View Full Version : Comic Sketches

Oct 25th, 2006, 01:31 PM
As few of you may know I wrote quite a few sketches on the BBC Message Board revolving quite a few of the WTA (and ATP) players. I came across some this morning and thought it might be fun to post them and see what you think. I've only found 5 and there are many more but it may take a while to discover them as I wrote them quite a while ago. Anyway, here they are.

A little soap opera I began but never finished - Tennis Trials and Tribulations Episode 1-4 (in order – they include players and certain posters of the BBC Message Board):

1) http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbfivelive/F2148567?thread=1883192

2) http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbfivelive/F2148567?thread=1950972

3) http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbfivelive/F2148567?thread=2068416

4) http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/mbfivelive/F2148567?thread=2323601

and one of the sketches I found:

WELCOME TO WTA MASTERMIND! 4 girls are contestants with other well-known players making up the audience.


John Humphrys: Hello and welcome to a special edition of Mastermind - the WTA special. First we have veteran WTA player from USA - Venus Williams.

Venus: Veteran?! OH JEHOVAH! HMPH!

John: Next in line we have, from Belgium, Justine Henin-Hardenne.

Justine: Ho ho. For sure.

John: Thirdly, we have Svetlana Kuznetsova of Russia.

Svetlana: Vank you.

John: And last, but by no means least, Maria Sharapova. I...er...think you’re beautiful, Maria.

Maria: Well...*high pitched hmmmmm*...who doesn't? *giggles*

John: Let's get down to the show. Venus...please step up to the chair. Ready, Venus? Let's go. What type of witness comes to your door to preach about God?

Venus: Jehovah!

John: Correct. What is the opposite of a boyfriend?

Venus: Girlfriend.

John: Correct. Complete the movie title. **** Where's My Car?

Venus: Dude!

John: Correct. What does Venus Williams love?

Venus: I love Dubai Duty Free.

John: Well done, Venus. Those are your questions. You score 20 points!

Serena: *shouts from audience* You go girl!

John: Next, let's have Justine.

Justine: Allo. Letz begin with zis zupid progggrammez. For sure.

John: What sounds does Santa make?

Justine: Ho ho. That's hard. I think it is-

John: You were correct. Name me a deodorant spray.

Justine: For sure. I believe it is-

John: Correct. What does someone say when they burn themselves on a quartet of beaches.

Justine: Ho ho - for sure...

John: Brilliant. What's the longest English word?

Justine: I know zis one! I am fluent in Eeengleesh afta ooll. Anzidizezzztablishhhmontarianizzzzm.

John: Well done. You score 20 point also.

Justine: Yezz! I knowz zat I am ze bezzt!

John: Svetlana, please come up to the chair. Your questions start now. Name me the biggest selling Oasis hit.

Svetlana: Vondervall.

John: Correct. Name me a children's novel.

Svetlana: Villy Vonka and ve Chocolate Vactory.

John: I'll accept. Name me a fizzy drink.

Svetlana: COKE! No- DIET COKE! NO! SPRITE!!! NO!!! VANTA!!!!!!

John: I'll accept. Who is the only woman to have won the US Open and to be knocked out in the 1st round the following year?

Svetlana: HAHA! Vat a vally!

John: I'm afraid it was you.

Svetlana: OH! Vollocks.

John: You score 15 points. So I'm afraid you're disqualified...also in the 1st round.

Svetlana: WAHHHH!

John: But for that superb Vera Zvonareva impression we'll give you an extra 5 points!!!

Vera: *from audience* WAHHH!

John: Finally, let's have Maria Sharapova. Your questions begin now. If you add the words 'hair' and 'dryer' together - what do you get?

Patty: *from audience* I KNOW!!!

Maria: Errr...Barbie?

John: Incorrect. Before 2006, Amelie Mauresmo was the only #1 player to have no 'what' to her name?

Maria: Girls?

Amelie: *from audience* Salut! I've had plenty of them thank you very much!

John: Incorrect. What are credit cards made from?

Maria: Fantastic… plastic…

John: Correct. What are combs for?

Maria: You can brush my hair...

Patty: *from audience* I wish I could.

Maria: And dress me anywhere...

Amelie: *from audience* I wish I could.

John: Your answer was correct. What nationality are you?

Maria: Russian.

Anastasia/Elena: *from audience* NO SHE'S NOT!

John: Correct. Those are you questions. You score 15 points! Which makes Maria our winner!

Audience: *gasp*

Venus: Jehovah, girlfriend!

Svetlana: Vow. Va Va Voom!

Justine: HO! For sure!

Kim: *from audience* How did Maria win? She scored the fewest points!

Lindsay: *from audience* Yeah! It's unfair!

John: It is because I am not who I seem...*He pulls off face mask* It is I, YURI SHARAPOV!

Audience: GRRRR!

Yuri: And with my help, Maria will create Sharapova World Domination!

Amelie: *from audience* Sounds good, non?

Girls: EWWWW!

Kim: But how can she rule the world if she can't even beat us at tennis?!


Maria: Shut up! I'm only 19! And besides - I'm really super duperly talented...

Elena: In what? Being a pain in the ass?

ALG/Tatiana: She can also be a pain in the ankle.

Maria: A HA! This is how I will rule the world... Give me a mic..."I'm a Barbie Girl... plastic... fantastic..."


Yuri: That's my girl. Mwah ha ha!

Oct 25th, 2006, 03:49 PM
:lol: :lol:

Oct 25th, 2006, 04:16 PM

that is a right touch :D