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Sally Struthers
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:03 AM
My friend needs $1200 to pay the rent this month or be evicted. I usually don't believe in loaning money to friends but she appears to be desperate and I can afford to wait to be repaid. Plus she's been my best friend for years... The only thing is that she has a gambling problem and squandered the last couple of month's rent at a casino. I tried to tell her to stop and she does say she is going to gambler's anonymous but here we are... I'm 99% sure I should not loan the money but I feel bad about it. :shrug:

woosey
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:09 AM
since you know you won't get your money back, you should look at it as a one time gift and then move on, if you decide to do it. that way you won't get upset when you don't get the money back.

Ryan
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:15 AM
Yeah agree with woosey I think. You probably won't get the cash back at all, or in the short term at least, but IMO you'd feel way worse if you don't help your friend out. If you can afford it, I'd give her the money on the condition that she goes to a gambling problem clinic/website/help group the first chance she has. If you have to, go with her or tell a family member of hers to go? Because fixing the gambling problem is the only way to guarantee she won't ask for cash again - it'd become a hostage type situation IMO ("if you were a real friend you'd loan me the cash, you did it once before, whats one more time?").

young_gunner913
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:15 AM
i'd say yeah if she's your best friend and you can afford it. but make her sign something that says she's in agreement to pay you back so just in case this gets ugly, you can battle it out on judge judy. :D

Lin Lin
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:17 AM
This is a very hard situation between two "best" friends,I have also encountered this for several times.Maybe she really should know you are the last one who really cares her so she will repay your money out of conscience.My suggestion is that you can lend to her but let her write some words about the time,sum and sign on it.

RenaSlam.
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:18 AM
No. Make her learn the hard way.

Sally Struthers
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:21 AM
don't you think if I loan the money it would make things awkward between us? There'd be a sense of obligation on her part until she payed it off and if she can't pay her regular bills on time how is paying me a little a month any different than a new bill except that I won't shut off the electricity? :shrug:

In The Zone
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:26 AM
Question: you loan her this month's rent, what about next month's? Does she have a job?

I wouldn't do it only because it puts a useless strain on your friendship. But then again, like woosey said, if you feel you can afford it and she truly is your friend, look at it as a gift - not a loan.

Ryan
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:28 AM
don't you think if I loan the money it would make things awkward between us? There'd be a sense of obligation on her part until she payed it off and if she can't pay her regular bills on time how is paying me a little a month any different than a new bill except that I won't shut off the electricity? :shrug:



Try talking to her about it - does she have the money to pay for bills normally, and is just strapped for cash this one month? If so then she might have no problem making monthly payments of something like $100 to you for one year. If she's in debt, and doesn't have a job or a steady one, then you might have to consider it a gift if you do it.

Sally Struthers
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:33 AM
Question: you loan her this month's rent, what about next month's? Does she have a job?

I wouldn't do it only because it puts a useless strain on your friendship. But then again, like woosey said, if you feel you can afford it and she truly is your friend, look at it as a gift - not a loan.

oh yes she has a job as an interior designer but her firm has slow business due to the bad housing market so the pay is not what it used to be.

comfortably.numb
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:34 AM
Hell no. Loaning $500 to a friend nearly ruining our relationship. I will never do it again.

Sally Struthers
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:36 AM
Hell no. Loaning $500 to a friend nearly ruining our relationship. I will never do it again.

thta's what I think. We'll both start to feel resentful about one another.. me because she has my money and her because she knows i want my money back... then whenever I mention something that has to do with money or her activities she'll think I'm judging her about how she's spending my money... then she'll avoid me because being in contact with me brings up bad feelings about her money problems and so on.. :shrug:

woosey
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:42 AM
don't you think if I loan the money it would make things awkward between us? There'd be a sense of obligation on her part until she payed it off and if she can't pay her regular bills on time how is paying me a little a month any different than a new bill except that I won't shut off the electricity? :shrug:

that's why i said you should not look at this as a loan. you should either give it to her or don't give it to her.

writing down stuff, yada yada yada, is just making a situation you know might be messy, messier. do you really want to take her to small claims court? that's why i suggested a clean break. if you give her the money and she rips through it, you know exactly where she's coming from and can walk away.

personally, i don't loan money, unless it's like $1 or $5 or $10 or something - amounts i don't really care about if i don't get it back. also, i don't ask anybody to loan me money either, not even my mother. it's easy to be lax about repaying somebody who is close to you.

if you are rationalizing then you know you should not do this so she will just need to deal. that's rough stuff but it's the truth.

but, like i said, if you know you probably won't get the money, stop thinking of it as a loan. you're just setting yourself up for disappointment and stress and headache.

skanky~skanketta
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:48 AM
No. If she had gone broke cuz of medical bills or being laid off, it's a different matter. But she basicaly blew her money on something that brought her pleasure. And you HAVE warned her before. In your experience, has she ever paid you back? If she has, then fine, maybe u could loan her the money, but not all of it. If not, say bye bye!

comfortably.numb
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:49 AM
thta's what I think. We'll both start to feel resentful about one another.. me because she has my money and her because she knows i want my money back... then whenever I mention something that has to do with money or her activities she'll think I'm judging her about how she's spending my money... then she'll avoid me because being in contact with me brings up bad feelings about her money problems and so on.. :shrug:Yeah, in a nutshell I became the "selfish inconsiderate friend" when I started to ask where my money was after waiting a month longer than he said it would take to pay me back. This was in college and I wasn't exactly rolling in dough either. It was just a shitstorm that could have been avoided with two simple letters: No.

rada
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:53 AM
Say you will pay if for her?

drake3781
Jul 8th, 2009, 03:59 AM
don't you think if I loan the money it would make things awkward between us? There'd be a sense of obligation on her part until she payed it off and if she can't pay her regular bills on time how is paying me a little a month any different than a new bill except that I won't shut off the electricity? :shrug:

Question: you loan her this month's rent, what about next month's? Does she have a job?

I wouldn't do it only because it puts a useless strain on your friendship. But then again, like woosey said, if you feel you can afford it and she truly is your friend, look at it as a gift - not a loan.

Hell no. Loaning $500 to a friend nearly ruining our relationship. I will never do it again.

thta's what I think. We'll both start to feel resentful about one another.. me because she has my money and her because she knows i want my money back... then whenever I mention something that has to do with money or her activities she'll think I'm judging her about how she's spending my money... then she'll avoid me because being in contact with me brings up bad feelings about her money problems and so on.. :shrug:

Yeah, in a nutshell I became the "selfish inconsiderate friend" when I started to ask where my money was after waiting a month longer than he said it would take to pay me back. This was in college and I wasn't exactly rolling in dough either. It was just a shitstorm that could have been avoided with two simple letters: No.



I agree with EVERYBODY. And I have been there, done that. It will not end well. Resentment, unsaid things, another level added in the relationship.

Here is what you do. Give her $600. Tell her it is a gift. You do not want to be repaid. And there will not be another gift or a loan or discussion of it again. Giving her that money will be MUCH LESS COSTLY than any other thing you could do.

P.S. I knew this already, but heard Judge Judy say it too. :angel: Never, NEVER loan a friend money. The friend will come to resent you for expecting to be repaid, when you seemingly have it so much better than she does. It will NEVER end well. That's what Judge Judy said, pretty much word for word, and like I said, I knew it already so I remembered it when she said it.

kiwifan
Jul 8th, 2009, 04:01 AM
You should never loan anyone money, except if you have no reasonable expectation of getting paid back (and don't really care) or it is a proper business deal (secured loan) - take something of hers worth more than the loan as the security.

If not loaning money will ruin the friendship, she's not really your friend.

If not getting paid back will ruin the friendship, you shouldn't make the loan.

SM
Jul 8th, 2009, 04:04 AM
dont lend it, she must hit rock bottom so she learns what she is doing is plain old wrong IMHO...

Sally Struthers
Jul 8th, 2009, 04:08 AM
well I know I should not lend the money. I knew that before I opened the thread but I feel bad about it :sad:

woosey
Jul 8th, 2009, 04:11 AM
offer to buy her some groceries.

rada
Jul 8th, 2009, 04:18 AM
See the way i see it, if she is getting help and you def know that then help her out.

Scotso
Jul 8th, 2009, 04:25 AM
Never loan/give money to friends.


don't you think if I loan the money it would make things awkward between us? There'd be a sense of obligation on her part until she payed it off and if she can't pay her regular bills on time how is paying me a little a month any different than a new bill except that I won't shut off the electricity? :shrug:

The second you give her the money, she's going to see you as a convenient source of funds, not as a friend. If she stops being your friend because you didn't give her the money, she already saw you as a convenient source of funds, not as a friend. You'll never get the money back, giving money to a gambler is as wasteful as giving lunch money to an alcoholic. Even if she uses the money to pay her rent, she'll only be putting off the inevitable for a month. She's an adult, she needs to take responsibility for her own actions.

Giving someone $5 for ice cream is one thing, giving them $1200 for rent is quite another.

mckyle.
Jul 8th, 2009, 04:38 AM
First question that popped in my mind is why is your friend's rent $1200? :rolls:

Scotso
Jul 8th, 2009, 04:51 AM
First question that popped in my mind is why is your friend's rent $1200? :rolls:

:confused:

$1200 is like the lower range here in the DC area.

Sally Struthers
Jul 8th, 2009, 04:53 AM
First question that popped in my mind is why is your friend's rent $1200? :rolls:

rent is high in some places....


anyhoo how should I decline to give the money or make a loan? She knows I have it ... actually i made sort of a gift earlier this year. We had both entered my brother's office pool for football in January and made it to the final 2... the top prize was 600 and the 2nd was 200. I knew she was having some problems then so I offered to pool the money and split it even after I had won the top prize.

mckyle.
Jul 8th, 2009, 04:54 AM
:confused:

$1200 is like the lower range here in the DC area.

That's quite a bit where I live. More than house payments :o

Scotso
Jul 8th, 2009, 05:09 AM
rent is high in some places....


anyhoo how should I decline to give the money or make a loan? She knows I have it ... actually i made sort of a gift earlier this year. We had both entered my brother's office pool for football in January and made it to the final 2... the top prize was 600 and the 2nd was 200. I knew she was having some problems then so I offered to pool the money and split it even after I had won the top prize.

Just be honest, tell her you're not comfortable loaning money to friends.

victory1
Jul 8th, 2009, 05:37 AM
Will she end up on your doorstep when she get evicted? If that's the case, I would loan her the money with the stipulation if she don't pay her rent then don't think she can stay with me. Once they move in, it takes months for them to get on their feet; especially since she's fighting a gambling addiction. If you feel guilty now, think how you'll feel when she's homeless and begging to sleep on your couch; so take away that option!

darrinbaker00
Jul 8th, 2009, 06:01 AM
My friend needs $1200 to pay the rent this month or be evicted. I usually don't believe in loaning money to friends but she appears to be desperate and I can afford to wait to be repaid. Plus she's been my best friend for years... The only thing is that she has a gambling problem and squandered the last couple of month's rent at a casino. I tried to tell her to stop and she does say she is going to gambler's anonymous but here we are... I'm 99% sure I should not loan the money but I feel bad about it. :shrug:
If she really needs the money to pay the rent, Sally, don't give it to her directly; make the check out to the landlord and, if necessary, go with her and make sure she hands it to her landlord. If she has a gambling problem, giving her $1,200 will hurt her, not help her.

selesfan1
Jul 8th, 2009, 05:05 PM
Absolutely not, I have loaned a good friend of mine $750 much on the same premise you did. He was desperate, was about to get evicted, needed to buy a car to get to work etc. He got a new job and lost it because of his irresponsibility and now has a different job and instead of making an effort to pay me back bough a new flat screen TV, gym membership etc. I mean I didn't expect everything back at once but really something like $50 here and there. I am going to plead my case to him again or at least bring it up. I do have a signed agreement with him but do i really want to go through the trouble of court and all that? Absolutely not but I want my money especially because I have things that I now need to get done.

Barrie_Dude
Jul 8th, 2009, 05:06 PM
My friend needs $1200 to pay the rent this month or be evicted. I usually don't believe in loaning money to friends but she appears to be desperate and I can afford to wait to be repaid. Plus she's been my best friend for years... The only thing is that she has a gambling problem and squandered the last couple of month's rent at a casino. I tried to tell her to stop and she does say she is going to gambler's anonymous but here we are... I'm 99% sure I should not loan the money but I feel bad about it. :shrug:
Right the check out to her landlord.

Helen Lawson
Jul 8th, 2009, 06:46 PM
Do it for her this one time, and pay the landlord directly. It's only $1200 and you'd only be doing it once.

Expat
Jul 8th, 2009, 07:01 PM
I have just cut a check for 2000 dollars 2 days back for one of my friends. I don't expect it back at all. If you are loaning money don't expect anything back. Its the fastest way to destroy a friendship.

Kart
Jul 8th, 2009, 07:02 PM
Give her the money Sal.

You can afford it, she's your best friend and she's struggling.

Don't expect to get it back and tell her you can't afford to give her any more if she ever asks you again.

Then prepare yourself for the fact that you'll both never be as close as you were until she gives you the cash back of her own volition.

It's sad when things get this way but you won't be better friends for seeing her out on the street.

Though she might end up there anyway by the sounds of things.

Ciarán
Jul 8th, 2009, 08:33 PM
No. Make her learn the hard way.

This.

Rocketta
Jul 8th, 2009, 09:51 PM
If you have it and your conscious is telling you to help her.. then help her but don't expect it back even if she tells you she will.

I loaned a friend money but even though we discussed it was loan and she would pay me back in a certain time frame, I didn't expect it. So when she told me she couldn't pay me I wasn't expecting it and I wasn't mad. She did pay me back maybe a year or two after she promised but I still have a friend and she's hasn't asked me for money again.

but then again my friend didn't have an addiction. :shrug:

mykarma
Jul 9th, 2009, 02:32 AM
My friend needs $1200 to pay the rent this month or be evicted. I usually don't believe in loaning money to friends but she appears to be desperate and I can afford to wait to be repaid. Plus she's been my best friend for years... The only thing is that she has a gambling problem and squandered the last couple of month's rent at a casino. I tried to tell her to stop and she does say she is going to gambler's anonymous but here we are... I'm 99% sure I should not loan the money but I feel bad about it. :shrug:
No because you'd only becoming one of your friends enablers. As long as someone bails her/him out nothing will change and the addiction will only get worse.

Sally Struthers
Jul 9th, 2009, 02:34 AM
thanks for the replies everyone. As luck would have it.. or should I say bad luck... my lemon of a car that I always bitch about on here sprung a major oil leak this afternoon and I have to get it fixed ASAP.. it might be cheaper for me in the long run to trade the stupid thing in after all the repairs I have put into it recently. So I'll use that as an excuse as to why I can't loan the money.

drake3781
Jul 9th, 2009, 02:38 AM
thanks for the replies everyone. As luck would have it.. or should I say bad luck... my lemon of a car that I always bitch about on here sprung a major oil leak this afternoon and I have to get it fixed ASAP.. it might be cheaper for me in the long run to trade the stupid thing in after all the repairs I have put into it recently. So I'll use that as an excuse as to why I can't loan the money.



Sally, get a Mini Cooper S. You will look great in it!

Sally Struthers
Jul 9th, 2009, 02:39 AM
http://img196.imageshack.us/img196/6625/013n.gif (http://img196.imageshack.us/i/013n.gif/)



:sobbing:

Ryan
Jul 9th, 2009, 02:48 AM
It's like a giant, oily, middle finger. :sobbing:

*JR*
Jul 9th, 2009, 03:40 AM
Send her to a loan shark.

http://bedzine.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/loan-shark-570x476.jpg

Salve
Jul 9th, 2009, 04:58 AM
Listen to me: Yes.

You'd regret not doing it.

Kart
Jul 9th, 2009, 01:28 PM
http://img196.imageshack.us/img196/6625/013n.gif (http://img196.imageshack.us/i/013n.gif/)



:sobbing:

:haha::haha::haha:

Beat
Jul 9th, 2009, 02:29 PM
i would not hesitate for one minute to give that money to a friend, if he/she was a long and good friend. but the fact that she has a gambling problem makes things a lot more complicated.

Barrie_Dude
Jul 9th, 2009, 03:44 PM
If you have it and your conscious is telling you to help her.. then help her but don't expect it back even if she tells you she will.

I loaned a friend money but even though we discussed it was loan and she would pay me back in a certain time frame, I didn't expect it. So when she told me she couldn't pay me I wasn't expecting it and I wasn't mad. She did pay me back maybe a year or two after she promised but I still have a friend and she's hasn't asked me for money again.

but then again my friend didn't have an addiction. :shrug:Good idea. I would rather give the money to them than to have to worry about a loan. That way, if you do not get the money back, no prob, if you do, bonus!

Elske
Jul 9th, 2009, 04:02 PM
Don't do it. It's a large amount of money, you worked hard for it and she's only going to give it to casino's.

Human Nature
Jul 9th, 2009, 09:47 PM
I would have given the money to her if she realy needed ..despite the problem of gambling .