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View Full Version : Locker room confrontation.......


barmaid
Oct 18th, 2002, 07:49 PM
Martina H. - Enters locker room flings racquet..Boom! Crash! Bang!! reflects off 8 locker's finally lands on Anna's lap!! (She's polishing her nails)

Anna K. - "Hey! what the heck! What's wrong Marti? You almost made me spill my chartuse nail polish!!"

Martina - "I've had it! I quit!! I'm never playing again!!"

Serena - "What's the problem Martina?"

Venus - Yeah! whats all the yelling about?"

Kim - "Whats the reason for you quitting...who did you lose to
NOW?"

Amelie - "Was it Samantha Reeves"??

Marti - NO!

Monica - "Was it Yoon Jeong Cho"?

Marti- NO! NO! It was Melanie (dearest)...that's the last straw!! Talk about humiliation!!

Jen enters...trips over swim flippers..."What the .#$%&*&^%$#@..who do these friggen swim flippers belong to?"

Serena - "Oh! Jen the're mine...I'm doing an underwater shoot with my cat suit on - they think it'll be "sexy"!!

Jen -" Yeah right! Watch out some horny whale doesn't attack you !!"

Conchita M. enters....rolling big yellow tennis balls!!

Justine - "Hey, Conch...whats with the big balls?"

Conchita -" Oh! they want me to autograph these - everybody is luving my old moon balls lately - big comma backa ya knows!!"

Enter Daniela - "Who the devil left those stack of books on the doorway?"

Serena - "Oh! they are mine...I have a gazillion movie scripts to read since I declared I have acting ability - one is for "Batman Meets Catwoman XII", another one is( remake #7) of "Cat On a Hot Tin Roof"...another one.........

Jen - "Get me a bucket...I'm gonna barf!!"

Venus - "Has anybody seen my tiara? I'm missing it since my last match!"

Amelie - "Have a look in the Queen's parlour you twit!!"

Anna K - "Martina when are you and I going to play doubles again?"

Martina - "If you mean tennis, never....however if you want to pick up Enrique and I'll call Sergio ---doubles it will be!!"

__________________________________________________ __

kazbeee
Oct 18th, 2002, 08:39 PM
lol

valeria
Oct 18th, 2002, 08:54 PM
lol, so cool

mboyle
Oct 18th, 2002, 10:20 PM
lol!!!! Especially with the doubles thing!!!!!!

Kiwi_Boy
Oct 18th, 2002, 10:44 PM
LMAO:D,very good!

WhatTheDeuce
Oct 18th, 2002, 10:44 PM
funny..

xan
Oct 19th, 2002, 03:48 AM
Great stuff, barmaid :D

And now just a little more......


Zurich:

Jennifer: I don't believe it! How could I lose to the popsicle and the bag lady! How? Why? I'm the best there is!

Arantxa: Yes. But apart from the drinking and swearing. why don't you try to be best at tennis too?

Jennifer: At least miss torpedo-serve got hers here.

Alex: (sniff) I thought nothing could beat my big first serve.

Conchita: That's before you met-a my big moonballs!

Alex: My mother warned me about those!

Elena D: My mother did too. And she won't even let me have a boyfriend. She says I'll get along fine collecting my cactus plants.

Jennifer: They'll hurt you less than any boyfriend.

Kim: Hah! Just because some people can't organise their lives. I've got my boyfriend perfectly tamed. AND I have a good collection too.

Elena: Cactus plants?

Kim: No. Championship Trophies.

Daniela enters: (sniff) I thought nothing could beat my big first serve.

Patty: That's before you met my big ego. I just couldn't lose before my home crowd. I am the queen of Swiss tennis. I have it all - speed, power, personality...

Jennifer: ...Lawsuits.

Daniela: What about Martina?

Patty: Didn't you hear me? I said Speed, Power and personality.

Daniela: Martina has er.... personality.

Patty: I suppose one out of three isn't bad.

Cassius
Oct 19th, 2002, 03:58 AM
LOL@XAN:D:D:D
One thing though, Elena D DOES have a boyfriend. She was (apparently) pictured with him in Tennis+ mag. or something like that.
Apart from that though, very funny, esp the last bit with Daniela and Patty:D

barmaid
Oct 19th, 2002, 05:06 AM
Thanks xan good additions!!:D ;)

Cybelle Darkholme
Oct 19th, 2002, 05:07 AM
ORGINALLY POSTED BY PHOENIXSTORM(im just moving it to this thread)

Jennifer: What did that classless b!tch say about my tennis?

Reporter: holds down the mute button

TO BE CONTINUED...

Monica: That Classless b!tch said, "that you just recently started playing top ten tennis."

Venus: What did you call me monica?

Lindsay: Um, vee, I think she was just quoting Jen.

Venus: My name is venus, not vee, and if venus is to hard for you to pronounce then The Queen will suffice.

Jennifer: someone needs to like get off their phucking high horse! (takes a puff on her ciggy)

Venus: I wasn't aware I was on your back, sorry.

giggles

Serena: Can we please just stick to the subject!

Reporter: Ok ladies how about we talk about something less confrontational?

Serena: Like Fashion! I have a new outfit I'm planning for my next tournament.

Martina: oh no.

Linday: <groan>

Venus: LordhavemercypleaseforgivemeifIhavetolieaboutanoth
eroutfit.

Reporter: what was that venus?

Venus: Nothing.

Jennifer: Nothing my white italitan florida by way of brooklyn ass! <blows smoke rings>

Monica: she said the A word. mY pastor says the A word will land you in hole of sin.

Venus: Jen knows all about holes, k holes, ass holes...

giggles

Lindsay: maybe fashion is not such a safe topic.

Martina: especially when you wear hefty garbarge bags linds.

Lindsay: what! they're not hefty they're glaad!

Serena: I can give you fashion tips Lindsay, dont worry.

Jennifer: You better phucking run lindsay before she like wraps your ass in a spandex catsuit.

Monica; She said the A word again.

Venus: dont worry monica it doesnt count because lindsay doesnt really have an ass.

<Lindsay checks her behind out.>

Linday: I do too have an ass! Just because its not mac truck sized doesnt mean its not there!

Martina: ooooo as they say on rikki lake, "dont go there girlfriend."

Monica: I love that show Girlfriends on upn.

Everyone: You watch UPN?

Jennifer: I bet the like the phucking cosby twins over there dont even like watch UPN.

Serena: i'd rather be a cosby twin than the illegitmate daughter of Ozzie Osborn and Chynna.

Martina: Ha! YOu williams sisters are just so funny, maybe you should be on UPN.

Venus: only when they put you on the sci fi network.

Lindsay: Come on lets try at least to get along. I mean I'm getting married soon.

Monica: Married? Oh I hope its nothing serious? Will you be in the hospital long?

Jennifer: What the like phuck are you talking about? She said married, boy meets girl, girl and boy phuck, girl marries boy!

Serena: someone gag her please.

Jennifer: I like gagged enough watching like you in your catsuit.

Monica: I hope i get married soon.

Martina: Didn't you hear the middle part monica? That has to happen first.

Venus: It does not. Don't listen to them Moncia, save your virginity.

Jennifer: Oh yeah like we all believe that stud boytoy phucking bodyguard doesn't have a hands on work ethic. Dont worry I'll take him off your hands if you dont like want him.

Serena: ooo dont let her talk to you like that venus!

Venus: If you can steal him then he wasn't really mine anyway.

Jennifer: goddammit dont you ever like get phucking angry!?

Lindsay: Last time I saw her angry she was screaming over beads at the aussie open.

Martina: Oh yes I remember the pearls so well. Ha!

Jennifer: you should cause like that was the last time you like beat them when they were wearing pearls. <jen digs in her bag and brings out a silver flask>

Monica: jennifer! what is that?

Jennifer: flavored water.

Serena: vodka flavored.

Jennifer: how did you know? <she takes a swig and passes it to monica>

Monica: oh, I , um my pastor says that spirits will sully my soul and that I should bring it all to him when I have some.

Martina: Give that to me. <she swipes the flask and takes a swig> Thats better. I need all the relief I can get these days.

Monica: actually youre whole game is a relief. Youre so easy to beat now.

Martina: what?

Lindsay: shes right.

Venus: its true.

Serena: I gotta agree.

Martina: And you jennifer, what do you think?

Jennifer: <burps> Please like you know you've been my biatch for like two years straight now.

Martina: oooo you just wait jennifer. When we meet again in the aussie final I will cream you so bad.

Venus: that sounds vaguely smutty to me.

Monica: speaking of smut can we go back to the middle part?

Jennifer: MONICA you wouldnt like know what to do with a dick even if you had like touched one before!

Monica: Jen your so stupid women dont wear dickies!

Serena: they sure dont where I come from.

Linday: Monica youre never going to steal mike sell back from his wife.

Martina: Oooo monica your so devious. Who knew? We must hang out more.

Jennifer: If you want to like steal him you got to work him like this...<jen works the ciggy gently in and out of her mouth then puffs a long stream of smoke>

Venus: that was obscene! Do it again.

Martina: Jennifer youre such a showoff. To bad you can't apply that technique on court.

Serena: she can during mixed doubles.

Lindsay: lol!

Monica: i dont see how smoking will get me mike sell.

Jennifer: Godddamit you twit! you gotta like release youre phucking inner hussy.

Serena: emphasis on the phucking part.

Monica: But my pastor says that hussies are not allowed in the gates of heaven but are welcome to the confessional booth on saturdays after six.

VEnus: Okay, too much information. Remind me never to go to church with you.

TO BE CONTINUED.....

DutchieGirl
Oct 19th, 2002, 09:52 AM
lmao... :D

Bright Red
Oct 19th, 2002, 01:00 PM
I'm out of breath laughing at the PhoenixStorm one. There are too many things to quote. The whole thing is super funny!

wongqks
Oct 19th, 2002, 01:23 PM
OMG, so funny LOL, thanks everyone

Zamboni
Oct 19th, 2002, 07:13 PM
lol :)

Gus
Oct 19th, 2002, 07:42 PM
Great, just great...
I regret Amelie doesn't have the main part, though... ;)
Could someone imagine a real confrontation between Amelie-melo and Martina...

niratti
Oct 20th, 2002, 10:46 AM
Thanks Barmaid..That's fun!!!

CJ07
Oct 20th, 2002, 08:37 PM
I dont think Monica is that religous but it was still funny