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View Full Version : how do you get over something?


supergrunt
Jun 14th, 2012, 08:50 AM
Its been a year now, and I'm still not over it, even though I've widled it down to an obstinant little core of an issue.

It's a very complicated issue, but nothing violent or life-alteringly traumatic. It was basically harrassment--bullying. I played my part. I am not a complete victim. Having said that, it's all I think about.

Any advice, thoughts, philosophy?

Andy_
Jun 14th, 2012, 10:43 AM
I don't think there's a universal recipe for everyone... we're all wired differently and react to events our own way. What is "easily" forgotten for one remains vividly in someone else's memory for a very long time.

From what you wrote, I got the impression you feel partly responsible for what happened, whatever that is... I mean, there seems to be something about it which makes you think you weren't a victim but sorta played along. Maybe that's the part that's bothering you and which you can't get over, because you haven't yet figured out why you did play along, or what drew you to do so.

It's hard to tell, knowning so little about it, but it seems to me there's some unresolved "conflict" with yourself, that doesn't let you be at peace with those memories. Not sure if my thoughts help, but do feel free to ask for more :wavey:

Direwolf
Jun 14th, 2012, 08:57 PM
No one can get over it.

Just learn to accept it and realise that it once existed in your life.

Dominic
Jun 14th, 2012, 10:38 PM
I'm sure if you gave more details, we could help you better..

supergrunt
Jun 15th, 2012, 12:08 AM
I don't think there's a universal recipe for everyone... we're all wired differently and react to events our own way. What is "easily" forgotten for one remains vividly in someone else's memory for a very long time.

From what you wrote, I got the impression you feel partly responsible for what happened, whatever that is... I mean, there seems to be something about it which makes you think you weren't a victim but sorta played along. Maybe that's the part that's bothering you and which you can't get over, because you haven't yet figured out why you did play along, or what drew you to do so.

It's hard to tell, knowning so little about it, but it seems to me there's some unresolved "conflict" with yourself, that doesn't let you be at peace with those memories. Not sure if my thoughts help, but do feel free to ask for more :wavey:



Great advice! Thank you. Are you a psychologist?

supergrunt
Jun 15th, 2012, 12:10 AM
I'm contemplating whether or not to post it on here. It's very embarrassing, and with the exception of you three, the people on wtaworld are vicious.

Maddox
Jun 15th, 2012, 05:34 AM
Let us in, usually on non-tennis issues, people on here are quite supportive.

But if you choose not to, I don't think one can completely get over something, I think the pain can definitely ease when you choose NOT to think about it, whenever you do, you stop yourself and eventually you think about it less. The saying is true that time heals all wounds

jameshazza
Jun 15th, 2012, 06:27 AM
I think I know what you're talking about. I was very viciously bullied myself, and like you wasn't completely the victim. It's been 4 years and I still think about it a lot, but I can understand why you don't want to write it all up. Some things are too personal, and for me to talk about my situation - the shorts version requires 40 minutes solid of talking.

Time is a healer, after 4 years it's better than it was after 1.

PhilePhile
Jun 15th, 2012, 08:01 AM
Ontario's anti-bullying bill, also known as Bill 13 or the Accepting Schools Act, passed through the legislature just before noon today by a margin of 65-36. Only the Progressive Conservatives voted against the legislation

- The Canadian Press Posted: Jun 5, 2012 6:30 AM ET Last Updated: Jun 5, 2012 12:53 PM ET (cbc.ca (http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/ottawa/story/2012/06/05/ontario-anti-bullying-bill-final-vote-controversy-over-gay-straight-alliance.html))


myFwhPy57uk


"It's A Girl's World" - CBC IDEAS with Paul Kennedy (http://www.cbc.ca/ideas/episodes/features/2011/01/07/its-a-girls-world/), click here (http://www.cbc.ca/ideas/episodes/features/2011/01/07/its-a-girls-world/) to listen)

Part1 (54:00)

Social aggression in girls is now being studied for the first time after decades of research on physical bullying among boys. Research conducted around the world shows that girls everywhere are motivated to use their closest relationships as weapons, regardless of class, race or family background. Why do girls resort to covert tactics like shunning, exclusion, eye rolling and rumour mongering to win and keep their place in the social hierarchy? Through insightful commentary from leading North American experts and an insiders view into the workings of a clique of ten-year-old girls, the foundation of the hidden culture of aggression in girls and hopes to combat it through challenging societal attitudes are explored

Part2 (53:59)

What are the costs when society insists that "catty" behaviour is normal, natural and expected from girls? Fourteen-year-old Dawn-Marie Wesley paid the ultimate price when she killed herself to escape the persistent social torment of her friends. She named three girls in her suicide note resulting in criminal charges and a precedent setting court case. This is a cautionary tale for every player in a social dynamic that can easily spiral out of control. Through exclusive interviews with Dawn-Marie's family, closest friends and one girl convicted of criminally harassing her, a startlingly complex picture of denial, blame, guilt and a continuing struggle to heal emerges.

Part3 (53:59)

New evidence suggests that women pack up their social baggage from childhood and tote it to the office with their briefcases. Professional relationships among women at work are mired in the same dynamics that propelled them into hurtful behaviours in their younger years. Now the stakes are higher - their career is on the line. More than that, the male-dominated organizational structures of the workplace may actually foster resentment, cut-throat competition and power struggles among female bosses and their employees. After four decades of feminist efforts and hard won parity with men, a woman's success may well come at the expense of her own sex.

Andy_
Jun 15th, 2012, 10:40 AM
I dropped you a PM, supergrunt ;)

Time's definitely a healer. Sharing your story and feelings with someone may help you get a different perspective on things and speed the healing process up a notch or two... if nothing else, it'll probably make you feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off your shoulders. But... that doesn't mean that you have to share your stories with us here - that can only be your choice :hug:

meyerpl
Jun 16th, 2012, 06:40 PM
Extract revenge 1,000 fold for any transgression committed against you, no matter how large or small, and stay liquored up all the time. You will feel better.

lee station
Jun 16th, 2012, 08:01 PM
and stay liquored up all the time.
hey, hey, what about your liver? come on

meyerpl
Jun 16th, 2012, 08:26 PM
hey, hey, what about your liver? come onNobody's liver can be completely innocent, it must be guilty of some transgression worthy of extracting revenge.

mykarma
Jun 16th, 2012, 08:32 PM
I'm contemplating whether or not to post it on here. It's very embarrassing, and with the exception of you three, the people on wtaworld are vicious.
You're right about the viciousness of some of the people hear. I'd never post my personal business here or facebook or any other social media because sooner or later someone will use it against you just to be cruel.

edificio
Jun 16th, 2012, 10:31 PM
You're right about the viciousness of some of the people hear. I'd never post my personal business here or facebook or any other social media because sooner or later someone will use it against you just to be cruel.

Amen. People should keep this in mind.

Also, extracting revenge may only be a momentary satisfaction. Move on, and live your life, a better life, on your own terms and with that experience as a life lesson. You can't change the past, just make a better future for yourself and society. Platitudinous, I know, but...better than being sunk in thought or depression about what was done.

Dominic
Jun 16th, 2012, 10:34 PM
You're right about the viciousness of some of the people hear. I'd never post my personal business here or facebook or any other social media because sooner or later someone will use it against you just to be cruel.

That would make them really sad...

delicatecutter
Jun 16th, 2012, 10:44 PM
You're right about the viciousness of some of the people hear. I'd never post my personal business here or facebook or any other social media because sooner or later someone will use it against you just to be cruel.

So true. :sad:

Shadowcat
Jun 17th, 2012, 02:45 AM
You're right about the viciousness of some of the people hear. I'd never post my personal business here or facebook or any other social media because sooner or later someone will use it against you just to be cruel.

This. :sad:

lee station
Jun 17th, 2012, 06:26 PM
to answer the thread's question.
love someone and be happy. :)

$uricate
Jul 1st, 2012, 02:21 PM
First you have to accept that it happened.

Closing off and pretending you are fine will work for a while but it always comes back to bite you. At some point you have to relive the incident.

Its almost the one year anniversary of the week that changed my life, and I was fine for a long time, but I've really been spiralling out of control the last few months.

The brain is a funny thing, it numbs the pain that is too much to cope with for a while but at some point the dullness goes away and demons are still there.

The best thing to do is to be open about what happened and how you are feeling. With yourself and those around you. Don't be afraid to ask for help, before it's too late.

pov
Jul 1st, 2012, 03:28 PM
I don't think there's a universal recipe for everyone... we're all wired differently and react to events our own way. What is "easily" forgotten for one remains vividly in someone else's memory for a very long time.

From what you wrote, I got the impression you feel partly responsible for what happened, whatever that is... I mean, there seems to be something about it which makes you think you weren't a victim but sorta played along. Maybe that's the part that's bothering you and which you can't get over, because you haven't yet figured out why you did play along, or what drew you to do so.

It's hard to tell, knowning so little about it, but it seems to me there's some unresolved "conflict" with yourself, that doesn't let you be at peace with those memories. Not sure if my thoughts help, but do feel free to ask for more :wavey:

I'm surprised to see this sort of caring wisdom on TF. Thanks.