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View Full Version : I'm going under, feeling depressed and empty. The end.


<3azza~my~love<3
Oct 3rd, 2004, 12:50 PM
I知 hurting myself again. I知 falling and when I fall I don稚 care enough to try to safe myself. On some level I want to destroy myself.

I知 slitting my wrists and hiding the scabs and scars from everyone. Why? I guess I知 just masochistic and sick. I致e gone through so much shit in my short life that I need something more than tears and a therapist. I知 nothing anymore, I feel so empty.

I知 afraid of myself because no one else in the world knows how to myself so deeply.
I hate myself and I want to die, this is so boring, nothing is new. I知 not eating, I知 starving myself and I知 starting to look really anorectic. Not that pretty actually. My skin is white and blue and my body ice cold I知 freezing. Sometimes I wonder if there痴 anything left in me.

I hate these cold, windy, dark days of October They make me look such a sentimental idiot :o . I mean, love wasn稚 like that few years ago it wasn稚 anger, sex or rejecting. It was just holding your breath, blushing, staring that someone in his eyes so that it made you want to faint, dreams, and I always believed that the boy I liked was perfect. Oh my God, I miss my old boyfriend though he痴 way shorter than me nowadays. And I think he痴 gay (I mean seriously, a guy who dances ballet? :tape: )

And my sister died last autumn. She was probably my best friend. The sweetest girl on the earth died, and I don稚 think I値l ever get over it. Her story is too meaningless, sad, bitter, anything.

And school really depresses me too. Last year, and always before, I used to be the best at everything, I was simply brilliant at maths, physics, writing I used to be like a genius. But I was stupid and ruined it, I went to the best high school you can find, and all the others are as intelligent as I. Now I知 pretty much an average student though all the other people at my school are really sweet and great. Okay, this is really not that depressing; I知 not just that special anymore :p

And I know that no one here cares. People don稚 really care about me (or anyone for that matter :p ), they don稚 like me until they get to know me Yeah, why am I writing? Maybe I just hope that someone here recognizes me. Cause I know that this one person here Maybe this is my diary. Wow I知 getting quite pathetic.

I love you all :fiery: :kiss:

!<blocparty>!
Oct 3rd, 2004, 01:09 PM
oh dear god.

unban him. :scared:

<3azza~my~love<3
Oct 3rd, 2004, 02:18 PM
oh dear god.

unban him. :scared:

Her. Thank you.

switz
Oct 3rd, 2004, 02:25 PM
be quite rothes

esqumaux
Oct 3rd, 2004, 02:27 PM
:fiery: :fiery: :kiss:


:wavey:

thalle
Oct 3rd, 2004, 02:34 PM
:fiery: :fiery: :kiss:


:wavey:
no esquilove, its :fiery::kiss:
;)

<3azza~my~love<3
Oct 3rd, 2004, 03:32 PM
This is just too depressing. No one is taking me seriously. :eek: :eek: :eek: :sad: :angel:

be quite rothes

That I don't honestly understand :confused:

:fiery: :kiss:

<3azza~my~love<3
Oct 3rd, 2004, 03:33 PM
:fiery: :fiery: :kiss:


:wavey:

What do you mean with that? :confused: That you want to burn and kill me twice and then give me a kiss? And THEN say bye bye? That's sounds just a little sick...

:fiery: :kiss:

esqumaux
Oct 3rd, 2004, 04:11 PM
No, no, it was anzela's signature :D

http://www.wtaworld.com/member.php?u=22293

R.I.P anzela :sad:

<3azza~my~love<3
Oct 3rd, 2004, 04:25 PM
That's sad... Honestly I didn't know. I'm definitely not anzela, I can spell - sometimes.

esqumaux
Oct 3rd, 2004, 04:52 PM
be quite rothesI had a dream about Rothes last week :D She wrote me a $300 check that I thought was bad, so I chased her to the bank and confronted her. It was good, so I cashed it in :silly::D

thalle
Oct 3rd, 2004, 06:42 PM
No, no, it was anzela's signature :D

http://www.wtaworld.com/member.php?u=22293

R.I.P anzela :sad:
what happend to anzela?

PointBlank
Oct 3rd, 2004, 10:34 PM
what happend to anzela?

He was banned. Deaths. :sad:

Carolina Girl
Oct 3rd, 2004, 10:51 PM
I miss Aaron :sad:

esqumaux
Oct 4th, 2004, 02:10 AM
He was banned. Deaths. :sad:Umbane hm, led hm cum bak:bigcry: