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miffedmax
Dec 21st, 2005, 03:57 PM
Many WTA World members are doubtless looking for last minute gifts for their fellow tennis fans.

Here, after extensive testing in our vast, multimillion dollar facility, is your consumer guide to toys that do not meet our standards. We strongly recommend against purchasing any of them.


"Talking Anastasia Myskina Doll":

Barbie-sized doll is accurate down to last detail, beautifully dressed in her '04 Roland Garros trophy. However, when the string is pulled doll spouts lines like "Fuck you, Jens" and "Did I ask you? Shut the fuck up, Jens." and "Hey, Lena, you owe me a fucking pizza!"

"Serena Williams "Superstar" Make up Kit"

Theatrical make-up set is actually too good. Playtesters who tried it became hopelessly distracted from other tasks and were unable to focus on more pressing matters.

Balco's "Dr. Sesil" toy doctor's kit:

Contains actual syringes, unlabeled vials of what proved to be hormone supplements and birth control pills.

"Crying Bepa doll":

Press the button and it starts to cry. Problem is, it never stops. Decision to test this doll in our New Orleans facility proved ill-advised.

"Ameilie Mauresmo Snow Dome"

Beautiful snow dome of Amelie on Roland Garros cracks under slightest pressure.

"Lena D's Little Lady Tea Service"

Sometimes it works fine. Sometimes it spills scalding tea in your lap. The bigger the tea party, the more likely it is to malfunction.

"Venus Williams' Beat the Boys Video Game"

Pop it into your PS2 or X-box and it denies it exists.


Sadly, two of our highest rated products are no longer available. The "Justine Henin-Hardenne's Harry Potter Disguise Kit" has been withdrawn from the market due to copyright confusion, and the excellent "Manage Martina Hingis' Retirement Portfolio Stock Exchange Game" has been discontinued.

Chunchun
Dec 21st, 2005, 04:00 PM
omg :haha: I love the Myskina and Sesil :haha:

frenchie
Dec 21st, 2005, 04:02 PM
Talking Anastasia Myskina Doll":

Barbie-sized doll is accurate down to last detail, beautifully dressed in her '04 Roland Garros trophy. However, when the string is pulled doll spouts lines like "Fuck you, Jens" and "Did I ask you? Shut the fuck up, Jens." and "Hey, Lena, you owe me a fucking pizza!"
"Serena Williams "Superstar" Make up Kit"

Theatrical make-up set is actually too good. Playtesters who tried it became hopelessly distracted from other tasks and were unable to focus on more pressing matters.

Balco's "Dr. Sesil" toy doctor's kit:

Contains actual syringes, unlabeled vials of what proved to be hormone supplements and birth control pills.
"Crying Bepa doll":

Press the button and it starts to cry. Problem is, it never stops. Decision to test this doll in our New Orleans facility proved ill-advised.

"Ameilie Mauresmo Snow Dome"

Beautiful snow dome of Amelie on Roland Garros cracks under slightest pressure


:worship: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Martyś
Dec 21st, 2005, 04:04 PM
:haha: Great !

Maria Croft
Dec 21st, 2005, 04:17 PM
:lol:

LMAO :worship:

controlfreak
Dec 21st, 2005, 04:30 PM
:yeah: I want the Myskina doll!

SelesFan70
Dec 21st, 2005, 04:44 PM
:lol: :devil:

A fantastic thread!

Ellery
Dec 21st, 2005, 04:44 PM
:lol:

Nicjac
Dec 21st, 2005, 05:31 PM
I had such a lousy day ... thx, Max you just made me laugh despite of that.

Hilarious, as usual! :worship:

Dementinator
Dec 21st, 2005, 05:52 PM
good one!

Wannabeknowitall
Dec 21st, 2005, 05:55 PM
Oh God. Good Stuff. :lol:

bellascarlett
Dec 21st, 2005, 05:56 PM
:lol:

drake3781
Dec 21st, 2005, 06:04 PM
Witty and well written! Great one :lol: :kiss:

Meesh
Dec 21st, 2005, 09:30 PM
:bigclap: this beats buying a clapper or chia pet!

Blonde_Ambition7
Dec 21st, 2005, 09:32 PM
:lol: wow some of yall are so creative, i could never make up anything like this.

lindsayno1
Dec 21st, 2005, 09:42 PM
awesome!

Principessa
Dec 21st, 2005, 09:47 PM
lol, nice one! :lol:

griffin
Dec 21st, 2005, 09:51 PM
:lol: Thank you, I needed a good laugh!

Tennace
Dec 21st, 2005, 09:59 PM
:haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha: :haha:

JennyS
Dec 21st, 2005, 10:10 PM
Funny! Don't forget the Mary Carillo voice-changer mask!

Wannabeknowitall
Dec 21st, 2005, 10:13 PM
I have one.
The Lindsay Davenport watch. This antique looking but state of the art watch is made
for any fan of tennis.

Limited Warranty: Watch sometimes moves faster or slower than it should. Not the best thing to depend on in tight time situations.

VeeReeDavJCap81
Dec 21st, 2005, 10:23 PM
:lol:

auntie janie
Dec 21st, 2005, 10:25 PM
"Justine's "Quick-Recovery" Hamstring Exerciser": quietly removed from the market ...

"Anna Kournikova's Muscle-Building Pills": ditto

;)

selesfan1
Dec 21st, 2005, 10:27 PM
Good thread

auntie janie
Dec 21st, 2005, 10:33 PM
The Damir Dokic "World's Greatest Dad!" Mug ... sales have been slow ...

Spunky83
Dec 21st, 2005, 10:35 PM
:lol: Love the Amelie present. Miffy...what can I say? I canīt wait for the AusOpen lockerroom confro!!!

Elisse
Dec 21st, 2005, 10:35 PM
Many WTA World members are doubtless looking for last minute gifts for their fellow tennis fans.

Here, after extensive testing in our vast, multimillion dollar facility, is your consumer guide to toys that do not meet our standards. We strongly recommend against purchasing any of them.


"Talking Anastasia Myskina Doll":

Barbie-sized doll is accurate down to last detail, beautifully dressed in her '04 Roland Garros trophy. However, when the string is pulled doll spouts lines like "Fuck you, Jens" and "Did I ask you? Shut the fuck up, Jens." and "Hey, Lena, you owe me a fucking pizza!"

"Serena Williams "Superstar" Make up Kit"

Theatrical make-up set is actually too good. Playtesters who tried it became hopelessly distracted from other tasks and were unable to focus on more pressing matters.

Balco's "Dr. Sesil" toy doctor's kit:

Contains actual syringes, unlabeled vials of what proved to be hormone supplements and birth control pills.

"Crying Bepa doll":

Press the button and it starts to cry. Problem is, it never stops. Decision to test this doll in our New Orleans facility proved ill-advised.

"Ameilie Mauresmo Snow Dome"

Beautiful snow dome of Amelie on Roland Garros cracks under slightest pressure.

Sadly, two of our highest rated products are no longer available. The "Justine Henin-Hardenne's Harry Potter Disguise Kit" has been withdrawn from the market due to copyright confusion, and the excellent "Manage Martina Hingis' Retirement Portfolio Stock Exchange Game" has been discontinued.



hahahahhahahha....fantastic post!!!! :lol: :worship: :yeah:

SelesFan70
Dec 21st, 2005, 11:27 PM
:bigclap: this beats buying a clapper or chia pet!

Or getting "the clap" :tape:

Brian Stewart
Dec 22nd, 2005, 08:56 AM
Excellent thread!

You might also want to avoid the following instructional videos:

Eva Melicharova Teaches the Serve

Pam Shriver's Winning Clay Court Tactics