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R.P.McMurphy
Nov 12th, 2006, 04:48 PM
I would have myself hospitalized, but I have no medical insurance.

My life has disintegrated to a point where it's barely there.

Nothing makes any sense. I am not eating and I probably sleep close to 16 hours a day. I spend my waking moments high.

Sometimes it feels like depression has come to define my life. I've disappointed myself so many times that I don't even try anymore. At anything. I want to be happy with failure.

Suicidal ideations run through my mind all day. I don't know how I can ever fix myself. I'm so broken that I don't think I can ever live a life I can be happy with.

I know one day I'll smile again. There's a season for everything. If I could kill myself without affecting anyone I would. I want to just disappear into the darkness, but there are a few people who would be traumatized if I did that, and for them I have to stay alive and suffer.

Just a few days ago, it seemed like everything I really wanted was coming together. My dreams could've been a reality, but I put all my eggs in one basket, and that basket was tipped over carelessly by the person holding it.

If I live only for myself, not allowing anyone to affect me, life doesn't seem worth living. If I try to live for others, and open my heart and offer my vulnerability, they betray me, consistently.

I don't know what to do. I want to break down and cry, but I'm so used to pain that I can't even shed a tear.

R.P.McMurphy
Nov 12th, 2006, 04:49 PM
BTW......I'm new to the board

PatrickRyan
Nov 12th, 2006, 04:58 PM
im sorry :sad:
but welcome to the board! :crazy:

R.P.McMurphy
Nov 12th, 2006, 05:04 PM
im sorry :sad:
but welcome to the board! :crazy:

Thanks.

I guess it's a case of chocolate. And no pity parties. The way I figure it, people are about as happy as they choose to be.

Sugar_Kane
Nov 12th, 2006, 05:06 PM
Hi, I'm new too, it is loads of fun here and good way to cheer yourself up.

I hope everything sorts itself out with you, and your depression goes away.

Staticbeef
Nov 12th, 2006, 05:15 PM
:hug: Thanks.

I guess it's a case of chocolate. And no pity parties. The way I figure it, people are about as happy as they choose to be.


In a way, you have come to the right place
Most of us are powerless over events that transpire in our life, we seek managebility all the time knowing whats making our life unmanageble. The first step is always Honesty and an admission of defeat, only when our ego is totaly minimized and we reach that point where we become open to sugestions, we finaly can hear the things that may save our life. You may want to seek treatment if all else fails. God Bless you and good luck.
{{{{{{{{R.P. McMurphy}}}}}}}}:hug:

R.P.McMurphy
Nov 12th, 2006, 05:18 PM
:hug:


In a way, you have come to the right place
Most of us are powerless over events that transpire in our life, we seek managebility all the time knowing whats making our life unmanageble. The first step is always Honesty and an admission of defeat, only when our ego is totaly minimized and we reach that point where we become open to sugestions, we finaly can hear the things that may save our life. You may want to seek treatment if all else fails. God Bless you and good luck.
{{{{{{{{R.P. McMurphy}}}}}}}}:hug:

There's a lot of truth to that.

I don't think I'm that way because I really enjoy it. I think I'm that way because I feel like I have to be to survive. Every time I try to treat a person the way I think God would want me to treat them, I am punished.

I use women to fulfill my sexual fantasies. To fill emotional gaps in my soul.

I never considered that I could be the one to be used. I could be the cheap sexual fantasy.

That I'd be left wanting so much more, and deleted like an old porno file that the person had gotten tired of.

harloo
Nov 12th, 2006, 05:18 PM
I would have myself hospitalized, but I have no medical insurance.

My life has disintegrated to a point where it's barely there.

Nothing makes any sense. I am not eating and I probably sleep close to 16 hours a day. I spend my waking moments high.

Sometimes it feels like depression has come to define my life. I've disappointed myself so many times that I don't even try anymore. At anything. I want to be happy with failure.

Suicidal ideations run through my mind all day. I don't know how I can ever fix myself. I'm so broken that I don't think I can ever live a life I can be happy with.

I know one day I'll smile again. There's a season for everything. If I could kill myself without affecting anyone I would. I want to just disappear into the darkness, but there are a few people who would be traumatized if I did that, and for them I have to stay alive and suffer.

Just a few days ago, it seemed like everything I really wanted was coming together. My dreams could've been a reality, but I put all my eggs in one basket, and that basket was tipped over carelessly by the person holding it.

If I live only for myself, not allowing anyone to affect me, life doesn't seem worth living. If I try to live for others, and open my heart and offer my vulnerability, they betray me, consistently.

I don't know what to do. I want to break down and cry, but I'm so used to pain that I can't even shed a tear.

Call your local community center and ask about counseling services available. They most likely will direct you to several programs that offer counseling based solely on income. Some of the sessions are no more than $10 per visit if you qualify.

If you need medication they will tell you how to obtain it through your local county hospital. I wish you the best of luck and hope you get help soon. Please don't wait because it will just get worser.:hug:

R.P.McMurphy
Nov 12th, 2006, 05:23 PM
Call your local community center and ask about counseling services available. They most likely will direct you to several programs that offer counseling based solely on income. Some of the sessions are no more than $10 per visit if you qualify.

If you need medication they will tell you how to obtain it through your local county hospital. I wish you the best of luck and hope you get help soon. Please don't wait because it will just get worser.:hug:

I can't take traditional anti-depressants because I'm bipolar and they make me manic.

Lithium doesn't work for me.

Psychotherapy has beel helpful, but often feels like more trouble than it's worth. If I had the energy to commit to a psychologist, I could just use that energy to work out and get a job, which would probably do me much better.

Again, thanks.

Stamp Paid
Nov 12th, 2006, 05:31 PM
Lol

R.P.McMurphy
Nov 12th, 2006, 05:37 PM
Lol

Bitch

Craigy
Nov 12th, 2006, 05:38 PM
Lol

:lol:

daniela86
Nov 12th, 2006, 05:54 PM
Awww I am sorry to hear that :bigcry: :sobbing:. It probably won't help you a lot but here are big :hug: :hug: :hug: :smooch: for you.
Welcome to the board,I hope you will relax here and forget a bit your problems :hug:
Btw,you think you'll smile again,I think you have the right attitude,staying optimistic helps to fight against depression.Don't lose hope and try to do activities with the people who care about you and love you so as to not think about your sadness too much.
Good luck :hug: and hopefully you will feel better soon :kiss:

R.P.McMurphy
Nov 12th, 2006, 05:58 PM
Awww I am sorry to hear that :bigcry: :sobbing:. It probably won't help you a lot but here are big :hug: :hug: :hug: :smooch: for you.
Welcome to the board,I hope you will relax here and forget a bit your problems :hug:
Btw,you think you'll smile again,I think you have the right attitude,staying optimistic helps to fight against depression.Don't lose hope and try to do activities with the people who care about you and love you so as to not think about your sadness too much.
Good luck :hug: and hopefully you will feel better soon :kiss:

Thanks.

But I must say I'm bitterly disappointed here. I thought at least you would offer to take me shopping for the day. ;) :)

Dahveed
Nov 12th, 2006, 09:59 PM
:hug:


In a way, you have come to the right place

Yes people will cheer you up in here with hilarious posts like these. Welcome!

:bounce:
:bounce:

Grachka
Nov 12th, 2006, 10:07 PM
When I first joined, I wanted to kill myself too. But then I read some of the posts in here, and that's when I decided how I'd do it.

Get out while you still can! :D

SilK
Nov 12th, 2006, 10:59 PM
When I first joined, I wanted to kill myself too. But then I read some of the posts in here, and that's when I decided how I'd do it.

Get out while you still can! :D

Oooh, the joys of this happy place... :lol:

wta_zuperfann
Nov 12th, 2006, 11:16 PM
Welcome to the Forum!

I hope you make many good friends here.

And please cheer up:


http://blog.reidreport.com/uploaded_images/bush-alfred-703427.jpg

**Jelica**
Nov 12th, 2006, 11:16 PM
I can't really help because I've never felt like this... never so depressed that I didn't want to carry on or I felt that there was no purpose to my life. That's lucky for me I guess.

One thing I'd say is that things always go up and down. You may feel terrible today but tomorrow could be a different story. Things can get better just as easily as they can get worse. But I think it's really important that you get some help. You owe it to yourself :) For sure I can tell that you have the right attitude, cos you want to find a way to get better and you seem to be thinking through all the options.

Some things in my life (in everybody's lives) have happened which were tough. There were times when I felt that everything that could go wrong was going wrong. But there is such happiness in life too. The way I see it, life wasn't meant to be easy. If we hadn't lived through all the tough times, how could we really, really appreciate happiness? There are things that hurt, times when everything seems to much but I have faith that there's a reason for everything that happens in this world and if we try to keep strong, to be happy and to make other people happy, we are gonna come out of our sadness as stronger people.

My G-d, I'm starting to talk like Thought for the Day :rolleyes: :lol:

Barrie_Dude
Nov 12th, 2006, 11:21 PM
RP McMurphy. The Nicholson character from One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest?

LoveFifteen
Nov 12th, 2006, 11:23 PM
I don't know whether to laugh or feel sad that so many people sincerely tried to help this pathetic troll.

**Jelica**
Nov 12th, 2006, 11:24 PM
I don't know whether to laugh or feel sad that so many people sincerely tried to help this pathetic troll.

You mean you think he's just making it up to make a joke or so? I don't believe someone would do such a thing :confused:

Stamp Paid
Nov 13th, 2006, 12:48 AM
You mean you think he's just making it up to make a joke or so? I don't believe someone would do such a thing :confused:

:awww::hug:

Sally Struthers
Nov 13th, 2006, 12:50 AM
I don't know whether to laugh or feel sad that so many people sincerely tried to help this pathetic troll.

I pushed the report button immediately :tape:

Wigglytuff
Nov 13th, 2006, 12:52 AM
Welcome to the Forum!

I hope you make many good friends here.

And please cheer up:


http://blog.reidreport.com/uploaded_images/bush-alfred-703427.jpg

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :worship: :worship:

although i think the comparison is an insult to Alfred E. Neuman :lol: :lol: :lol: poor alfred. :sad: :sad: .

Steffica Greles
Nov 13th, 2006, 01:15 AM
When I first joined, I wanted to kill myself too. But then I read some of the posts in here, and that's when I decided how I'd do it.

Get out while you still can! :D


:lol: I hope he/she has a sense of humour.

égalité
Nov 13th, 2006, 02:00 AM
Yeah, yeah, Justine won the Championships. I know how you feel :hug:

LoveFifteen
Nov 13th, 2006, 02:04 AM
Yeah, yeah, Justine won the Championships. I know how you feel :hug:

*DEATH*

:haha:

Pheobo
Nov 13th, 2006, 04:02 AM
I totally know who this is.

Wigglytuff
Nov 13th, 2006, 04:23 AM
I totally know who this is.

perfection? :confused:

hdfb
Nov 13th, 2006, 07:09 AM
Getting some counselling would be the best advice I could give.....

What in the past made you feel happy? Could you go do that again? Clubbing? Partying? Or you can even start by making friends here. :p Don't worry, everyone goes through rough patches, some much rougher than others, but just try and keep positive..... Go out or something. Maybe meditation would help. I'd also advise against suiciding, because there is nothing as scary as giving up!

LoveFifteen
Nov 13th, 2006, 07:20 AM
Getting some counselling would be the best advice I could give.....

What in the past made you feel happy? Could you go do that again? Clubbing? Partying? Or you can even start by making friends here. :p Don't worry, everyone goes through rough patches, some much rougher than others, but just try and keep positive..... Go out or something. Maybe meditation would help. I'd also advise against suiciding, because there is nothing as scary as giving up!

Awww. :hearts:

You're being sweet, and you sincerely want to help that nasty troll.

Hillary Duff would be proud of you for showing lending a helping hand to a disgusting troll; after all, that's what she did for Haley.

hdfb
Nov 13th, 2006, 07:42 AM
Yeah, yeah, Justine won the Championships. I know how you feel :hug:

:haha:

"Sluggy"
Nov 13th, 2006, 07:44 AM
good luck for your personal problems, hopefullly you'll come out if it soon.