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ys
Feb 22nd, 2002, 09:55 PM
Short Track

All Korean Olympians were disqualified because during the final one of them looked threatening to US sportsmen. Chinese runners who won the run were disqualified because they've been consuming too much of oxygen from the tracks used by American skaters. As it was expected by all American experts, gold medal was awarded to USA.



Chess

Similarly to disqualification of Russian skiing team for having too much of erythrocytes in their blood, Garry Kasparov was disqualified from the tournament held in USA for having too many brain cells, much more than limits set by Americans.

Figure Skating

FBI searched the car of the French judge and found a Quran and Figure Skating Rules in Arabic.



Ski Jumping

Finnish ski jumper were disqualified for consuming too much of split pea soup, which is a newly banned performance-enhancing substance in ski jumping.


XC skiing

Russian team was allowed to replace an illegally disqualified ski relay team with biathlon relay team. Russian team took very confident lead after the first shooting.



Ice Hockey

The Canadians will use their figure skaters instead of their hockey players in the Olympic final, because it is impossible to beat them.

TheBoiledEgg
Feb 22nd, 2002, 09:59 PM
LOL ;)

tenn_ace
Feb 22nd, 2002, 09:59 PM
the last one is the funniest:p

fresh2flash
Feb 22nd, 2002, 10:00 PM
Well, in English it sounds funnier than in Russian :). Thanks for the translation.

TheBoiledEgg
Feb 22nd, 2002, 10:01 PM
why doesn't anyone stick a 300lb GK in the hockey ??

he can just sit there eating and nothing will go past, it will just bounce of him ;)

Crazy Canuck
Feb 22nd, 2002, 10:07 PM
And the latest -


Short Track

Althought it had nothing to do with Russia, they have decied they will whine on behalf of the Korean and Chinese teams anyways.

Chess

Unable to handle that other countries may be better than them, Russia voluntarily pulled out of the event, realizing it was the only way they could preserve any dignity.

Cross Country Skiing

The Russian Federation has decided to file a protest, that doped athletes have every right to compete. "Just because an athlete tests positive for a certaint offense, doesn't mean they are guilty. Since when have athletes been disqualified for doping? This is an outrage - it has never happened in sport before, and only happened now, cause everyone hates Russia", said a respresentitive of the Russian Olympic Committee.

Ice Hockey

In another attempt to preserve their diginity, the Russian hockey team has started whining about bad calls and reffing, before the game has even began. This way, if they lose to the USA tonight - they already have an excuse. As it could't possibly be that the American team might have a shot at beating them legitimately.






Thanks ys - that was a real hoot.

ys
Feb 22nd, 2002, 10:26 PM
Figure Skating

ISU rejected Russian protest for Women skating competition. The case could not be compared to Pair Skating case because Irina Sloutskaya hasn't actually cried all night after the free program.

Monica_Rules
Feb 22nd, 2002, 10:51 PM
LMAO!:D

Crazy Canuck
Feb 22nd, 2002, 11:12 PM
I should know better than the fight fire with fire, against someone whose ignorance and hatred far out wieghs my own.

VSFan1 aka Joshua L.
Feb 22nd, 2002, 11:13 PM
General Olympics

Russians, who criticized the Canadian pair in fighting for a fair ruling in figure skating turn out to be hypocrites by doing the same thing when an injustice is done to them. The only difference is, the Canadians handled it with grace.

Crazy Canuck
Feb 22nd, 2002, 11:47 PM
VSFan1 aka Joshua L.- Very well said. Thanks for that "breaking news" ;)

Its also worth noting, that not only do the Canadians handle it with grace, but them and their compatriots do not find it necesary to insult the Russian skater in the process.

angele87
Feb 23rd, 2002, 12:01 AM
LMAO @ Becca... those were hilarious.... more breaking news:

Ice Hockey:

While losing 1-0 after the first period, Russian withdraws claiming the goal judges are giving the americans goals in exchange for the best seats at the closing ceremonies.

Randy H
Feb 23rd, 2002, 12:29 AM
LOL Becca ;)

...and I totally agree Josh ;)

Crazy Canuck
Feb 23rd, 2002, 12:31 AM
Breaking news....

Everyone Hates Russia

Yes, its been declared true. Even the several billion people in the World who don't know it yet, even the ones who aren't aware of where Russia is - all hate Russia.
It is suspected that all parties will become aware of this at a conference being held just before the closing ceremonies. The IOC felt it would be best to let everyone know before hand so that they could boo the Russian team as loud as possible at the closing ceremonies.
For if they had not known beforehand, spectators and the other teams may have mistakenly treated the Russian team just like everyone else- as they had wrongly been doing the whole Olympics.

For countries that are not broadcasting the closing ceremonies, the IOC will fly airplanes overhead and drop fliers to ensure that all citizens of earth are aware of their new, previously unknown hatred.

angele87
Feb 23rd, 2002, 12:36 AM
LMAO... Becca you are just too hilarious!!

Crazy Canuck
Feb 23rd, 2002, 12:39 AM
I try my best ;)

the cat
Feb 24th, 2002, 06:39 PM
Becca, you are the most tenacious girl/lady/woman I have ever seen! You don't let anything slip by without a reply! You have the energy of the Energizer Bunny!