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post #1 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 16th, 2011, 12:07 AM Thread Starter
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Our message for Elena's wedding

Hi all!

I've tried to come up with some nice lines for Lena's wedding message. You can see the work in progress below.

So if you guys can enhance the message, I would be most grateful.
Now, on to the message:

-----
Dear Elena,

For better and for worse, in sickness and in health. Two phrases carrying a weight far, far greater than their length would have one believe. 2 years and 11 months to the day your sporting career saw its most beautiful moment, Saturday, July 16th, will mark the most beautiful moment of your new life as you proclaim these words in your marital vows.

Having been your devoted fans throughout your tennis career, we can now only express our joy and excitement at the news of your wedding. Neigh on one year after your final goodbye we are glad to see that you are carrying on with your life and your pursuit of happiness like we hoped you would. For that reason, we are writing to you once more to wish you all the luck and greatest gifts in the world now that you will officially “tie the knot”.

We are happy that in Maxim you found a man that seemingly unconditionally supports you, and we feel this is an expression of the same love that we have felt for you during all these years.
With him, you will share many more beautiful moments that are yet to come and therefor we are sure he realises how much of a lucky man he is.


The path of your future has unfolded its first part, and we are grateful to be able to share this moment with you to at least some degree. We hope you are aware you have our full support in whatever life brings your way. The support of a tight-knit fan community that is still going strong 9 months after you left the sport. A community of generally very positive, mostly harmonious, group of people that earnestly support and care about each other. This is something precious we all have you to thank for, the person that brought us all together.
We hope that means as much to you as it does to us, and we hope you'll remember that we will always be right behind you and your future family, just like we've always been behind you during cuontless unforgettable times you've blessed us with.

We wish you all the best.

Sincerely yours,
The Elena Dementieva Fan Club at tennisforum.com

-----

UPDATE: Message sent to qwertyed last monday.

Thank you, Elena

Jelena Dokic, Tsvetana Pironkova, Caroline Wozniacki
Daniela Hantuchova, Gisela Dulko, Julia Görges

Former Training Accommodation Manager aboard the SS Dementieva
Now discovering New Horizons...

Last edited by Alenyaa; Jul 19th, 2011 at 12:30 PM.
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post #2 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 16th, 2011, 12:18 AM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

Nice words! Well I know Maxim a bit 'cause I'm a big fan of hockey so I'll try to write something good about him, 'cause in Lena's fansclub he's not very loved

Maca Lofish
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Mommy Lena Dementieva
Veronika Afinogenova
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post #3 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 16th, 2011, 12:36 AM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

It's July 16, not 17.

Zarina
"I'm really her idol" - Jelena Jankovic
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post #4 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 16th, 2011, 01:38 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

^^ I knew that, actually

Thank you, Elena

Jelena Dokic, Tsvetana Pironkova, Caroline Wozniacki
Daniela Hantuchova, Gisela Dulko, Julia Görges

Former Training Accommodation Manager aboard the SS Dementieva
Now discovering New Horizons...
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post #5 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 16th, 2011, 02:59 AM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

I don't feel very inspired today but this is what came out of my mind today:

Maxim is a good man who knew how to win your heart, to do that he must be a really good man, who take care of you and loves you as much as us. We all have been witnesses of the incondional support that he gave you during all these years, support which we are very thanked for, because we feel that he somehow express the same love that all your fans feel for you. We are very happy that you found someone good, someone who really deserves you and someone which you can share so many beautiful things like it is the love for the sport and the love for the family. We wish him all the best in his career in Saint Petersburg, we really hope he scores lots of goals and makes you really happy. After all he did for you he won our trust and a bit of our jealous (good jealous), he’s a very lucky man, he must know that. The only thing we want is that he cares you and loves you as much as us.

I hope it helps

Maca Lofish
Official Doctor of the SS Dementieva
Mommy Lena Dementieva
Veronika Afinogenova
Sergei Afinogenov


Last edited by Maca.Lofish; Jul 16th, 2011 at 08:45 AM.
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post #6 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 16th, 2011, 03:35 AM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alenyaa View Post
Dear Elena,

Capitalize 'F'--for better and for worse, in sickness and in health. Two phrases--(SG)which carry a weight far,far--greater than their length would have--one--believe.2 years and 11 months to the day your sporting career saw its most beautiful moment, Saturday--use comma--July 16th--use comma--will mark the most beautiful moment of your--(SG)new life--as you proclaim these words in your marital vows.

Having been your--devoted--fans throughout your tennis career, we can now only express our joy and excitement at the news of your wedding.(Neigh on)--(SG)sounds strange,sort of extra,extra snooty British;how about,"A mere one year..."(?)--one year after your final goodbye we are glad to see that you are carrying on with your life and your pursuit of happiness like we hoped you would. For that reason, we are writing to you once more to wish you all the luck and--(SG)you just used 'happiness' a second ago,so why not use 'greatest gifts' here to change things up.I think that covers it pretty well,and you can decide whether 'luck' is essential or not--in the world now that you will officially “tie the knot”.

The path of your future has unfolded its first part, and we are grateful to be able to share this moment with you--to--at least some degree. We hope you are aware you have our full support in--(SG)whatever life brings your way.Indeed,you have--the--(SG)you have 'support' three times in a very short stretch,so why not use 'backing' here for a little variety(?)--of a tight-knit fan community that is still going strong 9 months after you left the sport.--It is--a generally very positive, mostly harmonious--comma here--group of people--don't put comma here--that (earnestly?) support and care about each other. This is something precious we all have you to thank for, the person that brought us all together.
We hope that means as much to you as it does to us, and we hope you'll remember that we will always be right behind you and your future family, just like we've always been behind you during those--(SG)countless unforgettable times you've blessed us with.
Mikey,I edited your post above in order to save space,and the corrections are separated by double spaces so as to be distinct from your text.For example,if Rafa said,"Elena,I wishing you to have the most better weding more than every other woman of the WTA",the correction would read,Elena--I'm wishing you the best wedding of any woman who's ever played in--the WTA.

Also,I'll make two kinds of corrections;the first will be where the grammar was flat-out wrong(though you made few mistakes),and the second will be headed with the letters SG in parentheses(SG),and that stands for Suggested Grammar.Those are instances where the grammar wasn't necessarily wrong but sounded kind of stale and robotic.Please let me know if you have any questions

PARTY IN THE PANIC ROOM! Serena wins an undoubtedly clean #22

Congrats on Number Three, Kim! We need more of you in this world

Monica Puig, Guapa Teniista Numero Uno de las chicas latinas

Last edited by bruce goose; Jul 16th, 2011 at 09:25 AM.
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post #7 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 16th, 2011, 06:24 AM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

I think you did a great job once again!!

♥♥♥
Dementieva -Hantuchova - Hingis - Ivanovic - Vaidisova*
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post #8 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 16th, 2011, 09:15 AM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

I think that will say it all.
Nothing to add.
If we all do the bloody thing will be like the Magna Carta and Lena will miss her honey moon reading it.

Captain of the all new SS Dementieva


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post #9 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2011, 06:07 PM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

You did a great job again, Alenyaa!
I hope you don't mind if I did some minor corrections to your version. Here's what I added:

----------------------

Dear Lena,

For better and for worse, in sickness and in health - two phrases carrying a weight far, far greater than their length would have one believe. 2 years and 11 months to the day your sporting career saw its most treasured moment, Saturday, July 16th, marks the first significant moment of your new life as you proclaim these words in your marital vows.

Having been your devoted fans throughout your tennis career, we now express our joy and excitement at the news of your wedding. Neigh on one year after your final goodbye we are glad to see that you are carrying on with your life and your pursuit of happiness like we hoped you would. For that reason, we are writing to you once more to wish you all the luck and greatest gifts in the world now that you officially entered the next chapter of your life – being a loving, caring and dedicated wife.

As little as we know about Maxim, seeing him numerous times watching and reliving every moment of your matches, indicates of him being a man you can whole-heartedly trust and depend on. We are happy that in Max you have found someone that unconditionally supports you and we believe this is an expression of the same love that we have felt for you during all these years. With him, you will share many more beautiful and memorable moments that are yet to come and we are sure he realises how much of a lucky man he is.


The path of your future has unfolded its first part and we are grateful to be able to share this moment with you to at least some degree. We hope you are aware you have our full support in whatever life brings your way. The support of a tight-knit fan community that is still going strong months after you stepped aside from the strenuous tennis circuit. A community of generally very positive, mostly harmonious group of people that earnestly support and care about each other. This is something precious we have you to thank for, the inspirational person that brought us all together. We hope this means as much to you as it does to us and we hope you remember that we will always be right behind you and your future family, just like we have always been during the countless thrilling, delightful and unforgettable times you have blessed us with.

We wish you a long and prosperous life together.

Sincerely yours,

The Elena Dementieva Fan Club at tennisforum.com


-------------------------------


* I tried using verbs/adjective just once and removed words that seemed repetitive;
* replaced the phrase "tie the knot" because it seemed too colloquial;
* it's a formal letter, so I removed all short forms, but to give it a more personal touch started with "Lena";
* added a sentence about Maxim
* Shall we include our names like the previous time?

Елена Дементьева


NO ONE BUT LENA DEMENTIEVA
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post #10 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2011, 06:16 PM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

Quote:
Originally Posted by iva_ds87 View Post
You did a great job again, Alenyaa!
I hope you don't mind if I did some minor corrections to your version. Here's what I added:

----------------------

Dear Lena,

For better and for worse, in sickness and in health - two phrases carrying a weight far, far greater than their length would have one believe. 2 years and 11 months to the day your sporting career saw its most treasured moment, Saturday, July 16th, marks the first significant moment of your new life as you proclaim these words in your marital vows.

Having been your devoted fans throughout your tennis career, we now express our joy and excitement at the news of your wedding. Neigh on one year after your final goodbye we are glad to see that you are carrying on with your life and your pursuit of happiness like we hoped you would. For that reason, we are writing to you once more to wish you all the luck and greatest gifts in the world now that you officially entered the next chapter of your life – being a loving, caring and dedicated wife.

As little as we know about Maxim, seeing him numerous times watching and reliving every moment of your matches, indicates of him being a man you can whole-heartedly trust and depend on. We are happy that in Max you have found someone that unconditionally supports you and we believe this is an expression of the same love that we have felt for you during all these years. With him, you will share many more beautiful and memorable moments that are yet to come and we are sure he realises how much of a lucky man he is.


The path of your future has unfolded its first part and we are grateful to be able to share this moment with you to at least some degree. We hope you are aware you have our full support in whatever life brings your way. The support of a tight-knit fan community that is still going strong months after you stepped aside from the strenuous tennis circuit. A community of generally very positive, mostly harmonious group of people that earnestly support and care about each other. This is something precious we have you to thank for, the inspirational person that brought us all together. We hope this means as much to you as it does to us and we hope you remember that we will always be right behind you and your future family, just like we have always been during the countless thrilling, delightful and unforgettable times you have blessed us with.

We wish you a long and prosperous life together.

Sincerely yours,

The Elena Dementieva Fan Club at tennisforum.com


-------------------------------


* I tried using verbs/adjective just once and removed words that seemed repetitive;
* replaced the phrase "tie the knot" because it seemed too colloquial;
* it's a formal letter, so I removed all short forms, but to give it a more personal touch started with "Lena";
* added a sentence about Maxim
* Shall we include our names like the previous time?
In retrospect,I'm surely too much of a damned,intolerable perfectionist in so many cases.Even so,I'd be shocked if Elena--knowing her sweet character as we do--didn't warmly appreciate these sentiments.

What polar opposite contrast exists between Roddick's wedding and Elena's;it's like comparing toxic waste to pure,divinely-refined gold.Any halfway-sentient mortal can grasp how much,even now,that Elena has meant to the sport of tennis...and who else could touch our hearts this way?!

PARTY IN THE PANIC ROOM! Serena wins an undoubtedly clean #22

Congrats on Number Three, Kim! We need more of you in this world

Monica Puig, Guapa Teniista Numero Uno de las chicas latinas
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post #11 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2011, 06:24 PM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

Great job, Alenyaa, Bruce and Iva. If I can suggest two changes to Iva's reworked version: I'm not fond of "neigh on", I agree with Bruce that it sounds a bit snooty and it's used so rarely in spoken English that Elena might not understand what it means. Also, I'd change the following sentence: "A community of generally very positive, mostly harmonious group of people that earnestly support and care about each other." to "A mostly harmonious community of positive people that earnestly support and care about each other"

Other than that, the letter is absolutely perfect

Last edited by deadparrot; Jul 18th, 2011 at 06:33 PM. Reason: Forgive me for the number of edits to my post. I'm a perfectionist at heart :)
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post #12 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2011, 11:08 PM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

I'll do a grammar check.

Zarina
"I'm really her idol" - Jelena Jankovic
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post #13 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 18th, 2011, 11:36 PM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

I read through the letter, and I really like it. I fixed some of the grammar and spelling mistakes, and I changed/removed some of the things that sounded a little clunky.
----------------------

Dear Lena,

For better or for worse, in sickness and in health - two phrases that carry a weight far, far greater than their length would have one believe. 2 years and 11 months ago, your sporting career saw its most treasured moment. Saturday, July 16th, marks the first significant moment of your new life as you proclaim these words in your marital vows.

Having been your devoted fans throughout your tennis career, we now wish to express our joy and excitement at the news of your wedding. Neigh on one year after your final goodbye We are glad to see that you are carrying on with your life and your pursuit of happiness like we hoped you would. For that reason, we are writing to you once more to wish you all the luck and greatest gifts in the world now that you officially entered the next chapter of your life – being a loving, caring and dedicated wife.

As little as we know about Maxim, Although we don't know very much about Maxim, seeing him numerous times watching and reliving every moment of your matches indicates of him being shows that he is a man you can whole-heartedly trust and depend on. We are happy that in Max you have found someone that who unconditionally supports you, and we believe this is an expression of the same love that we have felt for you during all these years. With him, you will share many more beautiful and memorable moments that are yet to come, and we are sure he realizes how much of a lucky lucky of a man he is.

The path of your future has unfolded its first part and We are grateful to be have been able to share this moment with you to at least some degree. We hope you know that, whatever decisions you make in life, we will continue to love and support you. are aware you have our full support in whatever life brings your way- the support of a tight-knit fan community that is still going strong months after you nearly a year after you stepped aside from the strenuous tennis circuit WTA Tour. A community of generally very positive, mostly harmonious group of people that earnestly support and care about each other. This is something precious that we have you to thank for, the inspirational person that who brought us all together. We hope this means as much to you as it does to us, and we hope you remember that we will always be right behind you and your future family, just like we have always been with you during the countless thrilling, delightful and unforgettable times you have blessed us with.

We wish the two of you a long and prosperous life together.

Sincerely yours,

The Elena Dementieva Fan Club at tennisforum.com


-------------------------------

Zarina
"I'm really her idol" - Jelena Jankovic
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post #14 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 19th, 2011, 12:16 AM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

Nice work!

Maca Lofish
Official Doctor of the SS Dementieva
Mommy Lena Dementieva
Veronika Afinogenova
Sergei Afinogenov

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post #15 of 28 (permalink) Old Jul 19th, 2011, 03:38 AM
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Re: Our message for Elena's wedding

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spring Pools View Post
I read through the letter, and I really like it. I fixed some of the grammar and spelling mistakes, and I changed/removed some of the things that sounded a little clunky.
----------------------

Dear Lena,

For better or for worse, in sickness and in health - two phrases that carry a weight far, far greater than their length would have one believe. 2 years and 11 months ago, your sporting career saw its most treasured moment. Saturday, July 16th, marks the first significant moment of your new life as you proclaim these words in your marital vows.

Having been your devoted fans throughout your tennis career, we now wish to express our joy and excitement at the news of your wedding. Neigh on one year after your final goodbye We are glad to see that you are carrying on with your life and your pursuit of happiness like we hoped you would. For that reason, we are writing to you once more to wish you all the luck and greatest gifts in the world now that you officially entered the next chapter of your life – being a loving, caring and dedicated wife.

As little as we know about Maxim, Although we don't know very much about Maxim, seeing him numerous times watching and reliving every moment of your matches indicates of him being shows that he is a man you can whole-heartedly trust and depend on. We are happy that in Max you have found someone that who unconditionally supports you, and we believe this is an expression of the same love that we have felt for you during all these years. With him, you will share many more beautiful and memorable moments that are yet to come, and we are sure he realizes how much of a lucky lucky of a man he is.

The path of your future has unfolded its first part and We are grateful to be have been able to share this moment with you to at least some degree. We hope you know that, whatever decisions you make in life, we will continue to love and support you. are aware you have our full support in whatever life brings your way- the support of a tight-knit fan community that is still going strong months after you nearly a year after you stepped aside from the strenuous tennis circuit WTA Tour. A community of generally very positive, mostly harmonious group of people that earnestly support and care about each other. This is something precious that we have you to thank for, the inspirational person that who brought us all together. We hope this means as much to you as it does to us, and we hope you remember that we will always be right behind you and your future family, just like we have always been with you during the countless thrilling, delightful and unforgettable times you have blessed us with.

We wish the two of you a long and prosperous life together.

Sincerely yours,

The Elena Dementieva Fan Club at tennisforum.com


-------------------------------
Yeah,it really is an excellent editing job;the only clear error is in the final paragraph,the 'nearly a year' part,where you crossed out the verb in the sentence and didn't replace it.Otherwise,it's very crisp and sounds sincere and heartfelt

PARTY IN THE PANIC ROOM! Serena wins an undoubtedly clean #22

Congrats on Number Three, Kim! We need more of you in this world

Monica Puig, Guapa Teniista Numero Uno de las chicas latinas
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