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Bacardi
Dec 27th, 2003, 02:08 AM
Have men and women switched their expectations in life?

I've noticed in recent years, it seems to me that more men are looking for the stability of commitment, marriage, and family while women on the other hand have started to avoid it.

For example, the past 2 males I have been involved with; one as recently as less than a month ago, has gotten rather smitten by me. He's calling, messaging, and telling his friends how much he likes me, misses me, and wants me. Now I only got together with him one afternoon for the sole purpose of sex. I even explained that to him, and he understood at that time. Besides, I thought all guys are just after sex anyway, so this shouldn't be an issue for him. Well since that day, I haven't seen him anymore but I've heard from him a lot. And he also talks to my friends about me all the time! So what's the deal?

The above situation has also happened to several of my female friends in recent years as well. And this isn't the first time it's happened to me. I'm happily involved with someone else on a very serious level so I don't have time for him. You would have thought with him being a 19 year old male, he'd be thrilled just getting a piece of ass. How weird!

So now, I seriously wonder, do the guys on here look more for commitment, marriage and family more than us females? Have the females grown to think that the times of the past when guys only wanted sex is how we should live? Basically what I'm wondering is, what is with this recent trend I'm seeing. Have we switched our expectations with the opposite sex?

skanky~skanketta
Dec 27th, 2003, 03:08 AM
gawd!thats so right!looks like girl power is finally kicking in.

Bacardi
Dec 27th, 2003, 04:28 AM
:rocker2: GIRL POWER :rocker2:

It would be so funny if we've finally reversed the roles on men. Let them see what it feels like to be used for sex. Of course, if we sleep around we're still slutty, and if they do it it's just experienced. :mad:

~ The Leopard ~
Dec 27th, 2003, 04:44 AM
Sleep around as much as you like. I never believed in the double standard and I doubt that many intelligent men do these days. In fact, it's often women who are the first to call other women whores, ho's, molls, or whatever the fashionable term is.

As I said in the other thread, this business about men "using women for sex" is a bit of a myth. Maybe in some jock sub-cultures it happens like that, but I've never observed male behaviour that simple.

What is true is that men are not good at monogamy while being fearful about non-monogamous women. It all goes back to the primal fear of being saddled with another guy's kid. We want to spread *our* genes, not look after some other bloke's. It's a silly thing to worry about in modern society, though.

ys
Dec 27th, 2003, 05:13 AM
:rocker2: GIRL POWER :rocker2:

It would be so funny if we've finally reversed the roles on men. Let them see what it feels like to be used for sex. Of course, if we sleep around we're still slutty, and if they do it it's just experienced. :mad:
Sleeping around is fine. Cheating is not.

Bacardi
Dec 27th, 2003, 05:14 AM
True, but I dunno I live with and am serious with another girl..... So I shouldn't have cheated. I just don't get why he's gotten so clingy when I explained to him it was SEX ONLY
http://www.yabbas.com/forum/images/smilies/00000981.gif

Miss Thang
Dec 27th, 2003, 05:14 AM
Have men and women switched their expectations in life?

I've noticed in recent years, it seems to me that more men are looking for the stability of commitment, marriage, and family while women on the other hand have started to avoid it.

For example, the past 2 males I have been involved with; one as recently as less than a month ago, has gotten rather smitten by me. He's calling, messaging, and telling his friends how much he likes me, misses me, and wants me. Now I only got together with him one afternoon for the sole purpose of sex. I even explained that to him, and he understood at that time. Besides, I thought all guys are just after sex anyway, so this shouldn't be an issue for him. Well since that day, I haven't seen him anymore but I've heard from him a lot. And he also talks to my friends about me all the time! So what's the deal?

The above situation has also happened to several of my female friends in recent years as well. And this isn't the first time it's happened to me. I'm happily involved with someone else on a very serious level so I don't have time for him. You would have thought with him being a 19 year old male, he'd be thrilled just getting a piece of ass. How weird!

So now, I seriously wonder, do the guys on here look more for commitment, marriage and family more than us females? Have the females grown to think that the times of the past when guys only wanted sex is how we should live? Basically what I'm wondering is, what is with this recent trend I'm seeing. Have we switched our expectations with the opposite sex?

I don't know. :shrug: Gitta give it a few more years to see if this become a trend and what not. TO ME I can't cosign cuz even though I luv the brotha's I know they can be trife also and always be thinkin with their willy instead of their brain. :lol:

ys
Dec 27th, 2003, 05:17 AM
True, but I dunno I live with and am serious with another girl..... So I shouldn't have cheated. I just don't get why he's gotten so clingy when I explained to him it was SEX ONLY


Then it 's OK. It's honest, and if it is not OK with your partner, your partner will have an option of leaving you. It is fair.

Miss Thang
Dec 27th, 2003, 05:22 AM
Sleep around as much as you like. I never believed in the double standard and I doubt that many intelligent men do these days. In fact, it's often women who are the first to call other women whores, ho's, molls, or whatever the fashionable term is.

PREACH!!!! :worship: Women do that ish on the regular! :rolleyes: They do it also as if callin other women ho's and biacthes will gon give them points with dudes. :rolleyes:

As I said in the other thread, this business about men "using women for sex" is a bit of a myth. Maybe in some jock sub-cultures it happens like that, but I've never observed male behaviour that simple.

Sorry boo but TO ME most dudes think with their willy before anything else. :p

What is true is that men are not good at monogamy while being fearful about non-monogamous women.

Yeah but they'll run up in these types a chicks with a quickness so they might be scurred a them but they don't mind hittin it. :lol:

It all goes back to the primal fear of being saddled with another guy's kid. We want to spread *our* genes, not look after some other bloke's. It's a silly thing to worry about in modern society, though.

I know what u sayin but somehow dudes always manage to get themself in some baby mama drama. :lol: ;)

GBFH
Dec 27th, 2003, 06:12 AM
Sleep around as much as you like. I never believed in the double standard and I doubt that many intelligent men do these days. In fact, it's often women who are the first to call other women whores, ho's, molls, or whatever the fashionable term is.

my intro to comm teacher had an interesting class participation exercise one day...she had us name as many derogatory terms for a promiscuous woman as we could...we came up with about fifty. then she had us do the same for men...it came to less than ten. i'm sure there was a point to mentioning this...anyway...

As I said in the other thread, this business about men "using women for sex" is a bit of a myth. Maybe in some jock sub-cultures it happens like that, but I've never observed male behaviour that simple.

it hardly ever seems that way. from what i can tell, women are used more as ego-boosters. sex is just a way of accomplishing this, i guess. women also seem to put more meaning behind sex than men do. or at least, i do.

What is true is that men are not good at monogamy while being fearful about non-monogamous women. It all goes back to the primal fear of being saddled with another guy's kid. We want to spread *our* genes, not look after some other bloke's. It's a silly thing to worry about in modern society, though.

lol, men just aren't good at monogamy...PERIOD! and i don't buy that crap about wanting to "spread your seed." i think most men just get bored and look for the easiest way to end a relationship...cheating.

skanky~skanketta
Dec 27th, 2003, 06:26 AM
intelligent men? now there's an oxmoron!:devil:

on a serious note, i agree with miss thang. we're gonna have to wait a few more years but lets face it. we women have come a LONG way.i'm proud to be a woman!we are family, i got all my sistas and me!

~ The Leopard ~
Dec 27th, 2003, 06:33 AM
It's funny, though, my impression has always been that women take relationships less seriously than men. For example, I've been dumped numerous times, including by some girls whom I loved dearly and would never have broken up with in a million years, whereas I've only ever dumped someone once, and I still feel bad about it, many years later.

That doesn't mean I've never had a one night stand, or had sex with someone who was just a friend (on a mutual understanding that it wasn't serious). Of course I have. But I honestly don't think I have ever in my life "used" someone in the way you peeps describe. I have certainly never "cheated" on someone to bring about the end of a relationship. That idea is totally foreign to me. Nor has any male friend of mine ever mentioned doing such a thing.

I think you girls just hang out with a lower class of men than I am used to. :angel:

GBFH
Dec 27th, 2003, 06:48 AM
^^ yeup. i'll vouch for your last statement.

i don't come across many people like you, joui. maybe that'll change as i get older...but i doubt it.

Colin B
Dec 27th, 2003, 12:01 PM
Bacardi - this is nothing new. There have always been sensitive men out there but as Joui says, they tend to be the better educated ones. You are fortunate to be attractive to the kind of man who wants commitment, although with your particular sexual orientation, I can see how that complicates things ;) .

At twenty, I couldn't wait to be a dad and when (at 22) that came to be, I was so happy, I cried my eyes out. The sight of my little new born girl in her Mother's arms made me realise that my roaming days were over and I can honestly say now that, twenty years on, that still holds true. I have no problem being commited to the mother of my children; sure, I 'look around', so does she (she's currently besotted with a bloke called Aragorn(sp) from some film about hairy people of restricted growth) but I've never been tempted to take it any further.

Oh. And I'm not unique either; I have many male friends, older and younger than me who feel the same way!


:) :) :)

Miss Thang
Dec 27th, 2003, 03:19 PM
It's funny, though, my impression has always been that women take relationships less seriously than men.

Chile I wonder bout the chicks u was goin out with. ;) Maybe it a American thing but we take relationship way to seriously. When I was in college and at all my job and even in my hood there is always some chick (includin me :o ) who was cryin and talkin bout some drama that have to do with their man. :rolleyes:

For example, I've been dumped numerous times, including by some girls whom I loved dearly and would never have broken up with in a million years, whereas I've only ever dumped someone once, and I still feel bad about it, many years later.

Well chile u aint no average dude. :bigclap:

That doesn't mean I've never had a one night stand, or had sex with someone who was just a friend (on a mutual understanding that it wasn't serious). Of course I have. But I honestly don't think I have ever in my life "used" someone in the way you peeps describe. I have certainly never "cheated" on someone to bring about the end of a relationship. That idea is totally foreign to me. Nor has any male friend of mine ever mentioned doing such a thing.

Well u definately aint like a lotta dudes that most of the girls up in here know so go ahead boo! :worship:

I think you girls just hang out with a lower class of men than I am used to. :angel:

:lol: :p Maybe it aint bout class but that dudes we done hooked up with wasnt secure with themself like u.

Miss Thang
Dec 27th, 2003, 03:22 PM
Bacardi - this is nothing new. There have always been sensitive men out there but as Joui says, they tend to be the better educated ones.

Yeah truedat but it's sad that some chicks look at sensitive dudes as to soft (even thinkin they gay and ish) and prefer some asshole who treat them like ish. :mad:

You are fortunate to be attractive to the kind of man who wants commitment, although with your particular sexual orientation, I can see how that complicates things ;) .

At twenty, I couldn't wait to be a dad and when (at 22) that came to be, I was so happy, I cried my eyes out. The sight of my little new born girl in her Mother's arms made me realise that my roaming days were over and I can honestly say now that, twenty years on, that still holds true. I have no problem being commited to the mother of my children; sure, I 'look around', so does she (she's currently besotted with a bloke called Aragorn(sp) from some film about hairy people of restricted growth) but I've never been tempted to take it any further.

Oh. And I'm not unique either; I have many male friends, older and younger than me who feel the same way!


:) :) :)

:bigclap: Go head Papa Colin! :worship:

Colin B
Dec 27th, 2003, 03:49 PM
Yeah truedat but it's sad that some chicks look at sensitive dudes as to soft (even thinkin they gay and ish) and prefer some asshole who treat them like ish. :mad:
That is so true Miss Thang!
There's a 'women's issues' board that I post on (sensible posts from men are welcomed - just thought I'd make that clear ;) ) where a woman recently posted a "Why are all men such insensitive, two-timing arseholes?" thread. I wrote back, "They're not. You just happen to be attracted to insensitive, two-timing arseholes!".
In the end, she had to agree - she loved bastards. She always thought she was going to be the woman who'd tame them! :)

Miss Thang
Dec 27th, 2003, 03:52 PM
That is so true Miss Thang!
There's a 'women's issues' board that I post on (sensible posts from men are welcomed - just thought I'd make that clear ;) ) where a woman recently posted a "Why are all men such insensitive, two-timing arseholes?" thread. I wrote back, "They're not. You just happen to be attracted to insensitive, two-timing arseholes!".
In the end, she had to agree - she loved bastards. She always thought she was going to be the woman who'd tame them! :)

Ya know Colin the sad thing is that some a these women (like the woman on thta board u just talk bout) are really SMART but they been fooled into thinkin (and allowed themself to be fooled into thinkin) that if a man don't treat them like shit then he aint really a man. :fiery: They need to go to therapy!

Colin B
Dec 27th, 2003, 04:04 PM
Ya know Colin the sad thing is that some a these women (like the woman on thta board u just talk bout) are really SMART but they been fooled into thinkin (and allowed themself to be fooled into thinkin) that if a man don't treat them like shit then he aint really a man. :fiery: They need to go to therapy!

Yep.
Of course the really smart ones would learn their lessons from real life. It's called pragmatism and it's a lot cheaper than therapy! :)

XMan
Dec 27th, 2003, 04:49 PM
Have men and women switched their expectations in life?

I've noticed in recent years, it seems to me that more men are looking for the stability of commitment, marriage, and family while women on the other hand have started to avoid it.

For example, the past 2 males I have been involved with; one as recently as less than a month ago, has gotten rather smitten by me. He's calling, messaging, and telling his friends how much he likes me, misses me, and wants me. Now I only got together with him one afternoon for the sole purpose of sex. I even explained that to him, and he understood at that time. Besides, I thought all guys are just after sex anyway, so this shouldn't be an issue for him. Well since that day, I haven't seen him anymore but I've heard from him a lot. And he also talks to my friends about me all the time! So what's the deal?

The above situation has also happened to several of my female friends in recent years as well. And this isn't the first time it's happened to me. I'm happily involved with someone else on a very serious level so I don't have time for him. You would have thought with him being a 19 year old male, he'd be thrilled just getting a piece of ass. How weird!

So now, I seriously wonder, do the guys on here look more for commitment, marriage and family more than us females? Have the females grown to think that the times of the past when guys only wanted sex is how we should live? Basically what I'm wondering is, what is with this recent trend I'm seeing. Have we switched our expectations with the opposite sex?

Maybe you don't realize it but many men are not only looking for sex and I don't think that this is just a recent trend. I am 24 and I am looking for commitment and most of my friends think exactly the same. It is a wrong generalization to say that men are only looking for sex and I found out that it is also a wrong generalization to think that all women are looking for commitment, family and marriage.

*JR*
Dec 27th, 2003, 09:30 PM
my intro to comm teacher had an interesting class participation exercise one day...she had us name as many derogatory terms for a promiscuous woman as we could...we came up with about fifty. then she had us do the same for men...it came to less than ten. i'm sure there was a point to mentioning this...anyway...

Including those groupies in hockey? :devil:

~ The Leopard ~
Dec 27th, 2003, 11:00 PM
I think that what men and women both want when they are young is a mix of good relationships and some sexual experimentation. As you get older, the latter becomes less important.

My comment about women seeming to take relationships less seriously was partly based on relationships I had when I was a teenager. The girls I was involved with then certainly seemed to have the attitude that there was always likelier to be someone on the other side of the hill who was richer, or hunkier or whatever.

I had two model-gorgeous girlfriends (in fact, one actually was a model) in my late teens who both dumped me and both ended up admitting years later that they made the wrong decision. However, girls at that sort of age don't know when they're on a good thing and always imagine they can do better. From observation, a lot continue to take that attitude in their twenties.

GBFH
Dec 28th, 2003, 04:37 AM
Including those groupies in hockey? :devil:

oh shut up, you :p

i am not a groupie :p

skanky~skanketta
Dec 28th, 2003, 07:16 AM
miss thang, girl!i'm totally with you. i'm one of those few women who are attracted to the good guys, but unfortunately, i'm not that good a girl and i've done some stupid things during my relationship with my bf :sad: but being the bloke that he is, i've been forgiven and its all cool now. and i've never really been attracted to the bad-guys. maybe one or two, but i've never wanted to BE with them know what i'm saying?

colin b, i'd love my husband to be EXACTLY like you. :kiss: and where's this women's board?

~ The Leopard ~
Dec 28th, 2003, 08:13 AM
Yeah, Colin B is suuuuuuuch a nice guy.

I'm nice, too, in my way - not like those bastards that GBFH knows - but I think I have a bit more of the :devil: in me than he does.

Unfortunately, he's twenty years older than you and (more importantly) he's taken. :p

GBFH
Dec 28th, 2003, 08:18 AM
Yeah, Colin B is suuuuuuuch a nice guy.

I'm nice, too, in my way - not like those bastards that GBFH knows - but I think I have a bit more of the :devil: in me than he does.

Unfortunately, he's twenty years older than you and (more importantly) he's taken. :p

good to know there are worthwhile men out there.

GBFH
Dec 28th, 2003, 08:18 AM
^^ even if they're all either married, gay or broke.

skanky~skanketta
Dec 28th, 2003, 08:21 AM
Lol @ Gbfh!

~ The Leopard ~
Dec 28th, 2003, 08:23 AM
lol

Colin B
Dec 28th, 2003, 01:41 PM
colin b, i'd love my husband to be EXACTLY like you. :kiss: and where's this women's board?

Good luck VCR - BTW, I'm not perfect by any means but family always comes first. There's plenty of guys out there who are way better than me. :)

The women's message board I refered to is a (UK) AOL member's forum.
You get to it via 'chat and community'.

Bacardi
Dec 28th, 2003, 09:39 PM
UGH, now that lil dude is wanting to see me on my Birthday or the day after. He got all drunk and sappy telling me he got attached to me, has liked me for 6 years, and just thinks i'm the best thing since sliced bread. I just wonder how the hell I get myself in to these sorts of things. I should keep my jeans on, and avoid this conflict. Because I have a feeling BL would have his ass on a pole of pain if she hears what he's been sayin. I love her more anyways, he wasn't even the most outstanding male I've ever had. Piffffffff, boys, stopped getting attached to me PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!

decemberlove
Dec 28th, 2003, 11:00 PM
no offense, honey, but it seems as if you have a lot of growing up to do.

Bacardi
Dec 29th, 2003, 12:27 AM
I know i have a lot of growing up to do. I just wish when I tell someone it's a one time deal for sexual satisfaction only they understand it. Instead he turns it into some sick little crush he's packing around for me. And this isn't the first time this has happened with a guy I know. I don't know if it's me, or it's them. But I know I made myself perfectly clear this time that this was SEX ONLY, and to be nothing more.
Now I've learned a lesson, don't cheat for sex, because the other person usually gets their sappy feelings involved even when you tell them not to. He can go sit on a tack for my birthday. I'm busy with my baby. :)

skanky~skanketta
Dec 29th, 2003, 02:02 AM
bacardi :lol: girl!

~ The Leopard ~
Dec 29th, 2003, 02:11 AM
You'll value this guy in ten year's time...if you manage to avoid alienating him. Mark my words.

starr
Dec 29th, 2003, 02:48 AM
I know i have a lot of growing up to do. I just wish when I tell someone it's a one time deal for sexual satisfaction only they understand it. Instead he turns it into some sick little crush he's packing around for me. And this isn't the first time this has happened with a guy I know. I don't know if it's me, or it's them. But I know I made myself perfectly clear this time that this was SEX ONLY, and to be nothing more.
Now I've learned a lesson, don't cheat for sex, because the other person usually gets their sappy feelings involved even when you tell them not to. He can go sit on a tack for my birthday. I'm busy with my baby. :)


It's difficult for me to see that you have contempt for this person when you are the one who was cheating on your lover. Or maybe I'm presuming. Perhaps you were totally honest with her beforehand and told her you were meeting this impressionable young man prior to the assignation.

At anyrate, that's why it's a good thing to know someone before you have sex. It's difficult to tell who might get their feelings hurt, etc. if you don't know them very well. And I've found that with both men and women, the "it's just sex" speech really doesn't work very well.

Bacardi
Dec 29th, 2003, 04:22 AM
Well she knew he liked me and I found him cute. She told me I could do something with him before hand but I was sick my bachelorette night. So instead I met up with him on the 15th after we ran around together with friends on the 13th. The way he talked, and his rep was that he was a male version of me, someone fun who didn't attach feelings to most relationships just liked sex. So I thought it would be OK since we were in the same circle of friends.

My wife knows all about it now, she's OK with it. She even said if I need to break him off slowly she'll be alright with it as long as I'm safe.

I hate that he's this bad for me now, I honestly never thought I was something that great of a girlfriend or in bed. But apparently according to him and everyone else he knows I've had I am something to LUST for. It's just strange. I should be proud, I should be arrogant about it. I just sorta feel bad I'm hurting him outta this and I know how it is to be 19 and like someone you can't have.

starr
Dec 29th, 2003, 05:46 AM
You do sound as if you are being arrogant about it from what you posted before, but this last post was different. I wonder if he read what you wrote about him here if he would admire you quite so much.

~ The Leopard ~
Dec 29th, 2003, 06:01 AM
^yup, one minute she's sneering at his "sick little crush"; next minute she cares about his feelings.

Bacardi, if this whole story is on the level, here's my advice. Assuming, you don't want this bloke as your lover, tell him clearly but offer to be friends. He'll be upset, but he'll get over it.

I've been in a position similar to him. If he really cares about you, he'll come to be glad that he at least got to make love to you once, and it might even be a bond you can both acknowledge when you're older. I don't think that you've done a terrible thing; in the long run, it'll work out. Just don't lead him on from here. No "gradual breakup" or whatever.

If you do value him as much as the last post suggests, maybe you really can be friends.

And, yes, guys do have hearts to break...as people keep saying on this thread.