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bionic71
Nov 4th, 2003, 11:13 AM
The PAW tour culminates this week in LA with the TOP 16 competitors battling out the TOUR CHAMPIONSHIPS. A lot is at stake, a lot is up for grabs…………… First time tennis writer BIONIC72 (brother of Australian Paw player BIONIC71) previews this amazing event.

(note: all players refered to as female - this is womens tennis!)

THE SEEDS

The Polish enigma, WOJTEK (#1) , began the year in spectacular fashion with a masterly performance at the Australian Open. WOJTEK crushed all opposition to claim the years first major.
In addition to the Australian Open, WOJTEK claimed three other events in the first half of the year to cement her place atop the PAW rankings. Notable performances in Doha, San Diego, New Haven and Bali maintained her status as the premier PAW competitor for 2003 in terms of ranking.

A hardcourt specialist with a habit of “coming from nowhere” to claim titles, WOJTEK will be looking to re-establish herself as the undisputed PAW#1. Despite being without a title win since Vienna in early June, WOJTEK can never be counted out.

SPIKEYAIDANM (#2) burst onto the PAW scene in February this year. Since then she has methodically risen up the rankings with a series of spectacular performances. In her first two Grand slam appearances she reached the SF (French) and Final (Wimbledon), a remarkable achievement that highlights this players versatility. Displaying a maturity beyond her years this multi-skilled dynamo juggles tournament play with PAW managerial duties in a tireless fashion.

Often seen at tournament venues tackling MENSA Mind Mazes and/or playing the violin, this Melbournian native spoke recently of her desire reach the games top spot and compose a musical based on her amazing career. A big win this week could see that dream come true.

Positions 3 and 4 on “The Race” are occupied by two talented Indonesian players. Both came to prominence at The French Open, SANDG (#3) as Champion and SPEEDSTER (#4) as a Semi Finalist, both are multiple title winners this year. SANDG enters this event in fine form with SF appearances in Leipzig and Philadelphia in recent weeks and should therefore find the indoor venue to her liking. A devoted PAW competitor, SANDG balances PAW RANKING TABLE duties with her tournament commitments with the utmost of ease.

SPEEDSTAR, in contention for the NEWCOMER OF THE YEAR AWARD, is certainly a player to watch this week. Her win in Leipzig recently proves that she enjoys the slick indoor surface. Rumour has that the Indonesian President Megawati Sukarnoputri, (currently visiting Libya, Tunisia and The United States) has booked front row seats for the event. She left on a Garuda Indonesia special flight with her husband and senior officials, bound for the United States this morning.

PETOSP (#5) , the Venezuelan bombshell and 2003 Miss World entrant, secured three titles in 2003 – including big wins in Miami and Filderstadt. Overdue for an outstanding performance, PETOSP will be looking to do well in LA. Always a crowd favourite, with a penchant for wearing tight fitting, brightly coloured clothes (infact she started her own clothing label this year) PETOSP cannot be ruled out as a strong contender.


DANIELROSARIO (#6) hails from India. Rumour has it that she turned her back on a lucrative film career to pursue her dream of becoming a world-class tennis player. 2003 couldn’t have written a better script for DANIELROSARIO, with a title win in steamy Dubai, a RUP finish in Palermo and a fantastic run during the U.S hardcourt season. Always a threat.

The second of the Polish seeds, JAKUB (#7) always figures in the final stages of tournaments and has proved to be a reliable performer. Consistent Grand Slam results, a title win on clay in Rome, and RUP appearance in Sydney kept the Polska native in the Top 10 all year. Controversy reigned recently when JAKUB declared on Eurosport that WOJTEK had been on top too long and that it “was time for a change”! WOJTEK was unavailable for comment.

The Spanish Supernova, BBYPK (#8) , rounds out the seeded players in LA. Excellent results at the Australian and French Opens, along with a series of strong finishes in some of the years biggest events – Scottsdale, Miami, Amelia Is, Rome and San Diego secured her spot in the Top 8. Revered as Spanish Royalty and somewhat of a celebrity at home, the flamboyant Spaniard has proved to be a big match player and a threat for any title – including this one.

THE FINAL 8

The perennial gentlewoman (!), surely the politest competitor on the PAW tour – WTA HANDICAPPER (#9) took out the title in Auckland in January and followed this up with strong performances in Sydney, Paris, Dubai and Miami in the early part of the year.

In a recent television interview with Michael Parkinson, WTA HANDICAPPER commented that she “couldn’t even win an ITF on my current form”. It was also revealed that she fell foul to a new-age fitness and diet program created by Mandy Smith (ex- model/ex-popstar/ex-teenage wife of Rolling Stoner Bill Wyman). WTA HANDICAPPER has since disgarded the radical program and in her own words is “looking and feeling an absolute treat at the moment”. She will be looking for a solid performance this week.


GRICE (#10) , another hardcourt specialist with two title wins this year in San Diego and Toronto is fast a gaining a reputation for controversy. Notably absent from Wimbledon in July and recently emigrating to Singapore from the U.S - fueling speculation that she was once a U.S spy, an accusation that she firmly denies....Grice was unavailable for comment. In terms of results, GRICE has been a liitle quiet of recently. Lets hope she can put the personal troubles behind her and perform at her best.


PINTAILED (#11) is another of the fantastically talented Aussie teenagers flooding the PAW rankings this year. “PIN” scored a title win in Shanghai this year and secured her spot amongst the games elite with a host of strong finishes – notably a RUP finish in Toronto and a string of solid clay court performances. Feisty and persistent she will make her Australian Open debut in January, along with countrywomen SpikeyAidanm. The media has created somewhat of a rivalry between the two young Aussies…asked to comment on the existence of such a rivalry, she replied……“my time will come”.

French Open RUP and clay court extraordinaire RTAEL (#12) qualified for this event on the strength of some outstanding "dirt" results, including SF finishes in Charleston, Amelia Island and Strasbourg. Outspoken, colourful and often theatrical on court this talented athlete wears a rainbow headband for goodluck. The slick indoor surface could trouble her, but it is guaranteed that she will grind out some good wins.

BUTCH (#13) the lone South African representative claimed two titles in 2003 – Warsaw and Moscow along with strong performances in Luxembourg, Los Angeles and Miami. Feared by many players, this COETZER-FERRIRA-BLACK-FAIRBANK-VAN-RENSBURG ACADEMY graduate has a habit of getting in front early and letting the others try and catch her! A tactic that has worked well all year.

The third Australian qualifier BUITENZORG (#14) survived a name change (formely Katulampa) and some fierce competition for the final placings to qualify this year. A versatile competitor with her best results coming on grass (Wimbledon QF, Birmingham SF) and clay (RUP Strasbourg and Sarasota). Despite a lack of notable indoor performances this year, Buitenzorg is an experienced campaigner who can never be ignored.

Experienced Australian BIONIC71 remained titleless in 2003. After what seemed to be a promising start to the season - QF at the Australian Open and SF finishes at the Pan Pacific event and in Doha - her form evaporated!
It was at the US OPEN where she finally sought help at the PANOVA PSYCHIATRICT FACILITY for an undisclosed condition. In a recent radio interview BIONIC revealed that she was "plagued by images of disappearing picks and being pursued by siblings with multiple user names" (spooky). Treatment for this rare condition involved a serious of electric shocks and botox injections - the radical treatment turning around her season - finishing RUP in last months Japan Open, a SF in LINZ and a QF finish in Philadelphia to clinch one of the final spots.
"I feel energised and look fabulous" she stated in a press conference this week.

Belgium babe, K & J FAN (#16) rounds out the list of contenders this year with solid results at the French Open and Wimbledon. Add to this her RUP finish in Berlin and the US Summer tear she went on.....finishing Top 8 in Stanford, San Diego, Los Angeles and the U.S Open respectively.When compared to her country women Kim Clijsters and Justine Henin she replied..."I am nothing like them and don't like being compared to them.......I am the first K & J". Now that is confidence.


BIONIC72 is a romance writer for the BARBARA CARTLAND DAILY.
This is his first sports writing attempt.


(this work is entirely ficticious.........no malice intended.....all in good fun....enjoy)

bbypk
Nov 4th, 2003, 09:25 PM
Thanks Bionic.. :):)

Great writing!

WTA Handicapper
Nov 5th, 2003, 12:14 AM
Superb Analysis Bionic :worship:

WTA Handicapper

HotSpot
Nov 5th, 2003, 05:36 AM
two thumb up writing... !!

Rtael
Nov 5th, 2003, 06:02 AM
Can you update this after I win? (lol)

butch
Nov 8th, 2003, 10:38 AM
Bionic, I'm a guy!!

bionic71
Nov 8th, 2003, 02:08 PM
so am I butch!!!

HotSpot
Nov 8th, 2003, 02:11 PM
well.................since we all play at wtatour...:)

WTA Handicapper
Nov 8th, 2003, 02:13 PM
Yeah come on GUYS!
Its only a game,and in real life you couldnt play on the WTA Tour.
So just use your imagination like Bionic and myself and fantasize.Lol
WTA Handicapper :rolleyes:

bionic71
Nov 8th, 2003, 02:15 PM
gender issues.....i love it

nitsansh
Nov 8th, 2003, 09:25 PM
BIONIC72 is a romance writer for the BARBARA CARTLAND DAILY.
This is his first sports writing attempt.

May it be the first of many many more... excellent stuff!!

nitsansh
Nov 8th, 2003, 09:30 PM
BTW... in my reports on PAW tournaments I refer to all players as "he" in 3rd person, to make a clear distinction from the WTA players who are allways refered to as "she"...

bionic71
Nov 9th, 2003, 03:19 AM
I have contacted my "brother" (bionic72) at the Barbara Cartland Daily and he will continue to refer to ALL players as SHE. :kiss:
I cannot influence this decision at all, he is very stubborn.

butch
Nov 9th, 2003, 04:03 PM
OK, accepted. (Bionic, didn't see your note at the top of the report, I do apologize).