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J_Migoe
Jul 6th, 2005, 01:19 AM
Jon Wertheim "What will happen to our sport over the next few decades?"

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What will happen to our sport over the next few decades? We see a mix of the very strange and the very familiar. By Jon Wertheim. Tennis magazine, May 2005 (special issue)

2006: Roger Federer becomes the first man since Rod Laver to win the Grand Slam. His run is not without the drama. Down match point to Andy Roddick in the Wimbledon final, Federer hits a ball on the line that is called out. Federer's instant replay challenge, however, is successful and he goes on to victory.

2010: During the 5th set of an AO QF match between Marat Safin and Guillermo Coria, Brad Gilbert violates the terms of his employment contract with ESPN, uttering a sentence that doesn't contain a sports metaphor. Fortunately, the lapse doesn't make it to the air, as the network is busy rebroadcasting Maria Sharapova's 3rd round blowout win.

2012: Andy Roddick, 30, rallies to beat Australia's Lleyton Hewitt, 31, in the final of the US Open. " It's cool. I still had fun out there", Hewitt said gamely afterward. " Winning is not everything, mate." As for Roddick, he takes his 4th title at Flushing Meadows in stride, remarking, " I hope this finally gets me on Late Night with Jim Courier".

2015: Donald Young defeats France's Gael Monfils to defend his US Open title 4-3, 2-4, 4-2, 4-3. " Playing against a 6 foot-5 lefty is just too tough", Monfils says. In the women's draw, Sharapova outlasts Nicole Vaidisova 4-2, 4-2, 2-4, 2-4, 4-3. The win is worth $ 6.5 million in prize money. " It's unfortunate," Sharapova says, " that there are no companies left for me to endorse." It's the brunette's first major since excessive granting forced her to undergo larynx surgery in 2013.

2020: Jenny Deckard of Indianapolis upsets the field to win the NASDAQ-500 event in Biscayne Island, Fl. The win catapults Deckard to No.18 in the WTA rankings, making her the only player in the Top 20 not from Eastern Europe or China.

2025: The doubles team of Jaden Gil Agassi and Christian Sampras defend their French Open title, beating the Australian team of Mike Hilton-Philippoussis and Oedipus Rafter in the final. " Man, I wish every tournament was on clay!" Sampras exults after the match. Alas, Agassi tears a deltoid muscle during a post-match celebratory chest bump, causing the tandem to miss the Wimbledon. " Sometimes I wish Chris could contain his emotions," Agassi says of his partner, " but that's Sampras for ya."

2030: Tim Henman Jr. makes a bid to become the first British man in nearly a century to win the prestigious Virgin Megastore Wimbledon Championships presented by Takahashi Corporation and Netflix. Up two sets and a break, he falls to Igor Stolov of Russia in the SF. " When they closed the roof, it totally changed the compexion of the match," Henman Jr. complains. The loss transforms Henman Hill into Heartbreak Hill. As one tabloid website uncharitably puts it, DAD WOULD'VE CLOSED IT OUT!

2035: During the otherwise routine 3rd round win at the Prague Open, Sven Johansson wins a point by hitting an unreturnable serve. After the match, an ATP communications official informs Johansson that this feat was once reffered to as an ace. " It's a real thrill," Johansson exclaims in the press conference. " Ever since we went back to wood rackets, you're lucky just to hold serve. Hitting a- what do you call it, an ace?- that's so old school !"

2040: While absent-mindedly detaching his cellphone from his belt, Mike Spielberg, a top player agent for the multinational marketing and management firm S.I.P.H.O.N., inadvertently makes a statement both truthful in substance and utterly devoid of spin.

2045: Martina Navratilova, 89, announces her retirement from competitive tennis.

Greenout
Jul 6th, 2005, 01:23 AM
:eek:

This guy can hardly predict the winners of a grand slam.

ezekiel
Jul 6th, 2005, 01:27 AM
This is all mildly amusing

Black Mamba.
Jul 6th, 2005, 01:38 AM
If he keeps writing stuff like this the only thing that will happen to tennis in the next few decades will be he will be out of a job.

VeeReeDavJCap81
Jul 6th, 2005, 01:38 AM
Jon Wertheim "What will happen to our sport over the next few decades?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What will happen to our sport over the next few decades? We see a mix of the very strange and the very familiar. By Jon Wertheim. Tennis magazine, May 2005 (special issue)

2006: Roger Federer becomes the first man since Rod Laver to win the Grand Slam. His run is not without the drama. Down match point to Andy Roddick in the Wimbledon final, Federer hits a ball on the line that is called out. Federer's instant replay challenge, however, is successful and he goes on to victory.

2010: During the 5th set of an AO QF match between Marat Safin and Guillermo Coria, Brad Gilbert violates the terms of his employment contract with ESPN, uttering a sentence that doesn't contain a sports metaphor. Fortunately, the lapse doesn't make it to the air, as the network is busy rebroadcasting Maria Sharapova's 3rd round blowout win.

2012: Andy Roddick, 30, rallies to beat Australia's Lleyton Hewitt, 31, in the final of the US Open. " It's cool. I still had fun out there", Hewitt said gamely afterward. " Winning is not everything, mate." As for Roddick, he takes his 4th title at Flushing Meadows in stride, remarking, " I hope this finally gets me on Late Night with Jim Courier".

2015: Donald Young defeats France's Gael Monfils to defend his US Open title 4-3, 2-4, 4-2, 4-3. " Playing against a 6 foot-5 lefty is just too tough", Monfils says. In the women's draw, Sharapova outlasts Nicole Vaidisova 4-2, 4-2, 2-4, 2-4, 4-3. The win is worth $ 6.5 million in prize money. " It's unfortunate," Sharapova says, " that there are no companies left for me to endorse." It's the brunette's first major since excessive granting forced her to undergo larynx surgery in 2013.

2020: Jenny Deckard of Indianapolis upsets the field to win the NASDAQ-500 event in Biscayne Island, Fl. The win catapults Deckard to No.18 in the WTA rankings, making her the only player in the Top 20 not from Eastern Europe or China.

2025: The doubles team of Jaden Gil Agassi and Christian Sampras defend their French Open title, beating the Australian team of Mike Hilton-Philippoussis and Oedipus Rafter in the final. " Man, I wish every tournament was on clay!" Sampras exults after the match. Alas, Agassi tears a deltoid muscle during a post-match celebratory chest bump, causing the tandem to miss the Wimbledon. " Sometimes I wish Chris could contain his emotions," Agassi says of his partner, " but that's Sampras for ya."

2030: Tim Henman Jr. makes a bid to become the first British man in nearly a century to win the prestigious Virgin Megastore Wimbledon Championships presented by Takahashi Corporation and Netflix. Up two sets and a break, he falls to Igor Stolov of Russia in the SF. " When they closed the roof, it totally changed the compexion of the match," Henman Jr. complains. The loss transforms Henman Hill into Heartbreak Hill. As one tabloid website uncharitably puts it, DAD WOULD'VE CLOSED IT OUT!

2035: During the otherwise routine 3rd round win at the Prague Open, Sven Johansson wins a point by hitting an unreturnable serve. After the match, an ATP communications official informs Johansson that this feat was once reffered to as an ace. " It's a real thrill," Johansson exclaims in the press conference. " Ever since we went back to wood rackets, you're lucky just to hold serve. Hitting a- what do you call it, an ace?- that's so old school !"

2040: While absent-mindedly detaching his cellphone from his belt, Mike Spielberg, a top player agent for the multinational marketing and management firm S.I.P.H.O.N., inadvertently makes a statement both truthful in substance and utterly devoid of spin.

2045: Martina Navratilova, 89, announces her retirement from competitive tennis.

:haha: :haha:

Stamp Paid
Jul 6th, 2005, 01:39 AM
lmfao @ the thought of Roger being down match point to Andy Roddick in a Wimbledon final

aNYthing
Jul 6th, 2005, 01:49 AM
:haha: Martina to retire at 89 years old!

Wiggly
Jul 6th, 2005, 01:50 AM
:eek: They're somethings funny others are just stupid...

Roddick will be out of Top 10 since years when he will be 30 :rolleyes:

Venus Forever
Jul 6th, 2005, 02:39 AM
:haha: Martina to retire at 89 years old!
Yeah, that's the best one... :lol:

vw.
Jul 6th, 2005, 03:26 AM
I dont get his Maria Sharapova defeating NIcole Vaidisova, 4-2, 4-2, 2-4, 2-4, 4-3 thing.. :confused:

franny
Jul 6th, 2005, 03:31 AM
Lol, dang you guys take things so seriously. He's just kidding, about seriously every single one of those points. Take it as a grain of salt, but he isnt' seriously predicting that Navratilova will be playing at age 80 or that Roddick will win 4 U.S Opens.

Denise4925
Jul 6th, 2005, 06:23 AM
2045: Martina Navratilova, 89, announces her retirement from competitive tennis.
:haha: :haha: :haha:

selking
Jul 6th, 2005, 06:36 AM
I dont get his Maria Sharapova defeating NIcole Vaidisova, 4-2, 4-2, 2-4, 2-4, 4-3 thing.. :confused:

because people are talking about changing the sets so that the matches move quicker so they only play 4 or 5 game matches. Refer to navratilova ten point plan threads.

Prizeidiot
Jul 6th, 2005, 07:16 AM
It's funny...

Martina Navratilova retiring at 89 is gold!

Cris Senior
Jul 6th, 2005, 07:46 AM
:eek:

This guy can hardly predict the winners of a grand slam.
Comment:
And you do? He was righ on the money predicting Nadal and then Federer,
CS

10nisfanofruz
Jul 6th, 2005, 07:51 AM
In the women's draw, Sharapova outlasts Nicole Vaidisova 4-2, 4-2, 2-4, 2-4, 4-3. The win is worth $ 6.5 million in prize money. " It's unfortunate," Sharapova says, " that there are no companies left for me to endorse." It's the brunette's first major since excessive granting forced her to undergo larynx surgery in 2013.
I love to see Maria with brunette. ;) :lol:
Surgery? :haha:


2045: Martina Navratilova, 89, announces her retirement from competitive tennis.
Are you sure about the year? She might wait until she turns 90. :tape: :scared: :timebomb:

Cris Senior
Jul 6th, 2005, 08:24 AM
If he keeps writing stuff like this the only thing that will happen to tennis in the next few decades will be he will be out of a job.
Comment:
To the contrary, if you ever become a professional tennis writer earning over $70,000 a yr, you'll find out youy survive by writing stuff like that. You think there's always prime time tennis stuff to write about? Nope, you've got to be creative.
CS

RVD
Jul 6th, 2005, 08:43 AM
:haha: Martina to retire at 89 years old!:haha: :haha: ...in later news. She changes mind and decides to play wheelchair tennis. :lol:

Andy T
Jul 6th, 2005, 10:22 AM
Maybe he should focus on this kind of writing from now on - it's more entertaining than his comments about reality.

* notice how Americans (or neo-Americans like Sharapova) win nearly everything.
* given the speculation about Jim Courier's sexuality, is there a hidden meaning in the Roddick quote " I hope this finally gets me on Late Night with Jim Courier". On second thoughts, nah: Werthog isn't that smart or subtle.
* the Navratilova joke is sooooo tired.