View Full Version : J O K E Tiiiime ! ;)

Oct 15th, 2004, 09:58 PM
The Newlywed

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself
to the doctor.

He said "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."

The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them. She said, "You're the first. No one has ever touched these

He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!

Oct 15th, 2004, 10:02 PM
My wife loved this joke. She's Mexican. ;)

Bungee Jumping in Mexico

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need---tower, elastic cord, insurance, etc...
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up in the square.
As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble.
Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
After they have everything ready, they decide to give the crowd a demonstration.

The first guy jumps. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes
back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches.

Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able to catch him, and he falls again,
bounces and comes back up again. This time, he is bruised and bleeding.

Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces
back up.

This time, he comes back pretty messed up - he's got a couple of broken bones
and is almost unconscious.

Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"

The first guy replies, "No, the cord was fine.... what the hell is a

Oct 15th, 2004, 10:09 PM
The LAPD, the FBI, and the CIA

The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test, so he releases a rabbit into a forest and charges each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in first...
They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. And after three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in...
After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest... killing everything in it, including the rabbit. And they make no apologies...saying "The rabbit had it coming."

The LAPD goes in...
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."