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JennyS
Oct 4th, 2004, 01:48 AM
24 Hour Jennifer Capriati TV Network to Debut next year
by Ivanna Bea Ann Oscar Meyer Weiner

Beginning next year, television audiences will get the opportunity to watch Jennifer Capriati 24-7. The new network, called ESPJen will give fans the chance to see the Capster at her best, her worst and her weirdest.

The 28 year-old Floridian, who possesses the knack to entertain some while simultaneously pissing others off, will be featured in several original programs for the network. ESPJen will also air several classic matches from Capriati's career.

Among the programs that the network will include are:
-Classic Jen matches
-Classic Jen press conferences (for comedic value)
-Classic Jen bloopers
-Classic Jen tantrums
-A Reality Show Starring Jen
-An instructional show hosted by Jen called, "how to play tennis without being a robot."
-A comedy series starring Jen's funniest fans making jokes about her and women's tennis
-An instructional show hosted by Stefano
-A reality show about Steven Capriati and his cult following
-A variety show starring Jen making fun of women's tennis and answering questions from audience members

The network is being funded by Matthew Perry, Jeopardy contestant Ken Jennings, Pam Shriver and Capriati herself. "People have said I'm, like really interesting, so now they have the chance to be entertained."

Shriver said, "Capriati is such an inspirational person to so many people for being so real and human. I think because of this, people will enjoy seeing Jen 365 days a year."

While ESPJen's investors are excited about the lauch of the network, many tennis insiders have a more cynical view.

"I have never seen a tennis player more hungry for the spotlight and for media attention than Capriati. That's why she's starting this network," said Sports Illustrated writer Jon Wertheim, who recently began writing a book called "Why Capriati Always Hates Media Attention and Being in the Spotlight."

Legendary Tennis Player Billie Jean King said, "Why the hell would anyone want to watch Jen, when she won only three Slams?! I won a million more than she did! Why not start the Billie Jean King Channel instead? I AM women's tennis!!!!!!!"

Arizona Republic writer Dan Bickley replied, "Capriati has become nothing more than scar tissue and cold ambition. Whatever that means."

While some do not believe the network will be a success, Capriati believes it will be worth a try. "I'm creating this network for my fans. I think they deserve it. If someone doesn't like me, then they don't have to fucking subcribe to it!"

Snuffkin
Oct 4th, 2004, 01:58 AM
Obviously.

I mean, isn't everything you read, true?

faste5683
Oct 4th, 2004, 02:04 AM
:haha:

Fantastic!!

:wavey:

switz
Oct 4th, 2004, 02:08 AM
where is the headline "ATTENTION**********IMPORTANT*********NEWSWEEK"??

i expect more trish101. capriati couldn't possible have more than one poster with less time on their hands so i have to presume it's the same poster

JennyS
Oct 4th, 2004, 02:15 AM
I am NOT Trish. Our styles are completely different. Writing is a hobby of mine and I enjoy writing comedy.

JennyS
Oct 4th, 2004, 02:17 AM
No it's not real because the author does not know when to use the word "than" and "then".

Damn, I guess I wasted my parent's money on that damn English degree since I can't even use correct grammar. I guess I should have proof read it first. Okay, it's corrected now.

Martian Willow
Oct 4th, 2004, 02:18 AM
I am NOT Trish. Our styles are completely different. Writing is a hobby of mine and I enjoy writing comedy.

Can you post some?

Berlin_Calling
Oct 4th, 2004, 02:20 AM
Can you post some?
:lol:

JennyS
Oct 4th, 2004, 02:26 AM
You guys are right. There is no room for threads like this in GM. It's not in the same league as "Which player has the prettiest navel?" and "Which player is the most obnoxious bitch?" It's much more enjoyable to read 200 post threads of bickering than to read my articles.

Seriously, I don't need your approval to know that I am funny. I have my family, friends and co-workers in stitches all the time.

~ The Leopard ~
Oct 4th, 2004, 02:37 AM
Which player does have the prettiest navel? Anna K? :scratch:

harloo
Oct 4th, 2004, 02:48 AM
not funny at all!:o

urklerlay
Oct 4th, 2004, 03:27 AM
That was great...double thumbs up!! except that last jcap quote should have had a couple of "ya know"s in there.

GoDominique
Oct 4th, 2004, 03:32 AM
http://www.skyscrapercity.com/images/smilies/hahano.gif .

PointBlank
Oct 4th, 2004, 03:36 AM
24 Hour Jennifer Capriati TV Network to Debut next year
by Ivanna Bea Ann Oscar Meyer Weiner

:rolls:

switz
Oct 4th, 2004, 04:30 AM
Can you post some?

:eek:

i dom't know the relevance of that face but i like it

Pamela Shriver
Oct 4th, 2004, 08:57 AM
I have my family, friends and co-workers in stitches all the time.
Me too but they all laugh *at* me instead of with ;)

Can't wait for this to start. I'd better hurry up with my PamTv venture, 24hr vowels brought to you by 'PamProductions: Caring for the Needs of Giraffes for Decades TM.'

boggs570
Oct 4th, 2004, 12:16 PM
Damn, I guess I wasted my parent's money on that damn English degree since I can't even use correct grammar. I guess I should have proof read it first. Okay, it's corrected now.

Thanks for correcting that Jenny. I am one to tell you now my grammar AIN'T the best but I kinda know when to use simple words like "then, than, they're, there, your and your're". (jenny the above does not apply to you I am just talking in general because what you wrote was very funny) Hey, and if anyone correct me on this board all I can say is thank you very, very much because it's never too late to learn.

boggs570
Oct 4th, 2004, 12:20 PM
You guys are right. There is no room for threads like this in GM. It's not in the same league as "Which player has the prettiest navel?" and "Which player is the most obnoxious bitch?" It's much more enjoyable to read 200 post threads of bickering than to read my articles.

Seriously, I don't need your approval to know that I am funny. I have my family, friends and co-workers in stitches all the time.

Jenny, what you wrote about Jen was very creative and funny and that navel one is even funnier. :lol: :lol: :lol:

JennyS
Oct 4th, 2004, 01:16 PM
Here is the lineup for January 1st on ESPJen:

12AM-Late Night With Jennifer Capriati
1AM-2AM-Late Late Night With Pam Shriver
2AM-7AM-Paid programming (Fila and Prince Infomercials)
7AM-8AM-Wake Up With Jen's Friends-A Morning Talk Show Hosted by Iva, Babsi and Anke
8AM-9AM-Cooking With Denise Capriati
9AM-9:30 AM-The $25,000 Jen-ramid
9:30AM-10:00AM -Jennywood Squares
10:00-11:00-How to Play Tennis, Hosted by Stefano Capriati (English Subtitles included)
11:00-12:00-Celebrity Tennis: Two random celebrities play tennis, while Jen is the chair umpire and her buddies are the linespeople
12:00-1:00-JenCenter: A Daily Update on Jen's practice Sessions, Upcoming Tournaments, Recent Tournaments (if applicable) and other important news
1:00-2:00-As the Ball Turns-A Soap Opera featuring actors playing the Capriati family
2:00-3:00-Two episodes of "The Capriatis" an animated series for kiddies.
3:00-5:00-JRL- The chance for fans to call in and request a Jen match
5:00-6:00-"Steven"-A Reality Show on Steven
6:00-7:00-"The Jennifer Capriati Fans Comedy Hour," An hour show hosted by Jen's funniest fans.
7:00-7:30-Wheel of Capriati, hosted by Matthew Perry
7:30-8:00-Jenpardy, hosted by Ken Jennings
8:00-10:00-"Jensterpiece Theatre," A classic Jen match is featured. Hosted by Pam Shriver
10:00-11:00-Jen's Instructional Hour
11:00-12:00-TBD-"Jen Bloopers, Tantrums and Other Wacky Moments."

FrauleinSteffi
Oct 4th, 2004, 01:17 PM
How rude! Dont you people have anything better to do than rag on Jen .....I guess not...whatever...go Jenny!:)

Greenout
Oct 4th, 2004, 02:48 PM
:haha:

I love it when supporters do self deprecating sarcastic GM bits!@ :yeah:

gourownway
Oct 4th, 2004, 03:44 PM
not funny at all!:o
Nothing is funny or interesting to you unless it involves the sisters. So what else is new?:rolleyes:

GermanBoy
Oct 4th, 2004, 05:57 PM
Will auch... :sad: Want it too, noone thinks of poor German people... :sad:

*abby*
Oct 4th, 2004, 07:24 PM
haha now that is a channel i wud definately subscribe to :D

Jenny.C.Fan
Oct 4th, 2004, 07:30 PM
hehe thats dead funny.

Oizo
Oct 4th, 2004, 07:35 PM
:haha: ;)

bigshow21
Oct 4th, 2004, 08:29 PM
Good one JennyS....too bad it isn't for real!!!! :lol: :)

Jennifer's wife
Oct 4th, 2004, 09:58 PM
i would loove that channel!!! :hearts: i think i would have to make a tape of the jen bloopers programmes so i could have jen swearing on a continuous loop! :lick:

JennyS
Oct 4th, 2004, 10:08 PM
I'm glad a lot of people enjoyed this. I think this would be a very entertaining channel.

Jennifer's wife
Oct 4th, 2004, 10:20 PM
id also like to see a late night section featuring the worlds best capriati lookalikes poll dancing :drool:

Kart
Oct 4th, 2004, 10:23 PM
While some do not believe the network will be a success, Capriati believes it will be worth a try. "I'm creating this network for my fans. I think they deserve it. If someone doesn't like me, then they don't have to fucking subcribe to it!"
:rolls:

Gerri
Oct 4th, 2004, 10:29 PM
I'm glad a lot of people enjoyed this. I think this would be a very entertaining channel.

It definitely would be, Jen's the best entertainer on tour. Nice one JennyS :lol:

pisces
Oct 4th, 2004, 10:38 PM
If this is true.I WISH JENNY THE BEST.GOOD LUCK YOUNG LADY.

rockbottom
Oct 4th, 2004, 10:47 PM
Im still laughing about the WTA charm school Jenny posted. That's my fav one, I remember some tightwads got all angry cuz they thought it was real or something which made it even funnier. I didn't know I can fall in love with a funny person until Jenny came along. Jenny...you haven't replied to my marriage proposal yet so I guess you're taken.

Chrissie-fan
Oct 4th, 2004, 11:06 PM
Nah,Jennifer Capriati! No doubt about it!

Which player does have the prettiest navel? Anna K? :scratch:

bjbasom1
Oct 4th, 2004, 11:47 PM
Here is the lineup for January 1st on ESPJen:

12AM-Late Night With Jennifer Capriati
1AM-2AM-Late Late Night With Pam Shriver
2AM-7AM-Paid programming (Fila and Prince Infomercials)
7AM-8AM-Wake Up With Jen's Friends-A Morning Talk Show Hosted by Iva, Babsi and Anke
8AM-9AM-Cooking With Denise Capriati
9AM-9:30 AM-The $25,000 Jen-ramid
9:30AM-10:00AM -Jennywood Squares
10:00-11:00-How to Play Tennis, Hosted by Stefano Capriati (English Subtitles included)
11:00-12:00-Celebrity Tennis: Two random celebrities play tennis, while Jen is the chair umpire and her buddies are the linespeople
12:00-1:00-JenCenter: A Daily Update on Jen's practice Sessions, Upcoming Tournaments, Recent Tournaments (if applicable) and other important news
1:00-2:00-As the Ball Turns-A Soap Opera featuring actors playing the Capriati family
2:00-3:00-Two episodes of "The Capriatis" an animated series for kiddies.
3:00-5:00-JRL- The chance for fans to call in and request a Jen match
5:00-6:00-"Steven"-A Reality Show on Steven
6:00-7:00-"The Jennifer Capriati Fans Comedy Hour," An hour show hosted by Jen's funniest fans.
7:00-7:30-Wheel of Capriati, hosted by Matthew Perry
7:30-8:00-Jenpardy, hosted by Ken Jennings
8:00-10:00-"Jensterpiece Theatre," A classic Jen match is featured. Hosted by Pam Shriver
10:00-11:00-Jen's Instructional Hour
11:00-12:00-TBD-"Jen Bloopers, Tantrums and Other Wacky Moments."

Your posts get funnier and funnier JennyS, but you can't forget Around the Court, a show where sports writers around the world would debate all the hot topics about Jennifer. Movies like Along Came Jenny and Remember the Aussie would also be great for the network. Too bad this couldn't be a real channel because I think it would be really cool and funny. Jennifer has such a great personality and is a super entertainer in a positive way.

JennyS
Oct 5th, 2004, 01:41 PM
Im still laughing about the WTA charm school Jenny posted. That's my fav one, I remember some tightwads got all angry cuz they thought it was real or something which made it even funnier. I didn't know I can fall in love with a funny person until Jenny came along. Jenny...you haven't replied to my marriage proposal yet so I guess you're taken.

I'm flattered, but I'm not ready to get married yet. Sorry.

Joan Rivers
Oct 5th, 2004, 10:42 PM
I just started a new thread on this because I couldn't find this one. I'm getting old, I'm telling you! Anyway, Capriati's getting her own network? I heard about this but thought it was a bad joke. I mean, who's next? - Tonya Harding?! Jenny S, I don't know where you got that schedule because it is wrong. I have the inside scoop and had the schedule faxed to me. Here is the real schedule for the opening day/night, people!

12AM-1AM Late Show with Jennifer Capriati

Jennifer interviews Denise Capriati, Sally Struthers and close friend Laura Alves

1AM-1.30AM Friends - Jennifer's favourite episode : "The One With The Marijuana Brownies"

Jennifer's close Friend Matthew Perry stars in the hit sitcom. Guest star - Sally Struthers

1.30AM-2.30AM The Capri-asses! - (Pay Per View)

After the success of such TV porn spin-offs like 'The SoPornos', 'Ally McSqueal', 'Fill-in Grace', 'NYPD Screw' and 'Everybody Boffs Raymond' comes 'The Capri-asses' - the horny adventures of Jennifer on the road, Steven at home 'filling' his jobless days and Denise and Stefano showing being over 50 is not a barrier to great sex (although Stefano's stomach is)

2.30AM-9AM Jennifer Surveillance LIVE! - Sleep

'Big Brother' style coverage of the Capriati home with live streaming of the house during the night. Highlights Include - Jennifer's 4AM pig-out, Steven's night terrors and Jennifer's 6AM pig-out.

9AM-9.03AM Good Morning Jennifer!

Stefano wakes Jennifer for practice but Jennifer wants to sleep

9.03 - 11AM Jennifer Surveillance LIVE! - Sleep

More live coverage from the house. Highlights Include - Hearing Jennifer breathe and working out just what that electrical buzzing is under the cover causing Jen to breathe heavier at 10.45am? Find out only on Jennifer Surveillance LIVE!

11AM-12PM Beauty Hour

Steven Capriati's informative show includes the answers to those annoying problems. Today, Steven demonstates perfect mascara application techniques and Today's Top Tip - Blush : Too Much is NEVER Enough!

12PM-2.30PM ESPJen Classic - Chucky's Demise

The 2002 Australian Open final. Watch Jennifer save match points to win her 3rd Grand Slam in an epic final. See Martina Hingis come close to victory and then losing just like in the 1999 French Open final - but with the added bonus that this is the one that sent her right over the edge! PG-13 & WF-F (Williams-fan friendly)

2.30PM-4PM Bombs Over Baghdad - LIVE!

Live Coverage of the Iraqi war. Jennifer Capriati :"You know, like I am supporting, like the Americans, you know and like I am doing all I can, you know, by like having Bombs Over Baghdad as my music in support"

4PM-6.30PM ESPJen Classic - 2004 US Open Quarter Final

Watch Jen's classic win over Serena - the match that proved Hawkeye is always wrong and Jennifer got to spend some quality time with her Portugese friend, Laura

6.30PM-8.30PM The Early Evening Movie : Jennifer's Choice - 'Blow'

Penelope Cruz and Johnny Depp star

8.30PM-9PM E!'s 100 Most Shocking Moments in Entertainment : 30-40

Jen's arrest makes number 32 - one higher than OJ Simpson's trial!

9PM-11PM The Late Night Movie - 'Clueless'

Jennifer Capriati :"When I first saw this movie, I was like, 'Oh my God, this is like, my life!"

11PM-12 MIDNIGHT Tennis - with Jennifer Capriati

Coaching series presented by Jennifer Capriati. Today's top tip - "How to drop the F-Bomb without the umpire seeing"