone says? When they aren't calling it '100 Days of Hell'? Of course I talk to people live-world about this, but those people all, alomst by definition, approve of the idea.
I'd like to hear from completely dis-interested third parties.
Raising children. How hard IS it?
Nov 19th, 2004, 09:25 AM
I have 2 children, 4 + 3. I would say raising children has to be hard if you are on your own. Fortunately, my wife is stable, organized, attentive etc. Alone, i would have a tought time, but my wife is my seeing eye dog, so it doesnt seem that hard. Mostly, you have to be patient i think. Its easy to get irritated, especially with 2 kids the same age, cause there is often a lot of noise, arguing, pushing etc. Also, if money is very tight, like with anything else, it causes stress and takes the pleasure out of raising kids i think.
You cant just do as you please of course. These days, men are expected to do more than before it seems, ie, take the kids for walks, babysit, feed, clean dishes, diapers etc. So really, i almost never take solo vacas, and i dont go to clubs and stuff like that. Im domesticated. Having kids is extremely rewarding. IMO, people are easier on you when you have kids. Shit, I was probably the Biggest Asshole in the USA during my youth, but now that i have kids, people cut me a lot of slack. I think they are all crazy. Fair or not, when you have kids it helps your self image, and the image people have of you. The ages of like 6 months to a year and a half are so fun. cuase the kid is just like a large cabbage, they sit there and their head kind of bobbles and the flap their arms, cutest thing in the whole wide world. Best of luck to you, volcana, let us know how its going.
Nov 19th, 2004, 09:27 AM
Mine is 9 months.
Its pretty hard, first 3 months certainly when you have to feed her every 3 hours,and you are learning everything.
But you learn fast - you have to.
Mine is fantastic but it disrupts your whole way of life and way of thinking.
Thats why you spend evenings sat at a pc instead of going out doing interesting things.
To be honest Im struggling to cope with it all.
Nov 19th, 2004, 09:40 AM
Mine are 7 + 9, soon to be 8 + 10. Raising kids is the hardest thing in the world to do, especially when they are younger and rely on you for everything. Once mine started to get a little older and have clearly defined personalities I found them a lot more fun. It's an indescribable responsibility that I don't think you can guess at until you've experienced it. Equally, the happiness, pride and love that having children brings is amazing. I've changed enormously through having them, mostly for the better. It can be damned hard work though.
Nov 19th, 2004, 02:49 PM
It is indeed a massive change in your lifestyle. No longer is it all about you (or even you and your wife). It's now all about the kids. The responsibility is enormous, but at the same time the greatest privilege imaginable. My kids are 9 and 6 now, and without a doubt raising kids is hard, tough work. But, at the same time, I woudn't change it for anything. The biggest pleasure in my day is when I come home at night and two kids literally RUN and JUMP into my arms and give me a huge hug. It's the best feeling in the world.
Nov 19th, 2004, 02:54 PM
Nash is right - Its extremely rewarding. The kids love you unconditionally (at least until they hit the teenage years). My son says, "thats my papa", and its the strangest thing, cause youre thinking, wow, i am somebodys papa. Pretty thrilling.
Nov 20th, 2004, 08:10 PM
Psalm 127:3-5 Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate. :yeah:
Nov 20th, 2004, 11:34 PM
I have three (two boys: 13 and 15, and one girl: 8). And it is by far the most incredible feeling in the world. But as several have already stated, it is no longer about you, the parent. It's TOTALLY about the child. And the change is immediate and life-long. However, the trade-offs are just as incredible, especially because of the unconditional love and reliance they have for you, and on you.
But imagine this soft and completely vulnerable new bundle of life wriggling in your arms. Imagine it's unfocused eyes desperately trying to follow it's own tiny hands waving in front of it's tiny face. Imagine skin so soft, it almost seems to be made of air. Yep, it's the most glorious moment that anyone can have. And for the first few weeks of life, all it does is eat, poop, and gurgle. :lol: And yes, you have to possess God-like patience and be willing to change without condition or compromise, in an instant, to your child's needs.
I went into semi-retirement (while pulling $50,000+) just to insure that they were being cared for as only a parent could. That was, and still is, my compromise. And I've no doubt, whatsoever, that I did the right thing. But, I'm also fortunate enough to have a wife who is completely supportive and just as dedicated as I am.
It's funny how for however long man has procreated, I can't ever remember reading about educational institutions teaching kids how to be (good) parents. We're just expected to be.
So it's good to hear that there are classes now available. Is the type of class that you're presently taking?
Nov 21st, 2004, 12:21 AM
I would imagine it'd be pretty hard especially if they don't turn out the way you want them to. Which is why I probably won't have my own children. I may just adopt children who I think will grow up like me sharing my ideas and my beliefs.