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View Full Version : **Locker room confrontation...French Open Edition (UPDATED)***


Cam'ron Giles
May 29th, 2003, 12:16 AM
Capriati, Momo and Lindsay enters the locker room where Serena is posing in the mirror and blowing kisses at herself while Venus has a sewing machine making new outfitts for all the Nike girls:

Momo: Veenuuss, hurriii...I am so pizzed that Nike did this to me...they told me I had the only one...
Jen: Lindsay, I heard you wont be getting a new outfitt, Venus ran out of material...LOL
Lindsay: Screw you Jen
Serena: Hey guys, I am going undefeated this year...
Venus looks over the rim of her granny glasses: Serena, you lost twice already this year...
Serena: Fucking bitch...those did not count...I withdrew on match point..the ump just did not hear me...
**Juju walks in with Kim**
Juju: Well Serena you know, I had nothing to lose you know, just play my game you know, went for my shots you know...like you are a great champion you know...but...
All the girls: SHUT UP :rolleyes:
Kim: GROUP HUGG
Jenn: Why is this bitch always so fucking happy?
**A voice from outside the locker room***
Hi girls
Lindsay: Holy shit, it's Martina Hingis...hide me, I said some fucked up stuff about her but I never thaught I would see her again...
**Martina walks in**
Martina: Is it too late to get into the draw?
Venus: we are almost into the third round
Martina: Well then somebody introduce me to a guy...Serena, you know James, I could taste a little black coffee you know what I am saying GIRLFRIEND (Rolling her neck)
Serena: I am not Venus, I will break the other foot...Dont mess with me
Jenn: Martina, Lindsay is in a locker hiding from you
**Lindsay comes out shocked at Jenn**
Lindsay:Jen, I swear if my knees were'nt so new, I would kick the shit out of you
Jen: And if my eyes were'nt so new I would roll them at you...

<<Sing: Jesus loves me this I know...>>

Martina: who's that?
Jen: that's Chanda back there with her bible
**Serena stops in mid-pose**
Serena: I'm Jehova's Wittness
**Chanda yells from the **
Chanda: Gal, stop the blasphemy...the only thing you witnessed was a mess a sin...

TO BE CONTINUED

kournikovafan13
May 29th, 2003, 12:21 AM
lmao :D

Cariaoke
May 29th, 2003, 12:25 AM
rofl! more, more! :D

Kirt12255
May 29th, 2003, 12:28 AM
:wavey: LMAO...Classic!!! :wavey:

BK4ever
May 29th, 2003, 12:30 AM
LOL...love the martina bit :)

Mr. Man
May 29th, 2003, 12:30 AM
That was great TopShotta. ::dies multiple times::

HAIL-VENUS
May 29th, 2003, 12:41 AM
LMAO! This is a good one Shotta.

Venus Forever
May 29th, 2003, 01:52 AM
LMAO :)

I love these.

Havok
May 29th, 2003, 01:58 AM
Lmao!

Knizzle
May 29th, 2003, 03:56 AM
Serena: Hey guys, I am going undefeated this year...
Venus looks over the rim of her granny glasses: Serena, you lost twice already this year...
Serena: Fucking bitch...those did not count...I withdrew on match point..the ump just did not hear me...


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
I have to give it to you this is a classic. when is part 2 coming out??

Jordan.
May 29th, 2003, 04:09 AM
:)

rhz
May 29th, 2003, 04:16 AM
more... add Pam Shriver to the story please. and BJK too!

tennischick
May 29th, 2003, 04:17 AM
Topper!!! :kiss: deliciously funny ;)

Couver
May 29th, 2003, 04:19 AM
OMG the Justine part LMAOF

Harju.
May 29th, 2003, 04:25 AM
lmao... omg.. it's very good :worship:

maya
May 29th, 2003, 05:28 AM
they are back :bounce:

selesfan
May 29th, 2003, 05:57 AM
LMAO! Good one!

persond
May 29th, 2003, 06:00 AM
:D ROFLMBAO :D :D

Ashie_87
May 29th, 2003, 06:18 AM
THANK YOU!! finally someone has started the chain again! :worship: :worship: :p love that Serena VS Justine part!

Lisbeth
May 29th, 2003, 06:27 AM
That is hilarious! Especially Venus with her little sewing machine and Jenn saying "why she always so f-ing happy". LOL. Actually I can imagine Venus sewing in the locker room to relax.

WtaTour4Ever
May 29th, 2003, 06:46 AM
OMG - I really did bust out laughing OUT LOUD...... you not only made it funny , but you really kinda captured how they seem along with the story ...I mean for sure.....

We need to give out the award for best writing ....

switz
May 29th, 2003, 07:26 AM
too funny. the henin part was classic.

Andy_
May 29th, 2003, 07:30 AM
omg I LOVE this one!!
Please... when is part two coming out?! That is absolutely brilliant!

*abby*
May 29th, 2003, 10:59 AM
Kim: GROUP HUGG
Jenn: Why is this bitch always so fucking happy?


Jenn: Martina, Lindsay is in a locker hiding from you
**Lindsay comes out shocked at Jenn**
Lindsay:Jen, I swear if my knees were'nt so new, I would kick the shit out of you
Jen: And if my eyes were'nt so new I would roll them at you...



rotflmfao
the word GENIUS springs to mind
how do u do it?
seriously mate u made my day

propi
May 29th, 2003, 11:10 AM
lol
I love AMèlie's frech accent!!

bis2806
May 29th, 2003, 11:21 AM
:D great!!! keep em coming!

best best better
May 29th, 2003, 11:44 AM
Yup, that was REALLY good. As the Simpsons would say: It's funnybecause it's truuuee.

Cam'ron Giles
May 29th, 2003, 08:12 PM
hehe...thanks guys...Would'nt it be funny if when Lindsay tried to hide in the locker from Marti she found Anna K hiding in the same locker:
Lindsay: Anna what the hell are you doing here?
Anna: I'm hidding from Sharapova...I dont want to play her...
Lindsay: That was like a month ago...:rolleyes:

And Kim: top ten group hugg
Alex Stevenson: oh gooodyy
**all the girls roll their eyes at her (except Jenn - she is taking no chances)
And ALex went on to tell the girls that "mommy promise that I will win Wimbledon this year...cause in '99 she screwed two Lords and a lady in waiting to get me to the semi and this year she shagged a prince...so there:p

DA FOREHAND
May 29th, 2003, 08:45 PM
LOL more more!

barmaid
May 29th, 2003, 08:58 PM
Roland Garros locker room:

The W Sisters are over in a corner. Venus is busy sewing the underside of her knee bandage -

"Whaca doin'?" askes Serena. "I'm sewing an "L" on my knee bandage"..."What for?" asks Rena -

"Well, the last time I wore it on the wrong knee, so this is for the "right" one - the "left"!! :confused:
"And you're spraying it too?"...Rena sez.
."Yeah! with a little glitter, the're too anesthetic looking without a little
sparkle :hearts: besides it matches my left earring :rolleyes:

"What are you doing Rena?" asks Vee..."I'm sewing two bangles that fell off my sequined strap, I had to lose two f...en points to that Russian as I stooped down in that rotten red clayto retrieve them :( that sucked!! :eek:
"
What Russian was that?" asked Vee...
"Oh, one of them "ova's" there's a gazillion of them, I can't keep track of them, they drive me crazy!! :rolleyes:

Enter Martina Hingis....she slips down the the last couple of stairs..."Opps, said Marti, "I almost hurted my ankle again, what did I slip on"?? :mad:

"Friggen sand" said Alex S. "since Lindsay came back from her honeymoon, there's been sand all over the locker room"!! :o

"Why the hell are you doing here Martina, I thought you retired?? sez Alex. :(

"Well, I'm here to see Lindseeeeee", said Marti, where is she?"

"In the shower, getting rid of that sand, its "everywhere ":eek: even landed in more "intimate" places :rolleyes:

(Lindsay in the shower hears Martina's voice, Cripes, that bitch is out to get me for saying she should drag her "ass" back to the court...geeze, I'd better confront her) :p

"Hi, Martina, Linds emerges wiping the sand between her toes with a towel," how'ya doing?"

"Oh! Lindseee, replies Marti, "I wanted to tell you I tried to get to your wedding but I couldn't find the church anywhere on the island. I took a private plane with a few friends of mine, two hockey players, a skier, a soccer player, a pilot (he was driving de plane :D ) a golfer , a Swiss yachtman (from the America's cup) and we combed the island looking for a church where your wedding ceremony was held. So we ended up doing "other" things!! :rolleyes:

"You stupid sh..T" said Lindsay..."I was married at the beach"..hence all this friggen sand"!! :(

"Oh! Lindseee, I'm sorry but here I bought you a wedding present"! (A Swiss watch with two naked men as the "hands" on the dial) :eek: said Marti.

"Thanks, Marti, "I'll treasure it (rolls eyes :rolleyes: replied Linds.

"Crash, bang! thump! "What the f..k?" What did I trip on? asked Jennifer as she collects herself off the floor, looks at the bottom of her sneakers ..."Holy shit! Its horse manure"!! :eek: How the fu..k did I get that on the stairs?" :confused:

Everybody stares at Martina.....

"Ah, well, er..maybe, I guess, I sort of had a little stuck to my shoes"!...:rolleyes:

.."Well, I do a lot of "riding" these days!" Martina explains.

Jenn says "Nothing much has changed in your life has it Martina?" :p

Jen..."You must really enjoy a sport where you keep your legs apart all the time"! :rolleyes:

Over in another corner of the lockeroom, Justine and Kim are practicing "Parisene" French as opposed to Belgium French (just in case??) Amelie is helping them...."Repeat avec moi" "Amelie c'est un magnifique champion"!! :lick: :kiss: :hearts:

---------------------------------------------------------------

Amanda
May 29th, 2003, 10:37 PM
LOL! too funny

WtaTour4Ever
May 29th, 2003, 10:46 PM
Amelie is helping them...."Repeat avec moi" "Amelie c'est un magnifique champion"!!

:-)

Cariaoke
May 29th, 2003, 11:32 PM
You must really enjoy a sport where you keep your legs apart all the time

http://www.shad0wb0xer.com/vs2/images/smilies/rip.gif

maya
May 30th, 2003, 05:35 PM
Lol

DA FOREHAND
May 30th, 2003, 06:22 PM
lol

mboyle
May 30th, 2003, 06:37 PM
This is so freakin funny:D :p ! The Chanda bible lady thing was the BEST part:D :D :devil: .

QUEENLINDSAY
May 30th, 2003, 07:14 PM
This is fun!!!!!

Nikki
May 30th, 2003, 08:35 PM
lmao:)

xan
May 31st, 2003, 04:40 AM
Serena: Hey guys, I am going undefeated this year...
Venus looks over the rim of her granny glasses: Serena, you lost twice already this year...
Serena: Fucking bitch...those did not count...I withdrew on match point..the ump just did not hear me...
**Juju walks in with Kim**
Juju: Well Serena you know, I had nothing to lose you know, just play my game you know, went for my shots you know...like you are a great champion you know...but...
All the girls: SHUT UP

LOL

Cariaoke
May 31st, 2003, 04:42 AM
ROFL! http://www.shad0wb0xer.com/vs2/images/smilies/rip.gif

Ashie_87
May 31st, 2003, 09:26 AM
NIIIICE!!!!
lol-lettuce leaf...

bis2806
May 31st, 2003, 10:31 AM
omg... this is so good :D more more more!!! i want amelie speaking the french :)

xan
May 31st, 2003, 10:34 AM
In the Locker Room:

Kim: Aren't you fed up with seeing the same old faces on the tour?

Justine: Yes. It's so boring. You know just what they're going to say.

Jennifer enters: $%'#$%! the #^%$£3ing Line Judges! They couldn't spot a turd in a buffalo convention! They hate me. And the crowd. One of the bastards sat in the stands and coughed! The lady fourteenth row up in the left stand moved her hand when I was waiting to serve! And there was somebody in the crowd eating crunchy mints! How can I play under such harrassment? I'm going to find out who it was and have the ^£@p kicked out of them....

Kim: (shakes head): Exactly the same as yesterday....

Jelena enters: Why do I keep losing? Why? Why? I glower at everyone. I frown. I give everyone my deadly look. I hiss better than ever. But it doesn't work anymore. Perhaps I'm getting too nice?

Kim and Justine: (Shake their heads) No. No. You needn't worry about that happening.

Tall woman enters: Hello everyone. Don't you just feel so great? I'm so happy now that I'm married. Everything's so wonderful. I think I'll just go outside and blast someone off court. (She leaves.)

Jennifer: Who was that?

Jelena: I don't know. It looked a little bit like Lindsay...

Kim: Don't be silly. She was smiling.

Jelena: You're right. It couldn't be Lindsay. I wonder who it was?

Daniela enters: Why does everybody keep saying I don't eat? Look at me - I'm fat, grossly overweight! So what if I lost again - it's because I train too hard - that's why I lose.

Anna: Maybe that's why I lose too....

Venus enters: That, and you play bad. (Holds head in hand) Oh but I played so BAD today myself! My serve was to pot. I couldn't run. I kept hitting errors way out of court. But I still won. What do you think that means?

Jennifer: That the draw was fixed??

Elena D: I wish I could win when I play badly.

Justine: But then you'd be World Number One.

Serena: Did somebody call my name? How do y'all feel about an All Williams final?

Elena D: Funny how you two are always too injured to play the small tournaments, but you're both fit and well for every Grand Slam...

Venus: Yes. It must be fate.

Daniela: No. I don't think it's fate. I'm the one who's fate. I just can't stop eating. I've been eating this piece of lettuce all week...

All: Shut up, Daniela!

Ashley enters: Hi Daniela. How's your game doing?

Daniela: Hi Ashley. How are your spots doing?

Ashley hides her face in a towel and runs out of the locker room.

Kim: You see? Exactly the same as yesterday!

Doc
Jun 1st, 2003, 01:20 AM
Lol!

xan
Jun 3rd, 2003, 03:38 PM
Locker Room: Roland Garros. Venus is sitting alone watching a TV monitor.

Venus: GO AMELIE! Damn. She lost! She can't have eaten enough frogs legs this morning.

Justine: (enters) What was that I heard you shout?

Venus: Nothing. I just said "Goaaaaaauuugghhh! I was feeling sick. You know that may be why I lost my match.

Justine: Are you sure it wasn't too many Big Macs?

Venus: What, losing the match, or being sick?

Justine: Well, both of course.

Jennifer: (enters) This is such a rotten tournament. I hate this place. The balls are too heavy. Bad line calls - and beaten by a European!

Justine: It was a long, tough fight.

Jennifer: If only she'd been an Iraqi - she might have surrendered.

Justine: But you had no B52s. It makes a big difference.

Serena: (enters followed by a dejected Amelie) Hey Venus. Why weren't you out there watching? I had such a great win! I was so hot out there today!

Venus: I watched in here. I wasn't feeling well. I think I feel another injury coming on. Anyway congratulations sis.

Serena: There's some good news for you too.

Venus: There is?

Serena: Yes. That kid who beat you. You know, the one who asked you to help her with her schoolwork before the match. She got knocked out today - by the World No 79. Isn't that great?

Venus: Real great.

Justine: We're forgetting poor Amelie. (puts her arm around her) How sad you had to lose like that.

Amelie: I was off my game.

Justine: That court is very bad for you. Always you lose there. Always you take these terrible, humiliating beatings there in front of all your fans. It's so bad, no? It could make you lose your mind...

Amelie: Are you trying to psych me out?

Justine: No. Serena has that one covered.

Nadia: (enters) I'm so happy. Russian tennis is doing great now.

Justine: Not as great as Belgian tennis.

Serena: US Tennis is doing just fine - while I'm around.

Amelie: French tennis is er... getting along.

Venus: What happened to German tennis?

All: She retired.

maya
Jun 3rd, 2003, 04:17 PM
Funny stuff, xan :D!

Cariaoke
Jun 3rd, 2003, 04:25 PM
*wipes tears from eyes* ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spirit
Jun 3rd, 2003, 05:34 PM
Very very very good, xan!

*abby*
Jun 3rd, 2003, 05:47 PM
jenny dint swear??????? :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:
what the hells goin on there :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:
seriously tho...good stuff :worship:

Doc
Jun 3rd, 2003, 09:43 PM
:devil: I like.

But where are

Conchita
Pam
Steffi
Chanda
Elena
Alex...

RayRob
Jun 3rd, 2003, 11:12 PM
Great stuff - I love reading them. I'm not too good at writing them (although I did once:o)

-Rachel :wavey:

Cam'ron Giles
Jun 4th, 2003, 12:34 AM
Great Stuff Guys...:d

1jackson2001
Jun 4th, 2003, 02:33 AM
:d

F-R-E-A-K
Jun 4th, 2003, 02:46 AM
NICE.........
but chanda should have came into it!?!?!?!

Sofiane
Jun 4th, 2003, 03:40 AM
:)

Sofiane
Jun 4th, 2003, 03:44 AM
Venus: What happened to German tennis?

All: She retired.

LMAO.

Berlin_Calling
Jun 4th, 2003, 03:56 AM
wow these are too good!! :D More More!!

Aussie_Kim
Jun 4th, 2003, 03:58 AM
So funny!
More, more.
I wanted to write one about Lleyton & KIm when Lleyton lost but I'm not good at writing them.
Who knows I night try after all. Won't be very funny though

Ashie_87
Jun 4th, 2003, 05:49 AM
LOL! :p