View Full Version : Australian Open Lockerroom Thread

Jan 12th, 2007, 07:28 PM
I apologize if there's already been one posted (I figured if there was one, it would be on the front page and I didn't see one :p), but we really do need one, so I thought I'd go ahead and start things off. Looking forward to others' (who are much better at this than myself) replies! :)

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Maria Sharapova enters the lockerroom after practice.

Maria: Hello? Anyone? Helloo? Where's my personal assistant, manager, publicist, ballgirl, hair stylist, make-up artist, nail artist, and masseuse?

(footsteps are heard; Maria turns her head to look)

Maria: What the hell are you doing here?

Justine: Not pretending to be Russian, that I can assure you.

Maria: You already withdrew, you dwarf, and I got the number one seed. So seriously, what are you doing here?

Justine: (frowns and drops head) I ... I am zee... ZEE BALLGIRL! OKAY! ARE YOU HAPPY YOU TWAT? (wimpers) I decided to take ziss time to better prepare for zuh French Open.

Maria smirks, and flips her hair.

Maria: Fetch me a water, would you... ballgirl?

Justine: (mumbles) Sure, want me to wipe your ass while I'm at it?

Amelie: What? Wipe ass? I will do it! I will do it! (smiles)

Maria: Where did you come from? This is the woman's lockerroom. The men's is down the...

(Amlie interrupts): I wuz going to be watching you undress from zee showers, actually. (smiles)

Maria: I.. uh.. (lound sounds of thunder interrupt through the lockerroom)

[all] "What's that?!"

(Serena Williams enters the lockerroom)

Maria: Oh! Serena! Hey! How are you? (giggles)

Amelie: Fat. (all laugh)

Serena: Shove it, dyke. (waks emotionlessly toward the practice court)

Justine: Just what she should be doing.

(Serena turns around, facing Justine.

Serena: I'm sorry, who are you? Oh, just a ballgirl. Shut the fuck up, before I slap a hand (holds hand up) across your face. (smiles sarcastically, then leaves.)

(Justine cries)

(Jelena Jankovic enters.)

Jelena: What was that thunder noise? It scared me. (smiles)

Maria: Just Serena.

Jelena: What the hell is she eating these days?

Maria: Small children, smuthered in cooking oil, topped with marshmallows.

Jelena: Oh. (raises eyebrow as she sees Serena is still standing at the lockerroom exit, fuming as she overhears the conversation, somewhat hidden so that others cannot see her. Jelena smirks).

Jelena: So, what do you think of Serena, Justine? And be honest. (smirks)

Amelie: Well I think she is very kompetteetive, but, fat.

Jelena: What about you, Maria?

Maria: What do I care? It's not like I'll have to play her. She won't last that long.

Jelena: And you, Justine?

Justine, looking terrified: Does she... uhm... does she, how you say, um, does she really eat small children? (gulps)

Serena enters the lockerroom, pissed.

Serena: Yea, small children. I eat them. (glares at Maria, who looks away nervously). Dwarves, on the other hand, Justine, I capture and give to Anastasia Myskina. (puts hands on hips)

Justine shudders.