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magissa
May 4th, 2004, 10:09 AM
hey guys im doing research on whether men and women can be friends without attraction getting in the the way. so if your over 18, heterosexual and have a friend of the opposite sex could you pleaseeeee do my online survey. hopefully we can finally get some answers!

thanks

http://www.media.swin.edu.au/surveyor/survey.asp?s=01237222228079097

"Sluggy"
May 4th, 2004, 10:20 AM
The link doesnt seem to be working.

*abby*
May 4th, 2004, 10:21 AM
i did the survey for ya hope it helps

Nikki
May 4th, 2004, 10:26 AM
done:)

-Ph51-
May 4th, 2004, 10:36 AM
done

Avid Merrion
May 4th, 2004, 10:37 AM
:wavey: done :)

Cro-boy
May 4th, 2004, 10:38 AM
done

"Sluggy"
May 4th, 2004, 10:39 AM
The link worked this time.

esquímaux
May 4th, 2004, 10:39 AM
Can't help you buddy, don't meet the qualifications :p :devil:

Kuilli
May 4th, 2004, 10:53 AM
done :)

Gallofa
May 4th, 2004, 11:19 AM
Done... and to answer the question of the title. Yes, we can, but it can get very complicated fairly easily :p

charmedRic
May 4th, 2004, 11:27 AM
Minor-Minor Over Here, wish I could have helped out.

Doraemon
May 4th, 2004, 11:28 AM
I think a gay guy and a lesbo can easily be just friends with no sexual attraction going.

caramel
May 4th, 2004, 01:04 PM
Done. :angel:

per4ever
May 4th, 2004, 01:06 PM
why not :confused: I have so many female friends to whom I'm not attracted..

Wigglytuff
May 4th, 2004, 01:26 PM
lol, i wonder if someone has done a survey. can lesbians be friends with other lesbians without someone getting fucked! LOL! oh i have too much free time.

Martian Jeza
May 4th, 2004, 01:28 PM
why not :confused: I have so many female friends to whom I'm not attracted..

Yeah, It can only work if you don't have attraction for that girl otherwise, I won't work !

"Sluggy"
May 4th, 2004, 01:43 PM
I think it can be difficult. I lost all my girlfriends when i got married. i have one girlfriend who i met as a student studying abroad in france. but thats basically it. shes cute, but nothing can happen there. Tough to be friends with girls, especially when you are married.

"Sluggy"
May 4th, 2004, 01:46 PM
Yeah, It can only work if you don't have attraction for that girl otherwise, I won't work !

http://www.rsca.be : Site of RSC Anderlecht ( Famous soccer club of Belgium )

How famous can RSC Anderlecht be IF YOU HAVE TO WRITE THAT IT IS THE 'FAMOUS SOCCER CLUB OF BELGIUM'?

As you see i bear the french flag, and have the right therefore to poke fun at all things Belgian.

crazzzy_grrl
May 4th, 2004, 01:53 PM
Done for you
Glad to help

rand
May 4th, 2004, 02:02 PM
strange way of asking questions in this survey....

rand
May 4th, 2004, 02:09 PM
I know it's possible without any problems....

Martian Jeza
May 4th, 2004, 02:34 PM
http://www.rsca.be : Site of RSC Anderlecht ( Famous soccer club of Belgium )

How famous can RSC Anderlecht be IF YOU HAVE TO WRITE THAT IT IS THE 'FAMOUS SOCCER CLUB OF BELGIUM'?

As you see i bear the french flag, and have the right therefore to poke fun at all things Belgian.

French arrogance, I love it :lol: :lol: :lol:

Colin B
May 4th, 2004, 06:12 PM
It's entirely possible.

All but one of my close friends are women, some of them very attractive women but I've never been tempted to 'play away from home' with any of them.

:angel:

controlfreak
May 5th, 2004, 01:11 AM
I like Gallofa's answer best. It is possible, but complications arise in a majority of cases. For me at least. An overwhelming majority..... oh the pain.....

- L i n a -
May 5th, 2004, 01:13 AM
Men and women can only be friends if they're not physically attracted to each other in the slightest.

bis2806
May 5th, 2004, 01:44 AM
are you doing this for extended essay by any chance... or is it just a research?

beauty_is_pink
May 5th, 2004, 02:01 AM
done :wavey:
hope your research goes well :)


oh yeh. u gotta tell us the results of this study when you're done ok? :D

gentenaire
May 5th, 2004, 08:33 AM
I think men and women can be friends, even if there is attraction involved. Many are still friends with their ex, after all.

saki
May 5th, 2004, 10:35 AM
Done! It would be interesting to see your results if you don't mind sharing them.

~ The Leopard ~
May 5th, 2004, 12:11 PM
I'll do the survey for you if the link works for me. :)

Meanwhile here's my take on it:

I'm male and heterosexual. Most of my close friends are women. Of those, most but not all, count as "ex's". I am sexually attracted to some of these people (to varying extents) and it's plain that some of them are sexually attracted to me. There is a fair bit of flirtatiousness in most of these friendships. Sure, all that can cause some problems, but you can also have some problems with people for whom you feel no sexual attraction.

I don't know why everyone makes such a huge deal about this. This is the twenty-first century, not the first century, and anyone who is a friend of mine is going to be a highly intelligent, sophisticated person. If there's a little bit of flirtatiousness and sexual tension, I'd hope we can handle it and actually enjoy it.

*JR*
May 5th, 2004, 12:28 PM
hey guys im doing research on whether men and women can be friends without attraction getting in the the way. so if your over 18, heterosexual and have a friend of the opposite sex could you pleaseeeee do my online survey. hopefully we can finally get some answers!

I'll look @ the survey later, but I could Add An Asterisk to your wording above: availability. For example, I think Griffin and I would be good friends IRL (we've discussed plenty of non "board related stuff") but she's only attracted to women and I accept it. :mad: Also, if a woman is (happily) :devil: married, engaged, Or Otherwise attached, I can respect that.

rand
May 5th, 2004, 12:38 PM
joui! :wavey:

here's the thing though, joui. and this is what i get from friends who are guys. they tell me that it is impossible to just be friends with a woman if they're attracted to her because in all honesty they always hope to bone her. is this true?
it's NOT!

The Crow
May 5th, 2004, 12:39 PM
So can a man be friends with his best friend's wife? :confused: :angel:

The Crow
May 5th, 2004, 12:43 PM
crow...i feel there's a story involved with this question. c'mon now...share! :lol:
Nah, just an innocent little question :p

gentenaire
May 5th, 2004, 12:46 PM
I'll do the survey for you if the link works for me. :)

Meanwhile here's my take on it:

I'm male and heterosexual. Most of my close friends are women. Of those, most but not all, count as "ex's". I am sexually attracted to some of these people (to varying extents) and it's plain that some of them are sexually attracted to me. There is a fair bit of flirtatiousness in most of these friendships. Sure, all that can cause some problems, but you can also have some problems with people for whom you feel no sexual attraction.

I don't know why everyone makes such a huge deal about this. This is the twenty-first century, not the first century, and anyone who is a friend of mine is going to be a highly intelligent, sophisticated person. If there's a little bit of flirtatiousness and sexual tension, I'd hope we can handle it and actually enjoy it.
:worship: Exactly! I don't think a bit of sexual attraction should cause problems, if you can deal with it in an adult manner. And even if there is some attraction, that doesn't mean the man wants to 'bone' the woman.

-Ph51-
May 5th, 2004, 12:47 PM
The answer is NO :angel:

~ The Leopard ~
May 5th, 2004, 12:52 PM
joui! :wavey:

here's the thing though, joui. and this is what i get from friends who are guys. they tell me that it is impossible to just be friends with a woman if they're attracted to her because in all honesty they always hope to bone her. is this true?
Muahahahahaha! :devil:

~ The Leopard ~
May 5th, 2004, 12:54 PM
Really, though, even if I am very attracted to a female friend and enjoy flirting with her and knowing that she is attracted to me....that doesn't mean that either of us need think it's a good idea to go any further than flirtation.

saki
May 5th, 2004, 12:59 PM
I'll do the survey for you if the link works for me. :)

Meanwhile here's my take on it:

I'm male and heterosexual. Most of my close friends are women. Of those, most but not all, count as "ex's". I am sexually attracted to some of these people (to varying extents) and it's plain that some of them are sexually attracted to me. There is a fair bit of flirtatiousness in most of these friendships. Sure, all that can cause some problems, but you can also have some problems with people for whom you feel no sexual attraction.

I don't know why everyone makes such a huge deal about this. This is the twenty-first century, not the first century, and anyone who is a friend of mine is going to be a highly intelligent, sophisticated person. If there's a little bit of flirtatiousness and sexual tension, I'd hope we can handle it and actually enjoy it.
I mostly agree with you, but I do think you're simplifying a bit too. Yes, the flirting/attraction/tension can be fun but it can also cause problems. I really value the male friends in my life, but it has to be said that the friendships I have where there is attraction of some sort do come with more potential problems. It's things like ending up kissing because you got drunk together, the jealousy of one or both friends' romantic partners, the sexual frustration that can be caused by excessive physical affection, that can cause some people to conclude that it's not worth it. Now, I'm with you in that I think that the problems are surmountable and the friendships definitely worth it, but I don't think it's really fair to deny that the problems exist and that they wouldn't exist in a same sex friendship (assuming heterosexuality, adjust if applicable).

-Ph51-
May 5th, 2004, 01:00 PM
It is impossible,or,there has to be a big gap between the two persons!

rand
May 5th, 2004, 01:02 PM
It is impossible,or,there has to be a big gap between the two persons!
why do people keep saying that...one my best friends since 7 years is a girl....there's absolutely no sexual tension between us, and no she's no monster either....
sometimes friendship is just friendship, even between a man and a woman....

-Ph51-
May 5th, 2004, 01:05 PM
why do people keep saying that...one my best friends since 7 years is a girl....there's absolutely no sexual tension between us, and no she's no monster either....
sometimes friendship is just friendship, even between a man and a woman....
OK,but that's an exception.

~ The Leopard ~
May 5th, 2004, 01:13 PM
I don't disagree, Saki, but, and I didn't deny the problems. In fact, I expressly acknowledged them.

Anyway, at least in my experience, friendships with people of the same sex (and age) usually have different kinds of problems and tensions...there's often a sense of rivalry for example. Those men who actually like women often find that the people with whom it is easiest to have a really good friendship are their exes, or just other women whose company they enjoy. I've heard women say similar things about their friendships with men.

rand
May 5th, 2004, 01:15 PM
i have a male friend i've known almost all my life as well, rand. love him to death and when we were younger, he was the closest person to me outside of family. however, when we got older he decided that he was in love with me. that complicated things because i felt for him like i would a brother. after many talks, he concluded that our friendship was worth far more than an unsure romantic fling.

however, he has never had anything good to say about any relationship of mine and has gone out of his way to sabotage them. a few months ago he told me he was still in love. the only thing i could do was end the friendship because it was getting to the point where he was miserable and so was i. i find that very sad because at one time i would have done anything for him.
I know this happens too, but it doesn't mean it's imossible :)
in my case she's also one of mygirlfriiends best friends...my girlfriend and I even met thanks to her.... :)

-Ph51-
May 5th, 2004, 01:18 PM
The only real friendship between man and woman exists,but then one of the two is gay or lesbian!
And believe me,i saw it often,they have wonderful friendly relations!
And,of course,you always have exceptions :)

rand
May 5th, 2004, 01:22 PM
The only real friendship between man and woman exists,but then one of the two is gay or lesbian!
And believe me,i saw it often,they have wonderful friendly relations!
And,of course,you always have exceptions :)
if there are exceptions then "the only real....."is by definition false :p

saki
May 5th, 2004, 01:27 PM
I don't disagree, Saki, but, and I didn't deny the problems. In fact, I expressly acknowledged them.

Anyway, at least in my experience, friendships with people of the same sex (and age) usually have different kinds of problems and tensions...there's often a sense of rivalry for example. Those men who actually like women often find that the people with whom it is easiest to have a really good friendship are their exes, or just other women whose company they enjoy. I've heard women say similar things about their friendships with men.
It was "I don't know why everyone makes such a huge deal about this. This is the twenty-first century, not the first century" that seemed to strongly imply that if people couldn't handle the problems they were somehow backward and stupid. Of course all friendships have their problems but it does seem to me that same-sex friendships are less likely to cause very serious problems. I'm particularly thinking of other people's jealousy. For example, I can be quite affectionate with my male friends and shared a bed (platonically, honest!) with one a few months ago just because we were tired and it was late and so on. My boyfriend found this really uncomfortable - he's a reasonable person and was in no way ever likely to dump me over it, but I don't like having upset him without meaning to. That sort of problem is never going to arise with a same-sex friendship. That said, I do basically agree that male-female friendships are great fun as well as rewarding... so... we agree?

~ The Leopard ~
May 5th, 2004, 01:34 PM
Okay, saki; yes, we agree.

I get a bit a irritated at the way I so often hear people (not necessarily anyone here) always dragging down opposite-sex friendships...so I used some forthright language about this being the twenty-first century, etc. I think it is worth making the point quite strongly because the sorts of friendships we are talking about so often seem to be socially frowned upon.

However, as always, I think you are very wise. :worship:

- L i n a -
May 5th, 2004, 02:58 PM
joui! :wavey:

here's the thing though, joui. and this is what i get from friends who are guys. they tell me that it is impossible to just be friends with a woman if they're attracted to her because in all honesty they always hope to bone her. is this true?
Yes, it's true...

And for the people who disagree... they are lying.

- L i n a -
May 5th, 2004, 03:10 PM
I don't know why everyone makes such a huge deal about this. This is the twenty-first century, not the first century, and anyone who is a friend of mine is going to be a highly intelligent, sophisticated person. If there's a little bit of flirtatiousness and sexual tension, I'd hope we can handle it and actually enjoy it.
I've tried handling it... but it's basically just covering up lies. I don't want a friendship like that.

However, I guess when I get a bit older and more learned like you are... and I'm not desperate for a relationship... I may be able to handle this. :)

~ The Leopard ~
May 5th, 2004, 03:38 PM
However, I guess when I get a bit older and more learned like you are... and I'm not desperate for a relationship... I may be able to handle this. :)
:)

space_eef03
May 5th, 2004, 03:42 PM
Sorry can't help out, too gay.
But I think it's very possible.

- L i n a -
May 5th, 2004, 03:43 PM
:)
No words to say? :p

CC
May 5th, 2004, 05:01 PM
No, if I spend too much time with them or try to be kind and warm, they fall in love.

-Ph51-
May 5th, 2004, 05:06 PM
:worship: exactly....and men who fall in love when you don't want them to tend to be...irritating.
:smash: :haha:
And women are even worth :rolleyes:

gentenaire
May 5th, 2004, 05:27 PM
No, if I spend too much time with them or try to be kind and warm, they fall in love.
See, I don't have that problem. But then, I'm not exactly goodlooking so maybe that's the key to friendship between a man and a woman ;)

-Ph51-
May 5th, 2004, 05:32 PM
See, I don't have that problem. But then, I'm not exactly goodlooking so maybe that's the key to friendship between a man and a woman ;)
Goodlooking or not...
That's not the point!

- L i n a -
May 5th, 2004, 05:33 PM
Looks are the point.

That's why I lost all of my male friends.

-Ph51-
May 5th, 2004, 05:36 PM
Looks are the point.

That's why I lost all of my male friends.
Nope!
Being feminine and attractive is the point!

-Ph51-
May 5th, 2004, 05:44 PM
feminine and attractive = female and good-looking.

same thing as looks. :D
Nope!
I mean behaving as a woman!
A woman should not necesserally be a beauty to be attractive!
And what's more,the character has a huge importance!

-Ph51-
May 5th, 2004, 05:47 PM
ah! then you mean 'ladylike'. no?
Yes.Plus having a feminine character!Behave as a woman,that's all!

gentenaire
May 5th, 2004, 06:06 PM
And how is a woman to behave? Should I glue fake nails on and call one of my male friends to change a light bulb while I do the laundry?

CC
May 5th, 2004, 10:08 PM
See, I don't have that problem. But then, I'm not exactly goodlooking so maybe that's the key to friendship between a man and a woman ;)
I don't believe you're not goodlooking. I think I saw a pic or two.
It helps being goodlooking, but a lot of time it's personality. :angel:

- L i n a -
May 5th, 2004, 10:26 PM
i agree that personality is the most important thing. however....

i have found that personality is what keeps them around. but in the beginning?

it's looks that they always seem to go for. men are visual creatures. they can't help themselves, poor things.
In the beginning... it is all looks.

I've lived fatness. I've lived ugliness. And, I've lived decent-lookingness.

I know from experience.

Colin B
May 5th, 2004, 10:37 PM
it's looks that they always seem to go for. men are visual creatures. they can't help themselves, poor things.
Oh! And women are any different?? :eek:

We had a thread some time ago about what attracts people to the opposite sex (or something like that) and some female poster suggested they judge a man's attractiveness by his shoes - SHOES for fucks sake!!

I own three pairs of shoes and to be quite honest, I'd have to look under the table to see which pair I'm wearing now!

:)


here's the thing though, joui. and this is what i get from friends who are guys. they tell me that it is impossible to just be friends with a woman if they're attracted to her because in all honesty they always hope to bone her. is this true?
Oh dear Bri. You really deserve male friends that aren't so shallow!!;)

:D

- L i n a -
May 5th, 2004, 10:40 PM
Oh! And women are any different??
Yes, they are. :)

We aren't driven purely by sexual desire.

*JR*
May 5th, 2004, 10:44 PM
So can a man be friends with his best friend's wife? :confused: :angel:
My Best Friend's Girl
The Cars

you're always dancing down the street
with your suede blue eyes
and every new boy that you meet
he doesn't know the real surprise

(here she comes again)
when she's dancing 'neath the starry sky
oo, she'll make you flip
(here she comes again)
when she's dancing 'neath the starry sky

I kinda like the way she dips
well she's my best friend's girl
she's my best friend's girl-irl
but she used to be mine

you've got your nuclear boots
and your drip dry glove
oo when you bite your lip
it's some reaction to love, o-ove, o-ove

(here she comes again)
when she's dancing 'neath the starry sky
yeah, I think you'll flip
(here she comes again)
when she's dancing 'neath the starry sky
(here she comes again)
I kinda like the way, I like the way she dips

cause she's my best friend's girl
well she's my best friend's girl-irl
and she used to be mine
she's so fine

you're always dancing down the street
with your suede blue eye-eyes
and every new boy that you meet
doesn't know the real surprise

(here she comes again)
when she's dancing 'neath the starry sky
(here she comes again)
oh, she'll make you flip
(here she comes again)
when she's dancing 'neath the starry sky
(here she comes again)

I kinda like the way, I like the way she dips
cause she's my best friend's girl, uh
she's my best friend's girl-irl-u-irl
she used to be mine
she so, fine

- L i n a -
May 5th, 2004, 10:49 PM
my thoughts exactly, colin! and yet these men say that those who say otherwise are liars. that at least they're willing to be honest about how they feel so....who to believe? :confused:
Be happy that they're honest. All you can ask for from a friend.

- L i n a -
May 5th, 2004, 10:51 PM
Precisely. :)

Colin B
May 5th, 2004, 11:01 PM
Yes, they are. :)

We aren't driven purely by sexual desire.
Nope - Pay packet! :p

Oh, and in some cases, a shoe fetish!

:D

gentenaire
May 6th, 2004, 01:27 AM
they judge a man's attractiveness by his shoes - SHOES for fucks sake!!
As long as you don't wear white socks in them, I can live with most shoes men wear (not all, some are just horrendous).

~ The Leopard ~
May 6th, 2004, 01:58 AM
But why do women think us guys care about their shoes? Very few guys have shoe fetishes; it's basically a girl thing.

~ The Leopard ~
May 6th, 2004, 02:48 AM
^ Even guys who are not especially fetishistic will notice whether a girl's actual feet are pretty or otherwise, if they are on display, but we don't care about shoes. I suppose women care about guys' shoes because they are some kind of wealth indicator. We know what women really want. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ :devil:

- L i n a -
May 6th, 2004, 02:49 AM
^ Even guys who are not especially fetishistic will notice whether a girl's actual feet are pretty or otherwise, if they are on display, but we don't care about shoes. I suppose women care about guys' shoes because they are some kind of wealth indicator. We know what women really want. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ :devil:
Precisely.

Here is what women care about in a man:

1) Money/Power.

The end.

Colin B
May 6th, 2004, 10:19 AM
Precisely.

Here is what women care about in a man:

1) Money/Power.

The end.
So even if he's fat, bald, toothless and fifty (but owns a multinational conglomorate), he has the key to your heart? - Interesting.

And how, exactly, is that any worse than men going on 'looks' alone?

:)

-Ph51-
May 6th, 2004, 10:26 AM
So even if he's fat, bald, toothless and fifty (but owns a multinational conglomorate), he has the key to your heart? - Interesting.

And how, exactly, is that any worse than men going on 'looks' alone?

:)
Fifty,what's wrong with a man being fifty? :lol:

~ The Leopard ~
May 6th, 2004, 11:21 AM
^Nothing, as long as he's rich. :D

*makes note to get rich before the age of fifty*

(Unfortunately, in my case, that doesn't give me as much time as I'd like. *work, work, work* :( )

saki
May 6th, 2004, 12:43 PM
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

Link that some of you may find amusing/intresting ;)

The Crow
May 6th, 2004, 04:18 PM
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

Link that some of you may find amusing/intresting ;)
lol. I found it amusing and interesting at the same time ;)

saki
May 6th, 2004, 11:24 PM
i did too, crow. someone i know told me about that website awhile back and i tend to think there's an awful lot of truth to it.
I think some men and some women do act in the way the Ladder Theory states, but the theory makes a couple of really dodgy logical steps. E.g. the "if you stripped and asked your male friend to have sex with you and he did, this means he only stuck around as your friend because he fancied you." Clearly that just doesn't work - he might well have stuck around because he enjoyed your company but also not be averse to having sex with you. Ditto where he says that if a woman would prefer her boyfriend/husband to have more money, she's obviously just there for money. Again, just because she'd prefer more money doesn't mean she's only there for money. Those things aside (I'm quite pedantic, sorry!), it makes some sense of some people.

*JR*
May 6th, 2004, 11:25 PM
^Nothing, as long as he's rich. :D

MATERIAL GIRL
Madonna

Some boys kiss me, some boys hug me
I think they're o.k.
If they don't give me proper credit
I just walk away

They can beg and they can plead
But they can't see the light, that's right
'Cause the boy with the cold hard cash
Is always Mister Right

'Cause we're living in a material world
And I am a material girl
You know that we are living in a material world
And I am a material girl

Some boys romance, some boys slow dance
That's all right with me
If they can't raise my interest then I
Have to let them be

Some boys try and some boys lie, but
I don't let them play (no way)
Only boys that save their pennies
Make my rainy day

Boys may come and boys may go
And that's all right you see
Experience has made me rich
And now they're after me

'Cause everybody's...

Gallofa
May 6th, 2004, 11:26 PM
Should I glue fake nails on and call one of my male friends to change a light bulb while I do the laundry?
Oh, I try that all the time to catch men's interest. It doesn't work.

:lol:

GBFH
May 6th, 2004, 11:31 PM
hmm....for me, i couldn't be friends with a guy if i'm physically attracted to him.

and as for what women want...don't care, really. what *i* want is infinitely more important.

GBFH
May 6th, 2004, 11:32 PM
and i'm with gentenaire on that one. the men i come into contact with are NOT worth the effort to look nice. so the hell with them, i'll dress like a slob if i wanna :p

GBFH
May 6th, 2004, 11:39 PM
dressing as you like...here's the thing, though. why do men think that when you are dressed meticulously, that it's for them? hm? don't they know that some of us are just clothes horses and that in fact we dress for....

....each other? :devil:
clothes horses :lol:

it's a rhetorical quesiton, but i really can't resist slamming men. all of them are self-centered...with the rare exceptions being the well-educated and refined minority.

~ The Leopard ~
May 7th, 2004, 02:18 AM
the theory makes a couple of really dodgy logical steps. E.g. the "if you stripped and asked your male friend to have sex with you and he did, this means he only stuck around as your friend because he fancied you." Clearly that just doesn't work - he might well have stuck around because he enjoyed your company but also not be averse to having sex with you.
Haha, that was the line I always used. "I don't just want you for your body; I also want you for your body." :lick: :devil:

It's true though. It's always nice to hang around with a pretty goil who has an erudite, incisive mind that you can enjoy (such as that of a philosophical goil, as a random example ;) ), and this is not gainsayed by the fact that you know that complying with a request for sex from her would also be enjoyable.

I certainly would not be upset if my Special Female Friend requested sex (I might have to turn her down, in the end, but it would be verrrry tempting). OTOH, I hang around with her because I like her company, and it doesn't hurt that she's nice to look at.

Saki, have you read John Barth's _The End of the Road_?

GBFH
May 7th, 2004, 03:28 AM
well educated for me is a must. but refined? depends on the degree i guess. i know men who have standing appointments every week to get their nails done. i don't know...there's a fine line between refined and foppish. and foppish is just a bit ew!
agreed.

suppose the degree of refinement in my case is they don't scratch their balls in public. so, baseball players are out.

GBFH
May 7th, 2004, 03:33 AM
it's my feeling that men really DON'T care about your personality...it's more like a blanket statement so that they don't look shallow for only liking you for your looks...and hoping you, the pretty lady, are insipid enough to buy it.

but....there are always exceptions...blah blah blah

however...it's also my feeling that (straight) men would watch pretty women fluff their hair for twenty hours...since men like watching pretty girls do...anything.

Colin B
May 7th, 2004, 09:52 AM
dressing as you like...here's the thing, though. why do men think that when you are dressed meticulously, that it's for them? hm? don't they know that some of us are just clothes horses and that in fact we dress for....

....each other? :devil:You're right there Bri!

I sometimes have to watch five of them get ready to go out! :rolleyes: *

* I love it really. ;)

:D

Colin B
May 7th, 2004, 10:24 AM
it's my feeling that men really DON'T care about your personality...it's more like a blanket statement so that they don't look shallow for only liking you for your looks...and hoping you, the pretty lady, are insipid enough to buy it.

but....there are always exceptions...blah blah blahToo Damn Right there are exceptions! Take me for instance, I just love to talk, I mean really talk to women. You see, Amanda (it is Amanda isn't it? Such a pretty name), you see I really enjoy reading your posts and.........



:lol:

however...it's also my feeling that (straight) men would watch pretty women fluff their hair for twenty hours...since men like watching pretty girls do...anything.That's interesting. I went to see author (and ex-'python') Terry Jones do a 'meet the author' talk at a literature festival a few years ago. Sitting right in front of me was a young woman (I never saw her face so I've no idea if she was pretty or not) who was obviously in a quandry about what to do with her hair. At first it was 'down', then it was 'up' in a sort of high pony tail, then she put it in side 'bunches', then she put it into one long plait, shook it out and made several smaller plaits which she then tied together with one of those elastic hair bands.

She did all of this without the aid of mirrors, brushes, combs, crimpers or gells; just her nimble little fingures and the whole time, she never looked away from the stage!! Now Terry Jones does a very interesting and funny talk but I'm afraid I missed most of it because I was so transfixed by this woman's bloody preening!

Like I said, I never saw her face but I'd recognise the nape of her neck if I ever saw it again. Maybe I'm a normal man after all!

:D

DJ Troll
May 7th, 2004, 11:22 AM
I bet azza has no friends and everybody lauhg at him :p so No azza and women can't be friends

saki
May 7th, 2004, 11:48 AM
Haha, that was the line I always used. "I don't just want you for your body; I also want you for your body." :lick: :devil:

It's true though. It's always nice to hang around with a pretty goil who has an erudite, incisive mind that you can enjoy (such as that of a philosophical goil, as a random example ;) ), and this is not gainsayed by the fact that you know that complying with a request for sex from her would also be enjoyable.

I certainly would not be upset if my Special Female Friend requested sex (I might have to turn her down, in the end, but it would be verrrry tempting). OTOH, I hang around with her because I like her company, and it doesn't hurt that she's nice to look at.

Saki, have you read John Barth's _The End of the Road_?
Well, quite... No, I haven't - what's it about?

The Crow
May 7th, 2004, 02:09 PM
I think some men and some women do act in the way the Ladder Theory states, but the theory makes a couple of really dodgy logical steps. E.g. the "if you stripped and asked your male friend to have sex with you and he did, this means he only stuck around as your friend because he fancied you." Clearly that just doesn't work - he might well have stuck around because he enjoyed your company but also not be averse to having sex with you. Ditto where he says that if a woman would prefer her boyfriend/husband to have more money, she's obviously just there for money. Again, just because she'd prefer more money doesn't mean she's only there for money. Those things aside (I'm quite pedantic, sorry!), it makes some sense of some people.
Of course he's a bit 'sharp' in his whole theory, but overall it makes sense (in an amusing kinda way). Although I'd like to think I also have a second (friends) ladder (to put at least my mother on :eek: ;) )

GBFH
May 7th, 2004, 03:12 PM
Too Damn Right there are exceptions! Take me for instance, I just love to talk, I mean really talk to women. You see, Amanda (it is Amanda isn't it? Such a pretty name), you see I really enjoy reading your posts and.........



:lol:

That's interesting. I went to see author (and ex-'python') Terry Jones do a 'meet the author' talk at a literature festival a few years ago. Sitting right in front of me was a young woman (I never saw her face so I've no idea if she was pretty or not) who was obviously in a quandry about what to do with her hair. At first it was 'down', then it was 'up' in a sort of high pony tail, then she put it in side 'bunches', then she put it into one long plait, shook it out and made several smaller plaits which she then tied together with one of those elastic hair bands.

She did all of this without the aid of mirrors, brushes, combs, crimpers or gells; just her nimble little fingures and the whole time, she never looked away from the stage!! Now Terry Jones does a very interesting and funny talk but I'm afraid I missed most of it because I was so transfixed by this woman's bloody preening!

Like I said, I never saw her face but I'd recognise the nape of her neck if I ever saw it again. Maybe I'm a normal man after all!



:D
:o

thank you, colin :lol:

~ The Leopard ~
May 8th, 2004, 12:10 AM
It's a kind of 1950s philosophical novel, saki. I thought of it because the characters are always making that kind of distinction: I don't just X, I also X.

- L i n a -
May 8th, 2004, 12:16 AM
Haha, that was the line I always used. "I don't just want you for your body; I also want you for your body." :lick: :devil:

It's true though. It's always nice to hang around with a pretty goil who has an erudite, incisive mind that you can enjoy (such as that of a philosophical goil, as a random example ;) ), and this is not gainsayed by the fact that you know that complying with a request for sex from her would also be enjoyable.

I certainly would not be upset if my Special Female Friend requested sex (I might have to turn her down, in the end, but it would be verrrry tempting). OTOH, I hang around with her because I like her company, and it doesn't hurt that she's nice to look at.

Saki, have you read John Barth's _The End of the Road_?
I'm as erudite as it gets, and you despise me. :crying2:

BritneySpearsIsHot
May 8th, 2004, 12:18 AM
I am heterosexual, so is my flatmate. Lived together for 10 years this August (11 1/2 if you include when we used to live with others)

Never been any sexual contact, not even a hint

So yes, of course it is possible, i am proof of that

~ The Leopard ~
May 8th, 2004, 01:04 AM
Existence proof!

(We seem to have quite a few actual examples, even if some of us have admitted that we also find some of these friends attractive.)

hingis-seles
May 8th, 2004, 07:12 AM
Ofcourse they can be just friends. :)

Filled the survey. :D

saki
May 8th, 2004, 12:41 PM
Existence proof!

(We seem to have quite a few actual examples, even if some of us have admitted that we also find some of these friends attractive.)
I realised, somewhat to my horror, a while back that with every single male friend I possess there has at some point been something romantic/sexual going on even if it was only attraction on one side. That doesn't mean that I want to stop being friends with men, but it did make me realise just how rare completely platonic (in thoughts as well as actions) friendships really are.

Not that I want to suggest they can't exist or that people who've claimed to have them are lying. Perhaps it's just me...

BritneySpearsIsHot
May 8th, 2004, 01:22 PM
I have had many female friends who i haven't fancied...........and i assume haven't fancied me :o Unless they weren't/aren't saying anything :p