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Brian Stewart
Jan 4th, 2002, 07:50 PM
With the Australian Open right around the corner, and the increased tennis coverage that a grand slam event brings, it might be helpful to define some of the terms we'll be hearing/reading over the next few weeks, for the sake of clarity. Here are just a couple to get it started:

good net player: a player who turns a profit on the tennis season.

two-handed backhand: insulting a player's gameplay AND her clothes.

dangerous floater: a turd in a swimming pool

"refreshingly honest": a player who says negative things about someone the writer/speaker doesn't like either.

Any more?

gmt
Jan 4th, 2002, 09:02 PM
<b>match</b> - the fastest way to set fire to the WTAworld web board.
<b>racket</b> - a shady traffic in which millions of dollars are involved.
<b>seed</b> - more often than not, grows into a monstrous tree standing on the way of some talented unseeded player.
<b>upset</b> - the last set played by a seed.
<b>Venus</b> - meeting that mercurial player marrs most players (that one has to be a candidate for the worst pun of the year).
<b>Brian Steward</b> - only found on the best airlines, serves travelers with nothing but the freshest food for thought.

-Sonic-
Jan 4th, 2002, 09:03 PM
"Solid Player" = Seed always beaten in round 3 by qualifier.

brickhousesupporter
Jan 4th, 2002, 09:20 PM
Originally posted by Brian Stewart
"refreshingly honest": a player who says negative things about someone the writer/speaker doesn't like either.

Any more?

lol this one is so true.

Rollo
Jan 5th, 2002, 02:37 AM
break point -the moment a player just loses it and goes berserk, breaking a racquet.

double break point -same as break point, except the player also breaks the net or the umpires head.

triple break point -too terrible to describe, don't ask!:eek:

veryborednow
Jan 5th, 2002, 02:50 AM
Decimals - units by which we measure Monica Seles' grunting

Brian Stewart
Feb 8th, 2002, 05:32 PM
dark horse: status conferred by the tennis media on any male player with a 10% chance of reaching the quarterfinals, or any female player who has reached the final multiple times.

contender: status conferred by the tennis media on any male player with a 20% chance of reaching the quarterfinals, or any female player who has won the title multiple times.

tennis journalism: an oxymoron, like:
jumbo shrimp
military intelligence
government assistance
postal service
Microsoft Works

nationalistic coverage: coverage that focuses almost exclusively on the players from that country... in the men's draw (with a glance at their top women if time permits).

quality TV coverage: error- definition not found

Jessica02
Feb 8th, 2002, 11:53 PM
Bullshit: - The language used by British tennis commentators

HAIL-VENUS
Feb 9th, 2002, 12:33 AM
double fault - when one Williams sister pulls out, both take
the blame.

lucky loser - player who pulls out of a previous match because she's due to meet a Williams sister in the next round.
:wavey:

Bright Red
Feb 9th, 2002, 01:13 AM
finesse player - someone who has no power whatsoever

base line game - the resulting style of play when opposite one of the Power Babes.

Deuce - First name of Mr. Bigalow, Male Gigalo.

compliment - all of the nice things the winner says about the loser of the match.

an incredible shot - a very lucky shot that even the maker of the shot had no idea would go in.

long volley - the special moment during a match when both players are either not brave enough or are equally indecisive about how to finish the point.

HAIL-VENUS
Feb 9th, 2002, 01:18 AM
baseline rally - two players staying back so that they won't get hit

ball kid - some poor peasant child who must support family of 13.

new balls please - linespersons getting tired of fuzz from old balls getting in their mouths.

Brian Stewart
Feb 9th, 2002, 11:25 PM
Slice: unit in which pizza is sold at sporting events.

Volley: term used by clueless sportcasters on general sports highlights shows to refer to any rally during a match.

Lob: What the players do with insults.

Balanced draw: a draw in which all of the tough players are in the opposite half from your fave.

destructo_girl
Feb 10th, 2002, 09:06 AM
unforced error: when one serves to the Hingis backhand.

Brian Stewart
Feb 10th, 2002, 05:46 PM
Mixed doubles: what they serve in the players lounge

Line judge: the good-looking person you're trying to pick up at a bar

Topspin: when something bad happens, and a high-ranking tennis executive tries to make it sound like something good.

Let: an interruption of a point, called by the chair umpire, necessitating a replay. As in "Let me see how many times I can get away with this before they get pissed off."

"Great shot!": a compliment to a miraculous winner from your opponent. Short for "Great shot! Now try it with your eyes open."

disposablehero
Feb 10th, 2002, 08:31 PM
Ad Court The area between the actual tennis court and the stands, usually covered with Chrales Schwab and Citibank logos.

Unorthodox Game Someone who doesn't know how to play but scrapes by on talent.

Cyclops What the male streakers at Wimbledon show.


Sportsmanlike Talks a lot without really saying much of anything.

Mixed Doubles The source of many of Damir Dokic's problems

Brian Stewart
Feb 13th, 2002, 03:10 PM
Sidelines: extracurricular business ventures to generate additional offcourt revenue

String Tension: when a player keeps playing with the strings between points

BCP
Feb 14th, 2002, 01:10 AM
two-handed backhand: insulting a player's gameplay AND her clothes

Too too funny......:)

Brian Stewart
May 1st, 2002, 07:32 PM
Exhibition match: A match between two players wearing very skimpy clothing. Or, a match between two players old enough to be museum exhibits.

veryborednow
May 1st, 2002, 08:07 PM
mmmmmmmm*cough*OVA - Any Russian/ex-Eastern Bloc player being commentated on

Ntosake
May 1st, 2002, 08:32 PM
Funny thread! Good idea to resurrect it!:D

rain delay: happens during match when losing player's mom sneaks into locker room, bangs on drum and chants

injury time-out: used when losing player needs coded coaching tips via the trainer

Johnnie Mac: a combination of a small portable toilet and a hot "ladies man"

gentenaire
May 1st, 2002, 08:48 PM
Originally posted by Rollo
break point -the moment a player just loses it and goes berserk, breaking a racquet.

double break point -same as break point, except the player also breaks the net or the umpires head.

triple break point -too terrible to describe, don't ask!:eek:


grand slam = quadruple break point;)

GogoGirl
May 1st, 2002, 09:53 PM
BREAK POINT: = When a player is excused in order to take a Prozac pill before said player blows up on the court by "Going Postal."

Cam'ron Giles
May 1st, 2002, 10:15 PM
Swinging Volley: Players swap mixed dubs partners. ;)

Cam'ron Giles
May 1st, 2002, 10:17 PM
Originally posted by Brian Stewart
Exhibition match: A match between two players wearing very skimpy clothing. Or, a match between two players old enough to be museum exhibits.

Exhibition match: Momo and her ex attending a tennis match or an orgy on center court.:o

angele87
May 1st, 2002, 10:33 PM
LMAO at this thread :D

baleineau
May 1st, 2002, 10:42 PM
bathroom break - she's now going off the court to have a s*** or a p***

crafty veteran - frustrated older player using gamesmanship and any other trick

good all-court player - jack of all trades, master of none

not the quickest player - fat and slow

is a good doubles player really, this girl isn't as bad at volleying as you might think

charismatic and colourful - very egotistical and foul-mouthed

AjdeNate!
May 2nd, 2002, 12:16 AM
crosscourt winner : gay/lesbian player in the closet w/endorsements.

crosscourt winner (def. 2) : see richards, renee.

baleineau
May 2nd, 2002, 12:18 AM
could improve her mobility needs to shed the fat and get a breast reduction

Ryan
May 2nd, 2002, 12:25 AM
Down the line winner : when you're too tired to keep the point going.

Not very tall : It's an ant! an ant!


Commentators:
thats a good point... : Who the hell cares what YOU think?

She's playing excellent tennis : Her opponent sucks!


she's extremely fast: SOMEONE'S on steroids!

She's well defined: Butch!

AjdeNate!
May 2nd, 2002, 12:38 AM
...recently changed coaches/doubles partner : lesbian breakup.

a true claycourt rally : a point that lasts 115 shots, over a minute, with no player going for anything other than just playing pattycake with one another, that ends when one of them misses the easiest shot in the whole rally.

tennischick
May 2nd, 2002, 11:53 AM
New Balls Please!!!: what WTA players shout as they are about to change their mixed doubles partner... :p

Cam'ron Giles
May 2nd, 2002, 02:01 PM
Mixed doubles: James Blake and ALex Stevenson

Brian Stewart
Aug 15th, 2002, 07:01 PM
regular tournament: a tournament in which the meals served in the player dining room are high in fibre.

moonball: short for "I could have gone to the moon and back in the time it took for that ball to come down."

Lubidani
Aug 15th, 2002, 07:13 PM
lol @ moonball

Brian Stewart
Aug 25th, 2002, 09:03 PM
15-30: When a match scheduled for 3:30 will start, in military time.

40-15: Odds in favor of the announcer saying something stupid.

Love-15: What Safin tries to do between matches, often leaving him too weak to give a full effort.

Needs to change her strategy: Try hitting the ball inside the lines, dumbass.

Needs to improve her serve: Has to add another 20 MPH to avoid returners giving her a fuzz sandwich.

well-balanced game: someone who can get their ass kicked by serve/volleyers, power baseliners, or counterpunchers with equal proficiency.

wildcard: a promising young talent from the local area who is given the opportunity to be humiliated in front of a global audience.

good experience: When an upcoming player leaves the court with a top player's footprints on the back of her panties.

interesting personality: She's loony tunes.

She has her own sense of style: She has her own absence of style. See also: "They let her play with scissors?!?"

has things in perspective: She doesn't mind getting her ass kicked.

disposablehero
Aug 25th, 2002, 09:12 PM
Developing Player: Someone whose breasts have grown noticably.

Dirty Sanchez
Aug 25th, 2002, 10:56 PM
Lol, this thread is so funny! :smile:

Cilla
Aug 25th, 2002, 11:26 PM
Originally posted by Seles
...recently changed coaches/doubles partner : lesbian breakup.

a true claycourt rally : a point that lasts 115 shots, over a minute, with no player going for anything other than just playing pattycake with one another, that ends when one of them misses the easiest shot in the whole rally.

LMAO! :p :D

CoryAnnAvants#1
Aug 26th, 2002, 12:20 AM
Streaky-see Patty Schnyder

"I gave it my best and that's all I can ask for."-My best will never be good enough, but I don't want to admit it

Doubles specialist-someone who has better doubles results than singles results, but resent this name, insisting singles is their top priority

Retriever (womens tennis)-someone who relies on running down every ball, forcing their opponent into errors
Retriever (mens tennis)-see wuss

"Lacks a big weapon"-destined to play 50K's for their career

Bagel-a) a 6-0 score in a set of tennis
b)-what Nancy Loeffler Caro has had too many of

"She just refuses to give up"-she's prolonging the inevitable loss

CoryAnnAvants#1
Aug 26th, 2002, 12:22 AM
One more...

Clay-court specialist-someone who cringes at the sight of a hard court and needs to take Benadryl before going within 20 feet of a grass court

Ryan
Aug 26th, 2002, 01:18 AM
LMAO! At everything Brian Stweart posted.:p

Brian Stewart
Jan 10th, 2003, 08:21 AM
Bumping this up for the new slam season. :)

(said before playing a top player) "I'm just going to go out there and give it my best, and see what happens": (I hope I don't wet my knickers.)

Practice Court: a place for the players to parade around in skimpy clothing, work on their tans, bs with their coach, flirt with other players, sign a few autographs, and, time permitting, hit a few shots.

Net Post: how tennis fans share news via message boards.

Grand Slam: the ultimate insult. One that makes you go "OOOOOOO!"

Rita Grande: a large Rita

DiNaPic
Jan 10th, 2003, 08:56 AM
Bye - Famous family of four boys and four girls, obviously playing tennis for ages, getting into first round at every Grand Slam and Tier I tournaments, but they all lose their first round matches, every time!!!!

~RedRose~
Jan 10th, 2003, 09:08 AM
Serena Slam - The name given by Serena after completing a non-calander Grand Slam just incase she doesn't win the next 3 after that (at least).

"Today I played the worst match of my life" - "The other player played better than me but i'm such a snob that i can't actually admit it. So Ill just say it was the worst match of my life even though there are tons of lousy matches i have played in my mediocre career which could never amount to that of a Top 10 player and perhaps some of the other players ranked below me because my ranking of 11 isn't exactly based on talent." (aka. Myskina LA Championships) ;)

Brian Stewart
Mar 13th, 2003, 06:42 AM
Overhead: costs associated with competing on the tour

drop shot: short for "I'm so tired I'm about to drop, so I'll end the point with this shot

"S/he seems to be having trouble finding his/her form today...": "Cripes, how many did s/he have last night?"

"There's (name of top male player)'s girlfriend sitting in the friend's box": beard

approach shot: that quick gulp of "liquid courage" before you approach that hottie sitting at the bar

Ashie_87
Mar 13th, 2003, 06:50 AM
this thread rocks!

Brian Stewart
Sep 26th, 2003, 08:25 AM
Default: when de serve doesn't go in de box.

Double fault: blaming the line judge AND the chair umpire for losing the point.

Foot fault: when a player wears ugly shoes.

tennisjam
Sep 26th, 2003, 08:44 AM
"unacademic volley" : Agassi at the net

Time violation : Pierce serving

tennisjam
Sep 26th, 2003, 08:47 AM
"fair-play" : I didn't play my best today but I have to give credit to...for...

Brian Stewart
Jan 1st, 2004, 07:19 AM
Qualifier: def. 1- someone who successfully makes their way through a series of qualifying matches, played on remote outer courts in front of very few spectators, and earns the right to play main draw matches... on remote outer courts in front of very few spectators.

def. 2- a statement used in describing the chances of a lower ranked player pulling an upset. e.g. "...if Venus misses a lot of first serves...".

Brian Stewart
Aug 22nd, 2006, 10:15 AM
Return: what irate fans do with tickets when the top players withdraw

Forehand: an erratic groundstroke, obliging the player to yell "fore" immediately after hitting it

Overhead Smash: what a volatile player does to a doubles partner who costs them the game

Promoter: a moter who gets paid

Doubles Alley: a secluded place behind the ticket office, where couples go to make out

Draw Ceremony: mystical rites which magically shrink the Entry List to 1/4 its original size

Meteor Shower
Aug 22nd, 2006, 10:59 AM
Entry Lists Prorities: The order in which the player will withdraw from the turnaments this week.

Meteor Shower
Aug 22nd, 2006, 11:04 AM
-Will you comeback next year?

"I will come back next year"- This was such an easy money, you'll definitely see me here next year.
"I can't answer right now"- Trying to play hard to get so I'll get more appearance money
"A year is a long time.."- No way I'm coming back, not next year and not EVER!