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View Full Version : Guess who's going to Charles and Camilla's wedding!


Joan Rivers
Apr 8th, 2005, 11:45 AM
http://www.portervillerecorder.com/articles/2005/04/07/ap/entertainment/d89aof400.txt

Britain's political elite will be represented by Prime Minister Tony Blair and opposition leaders Michael Howard and Charles Kennedy.

Entertainers include ribald comedian Joan Rivers, a friend of the couple, as well as Joanna Lumley, best known for playing gin-soaked aging model Patsy on "Absolutely Fabulous." Also invited are actors Kenneth Branagh and Richard E. Grant, "Rumpole of the Bailey" author John Mortimer and veteran broadcaster David Frost.

Joanie's back kids, long time no see! And in the case of Sal Struthers - long time no lunch!

I'm going to Charles and Camilla's wedding tomorrow. I am a friend of the Royal Family you know - I am the Queens plastic surgery consultant. The woman's had more surgery than me - she had a tit job last year. Amazing work!

Camilla asked me what to wear. I said "Cam, don't wear brown, you're horsey enough hun!" The A List are distancing themselves so Joanie's cleaning up with an invite. Star Jones is pissed and jealous. I said "Star - you may be on E! now in my spot, but I am still the worldwide celebrity. And I'm not married to a fag either!"

I am now wondering what to wear myself and I wanna make a mark. I wanna upstage while I still can so I am thinking of going for either Bjork's Swan dress or a slashed to the navel Versace. (I was gonna go for the Nazi uniform but Prince Harry hired the last one the costume store had!). I will be doing a little stand up at the dinner afterwards. I've been told not to mention - Camilla's teeth, Diana, Camilla's clothes, The Queen, Camilla's hair, Fergie, Camilla's nose and just Camilla in general. I said to the Queen, I said "Liz, honey, what do you expect me to freakin' talk about then? The weather?!". She said "No Joan, my dear, but you can talk about Princess Anne. Your last gag about her hooves still makes me laugh".

So there you go kids, Joanie's going to the ball! Maybe I'll see Hel Lawson there. God knows where the broad is but if I find out she's Prince William's secret booty call, I'll die!