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View Full Version : How long , if ever , will it take my parents to fully accept me as gay ?


Mina Vagante
Sep 19th, 2009, 06:46 PM
Today I brought a belt and she goes

' Ross, you do know this belt looks so gay '

I say

' I dont care '

She walks out and says

' It's very much what those sort of people wear, that's why it was in the sale '

Maybe she has accpeted me, but we never ever talk about it. Since she found out, we've never spoken out it, not even once.

Kart
Sep 19th, 2009, 07:00 PM
They may never.

Just Do It
Sep 19th, 2009, 07:13 PM
Yeah, probably never :( I am not telling my parents because I know they wont accept it.

Mina Vagante
Sep 19th, 2009, 07:17 PM
Yeah, probably never :( I am not telling my parents because I know they wont accept it.

So, to them , you will never have a girlfriend all your life ?

Just Do It
Sep 19th, 2009, 07:18 PM
So, to them , you will never have a girlfriend all your life ?

Yeah, lately that is becoming a problem, they started asking me do I have a GF :unsure:
I will tell them when I finish university and move out, because if I tell them now I am almost sure they wouldnt pay my studies anymore. Sounds scary but its true.

Haimar
Sep 19th, 2009, 07:20 PM
Same here :wavey: I came out almost two years ago and they still refuse to believe it and they never talk about it, although I give them enough clues. My bf and I sleep together probably once a week, isn't that clear yet?

But I don't care anymore, I'm going to university tomorrow and then I don't have to live with my family anymore during the week so I can start a new honest life.

moby
Sep 19th, 2009, 07:24 PM
They sound more accepting than many parents will ever be already.
It sucks, but that's the way it is.

If I weren't gay, and I had a son who turned out to be gay, I would probably have reacted badly too.

@Haimar: Silence is consent, grudging or otherwise.

Pureracket
Sep 19th, 2009, 07:48 PM
I know this might be a tough pill to swallow, but if I were you, I'd work on accepting myself as gay until my parents/others come around. At a young age, you've had the courage to "come out" to your parents, but what now?

Well, many gay people, myself included, have had a problem with separating homosexuality from circuit parties, cute guys, and different kinds of sex. Though those are all fun and wonderful, find out about the "other" side of your gay self. Are there rights that are being denied you? How do you feel about your religion/God if you choose? Where would you like to see yourself ten/fifteen years from now when you're still gay?

Mina Vagante
Sep 19th, 2009, 07:51 PM
I know this might be a tough pill to swallow, but if I were you, I'd work on accepting myself as gay until my parents/others come around. At a young age, you've had the courage to "come out" to your parents, but what now?

Well, many gay people, myself included, have had a problem with separating homosexuality from circuit parties, cute guys, and different kinds of sex. Though those are all fun and wonderful, find out about the "other" side of your gay self. Are there rights that are being denied you? How do you feel about your religion/God if you choose? Where would you like to see yourself ten/fifteen years from now when you're still gay?

I have :confused:

Pureracket
Sep 19th, 2009, 07:57 PM
I have :confused:Oh, it's a rather gentle suggestion. In other words, you've done the hard part, I'm merely suggesting that you find out more about "being gay" than you already know. If you have, then that's fine.

drake3781
Sep 19th, 2009, 07:59 PM
Same here :wavey: I came out almost two years ago and they still refuse to believe it and they never talk about it, although I give them enough clues. My bf and I sleep together probably once a week, isn't that clear yet?

But I don't care anymore, I'm going to university tomorrow and then I don't have to live with my family anymore during the week so I can start a new honest life.


You have your bf sleeping over with you at your parents' house? :eek:

Haimar
Sep 19th, 2009, 08:06 PM
You have your bf sleeping over with you at your parents' house? :eek:

Yeah :lol: We're together for two years now, isn't it quite logic that you sleep together sometimes then ;)

Wtrain
Sep 19th, 2009, 08:08 PM
I was lucky, my parents are pretty liberal minded.

Haimar
Sep 19th, 2009, 08:14 PM
Oh, it's a rather gentle suggestion. In other words, you've done the hard part, I'm merely suggesting that you find out more about "being gay" than you already know. If you have, then that's fine.

Well I think everyone that comes out these days gets confronted with things like gay mariage, adoption and stuff like that. I'm happy to live in a country where you can marry the one you love, but at this stage in my life I don't need it yet. I'd rather help other young kids with their coming out, I'm considering to sign up for a project that makes this possible.

Miss Amor
Sep 19th, 2009, 08:32 PM
Maybe, they had finally accepted that you were gay; but due to a personal grudge a certain poster informed them that you are not actually gay as you didnt worship his perfect body. So now they are in denial again :(

Marshmallow
Sep 19th, 2009, 08:33 PM
I know what you mean, I get all sorts of comments every so often - I acknowledge though that I don't help the situation by actively keeping home and sexuality separate.

But anyway, I think the best thing to do in the situation is to just come up with some responses for whever your Mom makes comments like that. So for instance i the belt situation comes up again say something like - 'Oh *mild surprise*, Well I happen to like how it looks and don't really care what other people think about it'.

That's just to sort of bring the conversation to an end while not denying your sexuality and not creating an argument/tension. I think in general you / we want to factor out the comments and opinions of family because we just want to live our lives and factoring in their opinions only create chaos with out emotions.

Forcing conversations parents don't seem to be ready for doesn't always go well, so just live your life and I'm sure sooner with no change on your part, the truth starring them in their faces will become clearly apparent and if they want to / are ready to talk about it, it's in their court to bring it up.

Dominic
Sep 19th, 2009, 08:46 PM
Maybe, they had finally accepted that you were gay; but due to a personal grudge a certain poster informed them that you are not actually gay as you didnt worship his perfect body. So now they are in denial again :(

:eek: That was not serious, Ross was just mad at me and decided to make that meanie thread. It ws meaningless, me and Ross always call eachother names on Msn.

renstar
Sep 20th, 2009, 05:42 AM
I think your mother knew exactly what she was saying. I think it was the bait to bring up the subject again and see is he really gay? So you didn't bite, so the silence goes on on that subject.

Its an awkward situation, your parents seem to have preconcieved ideas about gay people, they probably don't see the every day respectable guys who don't stand out but also happen to be gay.

And you follow womens tennis, like HELLO thats a major sign :lol:

Steadyniacki
Sep 20th, 2009, 06:01 AM
I told a couple friends i was gay yesterday. This is first time i had told anyone. It was hard but i am glad i did it.

I realise eventually i will have to tell the rest of my friends and more importantly my parents, which is something i am really afraid of. I fear that won't accept me for who i am. I really hope that i don't end up in your situation.

I hope they do accept you for who you are eventually :hug:

Mateo Mathieu
Sep 20th, 2009, 06:55 AM
Well, my mother accepted me but we really never talk about gay related apart from her gay friends and of course AIDS/HIV :lol: I don't feel like to talk about gay related with my mother. I prefer do that to my friends instead.

Kart
Sep 20th, 2009, 09:18 AM
I know this might be a tough pill to swallow, but if I were you, I'd work on accepting myself as gay until my parents/others come around. At a young age, you've had the courage to "come out" to your parents, but what now?

Well, many gay people, myself included, have had a problem with separating homosexuality from circuit parties, cute guys, and different kinds of sex. Though those are all fun and wonderful, find out about the "other" side of your gay self. Are there rights that are being denied you? How do you feel about your religion/God if you choose? Where would you like to see yourself ten/fifteen years from now when you're still gay?
This is excellent advice.

Though I think accepting a lot of that comes with growing up and life experience that the thread starter may not have yet.

Mashabator
Sep 20th, 2009, 11:12 AM
ppl r right, they might never accept it.
or maybe it will take a long time.

sunset
Sep 20th, 2009, 07:45 PM
I think they must be in shock and in denial. Quite honestly they simply just donít know how to handle it or what to say.
You may have to be the stronger person and approach them again.
May I ask what is it you are expecting them to do or say? Iím sure they still love you but this is huge.

Dav.
Sep 20th, 2009, 07:49 PM
When my gay friend told his parents they eventually accepted it but still tried to place their own perspectives on him, insisting it was a choice, God does not approve, etc. I think as you contiune to find yourself it will become easier. Your parents have an unconditional love for you and should someday understand that you have not changed as a person and who you are is who you are. :)

Scotso
Sep 20th, 2009, 10:11 PM
Your mom sounds like a bitch.

delicatecutter
Sep 20th, 2009, 10:27 PM
Your mom sounds like a bitch.

:spit:

drake3781
Sep 20th, 2009, 11:55 PM
Is it possible that she was just trying to talk with you about it, and you took it as criticism and got defensive?

Mina Vagante
Sep 21st, 2009, 12:24 AM
Well we had a talk about it today. It's fine. :)

In other news, I love ' Fashion ' by Lady Gaga :worship:

Dav.
Sep 21st, 2009, 12:36 AM
Glad to hear it. :)

Sammy Stones
Sep 21st, 2009, 12:36 AM
some never accept. for some may take years or just a simple conversation. they sometimes feel guilty. they may be having thoughts like 'was it something I did to make you this way?' etc. so talking to them and explaining some things may help.

I have a very strong feeling my parents would never accept it and my brothers would probably just laugh at me and disregard it as a phase. good thing is I'm not that close to my family so I have no need to tell them, at least for now.

austennis
Sep 21st, 2009, 06:43 AM
Hey..everyone's case is obviously going to be different.. some people take it really hard, for others its nothing
For my parents, they were surprised but at same time people had asked them for few years..and they were happy for honesty...but still took them best part of 9months to be really comfortable :)
but my mum does same things if she thinks im wearing something she thinks looks gay - but its more of a joke than an insult

mandy7
Sep 21st, 2009, 06:44 AM
How long ago did she find out?
Maybe she needs some more time.
Her comment does sound quite pathetic though.
So she might never.

It's different for every parent i guess, my parents took about 2.7 seconds,
but they have no religious backgrounds what so ever, and they're dutch,
i've heard that sometimes helps.