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nbaker53
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:05 AM
I have been really good friends with this person for about two years now. This year we added a person to our "group". Over the last couple of months my good friend has been doing some pretty inconsiderate things, including:

Not inviting me to parties when they occur, claiming that it wasn't their place yet they invited other people.
Doing stuff on the weekend and then telling me about it when they haven't invited me nor have I asked to hear their story.
Inviting other people over me to go to concerts with them when there is only one ticket available.
Trying to use me for my "girl"-friends for parties, using that as an excuse to invite me to their parties.
Making plans for community service projects and then when I try and sign up my friend tries to discourage me from doing it because I "won't like it".

Each of these things has led to me to say something which in response my friend says that I'm "acting like a woman" or "overreacting".

Today was the straw that broke the camel's back. My friends (including the new addition) ignored me everytime I spoke and when we went to the mall to grab lunch they purposefully cut me out of the walking line, everytime I was in line with them they would fall back.

I have decided to stop being friends with them because I don't like phony people who pretend to be my friend and really aren't. I have done this without argument, I've just essentially decided to stop hanging out with them (even though we've haven't really hung out since I'm not invited to anything) and have decided that I honestly don't like them.

Am I wrong? Is there something I can do differently?

Mattographer
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:10 AM
Have you ever ask him what have you done wrong to him or the others?

nbaker53
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:12 AM
Have you ever ask him what have you done wrong to him or the others?

I've talked to my other friends about this and they said that they've told him that I overeact too much. But the thing is whenever I'm invited to a party I always invite them, it's just the courteous thing to do.

Mattographer
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:19 AM
I've talked to my other friends about this and they said that they've told him that I overeact too much. But the thing is whenever I'm invited to a party I always invite them, it's just the courteous thing to do.
Well, this sounds like they think you're not their friend and they might wonder why you kept invited them. So, fuck them... I'm sure there are many people you will like.

Crazy Canuck
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:23 AM
How old are you? I used to have friends somewhat like that. Believe it or not, I ended up being real friends with them much later on. People can just be inconsiderate tits, especially when around a certain age.

nbaker53
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:30 AM
Well, this sounds like they think you're not their friend and they might wonder why you kept invited them. So, fuck them... I'm sure there are many people you will like.

No they always go. Trust me we were friends.

nbaker53
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:31 AM
How old are you? I used to have friends somewhat like that. Believe it or not, I ended up being real friends with them much later on. People can just be inconsiderate tits, especially when around a certain age.

17. 18 in a couple of months. :o But seriously I hope they change ... :scared: because when they grow up and they act like that for sure no one will like them :tape:

Darop.
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:34 AM
Fuck them :shrug:

What good is a friend if he/she doesn't act like one?

~ The Leopard ~
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:34 AM
Some of these things sound fairly trivial, but some do sound hurtful and downright nasty. I'd try to talk it out with the person one more time, I suppose, but maybe you need to move on. As Becca asked, how old are you? I assume from the content that you're still in high school, in which case the best advice might be that most people get better than this when they get older. You might find a better bunch of friends at university, or whatever you do next. If you're already out of the school environment, even better - there'll be all the more chance to find some nice people.

Sally Struthers
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:41 AM
Hon, here's what happened. This person you invited into your group has taken over the role of Queen Bee in your little group of friends and for whatever reason is threatened by you, so he is forcing you out of the group. Were you the old leader of the group? If so this makes sense. There can only be one in charge at a time. You need to either fight to win your friends back or accept that you have been defeated and move on.

~ The Leopard ~
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:43 AM
17. 18 in a couple of months. :o

Our posts crossed. :)

Mattographer
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:45 AM
Hon, here's what happened. This person you invited into your group has taken over the role of Queen Bee in your little group of friends and for whatever reason is threatened by you, so he is forcing you out of the group. Were you the old leader of the group? If so this makes sense. There can only be one in charge at a time. You need to either fight to win your friends back or accept that you have been defeated and move on.
Mean Girls :tape:

PamShriverRockz
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:48 AM
Aw :hug: They're behaving like young kids! Personally I'll tell them to get lost. I think you've done the right thing not hanging around with them. Don't waste your time and energy on people like that. Sometimes friendships just run their course anyway, you're at an age when you'll start to meet loads of new people anyway! :yeah:

drake3781
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:48 AM
Funny, i just saw someone from high school today, and we were talking about this kind of stuff (because I went to a VERY snobby high school and I transfered there senior year, making it even harder). Probably the simplest advice is to take about 2-4 weeks and get really involved in something away from these people, not just avoiding them but really being busy doing something important that takes your mind off of it and is also really positive. Give things a little time to decompress.

Don't brood because it's a really bad rut to get into, being a brooder, find something positive to turn to. Imagine you are 20, 30, or 40 and look back at this; all the little things will not be important and it will also be rare if you are still friends with any of these people. People are picking up on you being sensitive - even if you are right, it makes them defensive. Try yoga to learn different ways to think and manage your thoughts. :wavey:

Sally Struthers
Mar 25th, 2006, 06:49 AM
Mean Girls :tape:

I've never seen that since I loathe Lindsey Lohan. Is that the plot? :lol:

nbaker53
Mar 25th, 2006, 07:03 AM
It's just hard to tell them to get lost because then by telling them to get lost I lose my friends that I've had since the first year of high school. Meaning that I have to restart and find people that I can chill-chill with. I mean I have lots of friends but different levels of comfort. I don't want to have to restart, yet at the same time I don't want to have to deal with this shit anymore. :o

nbaker53
Mar 25th, 2006, 07:06 AM
Hon, here's what happened. This person you invited into your group has taken over the role of Queen Bee in your little group of friends and for whatever reason is threatened by you, so he is forcing you out of the group. Were you the old leader of the group? If so this makes sense. There can only be one in charge at a time. You need to either fight to win your friends back or accept that you have been defeated and move on.

Well it sort of funnelled through. I'll explain in terms of As, Bs, and Cs.

First it was me (A), B.
Then it was A, B, C.
Then B was replaced with C --> B got weird. :tape:.
Then D joined up (my jerk friend). A, C, D.
Then E joined up. A, C, D, E.
And then F joined up (the new kid). A, C, D, E, F.
E and C are starting to not like D and F. So really it was just A, D, F.
Now D, F have gone off and found another person (G).

:o It's complicated.

drake3781
Mar 25th, 2006, 07:09 AM
Well it sort of funnelled through. I'll explain in terms of As, Bs, and Cs.

First it was me (A), B.
Then it was A, B, C.
Then B was replaced with C --> B got weird. :tape:.
Then D joined up (my jerk friend). A, C, D.
Then E joined up. A, C, D, E.
And then F joined up (the new kid). A, C, D, E, F.
E and C are starting to not like D and F. So really it was just A, D, F.
Now D, F have gone off and found another person (G).

:o It's complicated.

I didn't realize teenage boys did this kind of thing :confused: .

Seriously, you don't have to make a choice to either go along with it or confront them or tell them off. Just do something totally different - decompress - get away - learn something new - see something different - then check back in a while. It will be different and that will help a lot.

PamShriverRockz
Mar 25th, 2006, 07:14 AM
It's just hard to tell them to get lost because then by telling them to get lost I lose my friends that I've had since the first year of high school. Meaning that I have to restart and find people that I can chill-chill with. I mean I have lots of friends but different levels of comfort. I don't want to have to restart, yet at the same time I don't want to have to deal with this shit anymore. :o

Well you don't have to tell them to get lost, just distance yourself from them as much as you can. And even remain perfectly polite to them. I just don't think it's worth the hassle, life is too short. :kiss:

-Ph51-
Mar 25th, 2006, 07:14 AM
Aren't you a bit jealous and overreacting because of that?

~ The Leopard ~
Mar 25th, 2006, 07:17 AM
I didn't realize teenage boys did this kind of thing :confused: .


It's too long in the past in my case :D , but from my faint memory ... yes, they do.

CooCooCachoo
Mar 25th, 2006, 09:01 AM
I have been really good friends with this person for about two years now. This year we added a person to our "group". Over the last couple of months my good friend has been doing some pretty inconsiderate things, including:

Not inviting me to parties when they occur, claiming that it wasn't their place yet they invited other people.


Doing stuff on the weekend and then telling me about it when they haven't invited me nor have I asked to hear their story.


Inviting other people over me to go to concerts with them when there is only one ticket available.


Trying to use me for my "girl"-friends for parties, using that as an excuse to invite me to their parties.


Making plans for community service projects and then when I try and sign up my friend tries to discourage me from doing it because I "won't like it".

Each of these things has led to me to say something which in response my friend says that I'm "acting like a woman" or "overreacting".

Today was the straw that broke the camel's back. My friends (including the new addition) ignored me everytime I spoke and when we went to the mall to grab lunch they purposefully cut me out of the walking line, everytime I was in line with them they would fall back.

I have decided to stop being friends with them because I don't like phony people who pretend to be my friend and really aren't. I have done this without argument, I've just essentially decided to stop hanging out with them (even though we've haven't really hung out since I'm not invited to anything) and have decided that I honestly don't like them.

Am I wrong? Is there something I can do differently?

You sound obsessive, really. I think your friends don't like it that you are trying to claim them as your property.

Otherwise, yeah, teens can be really evil and this could just be a phase. You might start liking them again and they might start liking you again :) Good luckˇ

CJ07
Mar 25th, 2006, 09:24 AM
Oooh I've been through this :o

I mean theres a few things you can do, but heres the easiest. You gotta get on the good side of whomever the leader is. They're the key. Now if theres a sub-group within the group that may be branching off, you should make sure you're still hanging out with them too. You have to pull a Gretchen Weiners and pretend it doesn't bother you, and just go with it. The LAST thing you want to do is to let Regina know that shes a bitch and shes wearing sweatpants on Friday.....wait. Wrong story :o

But its true! Honestly watch Mean Girls, I mean with guys its different because everything is much more subtle and we don't dramatize that much (or not in that way anyway) but you'll get some good tips.

Don't cut your friends off though, you'll regret it. Sure they're acting like douches right now, but just give it some time. Maybe they didn't invite you because they thought you wouldn't mesh well with some of the other people. Has your popularity taken a dip? Hook up with a really hot girl who used to hook up with one of your friends that'll do it ;)

haha but seriously just pretend it doesn't bother you, if you get all uptight about it you're going to be saying how fetch everything is to the cool asian group on the other side of the cafeteria.

Kart
Mar 25th, 2006, 12:56 PM
I didn't realize teenage boys did this kind of thing :confused: .


They so do but are generally less vocal about it ;).

I have been really good friends with this person for about two years now. This year we added a person to our "group". Over the last couple of months my good friend has been doing some pretty inconsiderate things, including:

Not inviting me to parties when they occur, claiming that it wasn't their place yet they invited other people.


Doing stuff on the weekend and then telling me about it when they haven't invited me nor have I asked to hear their story.


Inviting other people over me to go to concerts with them when there is only one ticket available.


Trying to use me for my "girl"-friends for parties, using that as an excuse to invite me to their parties.


Making plans for community service projects and then when I try and sign up my friend tries to discourage me from doing it because I "won't like it".
Each of these things has led to me to say something which in response my friend says that I'm "acting like a woman" or "overreacting".

Today was the straw that broke the camel's back. My friends (including the new addition) ignored me everytime I spoke and when we went to the mall to grab lunch they purposefully cut me out of the walking line, everytime I was in line with them they would fall back.

I have decided to stop being friends with them because I don't like phony people who pretend to be my friend and really aren't. I have done this without argument, I've just essentially decided to stop hanging out with them (even though we've haven't really hung out since I'm not invited to anything) and have decided that I honestly don't like them.

Am I wrong? Is there something I can do differently?

My general motto in situations like this is 'don't get mad, get even' but on this occasion I'd suggest you simply cut the dead weight.

In the long term you'll see that friendship is generally overrated at age 18 - particularly when you meet people that want to be in your company as much as you want to be in theirs which is no less than anyone deserves :).

zut16
Mar 25th, 2006, 03:14 PM
Well it sort of funnelled through. I'll explain in terms of As, Bs, and Cs.

First it was me (A), B.
Then it was A, B, C.
Then B was replaced with C --> B got weird. :tape:.
Then D joined up (my jerk friend). A, C, D.
Then E joined up. A, C, D, E.
And then F joined up (the new kid). A, C, D, E, F.
E and C are starting to not like D and F. So really it was just A, D, F.
Now D, F have gone off and found another person (G).

:o It's complicated.

Seriously speaking I was THE b*tch in my clique back then (What was it? 5 years ago?) You really have to see whether you desire their friendship or not. It really is as simple as that. For me, I grew out of my b*tchy phase and healed wounds with this one person I kicked out. Since you are the "kicked", you have 3 choices:
a) make new acquaintances/friends
b) adopt a wait-and-see attitude
c) Confrontation

c) is never viable unless you wish to cause drama. b) is not one I recommend - the guy I kicked out of my group tried to stay with us and we tormented him the whole time. a) is really the best choice. Seriously, you're better off without them. If you want to reconnect with them, it's best to wait for some time (Once the 2 of them are not as close/no longer hanging out)

For comparison's sake,
First it was me (A),B
Then it was A,B,C (Brought in By B)
Then it was A,B,C,D (Brought in By C)
Then it was A,B,C,D,E (Brought in By C)
Then it got complicated. B didn't trust D or E. So we slowly nudged him out of the group. Then it was 2 pairings of A,D and C,E. C,E then had a huge fallout (never talked to each other again). A,D remained on good terms with E and started nudging out C. C was resisting so we started tormenting him mercilessly. C tried to go back to B but B refused so C was stuck hanging out with A,D.

Not my proudest moment at all. I can understand what you're going through - just run away from them. Teenagers can be immensely cruel.

skanky~skanketta
Mar 25th, 2006, 05:26 PM
ask them why, give them a violent piece of your mind and walk away.

Sophronia
Mar 25th, 2006, 09:02 PM
this happened to me before...i just decided to make new friends. best decision i ever made. although i did decide to hang around for awhile just to spite them :lol: ...im not usually looking for revenge but hey, everyones human.

i'm back on friendly terms with all the people involved now so its all good...but they'll probably never be my closest friends.

if there's one thing i hate its people who dont speak their minds and just make your life hell instead :fiery:

tell them to grow up and get a life instead of trying to make yours miserable.

controlfreak
Mar 26th, 2006, 12:45 AM
you could always just push "F" under a bus - you know, make it look like an accident, that type of thing. then everything will return to normal. until s/he returns to HAUNT YOU IN YOUR DREAMS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!

ceiling_fan
Mar 26th, 2006, 12:52 AM
LOL no offence, but i thought you were a chick at first coz i never knew guys gave a shit about this!

anyway, ditch ur gay friends...

hablo
Mar 26th, 2006, 02:23 AM
cut them loose... :hug:
if they really want to be friends, they'll seek you out :shrug:

TF Chipmunk
Mar 26th, 2006, 02:28 AM
Do you live in Laguna Beach? That is just SO MUCH DRAMA :rolleyes:

hingis-seles
Mar 26th, 2006, 06:39 AM
I've had something like this happen. Only it was when I broke up with my ex and my "group" bitched about me behind my back (which included 2 guys - I honestly thought only chicks did this sort of stuff back then). I was so upset for those 2 months (that entire summer really). Oh, and I was the group leader back then, introduced everyone to each other and things like that...made all the plans to go out somewhere, since most of them were a bunch of introverts.

But then, a funny thing happened. I decided I didn't want to hang around with such people (I believe the term I used at the time was "filth" :p). I went back to university and made a new group of friends and hung out with them and had my own social life outside university that was seperate from all my university friends, etc. It was a real headfuck when it happened, but 6 months later, I couldn't have cared less. I didn't speak to any of them for a year.

Then, they started talking to me and I was polite/civilised. Recently all of them started fighting amongst each other and all of them came seperately and confided in me and apologised to me for everything that happened. One of them actually apologised to me for "betraying" me. It's been 2 years since everything happened, but the same people who tried to shut me out came crawling back and apologised because when I left and started doing my own thing, it didn't take too long for everything to fall apart. It was really great to hear them apologise, but the thing is, I don't care anymore. They trust me and confide in me, but I don't trust them and don't tell them a lot of stuff happening in my private life, because it's not going to be the same.

I suggest you drop them and move on, hanging out with other people or even by yourself if you want (The silent, brooding type). They'll self-destruct and come crawling back. Just wait and see.