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Bleach
Oct 5th, 2004, 05:27 AM
I have really low confidence in myself.

I was fat and ugly for most of my life, but in the past year I have lost tons of weight, and really just cleaned myself up.

Everyone now says I'm cute, but I don't believe them... and every night I cry because I'm so jealous of these really attractive guys.

Should I get counselling, or what? :sad:

Please do not criticize me or anything... I'm going through a tough time.

Thanks everyone. :sad:

Bacardi
Oct 5th, 2004, 05:30 AM
Bleach, it wouldn't hurt you to talk to a counselor or anything. Sometimes that can help you. But the best thing is to actually listen to your friends, find something you are good at and enjoy doing and just let the confidence grow. Everyone has at least one thing they can be confident in.
Good luck! :)

Wigglytuff
Oct 5th, 2004, 05:38 AM
I have really low confidence in myself.

I was fat and ugly for most of my life, but in the past year I have lost tons of weight, and really just cleaned myself up.

Everyone now says I'm cute, but I don't believe them... and every night I cry because I'm so jealous of these really attractive guys.

Should I get counselling, or what? :sad:

Please do not criticize me or anything... I'm going through a tough time.

Thanks everyone. :sad:

firstly i think EVERYONE should be in counseling.

secondly, its always helpful for me to think aobut the cool things i have done. we all have something to be proud of. i have been really lonely of late even though i just started school and have been macking on the ladies, and have lots of new friends. thats NOT to brag, that is to say that most of us, no matter where we are get a littleblue sometimes. there is nothing wrong withbeing sad or evenhaveing really low self esteem for a while thats just being human.

but it really does help to remember cool things you have done. things that make you exciting and kick ass, things that make you different, things thatyou have done that most other may not have. thathelps it really does

Wigglytuff
Oct 5th, 2004, 05:41 AM
sorry about the above post my space baris zonkingout it doesnt always work.

bw2082
Oct 5th, 2004, 05:54 AM
I have really low confidence in myself.

I was fat and ugly for most of my life, but in the past year I have lost tons of weight, and really just cleaned myself up.

Everyone now says I'm cute, but I don't believe them... and every night I cry because I'm so jealous of these really attractive guys.

Should I get counselling, or what? :sad:

Please do not criticize me or anything... I'm going through a tough time.

Thanks everyone. :sad:

You just need to accept yourself for who you are. You lost a ton of weight which is probably harder than anything those "really attractive guys" you're jealous of have done. Be proud of that! :yeah:

Last time I checked, people telling you that you're cute isn't a bad thing. :lol:
Believe them. They wouldn't say anything if they thought otherwise. Anyway you can't depend on what others say to make you feel good. Instead of focusing on how you're so jealous of the other guys maybe try focusing on the similarities you share with them. You'll soon see they're not as perfet or better than you like you think. Everyone has problems and imperfections (even me :angel: ) but they don't detract from your value as a person.

Get counceling if you think it will help you.

Bleach
Oct 5th, 2004, 06:03 AM
Wow, thanks everyone.

Great post, bw2082... I will now do that from now on.

Crazy Canuck
Oct 5th, 2004, 07:03 AM
firstly i think EVERYONE should be in counseling.

Erm? Doing PR work for the APA are you? ;)

Bleach, what you are experiencing is expected. Bad skin and excess weight can dissapear, but emotional scars don't. You just have to learn how to cope. Some people are able to totally get rid of it, others (like me) have to learn to live with it. But you'll make it, trust me ;)

Philbo
Oct 5th, 2004, 08:29 AM
The problem is, happiness, self esteem etc all comes from within, yet most people go about life looking to find happiness, or self esteem, or anything like that through what they DO.

But self esteem comes from a place inside - a place of BEING, not a place of DOING. So for example, you may lose weight, have surgery, join the gym, eat properly etc etc all in order to find self esteem, but you wont find self esteem by DOING these things, you have to change the way you THINK, not what you do.

You need to redefine what you consider 'attractive' - does being attractive mean having the right dress size, the right amount of muscle, the right hair style etc? Or does being 'attractive' mean having a warm heart and a loving/kind nature?

IMO its the latter.

Truely 'attractive' people have a big, genuine heart and they care for others. Deep down you do know what your attractive qualitites are as a person - you need to focus on those and overcome the NEGATIVE voice in your mind that doesnt allow you to believe in yourself and your attractive qualitites - we all have that negative voice inside us, but you need to recognise it for what it is - your own mind trying to play tricks on you....and overcome it by focussing on the positive qualities you DEFINITELY possess.

skanky~skanketta
Oct 5th, 2004, 09:35 AM
whats there to be jealous about. just think about something that u have, a quality, that gives u an edge.

i mean, i have a friend, and when i'm with her i always feel small and it pisses me off cuz i pride myself on having high confidence. but she's got grey eyes and many think that because u're indian and have grey eyes, u're prettier than most. i dont think she's prettier, we're prolly just about equal, but i know i'm smarter and that makes me feel better.

u shoud, try something like that.

V.Melb
Oct 5th, 2004, 10:08 AM
Czech fan you are right.
But don't tell me..... that walking down the street you look twice at the fat unnattractive oaf because they may have a big heart. they may be nice people, but not cute.

You would look at the smooth sleek tanned guy with the sixpack! Human instinct is what makes us attracted to phyically 'beautfiul' people!

But if what u said was what u honsetly beleive, you must be a genuine person.... unfortunantly most people are not like that!

"Sluggy"
Oct 5th, 2004, 11:29 AM
Bleach - first take my best advice and ignore everything that Searchlight says. :) :rolleyes:

I also struggle with low self-esteem issues. Therapy helps to an extent but you just gotta work at it yourself. If you want to feel good you got to think good. So think about things that make you happy and you will feel better. If i focus on tennis i feel better. if i focus on my own weight issues, or on past stupid things ive done, i feel like a freaking zombie - very unhappy. work on it. Think about the positives and you feel better. Also there is a type of therapy i think is very useful. You think about the thing that is bothering you and then you think about the emotions that come along with it. than you make another column and assess the true realities of the situation and if based on the true assessment of the situation, should it really make you feel that crappy. 90 percent of our worries and unhapinesses are exaggerations of reality. its something like that.. gotta run, frogburger

!<blocparty>!
Oct 5th, 2004, 11:38 AM
but in the past year I have lost tons of weight, and really just cleaned myself up.



:drool:

six pack :lick::tape:

Helen Lawson
Oct 5th, 2004, 12:52 PM
Win an Oscar, that'll take care of any self-esteem issues.

SM
Oct 5th, 2004, 02:02 PM
Vixen. what i think he means is that wanting to look good and achieving certain goals are just an aspect or manifestation of the condition ie self esteem. It is much more than 'doing' and achieving a good body and all of those things to overcome the underlying problem..

im sure what he means is hed prefer someone who is less attractive (not ugly, you obviously need to be attracted to their looks), than someone who looks perfect but is very superficial and unattractive on the inside.

SM
Oct 5th, 2004, 02:04 PM
"Win an Oscar, that'll take care of any self-esteem issues"

rotf!!

AjdeNate!
Oct 5th, 2004, 02:17 PM
I have really low confidence in myself. .....
..... I'm going through a tough time.
:wavey: I completely understand. I hate myself most days, you just have to deal with the bad as best you can and look forward to better things. It's hard, but if you think too much about the negative, it turns into a vicious cycle that will just bring you down for longer.

Lord Chips
Oct 5th, 2004, 04:46 PM
I've had a lot of problems similar to what you've had, mostly caused by me suffering from a mild form of bi-polar disorder. I've sorted myself out by changing the way I look at life. Some people I knew did a lot to hurt me but I have told myself to forget about them. I've now realised who my friends are and those are the people I care about.

I also had a big weight problem. Four weeks ago I weighed 16 stones/102 kg. I started a diet then and now weigh 15 stones, 2 pounds/96 Kg. A few months ago I brought a XXXL sized Rugby shirt. Yesterday a Large sized shirt. I feel better physically then I've ever felt before.

I still have bad days. I used to work at my local McDonald's and still get a lot of abuse from the local "chavs". But I just think, I don't pride myself on looking like a total idiot, I have a job I love, I have good loyal friends, My Rugby, Cricket and Footbal teams are all doing well, my health is improving, I've done a marathon to raise money for a charity that will never be able to help me which is more then most people can say and most of all, I may have spent 3 years working at McDonald's but I'll never end up having a career in a company like that.

But most importantly, life is too short to be bitter and worry what people think. Just enjoy yourself, you only get one shot at life.

kabuki
Oct 5th, 2004, 05:24 PM
I have really low confidence in myself.

I was fat and ugly for most of my life, but in the past year I have lost tons of weight, and really just cleaned myself up.

Everyone now says I'm cute, but I don't believe them... and every night I cry because I'm so jealous of these really attractive guys.

Should I get counselling, or what? :sad:

Please do not criticize me or anything... I'm going through a tough time.

Thanks everyone. :sad:

My best reccommendation to you is to stop comparing yourself to others. Obviously, it's not easy, but I think it is key. No matter how (physically) attractive you are, there will always be someone else more attractive than you. Even Jude Law has many men who are much more attractive than he is. My point is, no matter where you are on the bell curve of whatever trait you are hung up on, there is someone better off than you, and worse off than you. It would be good for you to focus on becoming the best you that you can be, rather than measuring yourself against the rest of the world. Remember also, your looks are the only thing about you that fade with age. Your intelligence, wisdom, and experience all grow. If you only focus on your looks, you will be a very unhappy middle-aged person, having put all your eggs in one precarious basket. Focus on your mind and heart as much as your appearance, and you will be a happier and more fulfilled person throughout your life. Good luck.

I Love Sharapova
Oct 5th, 2004, 06:27 PM
Bleach,it's kind of funny that you should bring up inferiority complexes and the like. Most of my grown years I have been told what a nice looking guy that I am, yet,because I dwell so much on my past childhood when I was "picked" on, I have never really been able to believe it. I have always thought," Oh,they are just being nice. etc.etc"
Let me tell you,this line of thinking will lead you directly into an inner hell. I have been there almost my entire life.When one examines what is really happening you realize that it is to your own choosing to feel that way.You either try to change it or live with it. I,unfortuanately for me,have chose the latter. Hence,I am a 27 year old single man who doesn't do a damn thing!! :lol: Insecurity is a disease!! Do what you can to alleviate it before it is too late.

Kart
Oct 5th, 2004, 09:27 PM
I have really low confidence in myself.

I was fat and ugly for most of my life, but in the past year I have lost tons of weight, and really just cleaned myself up.

Everyone now says I'm cute, but I don't believe them... and every night I cry because I'm so jealous of these really attractive guys.

Should I get counselling, or what? :sad:

Please do not criticize me or anything... I'm going through a tough time.

Thanks everyone. :sad:
Everyone has their own little insecurities - even those really attractive guys you're talking about.

You don't need counselling, it will all pass - most things do.

MisterQ
Oct 5th, 2004, 09:44 PM
I don't have a lot to add to the good advice of everyone else. But I want to wish you good luck. It can take time, but finding a way to be happy with yourself is a great process. I used to compare myself to others all the time. It made me miserable. Now this happens rather infrequently: I take pride in my work and my friendships/relationships with others. I hope this can happen for you too.

Joana
Oct 5th, 2004, 10:01 PM
You would look at the smooth sleek tanned guy with the sixpack! Human instinct is what makes us attracted to phyically 'beautfiul' people!

Yes, having a sixpack is the single mos important thing nowadays, and I'm not being sarcastic.

Philbo
Oct 5th, 2004, 11:40 PM
Czech fan you are right.
But don't tell me..... that walking down the street you look twice at the fat unnattractive oaf because they may have a big heart. they may be nice people, but not cute.

You would look at the smooth sleek tanned guy with the sixpack! Human instinct is what makes us attracted to phyically 'beautfiul' people!

But if what u said was what u honsetly beleive, you must be a genuine person.... unfortunantly most people are not like that!
Good point, I cant say I wouldnt look ath guy with a 6 pack, but the point I was trying to make is this:

I see many, many attractive overweight women, and i think to myself 'what is it about that overweight girl that makes people attracted to her"? (I might see her with a boyfriend etc) and the thing they all have in common is that they are comfortable with themself - they are makign the MOST out of what was given to them by god, and thats all anyone can do - make the most out of the cards you are dealt..

Im not saying an overweight or unattractive girl/guy will always get everyone he/she wants - noone gets everyone they want - but the will be able to attract more people if they give off an energy of 'im comfortabel with who i am, and what makes me a great person is ............." than someone who gives off the energy of not loving themselves... It really is an old saying but until you learn to love yourself, noone else will be able to love you because how will you ALLOW anyone else to love you if you dont even give that love to yourself?

Mariangelina
Oct 6th, 2004, 01:00 AM
:hug:My self-esteem has never really been bad, but I've struggled with excessive perfectionism my whole life and tend to be very hard on myself, so I can understand where you're coming from.

I have never worried about my appearance to the point where it became a big preoccupation, but I certainly know people who have, and I know it's really hard. You know what? The beautiful people have insecurities too, and if you looked like them, it wouldn't fix your life. Try to focus on what you like about your looks, and try to remember that the exterior really doesn't count for much. There are a lot of pretty people who are loathsome assholes, and a lot with a few extra pounds or bad skin who are thenicest you could ever find. And people notice this. I don't deny that my hormones talk loud and my head tends to swing around when a pretty girl walks by, but the most truly beautiful people are those who love themselves.

I'm not an expert, but I figure counseling probably would help. Most counselors are a lot more articulate than I am, anyway.

And I always like to remember something a wiser person than me once told me: if you're getting pissed off at yourself, try to think of yourself as your best friend. If your best friend gains fifteen pounds or flunks a test or loses a tennis match, do you think less of them and not want them as your friend anymore? Superficially sounds a bit trite, but I've found it to be actually very true.

You would not be worthless if you had the face of Cyclops and Medusa's love child; your looks don't really affect who you truly are inside. And IMO, 90% of people are better-looking than they think they are. Try to value yourself for your unique qualities as a person, not for how you stack up against an attractive guy. :hug:

skanky~skanketta
Oct 6th, 2004, 09:27 AM
Everyone has their own little insecurities - even those really attractive guys you're talking about.

You don't need counselling, it will all pass - most things do.
exactly. everybody has their own insecurities. for me, its not how people look at my physical appearance cuz i know i'm hot, but i'm always worried that people think i'm a total slut-bimbo.just cuz i may portray the part doesn't really mean i am.

King Aaron
Oct 6th, 2004, 07:12 PM
exactly. everybody has their own insecurities. for me, its not how people look at my physical appearance cuz i know i'm hot, but i'm always worried that people think i'm a total slut-bimbo.just cuz i may portray the part doesn't really mean i am.
:lol: V! :kiss: