View Full Version : Advice Please: What do I do?

May 19th, 2006, 07:22 AM
So, two summers ago, this incident happened with an ex-girlfriend, where right after I broke up with her, she and three of my best friends started bitching about me behind my back and there was a lot of "He said" "She said" nonsense going on. It's a reaaaallllly long story, which I don't want to get into. The short version of it would be, this one guy was my best friend and he turned against me when some other people in the crowd of friends told him stuff against me, which was untrue (we discovered this through clarification later on). The mistake I made was that once I found out about all this bitching against me, I completely started ignoring all of them and tried my best to move on, which I did with a new crowd of friends, who were easy-going and a lot of fun. The reason why this was a mistake was because the one guy who was my best friend, told me later on, that he got scared of approaching me to clarify stuff because of how I might react since I was being so cold. Fast-forward 18 months, and this crowd of 4, who cut me out and bitched about me is having problems and they more or less split up. My ex-girlfriend asked me out and I said okay and decided I would not make the same mistakes I did last time. She has since we got back together betrayed my trust once (not by cheating on me or anything like that, but just going against something we both agreed on not doing) but I had promised her I would make this work, so I let it go. A similar incident happened again after a couple of weeks, and again I let it slide, since I had told her when we hooked up that if it didn't work out this time, I wouldn't remain friends but would rather have nothing to do with her, even though we study together and have mutual friends. Something else that should be noted is, that the people who cut me out (my ex-friends who bitched me out with her) are no longer friends with her, and she hangs out with my new crowd of friends now, since she has no friends.

My ex-best friend, who also cut me out and bitched about me, has also fought with the old crowd and has been hanging out with me everyday and told me he wants us to be best buddies again and he thinks of me as his closest friend. He apologized for everything that happened and stuff he said (Like asking my ex-gf how she could go out with me because I'm "such a fag" amongst other things) and started crying (at which point I didn't know what to do). I didn't say much except what's done is done.

When he left, though, it all came flooding back to me - the bad memories of everything that had happened. I was pretty sure I had let it go and moved on, so I was surprised when all those negative feelings came back. Do I take the high road and become best friends with someone who's already betrayed me once and says he has matured now and cherishes my friendship? What do I do with the girlfriend, who I have already told that I am sick of fixing the relationship everytime she screws up because it gets mentally exhausting (to which she has said that she realizes that I have been doing everything to make it work while she keeps fucking up and that she'll try not to let it happen again)? With my gf, I just feel like I have learnt from the mistakes I made in our previous relationship, which didn't work out, while she hasn't. What do I do?

May 19th, 2006, 02:06 PM

May 19th, 2006, 02:36 PM
Dump him and dump her. I'm sorry, but it's like that old adage, "If you fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice..." you know the rest.

With the best friend, it would be nice to let him know you accept his apology, but as for being best friends again, you're just setting yourself up again to be shitted on again. As for the girlfriend, it sounds like the two of you are stuck in a vicious cycle that's going to repeat itself until you end up hating each other.

May 19th, 2006, 02:53 PM
Well, think about it first..i mean if this thing happens again, ull be heart broken right.? but think how come both of them came up to u at the same time. Make sure they are not up to something.

Helen Lawson
May 19th, 2006, 03:02 PM
I don't know what to tell you to do, go with your heart and forgive if you can. But, let this be a lesson to everyone, a lesson I learned a long, long time ago, that has served me very well over the years. NEVER take sides when friends break up. NEVER. Stay neutral, even if you end up losing both. Half the time, the ding-dongs get back together at least once anyway, and if you've trashed one to the other in the meantime, then it comes back to bite you in the ass and then neither likes you. It's a no win.

May 19th, 2006, 03:23 PM
Meat loses its vitamins if it's overcooked.
But I've had my vitamins this morning. PILLS!

Helen Lawson
May 19th, 2006, 03:26 PM
But I've had my vitamins this morning. PILLS!

She negotiates everything like a goddamn Hollywood agent.

Dana Marcy
May 19th, 2006, 08:28 PM
I would move on (cut ties with all of them) because it all sounds negative to some degree and you don't need that. You'll miss them at first but once you meet your new crew you'll wonder why you got stressed out in the first place. :)

May 19th, 2006, 10:42 PM
Do what you want but just know that when you actually get some 'real' friends you'll find out that the kind of drama you've been through won't even be a faint thought in the back of your minds. :shrug:

May 20th, 2006, 02:46 AM

First off.... :hug:
I've been in the same boat before. As far as your friends; once you've had that permanent split, things will always remain different and strained, and never like they once were.

As far as your GF, bitch needs to get herself in check. :p
Just kidding, Ali! Of course, I know you do have feelings for her, but you can't forgive her every move. You simply must not let her walk over you and/or take advantage of your extreme kindness and generousity. You're much to nice and caring to be treated that way. Now I'm not saying, dump her... but at least let her know that you refuse to be disrespected and that it must change.

Hopefully everything will work out well; which I'm sure it will. You're an amazing and caring person who is so nice and friendly and warm that you will be surrounded by similar people.


May 20th, 2006, 06:22 AM
Thanks a lot for all your advice, everyone. I really appreciate it. My head's been all over the place and it was great to get some sound advice to put things in perspective. Thanks a lot.