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miffedmax
Jul 5th, 2009, 02:30 PM
OPEN ON THE PLANE. LENA D'S FLIGHT ATTENDANTS UNIFORM IS BARELY VISIBLE BECAUSE SHE IS SWATHED FROM HEAD-TO-TOE IN BANDAGES. SHE HAD A BIG BLACK EYE. DINARA STANDS NEXT TO HER, DRESSED IN A FLIGHT ATTENDANTS UNIFORM THAT IS A COUPLE OF SIZES TOO SMALL--LIKE MAYBE SHE BORROWED IT FROM LENA.

DINARA:
Are you sure I have to do this?

LENA:
Yes. Mommy Vera says that if you blow enough opportunities at majors you have to come up with a second job. Like being a flight attendant for World Trans Airlines.

DINARA:
Two questions. Why should I listen to Mommy Vera, and what the heck happened to you?

LENA:
Mommy Vera is perfect and all-knowing. This is a fact. Second, did you not see that knife fight I was in the other day? What a brawl! You should see the other girl though. She probably can’t even walk!

ENTER SVETA:

Hello pretty girl. Sveta mad. Sveta not get flight when she win Slam.

Sveta swam her from France. Sveta so tired she lose. Sveta sad. Sveta sad and mad.

ENTER ORACENE AND MOMMY VERA:

MV:
Once again, I am forced to watch as idiot daughter invents new ways to lose.

ORACENE:
At least you don’t have to sit there and watch with your ex-husband with some bimbo bouncing up and down like a damn jack-in-the-box.

ENTER THE MASHAS.

QUEEN MASHA:
We think it’s a shame they had to cancel Wimbledon this year. We have officially struck it from the official records.

LENA (to Masha the Lesser)
I thought you quit that lady-in waiting gig…

LIL MASHA:
Hey, I lost my Stella contract. What am I supposed to live on? My tournament winnings?

ENTER ANA AND JJ:

JJ:
Ana, do you ever have that “not so fresh feeling?”

ANA:
Shut up! I don’t want to talk about it!”

JJ:
Damn, you’re a cranky bitch. Here, I’ve got Pamprin, Midol…

SABINE IS COMING FROM THE BACK OF THE PLANE TOWARD THE RESTROOMS. CARO IS COMING FROM THE FRONT OF THE PLANE TOWARD HER SEAT…

CARO:
You wanna get out of my way?

SABINE:
Why don’t you get out of my way?

CARO:
Don’t make me call the flight attendant.

SABINE:
What’s the big deal? We go to our seats on this plane after every tournament.

ENTER VEE.

LENA:
Hi, Venus! Boy, I bet that was your easiest title defense ever!

VEE:
Shut up, Lena.

LENA:
But I almost beat her! She could barely walk off the court! How did she come back?

VEE:
Damn coin toss.

SABINE:
Don’t you have some Legos to play with?

CARO:
At least I won’t be wearing those goofy, lame-ass adidas togs you wear any more. I’m the new glamour girl. You move your lame kraut ass.

LENA:
Oh dear. This plane, much like this routine, will never get off the ground.

ORACENE:
Hmmm. Looks like we may be here for a while. Say, Vera, you want to play the Reverse Dozens?

MV:
What is this game?

ORACENE:
Well, I say something like “Your daughter’s teeth so yellow, when she smiles traffic slows down.”

MV:
How is this a game? You have simply made an accurate observation about useless daughter."

ORACENE:
Yes, but now you get to make an equally accurate observation about my useless daughter. Until one of us runs out of observations.

MV:
For example, I might point out that Serena’s butt is so big it takes her two trips to haul ass…

ORACENE:
Then I say "You daughter's arms are so hairy she looks like a Chia pet..."

MV:
Oh, I like this game ...

Dav.
Jul 5th, 2009, 02:42 PM
:spit:

Great as always! :yeah:

jubliant11
Jul 5th, 2009, 02:45 PM
LIL MASHA:
Hey, I lost my Stella contract. What am I supposed to live on? My tournament winnings?



:spit: :rolls:

Craig.
Jul 5th, 2009, 02:49 PM
The game :spit:

ORACENE:
At least you don’t have to sit there and watch without you ex-husband with some bimbo bouncing up and down like a damn jack-in-the-box.

:sobbing:

eck
Jul 5th, 2009, 02:52 PM
ORACENE:
At least you don’t have to sit there and watch with your ex-husband with some bimbo bouncing up and down like a damn jack-in-the-box.

--


LENA:
Hi, Venus! Boy, I bet that was your easiest title defense ever!

VEE:
Shut up, Lena.

LENA:
But I almost beat her! She could barely walk off the court! How did she come back?

VEE:
Damn coin toss.



:rolls::rolls::worship:

Brilliant as always.

Golovinjured.
Jul 5th, 2009, 03:20 PM
:worship::worship:

comfortably.numb
Jul 5th, 2009, 03:55 PM
Barely elicited a chuckle.

Lefty.
Jul 5th, 2009, 04:30 PM
Haven't read one of these in a while. :spit:

A lovely read as usual. :worship:

Temperenka
Jul 5th, 2009, 04:34 PM
:lol: :worship:

To be continued
Jul 5th, 2009, 04:37 PM
I don't know, I must be missing something. I never laughed once....

Hashim.
Jul 5th, 2009, 04:39 PM
great:sobbing::lol:

jubliant11
Jul 5th, 2009, 04:40 PM
I only laughed at the one line I quoted.

Vaidisova Ruled
Jul 5th, 2009, 06:05 PM
Amazing, as always

gmak
Jul 5th, 2009, 06:37 PM
:lol:
:worship: as always

sharapovarulz1
Jul 5th, 2009, 08:52 PM
Love it love it love it!

gdot
Jul 5th, 2009, 10:24 PM
:worship::worship:brilliant.

xan
Jul 5th, 2009, 10:52 PM
ALSO ON THE PLANE.

DINARA:
Hey. Why have I been seated in economy class, when Masha, Elena and Ana are here in First? I'm the World Number One, you know.

SERENA:
Didn't you know? World Number Ones always get seated in economy. It's so the poor people get a chance to see them. Just like Justine used to do...

DINARA:
Oh. I see. So it's not like the Wimbledon committee always putting me out on Court 27 then?

MASHA:
No. It's not like that at all.

SVETA:
I'm in Economy too. And I'm the French Open Champion. Doesn't that get some recognition round here?

VENUS:
Let me think about that.... No. Who cares who wins the French? FO Champions FO to Economy class every time.

ELENA:
Well that makes me safe in First. I haven't been French Open Champion OR World No 1.

EVERYONE:
Yes Lena.

ANA:
I knew there was somebody who hadn't been World Number One this year. So it was you!

ELENA
Well. I nearly beat Serena - and Serena thrashed Venus.... So that means...

MASHA
....it was Serena's turn to win.

Привет
Jul 6th, 2009, 12:37 AM
:rolls: miffedmax owns.

friendsita
Jul 6th, 2009, 01:03 AM
lol

darrinbaker00
Jul 6th, 2009, 03:07 AM
Barely elicited a chuckle.

I don't know, I must be missing something. I never laughed once....
Were you two born without a sense of humor, or did you have them surgically removed?

CrossCourt~Rally
Jul 6th, 2009, 03:35 AM
:haha:

Jeff
Jul 6th, 2009, 05:20 AM
DINARA STANDS NEXT TO HER, DRESSED IN A FLIGHT ATTENDANTS UNIFORM THAT IS A COUPLE OF SIZES TOO SMALL--LIKE MAYBE SHE BORROWED IT FROM LENA.


Funniest part for me :lol:

Pheobo
Jul 6th, 2009, 05:36 AM
Max :worship:

vadin124
Jul 6th, 2009, 06:17 AM
"Don't make me call the flight attendant" :lol:

mboyle
Jul 6th, 2009, 06:51 AM
The game :spit:

ORACENE:
At least you donít have to sit there and watch without you ex-husband with some bimbo bouncing up and down like a damn jack-in-the-box.

:sobbing:

Poor Oracene...:(

Christinawww
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:12 PM
I want more. This is soo funny

LindsayRulz
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:26 PM
:haha:

Noctis
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:26 PM
:haha: :worship:

Ksenia.
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:38 PM
Great as always :yeah:
Sveta parts are my fave as usual :worship:

Slutiana
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:46 PM
:hysteric::hysteric: The Caro-Sabine one is hilarity. Great, as usual. :crying2::crying2:

AndreConrad
Jul 6th, 2009, 04:50 PM
:yeah:

To be continued
Jul 7th, 2009, 08:09 PM
Were you two born without a sense of humor, or did you have them surgically removed?

No....I have a good sense of humor, I do

But....I just didn't find any of it remotely funny....

Cakeisgood
Jul 8th, 2009, 08:01 AM
No....I have a good sense of humor, I do

But....I just didn't find any of it remotely funny....

Are you new? Like new new? Just wondering.

And smile, miffedmax's heart nearly stopped this Wimby. Even if you didn't like it, throw him a bone.

P.S. Loved it max. Amaze as always :hearts::hearts::hearts:

Sammy 4 eva!!!
Jul 8th, 2009, 08:19 AM
:sobbing:

vadin124
Jul 8th, 2009, 08:53 AM
No....I have a good sense of humor, I do

But....I just didn't find any of it remotely funny....

so why bother dampening the mood for the vast majority of people on this board who do find it funny? :o

Bartosh
Jul 8th, 2009, 09:15 AM
:lol: :tears: :lol: amaze

Rix643
Jul 8th, 2009, 10:10 AM
ENTER SVETA:

Hello pretty girl. Sveta mad. Sveta not get flight when she win Slam.


I knew I missed something......


LIL MASHA:
Hey, I lost my Stella contract. What am I supposed to live on? My tournament winnings?


:spit: :lol:
I actually started to feel sorry for Makiri.. :awww: :hug:


SABINE IS COMING FROM THE BACK OF THE PLANE TOWARD THE RESTROOMS. CARO IS COMING FROM THE FRONT OF THE PLANE TOWARD HER SEATÖ

CARO:
You wanna get out of my way?

SABINE:
Why donít you get out of my way?
.....


:haha:
I can see it happening.



Max, superb stuff, you've really outdone yourself! :yeah:

tennisbear7
Jul 8th, 2009, 11:22 AM
:haha:

olivero
Jul 8th, 2009, 11:49 AM
:lol:

mdterp01
Jul 6th, 2010, 02:04 PM
Where is this year's "Last Flight...." I so enjoyed last year.

tennisbum79
Jul 6th, 2010, 02:15 PM
OPEN ON THE PLANE. LENA D'S FLIGHT ATTENDANTS UNIFORM IS BARELY VISIBLE BECAUSE SHE IS SWATHED FROM HEAD-TO-TOE IN BANDAGES. SHE HAD A BIG BLACK EYE. DINARA STANDS NEXT TO HER, DRESSED IN A FLIGHT ATTENDANTS UNIFORM THAT IS A COUPLE OF SIZES TOO SMALL--LIKE MAYBE SHE BORROWED IT FROM LENA.

DINARA:
Are you sure I have to do this?

LENA:
Yes. Mommy Vera says that if you blow enough opportunities at majors you have to come up with a second job. Like being a flight attendant for World Trans Airlines.

DINARA:
Two questions. Why should I listen to Mommy Vera, and what the heck happened to you?

LENA:
Mommy Vera is perfect and all-knowing. This is a fact. Second, did you not see that knife fight I was in the other day? What a brawl! You should see the other girl though. She probably can’t even walk!

ENTER SVETA:

Hello pretty girl. Sveta mad. Sveta not get flight when she win Slam.

Sveta swam her from France. Sveta so tired she lose. Sveta sad. Sveta sad and mad.

ENTER ORACENE AND MOMMY VERA:

MV:
Once again, I am forced to watch as idiot daughter invents new ways to lose.

ORACENE:
At least you don’t have to sit there and watch with your ex-husband with some bimbo bouncing up and down like a damn jack-in-the-box.

ENTER THE MASHAS.

QUEEN MASHA:
We think it’s a shame they had to cancel Wimbledon this year. We have officially struck it from the official records.

LENA (to Masha the Lesser)
I thought you quit that lady-in waiting gig…

LIL MASHA:
Hey, I lost my Stella contract. What am I supposed to live on? My tournament winnings?

ENTER ANA AND JJ:

JJ:
Ana, do you ever have that “not so fresh feeling?”

ANA:
Shut up! I don’t want to talk about it!”

JJ:
Damn, you’re a cranky bitch. Here, I’ve got Pamprin, Midol…

SABINE IS COMING FROM THE BACK OF THE PLANE TOWARD THE RESTROOMS. CARO IS COMING FROM THE FRONT OF THE PLANE TOWARD HER SEAT…

CARO:
You wanna get out of my way?

SABINE:
Why don’t you get out of my way?

CARO:
Don’t make me call the flight attendant.

SABINE:
What’s the big deal? We go to our seats on this plane after every tournament.

ENTER VEE.

LENA:
Hi, Venus! Boy, I bet that was your easiest title defense ever!

VEE:
Shut up, Lena.

LENA:
But I almost beat her! She could barely walk off the court! How did she come back?

VEE:
Damn coin toss.

SABINE:
Don’t you have some Legos to play with?

CARO:
At least I won’t be wearing those goofy, lame-ass adidas togs you wear any more. I’m the new glamour girl. You move your lame kraut ass.

LENA:
Oh dear. This plane, much like this routine, will never get off the ground.

ORACENE:
Hmmm. Looks like we may be here for a while. Say, Vera, you want to play the Reverse Dozens?

MV:
What is this game?

ORACENE:
Well, I say something like “Your daughter’s teeth so yellow, when she smiles traffic slows down.”

MV:
How is this a game? You have simply made an accurate observation about useless daughter."

ORACENE:
Yes, but now you get to make an equally accurate observation about my useless daughter. Until one of us runs out of observations.

MV:
For example, I might point out that Serena’s butt is so big it takes her two trips to haul ass…

ORACENE:
Then I say "You daughter's arms are so hairy she looks like a Chia pet..."

MV:
Oh, I like this game ...
You are a funny soccer mom!!
How could I have missed this last year?

BLiNK
Jul 6th, 2010, 03:15 PM
:worship:I love it! You are brilliant.
But what's up with the 'we' thing by Queen Masha? Did I miss anything?