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View Full Version : LMAO!! Absolutely wrong sperm joke!!


CoryAnnAvants#1
Apr 11th, 2005, 01:09 AM
My boyfriend told this to me the other day.

A woman is sitting in her house one day when a burglar breaks in and holds a gun to her head and shouts "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!"

The woman starts crying and tells the man she doesn't have any money. "Please don't kill me," she cries. "I really don't have any money."

The burglar thinks for a second. He pulls a small container out of his bag. "OK, I won't kill you if you swallow this container of my sperm."

"But I really..."

"SWALLOW IT!"

The woman takes a deep breath and drinks down the semen in the container. Suddenly the burglar takes off his mask. It's her husband.

"See honey. Was it really THAT bad?" :tape: :lol:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 01:18 AM
:tape: :haha: OMG.... that's sooooooo bad!!

Paldias
Apr 11th, 2005, 01:18 AM
Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :scared:

beauty_is_pink
Apr 11th, 2005, 01:19 AM
omg that's horrible! :eek:
somehow I was picturing the victim as an old elderly ladie.... :unsure: :scared: ew!

SzavayFi
Apr 11th, 2005, 01:58 AM
ewww...........Gross :unsure:

¤CharlDa¤
Apr 11th, 2005, 02:27 AM
:lol: Pretty good one ;)

Venus_Serena
Apr 11th, 2005, 02:29 AM
:devil:

PaulieM
Apr 11th, 2005, 02:32 AM
omg :haha: :scared:

SelesFan70
Apr 11th, 2005, 03:42 AM
It's better hot and fresh, but whatever works... :lol:

ceiling_fan
Apr 11th, 2005, 03:59 AM
hhahahaha

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:02 AM
I woulda just let him shoot me, ewwwww cum...... male cum, nasty :bolt:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:06 AM
I woulda just let him shoot me, ewwwww cum...... male cum, nasty :bolt:
No....... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. :lick:
Ah hell, who I'm kidding.. I don't swallow. :tape:

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:08 AM
No....... mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. :lick:
Ah hell, who I'm kidding.. I don't swallow. :tape:

See, nobody likes it.
I wonder why it's different that chicks? It's always a salty goodness with women :tape:

ginger_fish668
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:09 AM
:eek: that's nasty!

But pretty funny. :lol:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:10 AM
See, nobody likes it.
I wonder why it's different that chicks? It's always a salty goodness with women :tape:
:barf: I would so never wanna know. I'll stick to hot and sticky icky manjuice thanks. lol And I don't mind it... I'd just rather not. ;) I reserve that for special people. :baby:

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:13 AM
:barf: I would so never wanna know. I'll stick to hot and sticky icky manjuice thanks. lol And I don't mind it... I'd just rather not. ;) I reserve that for special people. :baby:


Special peopel that you let in the Candy Shop... and let them lick the lollypop. :tape:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:22 AM
Special peopel that you let in the Candy Shop... and let them lick the lollypop. :tape:
I met in your mouth (boy) not in your hand. :dance:

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:23 AM
I melt in your mouth (boy) not in your hand. :dance:

There's something so wrong about how guys can SHOOT.... Supposedly women can, but I've not had that happen yet. Find me an online tutorial so I can master the art. :angel:

Wigglytuff
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:28 AM
OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thats sooooooooooo evil, and yet so funny.

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:28 AM
There's something so wrong about how guys can SHOOT.... Supposedly women can, but I've not had that happen yet. Find me an online tutorial so I can master the art. :angel:
:scared: That's something I will refuse to partake in. :tape: I'd be so *puke* if I saw that, or tried to find how you could do that. But boy shooters can be hot, the further the better. :haha:

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:30 AM
:scared: That's something I will refuse to partake in. :tape: I'd be so *puke* if I saw that, or tried to find how you could do that. But boy shooters can be hot, the further the better. :haha:

Is it the further they shoot, they more they like you? Cuz that's what I always thought. :scratch:
I was once with a guy, and in my OLD CAR :yawn: And well he got it on the ceiling and the door. I figured I musta been damn good. :tape:

Like a chick, if you hit the hoover dam, you know your ass is good and can bring it!

I'll look up how to make a woman shoot, and master the art. That's my plan for this Spring. :woohoo:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:35 AM
I think the more they're interested, the further the spooge. ;)
I can't back that up with any scientific research or anything, but......

:haha:

Yeah, figure yourself out how to -----------------> () (that's a puddle at the end) :tape: and then Erin will be yours forever. ;)

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:38 AM
I think the more they're interested, the further the spooge. ;)
I can't back that up with any scientific research or anything, but......

:haha:

Yeah, figure yourself out how to -----------------> () (that's a puddle at the end) :tape: and then Erin will be yours forever. ;)

So I was good at straight sex, all those guy partners I had didn't lie. Well if I get bored with women I can go back if nothing more than to bring pleasure to the straight men of the world. :devil:

Oh I intend to learn how to make that (())------------->() And you know Erin's going to be Dr Frankensluts lil test subject. And I'm already so good she's mine forever, but this is the first time I dated a real nympho. I was a nympho (diagnosed me with it when I was in rehab).... now I have me a nympho. If we won the lottery we both won't live long, it will be 24/7 nonstop Lezzer Sex! :banana:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:41 AM
As if it's not 24/7 lezzer sexing now? :shrug:

:p I'd love to win the lottery. I'd travel with my German and have me a man in every port. (Seaport, bitch... I'm a top.) :p

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:47 AM
As if it's not 24/7 lezzer sexing now? :shrug:

:p I'd love to win the lottery. I'd travel with my German and have me a man in every port. (Seaport, bitch... I'm a top.) :p

Well she works, and I work from home. So the hours she's gone unless I go over there for lunch it's nothing. But when she's here, it's on. Althou right now I'm being locked out of getting the (())...... Cuz Dani was a bad girl earlier. :o

Piffffffff you'd let me, Erin and Silly travel with you right. We'd line the guys up, we'd interview them before you arrived. That's our jobs. :yeah:

ics_seitan
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:48 AM
shit like that just makes me miss Mitch Hedberg even more

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:51 AM
Well she works, and I work from home. So the hours she's gone unless I go over there for lunch it's nothing. But when she's here, it's on. Althou right now I'm being locked out of getting the (())...... Cuz Dani was a bad girl earlier. :o

Piffffffff you'd let me, Erin and Silly travel with you right. We'd line the guys up, we'd interview them before you arrived. That's our jobs. :yeah:
:bounce: You betcha! I like 'em tall, dark, and brooding.
I'm very unpicky. lol

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:54 AM
Don't worry, we all have excellent taste in picking people out. We're beautiful people so you'd only get the hot ones.

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:56 AM
Starts singing 'Beautiful People' by Marilyn Manson. :rocker2:

Ones that don't speak english well are welcome too. :tape: :tape: :haha:

JenFan75
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:57 AM
My friend told me that one a while back...


Still funny though :lol:

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:57 AM
I like the ones that don't speak English myself. Then you can just wing it, "oh you want it harder" "oh faster is it"....... and there is no bitch talkin back about it.

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 05:02 AM
I like the ones that don't speak English myself. Then you can just wing it, "oh you want it harder" "oh faster is it"....... and there is no bitch talkin back about it.
well i was meaning, accents are hot. specially german ones. :tape:
but yes, i like non-english ones. you can say all kinda nasty stuff to them and they don't understand. lol

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 05:09 AM
Erin never cusses, but in bed....... oh lord that girls mouth :tape:

Don't let Silly hear you like German accents. :eek:

zuluagafan
Apr 11th, 2005, 05:10 AM
funny!!!

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 05:13 AM
Erin never cusses, but in bed....... oh lord that girls mouth :tape:

Don't let Silly hear you like German accents. :eek:
I know!! German accents and his name is Alex. :o :eek:
But I SWEAR TO CHRIST, It's not who you think!! I promise!!

Denise4925
Apr 11th, 2005, 05:17 AM
:haha:

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 05:19 AM
I know!! German accents and his name is Alex. :o :eek:
But I SWEAR TO CHRIST, It's not who you think!! I promise!!

I believe you..... just made sure Silly knows!;)

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 05:30 AM
I believe you..... just made sure Silly knows!;)
He knows... he wanted proof. But I told him the only pic was, um.... not suitable for others too see. :tape: :devil: I don't share dick once I get it. lol

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 05:42 AM
He knows... he wanted proof. But I told him the only pic was, um.... not suitable for others too see. :tape: :devil: I don't share dick once I get it. lol

OMG Someone took porn pics with their camera phone probably. Better hope nobody hacks your TMobile Sidekick like they did Paris'. :lol:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 05:50 AM
OMG Someone took porn pics with their camera phone probably. Better hope nobody hacks your TMobile Sidekick like they did Paris'. :lol:
Yup, "someone" did. :tape: ANd someone has them in safe place, away from T-Mobil hackers. I ain't no paris hilton or fred durst.

DAMN!! I coulda taken some video of it. :mad:

Chunchun
Apr 11th, 2005, 05:55 AM
:haha:

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 05:55 AM
Yup, "someone" did. :tape: ANd someone has them in safe place, away from T-Mobil hackers. I ain't no paris hilton or fred durst.

DAMN!! I coulda taken some video of it. :mad:

Well this SOMEBODY right here, has videos of herself and Erin... then there are still the infamous porn tapes between me and JoHo. I should so use those for blackmail since she's telling everyone she's straight now. I got heads up she's been polishing the knob of this guy she's talkin to. :rolleyes:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:02 AM
I had a video sexing once... I was very very very young (like 17?). it was burned immediately upon completion. no black mark on my future run for president. lol

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:18 AM
I had a video sexing once... I was very very very young (like 17?). it was burned immediately upon completion. no black mark on my future run for president. lol

I'll get rid of the tapes of me and JoHo... cuz they make me wanna PUKE. :mad:
I guess I can't be the future President either :sobbing:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:19 AM
you can be the vice pressie, or vice lezzie? :shrug: :confused:

:lol:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:21 AM
I wish I still had my 'tape'... the boy in it, well his family is $$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
This boy could me rich via blackmail. lol

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:25 AM
See don't throw things like that away, but what do I do with the ones of JoHo? I could send the ones of her doing herself around via Bearshare or something. Get her online :lol:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:26 AM
See don't throw things like that away, but what do I do with the ones of JoHo? I could send the ones of her doing herself around via Bearshare or something. Get her online :lol:
:tape: Johoporn.com ;) or crackskank.com ??
you could make a mint. lol

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:26 AM
Speaking of self sex tapes, I have some from my friend that passed away. She used to have it bad for me and send them to me. I can't bring myself to watch them, I'd feel like I was a necrophila or something.

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:28 AM
:tape: Johoporn.com ;) or crackskank.com ??
you could make a mint. lol

crackskank.com is the best one yet :haha: I LOVE IT :hearts:
This could fund Erin and I's wedding.... now I have ideas! Erin watched them and claims she's the most boring fuck she's ever seen. And has made me tell her 20 times that she's way hotter than that thing.
Last time I spoke to crackho she's down to 110 lbs and like 5'9 :scared:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:29 AM
5'9 110? :snortcokewhore: :scared:
Of course I like 'em 6'4 and built like, well that guy you saw. :hearts:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:29 AM
Speaking of self sex tapes, I have some from my friend that passed away. She used to have it bad for me and send them to me. I can't bring myself to watch them, I'd feel like I was a necrophila or something.
:sad: Well keep it though... I mean for the simple fact of she shared that with you before she left you.

:hug: so sad.

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:36 AM
5'9 110? :snortcokewhore: :scared:
Of course I like 'em 6'4 and built like, well that guy you saw. :hearts:

Yeah, she's a coke snorting ho. That's how she claims she lost so much weight. I bet she looks right sickly now.

I like 6'4 hockey player cock. :tape:

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:38 AM
I will keep those tapes, but I tried to watch one the other day and just couldn't.
The coolest thing is that Jess and Erin have simliar personalities and share a hate for the Drugwhore!

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:44 AM
Anti-Drugwhore is :yeah: I'm anti-koochiecrackkiller too ;)

6'4 hockey dick...... mmmmmmm. doesn't my guy look like, well close to that? :p

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:56 AM
We've got the Crackwhore Ban goin tonight!
Your dude does look like he could play hockey, I wonder if he does :scratch: Get him on the ice and in hockey gear and take pics... there's your mission :D

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 06:59 AM
You wanna me to fuck him on the ice with hockey pads on? :eek:
Well, how did you know what our first date was gonna be? :haha:

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 07:02 AM
:lol: I said get him on the ice with hockey gear, I said nothing about fucking him on the ice wearing it, but now that you mention it :tape:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 07:11 AM
:lol: I said get him on the ice with hockey gear, I said nothing about fucking him on the ice wearing it, but now that you mention it :tape:
:banana: NHL sexing would be hot. Not done that one before. :p

*daydreams about the local ice rink and Mister Not Yet.........*

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 07:13 AM
:lol: NHL sexing would make me jealous.... I miss hockey :hysteric:

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 07:15 AM
if i get me some nhl sexing, i'll make sure to you give the blow by blow, er i mean play by play. :devil:

Bacardi
Apr 11th, 2005, 07:23 AM
:lol: Just let them so it on eSEXpn

AjdeNate!
Apr 11th, 2005, 07:24 AM
sexpn!! :haha: niiiiiiice

mandy7
Apr 11th, 2005, 07:34 AM
ooh, bad joke!
kinda funny though :p

CooCooCachoo
Apr 11th, 2005, 08:28 AM
:spit:

mandy7
Apr 11th, 2005, 08:49 AM
:spit:

and when did you start spitting?

:bolt:

CooCooCachoo
Apr 11th, 2005, 09:07 AM
and when did you start spitting?

:bolt:

:bolt:

:nerner:

mandy7
Apr 11th, 2005, 09:10 AM
:bolt:

:nerner:

just thought of you more as a swallower, that's all :ras:

:scared: :bolt:

CooCooCachoo
Apr 11th, 2005, 09:13 AM
just thought of you more as a swallower, that's all :ras:

:scared: :bolt:

I don't swallow, Mandy :p We're not all like you :p

:unsure:

mandy7
Apr 11th, 2005, 09:15 AM
I don't swallow, Mandy :p We're not all like you :p

:unsure:

i know not everyone's like me, and that's exactly my point :p

CooCooCachoo
Apr 11th, 2005, 09:37 AM
i know not everyone's like me, and that's exactly my point :p

:rolleyes: :nerner:

mandy7
Apr 11th, 2005, 09:56 AM
haha, strong comeback mate! :lol:

CooCooCachoo
Apr 11th, 2005, 09:56 AM
I know :bounce:

skanky~skanketta
Apr 11th, 2005, 11:55 AM
thats just VILE!

Veritas
Apr 11th, 2005, 12:39 PM
My boyfriend told this to me the other day.

A woman is sitting in her house one day when a burglar breaks in and holds a gun to her head and shouts "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY!"

The woman starts crying and tells the man she doesn't have any money. "Please don't kill me," she cries. "I really don't have any money."

The burglar thinks for a second. He pulls a small container out of his bag. "OK, I won't kill you if you swallow this container of my sperm."

"But I really..."

"SWALLOW IT!"

The woman takes a deep breath and drinks down the semen in the container. Suddenly the burglar takes off his mask. It's her husband.

"See honey. Was it really THAT bad?" :tape: :lol:

You're right: it's absolutely wrong...but it's funny :lol:

Wiggly
Apr 11th, 2005, 01:27 PM
:spit: :unsure:

tennislover
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:14 PM
is that a joke?............... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
i have to up date my English lexical skills....

mandy7
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:30 PM
yes it's a joke
but with a signature like that....
i'm not surprised you don't get it

tennislover
Apr 11th, 2005, 04:33 PM
yes it's a joke
but with a signature like that....
i'm not surprised you don't get it

what such an offensive post..... :eek:
what's wrong with my signature..... ?:confused:

(i'm afraid your name will be delated from my "fave posters" list.....)

mandy7
Apr 11th, 2005, 08:27 PM
what such an offensive post..... :eek:
what's wrong with my signature..... ?:confused:

(i'm afraid your name will be delated from my "fave posters" list.....)

oh i didn't mean it that bad :hug:
i just meant that navratilova and a sperm joke don't go well together

flyingmachine
Apr 11th, 2005, 08:41 PM
So I was good at straight sex, all those guy partners I had didn't lie. Well if I get bored with women I can go back if nothing more than to bring pleasure to the straight men of the world. :devil:

Oh I intend to learn how to make that (())------------->() And you know Erin's going to be Dr Frankensluts lil test subject. And I'm already so good she's mine forever, but this is the first time I dated a real nympho. I was a nympho (diagnosed me with it when I was in rehab).... now I have me a nympho. If we won the lottery we both won't live long, it will be 24/7 nonstop Lezzer Sex! :banana:
Well good luck in your sex life.

tennislover
Apr 12th, 2005, 01:00 PM
oh i didn't mean it that bad :hug:
i just meant that navratilova and a sperm joke don't go well together

OMG!
I'm so sorry for misunderstanding your post....
:hug: :hug: :hug: :kiss: :kiss: :kiss:
(your name will be included again in my "fav posters" list! ;) )

mandy7
Apr 12th, 2005, 01:05 PM
all the bad-rep i get lately is from people who always think i mean bad with everything i say :bigcry:
:p

tennislover
Apr 12th, 2005, 01:11 PM
all the bad-rep i get lately is from people who always think i mean bad with everything i say :bigcry:
:p

you know, it happens in forums....moreover English is not the first language for a lot of people........


anyway i have to admit that when i read your first message (that I misunderstood), I simply couldn't believe it,as i know you as a very nice person.... :)