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View Full Version : How do you handle shocking news about a death?


Jakeev
Jun 15th, 2005, 11:38 PM
I just found out somebody that I have only known since January, but had great respect and admiration for, passed away yesterday.

I found out when I called his house and his mother had answered the phone. She did not know who I was, but I guess found my name on one of his folders and then she proceeded to tell me he has passed.

I'm sitting here at my computer feeling numb. My mouth is dry and I am trying very hard to stifle tears from brewing up.

I'm in shock because this is a person I thought I was falling for, but did everything I could to ignore it because I frankly didn't think I was good enough for him, even though he was nothing but kind, l;oving and very respectful toward me.

I don't know people, how do you handle news like this? Especially when it's somebody you just met and were in the slow process of getting to know the person?

I am really not one to talk about my everyday life outside this board. But this is a definite reality in my life and I needed some outlet to get it off my chest.

Thanks for any comments.....

HAIL-VENUS
Jun 15th, 2005, 11:43 PM
That's terrible news. You should allow yourself to grieve. If you feel like crying...then cry. It's what humans do, and it will help you to heal. It's gonna take some time for you to get beyond the emotions that you're feeling right now, but you will. And you can keep some things around you that reminds you of your friend and his life and the kind of person he was. I know how it feels to lose a close friend. It just takes time and proper grieving to heal.

Rocketta
Jun 15th, 2005, 11:45 PM
awww, here's a hug for you. :hug:

I'll tell you how I handled the times I found out about someone I cared about died. ----> I cried and I cried.

When I found out my best friend from college died and her trifling mother didn't bother to call me...............I cried.

When I found out my dad died one day before I found out he was sick...............I cried.

When I found out our family friend who I'd known my whole life and who was someone who visited me in the hospital everyday for first thirty days of my life on this planet had killed himself.................I cried.

and the other thing I did was go to movies......I cried while there but always felt better by the end of the movie.

I hope this helps. :hug:

Dana Marcy
Jun 15th, 2005, 11:47 PM
Sorry for your loss. Don't hold it in. Release! Mourn and savor the memories you had of him. :hug:

kiwifan
Jun 15th, 2005, 11:54 PM
Crying is a great start.

I then like to think about something funny that happened between me and my friend; anything that will get me to focus on the good times.

I prefer to envision my friends, relatives, etc. looking down on me and laughing about the good old days. :angel: :angel: :angel:

OUT!
Jun 16th, 2005, 12:06 AM
I just found out somebody that I have only known since January, but had great respect and admiration for, passed away yesterday.

I found out when I called his house and his mother had answered the phone. She did not know who I was, but I guess found my name on one of his folders and then she proceeded to tell me he has passed.

I'm sitting here at my computer feeling numb. My mouth is dry and I am trying very hard to stifle tears from brewing up.

I'm in shock because this is a person I thought I was falling for, but did everything I could to ignore it because I frankly didn't think I was good enough for him, even though he was nothing but kind, l;oving and very respectful toward me.

I don't know people, how do you handle news like this? Especially when it's somebody you just met and were in the slow process of getting to know the person?

I am really not one to talk about my everyday life outside this board. But this is a definite reality in my life and I needed some outlet to get it off my chest.

Thanks for any comments.....
Hugs for you Jakeev. It's a bizarre coincidence that you posted this, because a very dear family friend passed away this week too. I've been crying every other hour and I just keep reflecting on how kind she was to me when I was a boy. She's also my mum's best friends and visited her without fail every day when my mum was going through cancer. She also took me to gay clubs for the first time, boosted my self-esteem and was in essence a dear friend. Why do good people die in this way? Disproves karma that's for sure.

RIP my dear friend Kerry.

I feel really empty inside and I have never cried so much in all my life.

skanky~skanketta
Jun 16th, 2005, 12:25 AM
well, one of my cousins, who happened to be someone i was very close to died this march. it was the worst thing i've ever experienced. i was basically in shock for about 5 hours waiting for it to register. when i did, i bawled. i couldn't stop crying for days. the worst was on the 2nd say when my mom called from malaysia (i was in australia and couldn't get a ticket in time hence not being able to attend the funeral) from the cemetary. i was controlling myself. when my sister came on the phone and told me that his "body" was still and peaceful, i just couldn't hold back any longer. i cried because the heartache was just unbearable.i mean, this was the guy that i did most of my first things with. my first cigarette, my first round clubbng, but my first drink...and it was worse because his parents didn't want me to know he had died because they were worried about how i would be affected (i'm known as the emotional one in my family)...fortunately my mom called and informed me. god!i feel tears welling up.

all i can say is that it sucks. but life goes on. but let it out. you'll feel better. that way when the tears are out of the way, you'll be able to relish your memories.

skanky~skanketta
Jun 16th, 2005, 12:27 AM
Hugs for you Jakeev. It's a bizarre coincidence that you posted this, because a very dear family friend passed away this week too. I've been crying every other hour and I just keep reflecting on how kind she was to me when I was a boy. She's also my mum's best friends and visited her without fail every day when my mum was going through cancer. She also took me to gay clubs for the first time, boosted my self-esteem and was in essence a dear friend. Why do good people die in this way? Disproves karma that's for sure.

RIP my dear friend Kerry.

I feel really empty inside and I have never cried so much in all my life.

i feel you babe. :sad: :hug:

OUT!
Jun 16th, 2005, 12:33 AM
i feel you babe. :sad: :hug:
Thanks Veronica :kiss:

Take care xx.

SelesFan70
Jun 16th, 2005, 12:37 AM
:hug: If you feel like crying by all means do so. Punch a pillow, scream, go for a jog, call your other friends, call your parents if you can, do whatever must do to cope. There is no "set time" to get over the loss of your friend and quite frankly you never will forget, but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds...or at least makes them bearable. One day, you will think of your friend and just smile at the good times y'all had and you'll probably cry at the same time. I still do over my grand ma! :kiss:

skanky~skanketta
Jun 16th, 2005, 01:03 AM
:hug: If you feel like crying by all means do so. Punch a pillow, scream, go for a jog, call your other friends, call your parents if you can, do whatever must do to cope. There is no "set time" to get over the loss of your friend and quite frankly you never will forget, but as the saying goes, time heals all wounds...or at least makes them bearable. One day, you will think of your friend and just smile at the good times y'all had and you'll probably cry at the same time. I still do over my grand ma! :kiss:

yep. :kiss: you'll never be able to get over someone so close to your heart.

Jakeev
Jun 16th, 2005, 01:16 AM
Thanks for the responses everyone. Feeling better here and God Bless everyone.

TF Chipmunk
Jun 16th, 2005, 05:06 AM
I've never really experienced a death before in my life. I guess that's lucky on my part, but I think also that this lack of experience will cause me to have more grief and feel worse about it than people who have lost loved ones earlier in their lives. I think it's because I wouldn't know how to deal with it...

Having said that, I think I'd be a pretty stoic person if someone died. I don't know why, and I know that is sort of "cold" or "heartless," but I don't know, I've never been raised to fear death or look upon it as an awful thing. I guess it only depends on how the person died.

The only person that I can imagine ever crying about dying would be my mom or my sister because she has meant so much to me and our family. But I really hope that I don't live the day to see either of them die..because I just don't think I could handle it...

Szymanowski
Jun 16th, 2005, 09:19 AM
I'm really really sorry :sad:

It's only happened to me once before; I just cried for ages.

:hug:

Hayato
Jun 16th, 2005, 09:26 AM
My cat and great aunt died this week...just remember that grief is caused by love, and just be strong!!

bis2806
Jun 16th, 2005, 10:38 AM
Yeah I had a friend's dad who passed away about a few months ago. A friend of mine called me and told me the news and I just couldn't react. It was really shocking because she hasn't told me a thing about her father's illness. The whole time after my friend told me about our friend's father's death, I just kept saying "How could this happen?" and "this is unfair." Our friend and us both share a close relationship and we were saddened by the news.