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View Full Version : Helen Lawson's New Years Eve Party 2006


Mother_Marjorie
Jan 2nd, 2006, 05:29 AM
I didn't get an invitation but heard others did. :sad: Any of you that attended, spill the dirt. Helen's party's are always drama-filled.

Sally Struthers
Jan 2nd, 2006, 06:45 AM
After Sally had her small nervous breakdown (http://www.wtaworld.com/showpost.php?p=6957086&postcount=7626) in the kitchen, she composed herself and went over to Helen's place. It was faboo. Hot and rich men everywhere and little man servants to cater to your heart's desire. By the end of the night Neely was swinging from the chandeliers and Melissa Rivers was doing karaoke with a yard ornament. Joan was so smashed she thought that some of the Nip Tuck guys who were there were really plastic surgeons and was trying to hit them up for a free face lift.

SelesFan70
Jan 2nd, 2006, 07:33 AM
:eek: I didn't get one either! :( Helen, you owe me a 4th of July invitation. :p

ToeTag
Jan 2nd, 2006, 08:12 AM
I'm sure there was plenty of blue ones, yellow ones, and red ones...as well as bed pans, walkers, and enimas. Todays nursing homes provide all that stuff.

marmite1
Jan 2nd, 2006, 12:51 PM
We need pictures ;)

hingis-seles
Jan 2nd, 2006, 01:03 PM
I dropped in for 5 minutes, because I had a bunch of other parties to go to, but had to show my face, since Helen had personally invited me. I walked in on her and Neely making out on the couch. I tapped her on the shoulder, spoke to her for a minute and then left. As I was leaving, I was Jennifer North's hand crawling up Helen's skirt. It would've been hot, except they're all so fucking old.

Sally Struthers
Jan 2nd, 2006, 06:08 PM
that's just scandalous! :lol:

From the looks of it Helen is still out cold from the pills and the booze.

No Name Face
Jan 2nd, 2006, 07:04 PM
oh Helen...come back :sad:

Helen Lawson
Jan 3rd, 2006, 02:40 PM
I hope everyone had fun! Helen certainly did, I still have a headache! Sorry not all the invitations were received, I let that pinhead assistant of mine, Carole Anne, be in charge of the invitations, and I guess she didn't take care of it all. She's always bitching at me about how mean I am. I'm like, if you don't like it, go work for Naomi Campbell.

Neely is still passed out in the guest room. It's been 3 days, should I wake her up?

Sally Struthers
Jan 3rd, 2006, 05:41 PM
Maybe the old broad is dead. She's got that bad ticker you know! Get Carole Anne to give her a few light pokes with a knife

Helen Lawson
Jan 3rd, 2006, 05:49 PM
Maybe the old broad is dead. She's got that bad ticker you know! Get Carole Anne to give her a few light pokes with a knife

Neely's a foul bitch when you wake her up. Who wants to risk it? There are no strange odors coming from the room, so I assume she's still alive. It would be just like that bitch to croak in my house and devalue it, though.

Sally Struthers
Jan 3rd, 2006, 06:00 PM
Neely's a foul bitch when you wake her up. Who wants to risk it? There are no strange odors coming from the room, so I assume she's still alive. It would be just like that bitch to croak in my house and devalue it, though.

the devaluation of the house would only be a temporary thing till you can get the $20 a head tours started of Neely's death place.

LeRoy.
Jan 3rd, 2006, 06:01 PM
sounds like a bash that i should have attended and i didn't even get an invite :sad: Next year i better be on the list :fiery: who's ass do i have to kiss to get an invite ? :o

Joan Rivers
Jan 3rd, 2006, 06:08 PM
After Sally had her small nervous breakdown (http://www.wtaworld.com/showpost.php?p=6957086&postcount=7626) in the kitchen, she composed herself and went over to Helen's place. It was faboo. Hot and rich men everywhere and little man servants to cater to your heart's desire. By the end of the night Neely was swinging from the chandeliers and Melissa Rivers was doing karaoke with a yard ornament. Joan was so smashed she thought that some of the Nip Tuck guys who were there were really plastic surgeons and was trying to hit them up for a free face lift.
Sal they backed out on the free face lift but one of the guys did offer to "lift my pelvic floor" - said with a smile and a wink. I thought I was gonna have sex again at last, but to my horror he got out a scalpel and started prepping me for surgery. I think those guys have taken the method acting too far!

It was a great party though. My favorite moment was when the ball dropped. Dixie Carter's, not New York's. Well, we all suspected for years. Turns out we were right!

Helen Lawson
Jan 3rd, 2006, 06:11 PM
the devaluation of the house would only be a temporary thing till you can get the $20 a head tours started of Neely's death place.

I never thought about that. It's easy money, sort of like the Queen opening Buckingham Palace to the local trash.

Anyway, Sal, while on the topic of easy money, I just landed a really great beef endorsement in Japan. You know American beef people are trying to overcome the Mad Cow scare in Japan. Well, I just signed a mid-seven figure deal to endorse beef in Japan. So, basically, it's booze, cigarettes, and now beef.

I know you don't smoke or drink, Sal, but there's enough beef endorsements to go around, so do what you can to land one.

Helen Lawson
Jan 3rd, 2006, 06:15 PM
Sal they backed out on the free face lift but one of the guys did offer to "lift my pelvic floor" - said with a smile and a wink. I thought I was gonna have sex again at last, but to my horror he got out a scalpel and started prepping me for surgery. I think those guys have taken the method acting too far!

It was a great party though. My favorite moment was when the ball dropped. Dixie Carter's, not New York's. Well, we all suspected for years. Turns out we were right!

Glad you enjoyed it, Joan. I promised eveyone I'd out a Hollywood transsexual at the party, so everyone was expecting either Lauren Bacall or Dixie. Lauren refuses to speak to me because I refused to back her bid to become an Academy member back in '65, so I was able to coax Dixie into it. And, yes, I had to do Dixie a favor. Guess who's the newest member of AMPAS?

Cam'ron Giles
Jan 3rd, 2006, 06:19 PM
Me and my crew rolled through uninvited but we left...I dont think Helen likes black people...and Sally was too drunk to care...:mad:

No Name Face
Jan 3rd, 2006, 07:10 PM
Me and my crew rolled through uninvited but we left...I dont think Helen likes black people...and Sally was too drunk to care...:mad:

did Sally have sex with you guys? I could see her as the town bicycle :tape:

Sally Struthers
Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:01 PM
did Sally have sex with you guys? I could see her as the town bicycle :tape:

I'm a bit of a prude so no. :o

Cam'ron Giles
Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:09 PM
I'm a bit of a prude so no. :o

Sally, do you think Helen hates black people? Does she have a problem with Black Hollywood? Did Lena Horne steal a role from her? Or did Dottie Dandridge sleep with one of her men? Otto Preminger perhaps? :confused:

Sally Struthers
Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:37 PM
Sally, do you think Helen hates black people? Does she have a problem with Black Hollywood? Did Lena Horne steal a role from her? Or did Dottie Dandridge sleep with one of her men? Otto Preminger perhaps? :confused:

I don't think Helen hates black people. Helen just seems to hate a lot of people :lol:

Cam'ron Giles
Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:42 PM
I don't think Helen hates black people. Helen just seems to hate a lot of people :lol:

Then why did she try to diss me and my crew? Just wanted to know if we had "party Favors" and after we gave them to her...she wanted us out...:armed:

Sally Struthers
Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:44 PM
Then why did she try to diss me and my crew? Just wanted to know if we had "party Favors" and after we gave them to her...she wanted us out...:armed:

didn't you get the catcher's mit she gave out?

CrossCourt~Rally
Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:44 PM
Sally was feeding the "crew" instead of the children :eek: :p :angel:

Helen Lawson
Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:46 PM
Black people are fine, as long as they don't get uppidy with me and don't steal anything out of my house when they're cleaning or doing valet parking at one of my parties. :tape:

SelesFan70
Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:47 PM
didn't you get the catcher's mit she gave out?

OMG...a love glove. :lol: Grape flavored, I hope! :D

Cam'ron Giles
Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:53 PM
Black people are fine, as long as they don't get uppidy with me and don't steal anything out of my house when they're cleaning or doing valet parking at one of my parties. :tape:

Did you not get the memo? Black people dont do that sort of stuff anymore...I think you go us confused with the Mexicans...:tape: and I hope papi and Rosalita robbs you blind...I hope he cleans out your medicine chest...You were just scared of a crew of good looking black men asking you to change to the music at your boring party to rap...who the hell listens to Sinatra these days...:rolleyes:

Cam'ron Giles
Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:53 PM
didn't you get the catcher's mit she gave out?

Not my style...I am a batter...;)

Sally Struthers
Jan 3rd, 2006, 08:54 PM
Black people are fine, as long as they don't get uppidy with me and don't steal anything out of my house when they're cleaning or doing valet parking at one of my parties. :tape:

My neighborhood home owners association tried to kick me out of the neighborhood after I hired one too many migrant mexican workers saying it was devaluing their properties

Helen Lawson
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:01 PM
Did you not get the memo? Black people dont do that sort of stuff anymore...I think you go us confused with the Mexicans...:tape: and I hope papi and Rosalita robbs you blind...I hope he cleans out your medicine chest...You were just scared of a crew of good looking black men asking you to change to the music at your boring party to rap...who the hell listens to Sinatra these days...:rolleyes:

I didn't recognize you and your crew, I thought you and your crew were the staff hired to serve drinks and circulate food, so I thought you were being "uppidy" when you asked me to change the music and weren't dressed in a waiter's outfit.

Helen Lawson
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:02 PM
Not my style...I am a batter...;)

I wish there was a smiley of someone vomiting. I've had to hear this soooo many times!

Helen Lawson
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:04 PM
My neighborhood home owners association tried to kick me out of the neighborhood after I hired one too many migrant mexican workers saying it was devaluing their properties

I hear you can get those latinos cheap. I grew up poor in Brooklyn, the ultimate status symbol was a Black maid/cook. It's as important as a new Cadillac every year, a new fur coat every year, and dark glasses.

Sally Struthers
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:06 PM
I hear you can get those latinos cheap. I grew up poor in Brooklyn, the ultimate status symbol was a Black maid/cook. It's as important as a new Cadillac every year, a new fur coat every year, and dark glasses.

I pay them pennies. Literally. If they get uppity with me I threaten them by saying I have INS on speed dial.

Cam'ron Giles
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:07 PM
I wish there was a smiley of someone vomiting. I've had to hear this soooo many times!

But I am a batter...whats so hard to understand? :shrug:

Cam'ron Giles
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:09 PM
I didn't recognize you and your crew, I thought you and your crew were the staff hired to serve drinks and circulate food, so I thought you were being "uppidy" when you asked me to change the music and weren't dressed in a waiter's outfit.

Well you thaught wrong...this is not 1850s Brooklyn...get with the program you old bitty...you could have had some black stuff that night and you blew it...:tape:

Sally Struthers
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:10 PM
But I am a batter...whats so hard to understand? :shrug:

I don't know but I'm just going by what Helen says. However, even if you do consider yourself a "batter," don't you take it up some other oriface? The other guy's gotta get off some way right? :tape:

Cam'ron Giles
Jan 3rd, 2006, 09:18 PM
I don't know but I'm just going by what Helen says. However, even if you do consider yourself a "batter," don't you take it up some other oriface? The other guy's gotta get off some way right? :tape:

Sally...I can show you better than I can tell you...Ole dusty ass Helen can watch...:tape:

No Name Face
Jan 3rd, 2006, 10:47 PM
I hear you can get those latinos cheap. I grew up poor in Brooklyn, the ultimate status symbol was a Black maid/cook. It's as important as a new Cadillac every year, a new fur coat every year, and dark glasses.


:speakles:

bitch please, you know you like 'em dark and horny. you don't get any manlier than a buff black man. how about i set you up with morgan freeman...or maybe bill cosby? holla at me

Helen Lawson
Jan 3rd, 2006, 10:48 PM
:speakles:

bitch please, you know you like 'em dark and horny. you don't get any manlier than a buff black man. how about i set you up with morgan freeman...or maybe bill cosby? holla at me

Morgan Freeman, maybe. Bill Cosby is too much of a pompous ass. What about Denzel Washington?

No Name Face
Jan 3rd, 2006, 10:50 PM
Morgan Freeman, maybe. Bill Cosby is too much of a pompous ass. What about Denzel Washington?

he's too young for you and plus he ain't my nigga.

Helen Lawson
Jan 3rd, 2006, 10:55 PM
he's too young for you and plus he ain't my nigga.

What about the guy who played Ike Turner in What's Love Got To Do (Got to Do) With It? Or the guy in Pulp Fiction who was married to Uma Thurman?

No Name Face
Jan 3rd, 2006, 10:58 PM
What about the guy who played Ike Turner in What's Love Got To Do (Got to Do) With It? Or the guy in Pulp Fiction who was married to Uma Thurman?

i think the guy in pulp fiction is ving rhames...i could hook you up with him. you my #1 ho and i was raised in brooklyn till i was 7, so i'll give him a call...but only if i get an autograph you sexy old wench, you.

Helen Lawson
Jan 3rd, 2006, 11:01 PM
i think the guy in pulp fiction is ving rhames...i could hook you up with him. you my #1 ho and i was raised in brooklyn till i was 7, so i'll give him a call...but only if i get an autograph you sexy old wench, you.

It's all yours, hon. And I'll even sign it myself!

Cam'ron Giles
Jan 3rd, 2006, 11:47 PM
It's all yours, hon. And I'll even sign it myself!


Lies...poor Carol Ann will have to get up at 5 in the morning to sign your pictures...you have no heart Helen Lawson...:mad:

Mother_Marjorie
Jan 4th, 2006, 06:17 AM
Morgan Freeman, maybe. Bill Cosby is too much of a pompous ass. What about Denzel Washington?

Well, if Denzel weren't married.........

Mother_Marjorie
Jan 4th, 2006, 06:25 AM
I heard that there was a dramatic pool scene, where a drunk Helen accidentally fell into the pool while grabbing for a flute. Meanwhile, Sally S. stunk up the grill with tofu-encrusted Tuna Steak while Joan R. was screaming and running everywhere looking for her missing QVC jewlery.

Is there absolutely any truth to it??? Any????

Helen Lawson
Jan 4th, 2006, 01:15 PM
I heard that there was a dramatic pool scene, where a drunk Helen accidentally fell into the pool while grabbing for a flute. Meanwhile, Sally S. stunk up the grill with tofu-encrusted Tuna Steak while Joan R. was screaming and running everywhere looking for her missing QVC jewlery.

Is there absolutely any truth to it??? Any????

Helen was in her cups so to speak at the party, so my memory is foggy. I can tell you this, however, that I don't think Sally would be caught dead eating tofu. And Joan doesn't wear that QVC shit in real life, she had real jewelry, not that Diamonique crap. She did bring one of her "Faberge" eggs with her, but it was more to laugh at and a conversation piece.

Helen did fall into the pool, but I kept my head above water so the wig was saved. Some of the fags I'm usually stuck with jumped in with me, and the party ended up moving into the pool. Joan, Sally, and Neely all jumped in. I slipped a very well-known out politician a Viagra and molested him afterwards in the pool house. I just turned out the lights and told him to think of Clark Gable. Hey, it worked for Joan Crawford with Rock Hudson. And it worked for Helen! :D