View Full Version : Article: Digestive Mediciation Companies to sue Capriati

Apr 1st, 2005, 05:17 PM
Digestive Mediciation Companies to sue Capriati
by April Phools

In a stunning move, Pepto Bismol, Tums, Prilosec, Nexium, Pepcid and Mylanta will sue tennis star Jennifer Capriati for $50 million. Since the three time Grand Slam winner has been out with a shoulder injury, every digestive medication’s sales have plummeted by a whopping 40%.

“Jennifer Capriati is one of the most popular tennis players in the world and always has her fans on the edge,” said Pepto Bismol CEO John Beano. “That leaves us with millions of people around the world who are no longer getting persistent heartburn, gas, and other digestive disorders.”

“She had better come back, or we’ll be out of business!” said Nexium CEO Tommy Hurtz.

In response to the lawsuit, Capriati said, “It’s not my fault all my fans get sick when I play! I’ve provided fans with some of the most thrilling matches ever, and this is the thanks I get? Man, if they’re getting diarrhea and heartburn because I make them so nervous, maybe they should root for someone who is more boring and predictable!”

Capriati has decided to counter sue all the companies for defamation of character and image. She believes justice will be served, “by the time this is all done, the only people needing Pepto will be those creeps who are suing me!”

Apr 1st, 2005, 05:20 PM

Apr 1st, 2005, 05:21 PM
Oh crap, my computer just went spastic and posted this a thousand times before I was even done writing the damn thing. I must delete all ot them!

Apr 1st, 2005, 05:25 PM
Real friends don't let friends smoke crack and post.

Apr 1st, 2005, 05:25 PM
THis will be fixed shortly..........My computer just played an April Fools Day prank on me.

Apr 1st, 2005, 05:42 PM
Okay, I fixed my original post.