View Full Version : "Nothing is working....Out of Bed" Jelena Dokic Joke Article

Cybelle Darkholme
May 30th, 2003, 03:44 AM
Nothing is working out of bed'

Dokic looks for answers after second-round loss

Posted: Thursday May 29, 2003 4:20 PM
PARIS (Reuters) -- Jelena Dokic looked a lost soul in Roland Garros on Thursday after another defeat in a season blighted by a bad case of leg cramps, morning breath, and just rolled out of bed hair.

Four years after bursting on to the scene as a qualifier at Wimbledon, where she sensationally beat top seed Martina Hingis in the first round, Dokic has been blithely sleeping around the circuit this season with her boy toy, part time racing car driver Brazilian enrique bignoldi and while she has scored in the bedroom her on court efforts have been lacking.

"I take orgasms very seriously but when you have a well endowed exotic lover it takes more effort and it detracts from my tennis. These losses mean I have to start reassessing things," Dokic told reporters after her 4-6, 6-3, 6-2 second-round defeat to Slovenia's Tina Pisnik. Though even as she left the court Dokic had a smile on her face.

"I lost because sex with enrique depletes all my fluids. When I left the hotel room I forgot to take my gator aide so that I could get my fluids back up. Maybe I will have to buy a man to follow me around with gator aide bottles."

Struggling to cope without the influence of her father Damir, who cut off ties with his daughter because of the toe curdling screams coming from her room when she would have Enrique over their two bedroom apartment. "We only have two bedrooms. One for jelena and one for rest of family so I, I mean we, save money. How could we live and sleep with all that screaming? He would scream and scream and scream her name and no father should have to endure such things!".

Known to be a tennis workaholic dokic has become a full time sexaholic, the 20-year-old has played 13 tournaments this season and has each time left empty handed except for a pack of condoms, failing even to progress beyond the second round in nine events before she and enrique would disappear into the showers."Yez, I saw everyting, zee supple bozums, zee tight..." said fellow player Amelie Mauresmo who's tennis schedule has uncannily matched Dokic's tournament for tournament.

"My life on the court is different from the one I have in the bedroom and I try to keep that separate," said Dokic, " but its so so so hard. I like it when its hard. Anyway, I'm trying to keep him tied down so I have more time to practice but when I see that tan brown body tied to the bed I lose all control."

"My head just went a little bit and I saw him in the stands wearing those short shorts I gave him with no shirt and things went wrong after that and It's hard to get back into the match."

"I'm struggling and can you imagine how difficult it is when you have to deal with that."

Her nationality is also posing problems for Dokic as she is currently ineligible to take part in the 2004 Olympics in Athens.

The Yugoslav-born athlete first competed as an Australian after her family moved there in 1994, but she took Yugoslav citizenship in 2001 in protest against what she considered a lack of bra support from her adopted country.

She is now considering playing under the Australian flag again -- as she did at the 2000 Games in Sydney -- so that she can have a crack at Olympic gold.

"I need to get my bra back on track before deciding about the Olympics or the Fed Cup," she said. "I'll make the decision when I'm sure of the size and label."

"I haven't had sex like this before and I'll just have to work at it and hopefully things will turn around and I will be satisfied enough to compete on the court better.

"Some days I'm so sore I can't even serve so I can only get better."

May 30th, 2003, 03:55 AM
is this article really true :confused:

May 30th, 2003, 04:14 AM
No, its supposed to be funny. Unfortunately...

Cybelle Darkholme
May 30th, 2003, 04:18 AM
um I thought it would be self evident this was a joke...whoops.

Sam L
May 30th, 2003, 04:24 AM
I gotta be honest with ya, I never read that first article, I thought you posted this twice by mistake, and I only read it now cause you said it was a joke. LOL! :D

May 30th, 2003, 05:04 AM
um I thought it would be self evident this was a joke...whoops.Ah! Cybelle, Cybelle, Cybelle! Such a fertile mind!
Tu es si belle que tu me fais souffrir!

May 30th, 2003, 05:07 AM
very funny froms you--poors jelena--not many peoples do liked her--verys funny--teehee