View Full Version : Blonde Jokes !!

Feb 25th, 2002, 02:21 AM
here are a few to get started ;) (btw anyone feel free to add their own...) ..also a few are a bit dirty just to warn you..

How does a blonde turn the light on after sex?
-She opens the car door.

What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
-You can only get 3 fingers in a bowling ball.

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
-The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it!

What do you call a blonde with half a brain?

A blonde was at a pop machine and she would put in a quarter and get a pop she kept doing this repeatedly. When the guy behind her asked what was wrong she said:
-"Would you just wait.... I'm winning!"

How do you confuse a blonde?
-Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner!

Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
-Tits go in front!

What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brunette?
-Artificial intellegence

Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said, "Look at that dog with one eye!" The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says,

What do you call a blonde behind the steering wheel?
-An airbag.

What do you do when a blonde throws a grenade at you?
-You pick it up, pull the pin, and throw it back!!!

What does a blonde do when she wakes up?
-puts on her clothes and goes home

Feb 25th, 2002, 03:29 AM
i got one:

The Lottery

A blond woman named Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray..."God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again prays "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well."

Lotto night comes and Brandi still has no luck. Once again, she prays..."My God, why have you forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order.

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself: "Brandi, You have to meet me halfway on this... You have to buy a ticket."

Feb 25th, 2002, 03:32 AM
and another:

A Russian, an American and a Blonde were discussing space travel. The American argued that because they were the first to put a man on the moon, America was superior in space travel. The blonde stated her kind were going to be far superior to Russia and America because they were going to be the first to land on the sun. The Russian asked the blonde if she was nuts. Didn't she know that it was impossible to land on the sun? The American asked her just how in the hell she thought they could accomplish this considering the heat and extreme brightness of the sun." well, duh!" the blonde replied. "we're going at night."

and another:

Blonde at the Appliance Store
A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.
She went for a complete disguise this time; haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.
Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

and another:

Blonde Coffee Drinker
A blonde says to a brunette, ''Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt.''
The brunette says, ''Well maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup.''

and another:

Blonde Horse Ranch
A blonde had two horses, but she couldn't tell them apart. So she asked her neighbor for advice. He suggested that she cut the tail off one of the horses. This worked until the other horse snagged his tail on a fence. So the neighbor suggested notching one of the horses' ear. This worked until the other horse snagged his ear on a fence. So the neighbor suggested measuring the heights of the horses. And sure enough, the white horse was two inches taller than the black horse.

and the last one: ;)

Blonde in a Swimming Race
A blonde, brunette and a redhead had a breaststroke swimming race across the English Channel. The brunette came in first, the redhead came in second and the blonde never finished.
When the blonde got in the lifeboat she said, ''I don't want to be a tattletale or anything, but the other two used their arms.''

Feb 25th, 2002, 03:36 AM
Hahaha,those are funny.:D

Feb 25th, 2002, 03:45 AM
A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse immediately springs into motion.

It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a frim grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway.

The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when......

The Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut off the horse!

Feb 25th, 2002, 04:46 AM
Why is a blonde walking in the bathroom while taking a shower?
Because the shampoo's commercial says :"wash and go!"

What does a pregnant blonde ask?
Is this baby mine?

A blonde one and a brunette one want to commit suicide together. They jump hand in hand from a high building.
Why does the brunette one reach the ground first? because the blonde one wants to ask about the way to get there.

Feb 25th, 2002, 08:07 AM
How about a clever blonde joke?

A blonde and a business man are sitting next to eachother in an airplane. The business man is bored and asks the blonde if she feels like playing a game. The blonde isn't interested. The business man insists and says it's a very simple game. One person has to ask a question, and if the other can't answer it he owes the first person a dollar. The blonde still isn't interested. The business man, thinking it's just a silly blonde anyway, suggests that if he can't answer her question he owes her $1000 and if she can't answer his, she only needs to give one dollar. Now the blonde is interested. The business is the first to pose a question: "If you fly at a speed of 100 km/h, how long would take to circle the earth?" The blonde doesn't know the answer and hands the business man a dollar. Then the blonde asks "what goes up a hill on two legs and comes down on four?"
The business man starts phoning his friends asking them if they know the answer, he switches on his lap top, surfs the internet, looks everywhere but he still can't find the answer. After a couple of hours the business man gives up and gives the blonde $1000.
Then he asks the blonde: " So, what's the correct answer?" The blonde replies "I don't know" and gives him a dollar.

Feb 25th, 2002, 09:24 AM
lmao at them all :D

Feb 25th, 2002, 09:34 AM
how do u tie a blonde up?

wrap her knickers round her ankles.

what does a blonde use as protection?

the bus shelter

Feb 25th, 2002, 09:48 AM
Why do blondes stick the letter "A" to the ceiling above their bed?
So they wouldnt forget their line

How many blondes do you need to make hot chocolate?
Two. One to warm the milk and another to peel the m&m's

Whats a fly in a blonde's head?
A space intruder

Feb 25th, 2002, 09:56 AM
A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video.
She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating.

When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static."

"Sorry about, that,"replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?"

The blonde replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"

Feb 25th, 2002, 09:57 AM
A blonde, brunette and a red-head where sitting in the doctors office discussing what the sex of their babies might be.

The brunette says "I am going to have a boy because I was on top during sex".

The red-head says "I am going to have a girl becuase I was underneath during sex".

The blonde stands up and yells "OH MY GOD! ... I AM GOING TO HAVE PUPPIES!!!!"

Feb 25th, 2002, 10:00 AM
LMAO@ the last one

Feb 25th, 2002, 10:02 AM
Lmao @ all of them:D

Feb 25th, 2002, 10:29 AM
LOL !!!!:bounce: :eek: :D :D :D :) :) :) ;) :bounce:

Feb 25th, 2002, 12:55 PM
As the blonde frantically attempted to put the puzzle of the tiger together she just couldn't make any progress. With all of the pieces spread around the table she just couldn't seem to find the edges, she couldn't find the middles - she just couldn't do it. As hours progressed to days she finally called her boyfriend and begged him to come and help her do the puzzle. He came, under protest and proceeded to help her. After taking a look at the table and then and her, again the table and then her, he asked her, "Is that the box to the puzzle?" and she replied, "Yes." He then said, "Put the Frosted Flakes back into the box".

Feb 25th, 2002, 01:01 PM
A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink and were watching the 6 o'clock news on TV. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge.

The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"

Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50.

The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No, a bet's a bet."

So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on TV on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."

"Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"

Feb 25th, 2002, 01:09 PM
There was a blonde and she just got a new car. She was driving down the highway when she drove infront of a truck and ran it off the road. The truck driver got out of the car and drew a circle on the ground and told the blonde to stand in it and dont move. He got out a knife and cut all the new leather seats out of the car. The blonde was laughing. Then he got out a baseball bat and smashed in all the windows. The blonde was laughing even harder. He got a knife and cut all the tires. The blonde was laughing histarically now. The truck driver said, "I just destoyed your car, why the heck are you laughing??". The blonde replied, " Everytime you weren't looking, I stepped out the circle!"

a brunnete was talking to a blonde one day and told her that her boyfriend had really bad dandruff and she gave him head and shoulders, the blonde gives her a puzzled look and came back in 5 minutes and asked "how do you give shoulders"?

Feb 25th, 2002, 04:48 PM

Feb 25th, 2002, 06:03 PM
How do u drown a blonde?
- put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottum of a swimming pool

Feb 25th, 2002, 06:41 PM
Why are blond jokes usually only one line?

so men can understand them! ;)

Feb 25th, 2002, 09:33 PM

Feb 25th, 2002, 10:28 PM
this is totally unrelated, but i coulnd't stop laughing:

An Elderly Couple:

At Frederick's of Hollywood a husband wants to buy his wife the sheerest lingerie he can find. "This is $200," says the saleswoman, showing him an item. "I want one that's more sheer," says he. "This one is $350." "Sheerer than that." "This is the sheerest we have. It's $500." "I'll take it!" he replies. The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." She goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see-through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not. I can take it back for a refund and he won't know the difference." So she comes out wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose at the top of the stairs. "So, how do you like it?" she asks. He looks at her a moment and says, "Well, you'd think for $500 they'd iron the thing."

Feb 26th, 2002, 01:39 AM
That last one was cold man!! but hilarious

All these jokes are soo funny

I'll have a go....

How do blonde braincells die?

How do you change a blonde's mind?
Blow in her ear.

My favorites:

Why don't blondes talk when having sex?
Their mothers told them not to talk to strangers.

What's the difference between a blonde and an ironing board?
It's difficult to open the legs of an ironing board.

Feb 26th, 2002, 02:22 AM
oh poe your jokes are by far the funniest.........:rolleyes:

Williams Rulez
Feb 26th, 2002, 11:38 AM
LMAO... :D