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View Full Version : Predict The Results Of This WTA Coaches, Family & Hangers-Ons Tournament


pierce0415
Dec 1st, 2006, 09:11 PM
2006 Coaches, Family & Hangers-On Open

(1) David Pierce :cool: v. Borna Bikic
Rainer Hofman :silly: v. John Leach Davenport
Imran Mirza (Sania's Dad) v. Raouza Islanova (Safina's Mom)
(8) Melanie Molitor :boxing: Oracene Williams

(5) Alejandro Dulko v. Shamil Tarpischev :scared:
Jens Gerlach v. Stefan Capriati (Jen's Dad)
(WC) Samantha Stevenson :devil: v. Arsalan Rezai
(4) Jaslyn Hewitt v. (WC) Tin Bikic :cuckoo:


(3) Stephen Capriati (Jen's Brother) v. Djambuli Chakvetadze (Anna's Dad)
Vera Dementieva :D v. Coach Jiang from the Chinese Tennis Association :rolleyes:
Dr. Walter Bartoli v. Robert Radwanski
(6) Torrey Gambill v. (WC)Thomas Blake :help:


(7) Pierre Yves Hardenne :bigwave: v. Snezana Jankovic
TammyBigSis :angel: v. Daniel Panajotti (Schiavone's Boyfriend)
Yuri Sharapov :banana: v. Richard Williams :lol:
(2) Elke Clijsters :tape: v. Damir Dokic :toothy:

The Daviator
Dec 1st, 2006, 09:41 PM
Who said we'd be bored over the off-season :lol:

DutchieGirl
Dec 1st, 2006, 10:29 PM
What, no Petr Krajicek - I'm outraged! :lol:

thomas.chung
Dec 1st, 2006, 10:32 PM
(8) Melanie Molitor :boxing: Oracene Williams



OMG! :cool: That bitch fight is one I will not miss! Battle of the century! May even be greater than the two williams sisters fight with martina!

pierce0415
Dec 1st, 2006, 10:35 PM
What, no Petr Krajicek - I'm outraged! :lol:

sorry the first family member I thought of was Richard and he would win this tournament easily :lol:

LH2HBH
Dec 1st, 2006, 11:00 PM
UH - How is Jaslyn Hewitt seeded and Richard Williams and Yuri Sharapov are not?

darrinbaker00
Dec 1st, 2006, 11:05 PM
Actually, I wouldn't mind seeing Jon Leach vs. Thomas Blake or Elke Clijsters vs. Jaslyn Hewitt. ;)

pierce0415
Dec 1st, 2006, 11:26 PM
UH - How is Jaslyn Hewitt seeded and Richard Williams and Yuri Sharapov are not?

um she is a professional player ... she had better be able to beat Williams & Sharapov, who have no formal training :o

DutchieGirl
Dec 2nd, 2006, 01:42 AM
sorry the first family member I thought of was Richard and he would win this tournament easily :lol:

:scratch: Why would he?

Oh I see with what you said about Jaslyn... but that's not really clear in your first post.

croat123
Dec 2nd, 2006, 02:16 AM
it's tin bikic, not nikki

LoveFifteen
Dec 2nd, 2006, 02:51 AM
(8) Melanie Molitor :boxing: Oracene Williams

:drool: :drool: :drool: :drool: :drool: :drool: :drool: :drool:

I want to see this one more than any other. It would be like a Martina v. Venus clash, but with gigantic titties. :tape:

tucker1989
Dec 2nd, 2006, 02:56 AM
Melanie is quite a good player, even now. I saw her hitting with Martina in Miami and she really impressed me.

HenryMag.
Dec 2nd, 2006, 08:48 AM
DAVAI Vera Dementieva!! lol

Piotr'ek
Dec 2nd, 2006, 08:55 AM
Robert Radwanski, not Radwanska :tape:

Kim's_fan_4ever
Dec 2nd, 2006, 09:00 AM
Robert Radwanski, not Radwanska :tape:

Exactly :tape:

*JR*
Dec 3rd, 2006, 07:11 PM
Islanova is a "real coach", and worked with both Lena and the Contessa when they were juniors. (I guess teaching players how to serve isn't her primary talent). :o

pierce0415
Dec 3rd, 2006, 07:58 PM
lets have some fake results here :worship:

pierce0415
Dec 3rd, 2006, 08:06 PM
I'll do the first quarter :tape:

(1) David Pierce d. Borna Bikic 62 61 ... Borna tried to play the game that he taught Karolina Sprem - hit the ball as hard as possible. Unfortunately, most of his shots went OUT, allowing David an easy win

Rainer Hofman d. John Leach Davenport 36 75 60- this one was closely contested. John Leach Davenport won the first set 63 using the skills he honed w/ his brother Rick Leach, Linds and Gavin Rossdale. He was up 42 in the 2nd set before Patty came courtside and replaced his Gatorade with an orange juice potion. When he took a swig at 52, he became sick and then lost the next 11 games in a row.

Raouza Islanova d. Imran Mirza - 76 76 :eek: ... Raouza displayed the temper reminiscent of her children in this match, cursing in Russian after missing easy shots but eventually pulled it out

(8) Melanie Molitor v. Oracene Williams - Melanie won the 1s 60. During the first changeover of the 2s, Oracene bumped Melanie and knocked her a bit woozy. Oracene went on to win the 2s 64. The third set is currently ongoing

fufuqifuqishahah
Dec 3rd, 2006, 08:13 PM
are we gonna vote or what =)

Princeza
Dec 3rd, 2006, 08:18 PM
CMON BE SERIOUS, DAMIR AND YURI WOULD KILL THEM ALL WITH THEIR STYLES

http://www.tennis.info/images/WTAChamps4/Practice/SharapovMaria4098.jpg
http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2005/06/11/12s_dokic_wideweb__430x308.jpg

auntie janie
Dec 3rd, 2006, 08:39 PM
TammysBigSis! :hearts: Where's she been lately?

fufuqifuqishahah
Dec 3rd, 2006, 09:05 PM
Fist Fight 2000

1r
(1) David Pierce v. Borna Bikic -- protective brother #1
Rainer Hofman v. John Leach Davenport -- if he can deal with her in bed...
Imran Mirza (Sania's Dad) v. Raouza Islanova (Safina's Mom)
(8) Melanie Molitor Oracene Williams -- :tape: :tape: match of the tournament!!!! but the bigger oracene would win against the spunky melanie

(5) Alejandro Dulko v. Shamil Tarpischev -- raised a feisty daughter... all i have to say.
Jens Gerlach v. Stefan Capriati (Jen's Dad) -- that dad is loyal and passionate about his daughter
(WC) Samantha Stevenson v. Arsalan Rezai -- :o :mad: everyone's scared of her
(4) Jaslyn Hewitt v. (WC) Tin Bikic -- tin could easily control her :o


(3) Stephen Capriati (Jen's Brother) v. Djambuli Chakvetadze (Anna's Dad) -- protective brother #2
Vera Dementieva v. Coach Jiang from the Chinese Tennis Association -- seems like a bitch
Dr. Walter Bartoli v. Robert Radwanski
(6) Torrey Gambill v. (WC)Thomas Blake -- :p torrey :rolleyes:


(7) Pierre Yves Hardenne v. Snezana Jankovic -- :lol: not even close ;)
TammyBigSis v. Daniel Panajotti (Schiavone's Boyfriend)
Yuri Sharapov v. Richard Williams -- :o yuri is too inteense
(2) Elke Clijsters v. Damir Dokic -- are u kidding me lol.


====

2r
(1) David Pierce v. John Leach Davenport -- David seems wayyyyy to loyal. John wouldnt seem like he'd care enough in a violent fight :p
Imran Mirza v. Oracene Williams -- though Imran has had to deal with a lot of crap, Oracene has had to deal w/ waaaaaaaaaaay more :lick:

Shamil Tarpischev v. Stefan Capriati -- he has had more of a passionate presence than myskina's father. and those hands look like theey can kill
(WC)Samantha Stevenson v. Tin Bikic -- Tin couldn't charm this femininst ;)

(3) Stephen Capriati v. Coach Jiang -- it'd be close, but a chinese coach doesn't have the physicality to deal with a family of big americans
Robert Randwanski v. (WC)Thomas Blake

Snezana Jankovic v. Daniel Panajotti -- following her daughter's footsteps, she'd show some panty... though Daniel can deal with a jungle woman, i dont think he could deal with the looseness of a mother :o
Yuri Sharapov v. Damir Dokic -- 6-7, 7-6, 6-7 -- match of the 2nd round! Both can kill but Damir doesnt have his daughter any more while Yuri does... i sense a slightly higher killer instinct

====

QF
(1)David Pierce v. Oracene -- Both seem nice, and both are loyal. But seems like Oracene's physical prime has long past while David is getting off his peak.
Stefan Capriati v. (WC)Samantha Stevenson -- not even cuddly brutal stefan can stop the low-pitched shrills of this woman
(3)Stephen Capriati v. (WC)Thomas Blake -- while his father couldn't handle a woman, stephen can handle the slightly less hard punches of thomas. thomas doesnt have the same degree of violent passion :)
Snezana Jankovic v. Damir Dokic -- battle of the serbs!! he won't stop at anything, even cannibalizing an older woman :o she'd try chucking a ball at him while he wasn't looking but that wouldn't stop this ogre.

=====
SF
(1) David Pierce v. (WC)Samantha Stevenson -- while Sammy might fall for his huggable looks, once he starts punching her, sammy wouldn't stop screaming, piercing david's eardrums.
(3)Stephen Capriati v. Damir Dokic -- stephen's cakewalk draw has not prepared him for this match. slaughter house 6-0 6-1

=====
F
(WC)Samantha Stevenson v. Damir Dokic -- You may have made it one step further than your daughter.. but Sorry Sammy, not even you can stop this machine. his level of manipulation > your level

RR-87
Dec 3rd, 2006, 10:13 PM
:haha:

*JR*
Dec 4th, 2006, 12:26 AM
2006 Coaches, Family & Hangers-On Open

(2) Elke Clijsters :tape: v. Damir Dokic :toothy:
I presume Bob Verbeeck gave Elke a WC into this draw. :devil:

*JR*
Dec 4th, 2006, 01:09 AM
(8) Melanie Molitor v. Oracene Williams - Melanie won the 1s 60. During the first changeover of the 2s, Oracene bumped Melanie and knocked her a bit woozy. Oracene went on to win the 2s 64. The third set is currently ongoing
Oracene won the 3rd set 7-5, breaking Mel after sprinkling some of Venus' hair beads on the court during the changeova for Mel to slide around on. Mel said about the bump in the post-match press conference: "She thinks she's the fucking Oracene Williams".
:devil:

pierce0415
Dec 4th, 2006, 03:08 AM
fufu ...
Shamil is not Myskina's father :help: :tape:
but I like your predictions

pierce0415
Dec 4th, 2006, 03:10 AM
fufu ... did you do the results as if the tournament is a fight tournament or a tennis tournament ??? :LOL: :scared:

fufuqifuqishahah
Dec 4th, 2006, 03:12 AM
fufu ... did you do the results as if the tournament is a fight tournament or a tennis tournament ??? :LOL: :scared:

fight tournament :armed: :armed: :armed: :boxing:

cartmancop
Dec 4th, 2006, 03:31 AM
capriati played NCAA tennis and some mixed with Jen, right? He'd probably win I guess...

pierce0415
Dec 4th, 2006, 03:32 AM
capriati played NCAA tennis and some mixed with Jen, right? He'd probably win I guess...

well Thomas Blake and Torrey Gambill both played ATP ... and supposedly Pierre Yves was a junior player :unsure:

plus I think David Pierce is a pretty good player

boludito
Dec 24th, 2006, 05:19 PM
Daniel Panajotti is an Italian Coach and he is only the Schiavone's coach. The Francesca's boyfriend name is Mirko Mutti.:)

égalité
Dec 24th, 2006, 06:08 PM
First Round:

(1) David Pierce d. Borna Bikic, 6-1 6-0. Easy win for David.
Rainer Hofman d. John Leach Davenport, 1-6 7-5 6-2. John got an unlucky rain delay leading 5-0 in the second set. He couldn't recover his concentration.
Raouza Islanova d. Imran Mirza, 6-0 6-0. Impressive win for Raouza.
(8) Melanie Molitor d. Oracene Williams, 4-6 6-3 4-3 ret. After Melanie deliberately bumped into Oracene during a changeover, Oracene turned and pimp-slapped Melanie in the face. This displeased the chair umpire, who subsequently forced Oracene to forfeit.

Shamil Tarpischev d. (5) Alejandro Dulko, 6-3 6-2. Routine win.
Stefano Capriati d. Jens Gerlach, 6-1 6-1. Stefano benefited from the new on-court coaching policy, during which his daughter Jennifer advised him to "not lose in a third-set tie-break, for the love of God!"
(WC) Samantha Stevenson d. Arsalan Rezai, 0-6 6-2 6-0. After an impressive first set, Arsalan became rattled when Samantha began calling him a "big fat lesbian" with every shot, rather than grunting.
(4) Jaslyn Hewitt d. (WC) Tin Bikic, 6-3 6-1. Impressive win for Hewitt's little sister.

(3) Stephen Capriati d. Djambuli Chakvetadze, 7-5 6-4. Nothing special. Solid win for Capriati.
Vera Dementieva d. Coach Jiang, 6-2 6-2. Vera's 15 m.p.h. serve really threw Coach Jiang off. He pressed too much and Mommy Vera took full advantage of his errors.
Robert Radwanski d. Dr. Walter Bartoli, 1-0 ret. Bartoli had eaten two cannolis, some tiramisu, and a slice of chocolate cake, and he began cramping almost as soon as the match began, handing an easy win to Robert.
(WC)Thomas Blake d. (6) Torrey Gambill, 2-6 7-5 7-6. Tougher than expected for Thomas. God, he sucks.

Snezana Jankovic d. (7) Pierre Yves Hardenne, 6-0 6-0. Not much of a challenge for Snezana. Every time she hit the ball at Pierre-Yves, he would yelp like a Yorkshire Terrier and recoil in fear, clinging for dear life to his gem sweater.
Daniel Panajotti d. TammyBigSis, 6-0 6-0. Impressive double-bagel for Daniel.
Yuri Sharapov d. Richard Williams, 7-5 4-6 7-5. Yuri fought off 14 match points and came back from 1-5 down in the third set to win this match. When asked about his collapse, Richard explained, "Well, I was only playing at 67.5424 percent or so. If I were at 76.3456 percent or higher, I would've won for sure. Plus, Hawkeye was being racist."
Damir Dokic d. (2) Elke Clijsters, 7-6 7-5. Elke had 5-0 leads in each set, at which points Damir threatened to "drop a nuclear bomb on her face." Elke could not recover from the trauma.

Drake1980
Dec 24th, 2006, 06:27 PM
:lol::lol::lol:

égalité
Dec 24th, 2006, 06:35 PM
Second Round:

(1) David Pierce d. Rainer Hofman, 6-2 6-1. The top-seeded Pierce contunued his impressive play in this easy win.
Raouza Islanova d. (8) Melanie Molitor, 6-4 2-6 6-1. Raouza faced a much craftier opponent in Melanie, and her frustration was palpable. During the second set alone, she broke two rackets, made three linesmen cry, threw a ballboy into the stands, and burst a blood vessel on her face. She did, however, manage to hold her emotions together long enough to win the third set rather impressively.
Stefano Capriati d. Shamil Tarpischev, 6-2 6-3. Again, Stefano seeked the aid of his daughter Jennifer, who told him to "please not lose in a third set tie-break. I'll have an aneurysm if you do!"
(WC) Samantha Stevenson d. (4) Jaslyn Hewitt, 6-2 6-4. Samantha's grunt yet again caused controversy during this match. At one point, she went on a string of what sounded like "lesbianlesbianlesbianlesbianlesbian" etc., not stopping even to breathe over a span of three games.

Vera Dementieva d. (3) Stephen Capriati, 4-6 7-6 7-5. Stephen read Vera's serve well during this match, but when she began hitting change-ups down 4-1 in the third- sometimes reaching speeds of three m.p.h.- Stephen lost his concentration and began spraying errors, effectively handing the upset to Mommy Vera.
(WC)Thomas Blake d. Robert Radwanski, 0-6 7-6 7-6. Thomas turned in yet another disappointing performance, barely squeaking by in this one. We're still unclear as to how he sucks so much.
Snezana Jankovic d. Daniel Panajotti, 6-1 6-1. Snezana carried the momentum from her demolition of Pierre-Yves Hardenne and breezed through this match.
Yuri Sharapov d. Damir Dokic, 5-7 6-4 5-5 ret. Yuri came out on top in a match better fit for the finals. After sprinting to a 5-0 lead in the first set, Yuri became frightened when Damir told him that he had kidnapped his daughter, Maria, and was torturing her by shoving banana peels under her fingernails. Clearly shaken, he lost the next 11 games and found himself down 0-4 and 0-40 in the third set. He then looked up and saw Maria in the stands, preening her hair and intermittently making out with French star Amelie Mauresmo. His fear dispelled, he began playing much better and took the second set. The third set was close, and after Yuri leveled the match at 5-5, fighting off 4 match points, Damir became so distraught that his head exploded. Like, actually exploded.

égalité
Dec 24th, 2006, 06:46 PM
Quarterfinals:

(1) David Pierce d. Raouza Islanova, 7-6 2-6 6-2. Raouza's emotions got the best of her in this match. At one point, she bit a hole in the frame of her racket. Pierce simply played consistently and waited for Raouza to self-destruct.
(WC) Samantha Stevenson d. Stefano Capriati, 0-6 6-3 7-6. Capriati's daughter and coach was unavailable for comment after this match.
Vera Dementieva d. (WC)Thomas Blake, 6-0 6-0. The talentless hack Blake just couldn't deal with Vera's monster 15 m.p.h. serve. After the match, he said, "I just, you know, I've never played anyone like, you know, who had a serve like that, you know. It's tought to, you know, read. It goes by quicker than you'd except, like, you know?"
Yuri Sharapov d. Snezana Jankovic, 6-4 6-4. A bit of an upset for Yuri, especially after his marathon match with Damic Dokic. At one point, Snezana complained to the umpire that Yuri was receiving coaching from an orangutan in the stands. Yuri denied the allegations.

égalité
Dec 24th, 2006, 07:00 PM
Semifinals:

(WC) Samantha Stevenson d. (1) David Pierce, 3-6 6-4 7-5. Samantha scored the upset of the tournament with this impressive win over the top seed. However, her triumph was again marred by the controversy over her grunt, which this time resembled the lyrics to the Melissa Etheridge song, "Come To My Window." Pierce said after the match, "I can't, you know, hear the ball or anything when she's going on about her lesbians. She shouldn't be allowed to do that. I've already talked to Martina Navratilova about this and we're going to see Larry Scott about the problem."
Yuri Sharapov d. Vera Dementieva, 6-0 6-1. Vera's serve let her down in this match, surprisingly, after it carried her into the semifinals. Her 49 double faults didn't give her much of a chance, as Yuri breezed by with 2 winners and 0 unforced errors.


FINALS:
(WC) Samantha Stevenson d. Yuri Sharapov, 4-6 6-1 6-3.After a tight first-set battle in which Yuri prevailed, Samantha again began her controversial grunting, this time saying, "Oh my God, look! Maria is making out with Amelie in the stands!" Yuri became angry and complained to the umpire, but to no avail. "No, I'm not even kidding, they're going at it like rabbits- LESBIAN RABBITS!" Yuri's nerves were visibly rattled. He could not regain his form of the first set, and Samantha easily took the last two sets and the trophy. "I'm honored to have won this event for the first time. I'd like to thank Melissa Etheridge, my daughter Alexandra who had to withdraw from this tournament at the last minute, and OH MY GOD LOOK MARIA'S TAKING OFF AMELIE'S BRA WITH HER TEETH. YOU'D THINK SHE WAS A LESBIAN OR SOMETHING."

*JR*
Dec 24th, 2006, 08:07 PM
David Pierce couldn't handle Hoffy, but his father Jim Pierce Bobby Glenn Pearce probably could, as he's a hardened criminal. :scared: