PDA

View Full Version : Last Flight Out of London, 2008


miffedmax
Jul 6th, 2008, 11:54 AM
(The computer ate the first one I did, so I tried to remember it. So that's my excuse and I'm sticking with it).

OPEN ON THE PLANE INTERIOR. LENA D., DRESSED IN GROUND CREW COVERALLS, IS BOLTING A BARCOLOUNGER WITH MASSAGE AND A MINIFRIDGE IN PLACE OF A REGULAR SEAT. ANOTHER SEAT, HARD WOOD WITH NAILS STICKING UP FROM IT LIKE A BED OF NAILS IS NEXT TO IT.

ENTER ZHENG.

LENA D:
Hi. Congratulations on parodying macroeconomics submersible divan dishwasher!

ZHENG:
What?

LENA D:
Oh, sorry. Sometimes my English is not so good. I was telling you how glad I was you made your first Wimbledon semifinal!

ZHENG:
Yeah, same to you. What's up with those chairs?

LENA D:
They're for the Williams sisters.

ZHENG:
Who gets which chair?

LENA D: That will be a Williams family decision for sure!

ENTER MOMMY VERA AND ORACENE. BOTH WEAR THEiR MOTHERS OF USELESS, UNGRATEFUL DAUGHTERS (MUUD) T-SHIRTS. VERA IS COUNTING BILLS AND HANDING THEM OVER.

MOMMY VERA:
That's 100, 200, 300 . . .

LENA D:
Oh! Mommy Vera! Did you actually bet money on me to win against Venus?

MOMMY VERA:
No, idiot daughter, I bet you wouldn't take more than four games off Venus. You can't even lose properly.

LENA D.
Oh. Well, a big rototiller copyright salsa impenetrability petard cumquat, Mommy Oracene.

ORACENE:
What?

MOMMY VERA:
Idiot daughter is trying to congratulate you on having your daughters in the final.

ORACENE:
Is that what she was trying to say?

MOMMY VERA:
Trust me, the girl makes even less sense when she speaks Russian.

ZHENG:
How can you say your daughters are useless when the both made a Wimbledon final?

ORACENE:
Well, it's simple. Blowing a break and losing a championship? That's pretty useless. And spanking your own sister and embarrassing her on worldwide television? How ungrateful can you get?

ENTER QUEEN MASHA.

MASHA:
We are so tired of the peasants not knowing their place. We must win in America. Luckily, we still look good.

MOMMY VERA:
Oh, waiter...

MASHA:
We are not a waiter! We are Queen of Tennis and you are just the mother of an ignorant peasant!

MOMMY VERA:
Point taken, but in that outfit, I thought you were a waiter.

MASHA:
Yeah, we get that a lot . . .

ENTER JANKO.
Oh, I'm so tired. I'll just sit down.

LENA D:
You can't sit there! That's your seat over there!

JANKO:
You're kidding. All the way over there? I'll need a helicopter to get over there! ONE OF JANKOS LEGS FALLS OFF.

JANKO:
See? ONE OF HER ARMS FALLS OFF.

LENA D:
Um, I'm afraid I'll have to charge extra for those . . .

ENTER ANA:
C'mon! Let's get out of here!

C'mon! I want to play on a real surface again!

MASHA:
We must agree with the peasant.

ANA:
C'mon! I . . . ANA SUDDENLY FALLS OUT OF HER SEAT.

The pilots hat fell off, and I got distracted.

JANKO:
But he's in the cabin and the door is closed . . . how could you ...

ENTER VEE:

VEE:
Who's house is this?

LENA D:
Please, you crack-smoking match fixer, this is obviously an airplane, not a house!

VEE:
What did you just say?

LENA D:
Oh, my poor English. What I meant was congratulations on winning another Wimbledon title!

VEE:
Man, I'm starving. Ree ate all the food in the flat again. Tell you what, if you get me some breakfast, I'll just forget everything.

ANA:
She's asking Lena to serve?

JANKO:
Yes. It's a good strategy.

VEE:
I even brought my own dish ...

HANDS TROPHY TO LENA, WHO RUSHES UP TO THE GALLEY. SOON SHE COMES BACK DOWN THE AISLE, BUT TRIPS OVER A PIECE OF JANKO.
SHE SPILLS VEE'S BREAKFAST AND LETS OUT A NECK-BULGING, HIGH-PITCH SQUEAL OF FRUSTRATION.

SUDDENLY, BITS OF BLOOD AND GRAY MATTER SHOOT OUT OF HER EARS.

MOMMY VERA:
Look. Idiot daughter's brain has finally exploded. I knew it would happen one day.

LENA STANDS BACK UP, STARTS LURCHING TOWARD VENUS WITH WHAT'S LEFT OF BREAKFAST.

VEE:
Oh my God! A Lena D. with no brain! Do you know what this means?

ANA (hopefully):
That she'll die?

VEE:
No! It means she's a legit shot to win the US Open!

ALL SCREAM IN TERROR.

Adal
Jul 6th, 2008, 11:56 AM
Oh my God :spit: :bigcry:

serenus_2k8
Jul 6th, 2008, 11:58 AM
:haha: Genius :lol: The Lena D and Vee part is gr8. And JJs bit is gold :haha:

Elwin.
Jul 6th, 2008, 12:07 PM
OMFG :rolls: :haha:

* total death *

+/-
Jul 6th, 2008, 12:17 PM
Pure GOLD!!

Dodoboy.
Jul 6th, 2008, 12:18 PM
:haha:

nice :)

Asif_Nawaz
Jul 6th, 2008, 12:20 PM
one of the best LRCS IVE EVER READ!

Maryamator
Jul 6th, 2008, 12:42 PM
LMAO :haha: ROFL

Ksenia.
Jul 6th, 2008, 01:10 PM
i love your stories :lol:

Tennis Ball
Jul 6th, 2008, 01:19 PM
:haha: :haha: :haha: :bigclap:

Please go on!

anon57
Jul 6th, 2008, 01:33 PM
:haha:I love it

Dave.
Jul 6th, 2008, 01:43 PM
:haha: Another classic from Max :rolls:

LCS
Jul 6th, 2008, 01:55 PM
(The computer ate the first one I did, so I tried to remember it. So that's my excuse and I'm sticking with it).

OPEN ON THE PLANE INTERIOR. LENA D., DRESSED IN GROUND CREW COVERALLS, IS BOLTING A BARCOLOUNGER WITH MASSAGE AND A MINIFRIDGE IN PLACE OF A REGULAR SEAT. ANOTHER SEAT, HARD WOOD WITH NAILS STICKING UP FROM IT LIKE A BED OF NAILS IS NEXT TO IT.

ENTER ZHENG.

LENA D:
Hi. Congratulations on parodying macroeconomics submersible divan dishwasher!

ZHENG:
What?

LENA D:
Oh, sorry. Sometimes my English is not so good. I was telling you how glad I was you made your first Wimbledon semifinal!

ZHENG:
Yeah, same to you. What's up with those chairs?

LENA D:
They're for the Williams sisters.

ZHENG:
Who gets which chair?

LENA D: That will be a Williams family decision for sure!

ENTER MOMMY VERA AND ORACENE. BOTH WEAR THEiR MOTHERS OF USELESS, UNGRATEFUL DAUGHTERS (MUUD) T-SHIRTS. VERA IS COUNTING BILLS AND HANDING THEM OVER.

MOMMY VERA:
That's 100, 200, 300 . . .

LENA D:
Oh! Mommy Vera! Did you actually bet money on me to win against Venus?

MOMMY VERA:
No, idiot daughter, I bet you wouldn't take more than four games off Venus. You can't even lose properly.

LENA D.
Oh. Well, a big rototiller copyright salsa impenetrability petard cumquat, Mommy Oracene.

ORACENE:
What?

MOMMY VERA:
Idiot daughter is trying to congratulate you on having your daughters in the final.

ORACENE:
Is that what she was trying to say?

MOMMY VERA:
Trust me, the girl makes even less sense when she speaks Russian.

ZHENG:
How can you say your daughters are useless when the both made a Wimbledon final?

ORACENE:
Well, it's simple. Blowing a break and losing a championship? That's pretty useless. And spanking your own sister and embarrassing her on worldwide television? How ungrateful can you get?

ENTER QUEEN MASHA.

MASHA:
We are so tired of the peasants not knowing their place. We must win in America. Luckily, we still look good.

MOMMY VERA:
Oh, waiter...

MASHA:
We are not a waiter! We are Queen of Tennis and you are just the mother of an ignorant peasant!

MOMMY VERA:
Point taken, but in that outfit, I thought you were a waiter.

MASHA:
Yeah, we get that a lot . . .

ENTER JANKO.
Oh, I'm so tired. I'll just sit down.

LENA D:
You can't sit there! That's your seat over there!

JANKO:
You're kidding. All the way over there? I'll need a helicopter to get over there! ONE OF JANKOS LEGS FALLS OFF.

JANKO:
See? ONE OF HER ARMS FALLS OFF.

LENA D:
Um, I'm afraid I'll have to charge extra for those . . .

ENTER ANA:
C'mon! Let's get out of here!

C'mon! I want to play on a real surface again!

MASHA:
We must agree with the peasant.

ANA:
C'mon! I . . . ANA SUDDENLY FALLS OUT OF HER SEAT.

The pilots hat fell off, and I got distracted.

JANKO:
But he's in the cabin and the door is closed . . . how could you ...

ENTER VEE:

VEE:
Who's house is this?

LENA D:
Please, you crack-smoking match fixer, this is obviously an airplane, not a house!

VEE:
What did you just say?

LENA D:
Oh, my poor English. What I meant was congratulations on winning another Wimbledon title!

VEE:
Man, I'm starving. Ree ate all the food in the flat again. Tell you what, if you get me some breakfast, I'll just forget everything.

ANA:
She's asking Lena to serve?

JANKO:
Yes. It's a good strategy.

VEE:
I even brought my own dish ...

HANDS TROPHY TO LENA, WHO RUSHES UP TO THE GALLEY. SOON SHE COMES BACK DOWN THE AISLE, BUT TRIPS OVER A PIECE OF JANKO.
SHE SPILLS VEE'S BREAKFAST AND LETS OUT A NECK-BULGING, HIGH-PITCH SQUEAL OF FRUSTRATION.

SUDDENLY, BITS OF BLOOD AND GRAY MATTER SHOOT OUT OF HER EARS.

MOMMY VERA:
Look. Idiot daughter's brain has finally exploded. I knew it would happen one day.

LENA STANDS BACK UP, STARTS LURCHING TOWARD VENUS WITH WHAT'S LEFT OF BREAKFAST.

VEE:
Oh my God! A Lena D. with no brain! Do you know what this means?

ANA (hopefully):
That she'll die?

VEE:
No! It means she's a legit shot to win the US Open!

ALL SCREAM IN TERROR.

:worship::worship::worship::worship::worship::wors hip:

Best story of the kind I've ever read on this site. :worship::worship::worship::worship::worship::wors hip:

gmokb
Jul 6th, 2008, 02:02 PM
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

eck
Jul 6th, 2008, 02:17 PM
OMG at the last part :spit:

:worship:

Golovinjured.
Jul 6th, 2008, 02:31 PM
LMAO! That is the best story I've read on here ever!

:lol: :lol: :haha:

gmak
Jul 6th, 2008, 02:32 PM
omg :lol: :lol: :lol:

keep these up :D

Lefty.
Jul 6th, 2008, 02:38 PM
Omg! :haha: :haha: :haha:

DragonFlame
Jul 6th, 2008, 02:45 PM
max:worship: A golden one again!:D

youizahoe
Jul 6th, 2008, 02:48 PM
hahaha

Medina
Jul 6th, 2008, 02:55 PM
ZHENG:
Yeah, same to you. What's up with those chairs?

LENA D:
They're for the Williams sisters.

ZHENG:
Who gets which chair?

LENA D: That will be a Williams family decision for sure!

:haha: :spit:

Sund7101
Jul 6th, 2008, 04:49 PM
Best Ever! :worship:

Julian
Jul 6th, 2008, 05:10 PM
Love It!!!

Cakeisgood
Jul 6th, 2008, 05:14 PM
the end is epic.

shirley
Jul 6th, 2008, 06:47 PM
:lol: Keep up the good work.

Elwin.
Jul 6th, 2008, 08:52 PM
I just can't stop laughing everytime i read this :lol:

SV_Fan
Jul 6th, 2008, 08:54 PM
:worship:

Noctis
Jul 6th, 2008, 09:09 PM
:worship::worship: Best StorieS i Ever READ!!! YOU MUST CONTINUE LMAO
GOD YOU SHOULD BE A COMEDIAN,I'LL EVEN MAKE A FAN CLUB FOR YOU :WORSHIP: :LOL:

sharapovarulz1
Jul 6th, 2008, 10:04 PM
Hahahaha JUST BRILLIANT :D

xan
Jul 6th, 2008, 11:53 PM
Good to see this back.

xan
Jul 6th, 2008, 11:57 PM
Okay. Here's an addition:

Ana: Hey, Maria, you crashed out early again. Guess i keep the No 1 spot.

Maria: You would have crashed out a day earlier than me, blimp-head, if it hadn't been for that lucky net cord. Anyway, I'm still the people's No 1.

Ana: Then why is my site the most visited tennis website on the net?

Maria: That's easy. All those Bosnian goatherders have to find some way to fill up their evenings.

Ana: No people love me because of my poor, struggling childhood, filled with hardship. I practiced in an empty swimming pool, you know. It may have been in a luxury tennis centre, but it was still tough.

Maria: I practiced with a broken racket on a ruined, Black Sea tennis court.

Ana: I had bombs falling all around me, and I lived in a cardboard box...

Maria: Well, I lived in a damp cardboard box - and we were behind on the rent on that....

Ana: That's nothing! I was...

SERENA AND VENUS ENTER CARRYING TROPHIES

Serena: Hi Ana. How's that Australian guy you were paying to pretend he was your uncle?

Ana: He is my uncle. In my country we have a lot of relations. We call everyone Uncle, just to be safe.

Venus: Whatever. TURNS TO SERENA. I think our all-Williams final went really well. Totally entertaining match.

Serena: The result could have been different.

Venus: I keep on telling you. We had to stick to the script. First you surge ahead, then I fight back. You make a last desperate rally, and I win in the end. It was good. Daddy didn't pay Vince Macmahon all that money just so we could go and ruin it.

Serena: I suppose. But I liked Vince's original script, where at the end, I pick you up and bodyslam you through the trophy table.

Elena: Aha! I heard all that. I was right!

Serena: Elena. You are never right.

squig2k
Jul 7th, 2008, 12:00 AM
:lol:

xan
Jul 7th, 2008, 01:15 AM
:devil::nerner:

nsquare
Jul 7th, 2008, 06:40 AM
hilarious... u r just great miffedmax

Doc
Jul 7th, 2008, 02:52 PM
Okay. Here's an addition:

Ana: Hey, Maria, you crashed out early again. Guess i keep the No 1 spot.

Maria: You would have crashed out a day earlier than me, blimp-head, if it hadn't been for that lucky net cord. Anyway, I'm still the people's No 1.

Ana: Then why is my site the most visited tennis website on the net?

Maria: That's easy. All those Bosnian goatherders have to find some way to fill up their evenings.

Ana: No people love me because of my poor, struggling childhood, filled with hardship. I practiced in an empty swimming pool, you know. It may have been in a luxury tennis centre, but it was still tough.

Maria: I practiced with a broken racket on a ruined, Black Sea tennis court.

Ana: I had bombs falling all around me, and I lived in a cardboard box...

Maria: Well, I lived in a damp cardboard box - and we were behind on the rent on that....

Ana: That's nothing! I was...

SERENA AND VENUS ENTER CARRYING TROPHIES

Serena: Hi Ana. How's that Australian guy you were paying to pretend he was your uncle?

Ana: He is my uncle. In my country we have a lot of relations. We call everyone Uncle, just to be safe.

Venus: Whatever. TURNS TO SERENA. I think our all-Williams final went really well. Totally entertaining match.

Serena: The result could have been different.

Venus: I keep on telling you. We had to stick to the script. First you surge ahead, then I fight back. You make a last desperate rally, and I win in the end. It was good. Daddy didn't pay Vince Macmahon all that money just so we could go and ruin it.

Serena: I suppose. But I liked Vince's original script, where at the end, I pick you up and bodyslam you through the trophy table.

Elena: Aha! I heard all that. I was right!

Serena: Elena. You are never right.

:lol: