Have men and women switched their expectations? - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 02:08 AM Thread Starter
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Lightbulb Have men and women switched their expectations?

Have men and women switched their expectations in life?

I've noticed in recent years, it seems to me that more men are looking for the stability of commitment, marriage, and family while women on the other hand have started to avoid it.

For example, the past 2 males I have been involved with; one as recently as less than a month ago, has gotten rather smitten by me. He's calling, messaging, and telling his friends how much he likes me, misses me, and wants me. Now I only got together with him one afternoon for the sole purpose of sex. I even explained that to him, and he understood at that time. Besides, I thought all guys are just after sex anyway, so this shouldn't be an issue for him. Well since that day, I haven't seen him anymore but I've heard from him a lot. And he also talks to my friends about me all the time! So what's the deal?

The above situation has also happened to several of my female friends in recent years as well. And this isn't the first time it's happened to me. I'm happily involved with someone else on a very serious level so I don't have time for him. You would have thought with him being a 19 year old male, he'd be thrilled just getting a piece of ass. How weird!

So now, I seriously wonder, do the guys on here look more for commitment, marriage and family more than us females? Have the females grown to think that the times of the past when guys only wanted sex is how we should live? Basically what I'm wondering is, what is with this recent trend I'm seeing. Have we switched our expectations with the opposite sex?

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post #2 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 03:08 AM
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gawd!thats so right!looks like girl power is finally kicking in.

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post #3 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 04:28 AM Thread Starter
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GIRL POWER

It would be so funny if we've finally reversed the roles on men. Let them see what it feels like to be used for sex. Of course, if we sleep around we're still slutty, and if they do it it's just experienced.

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post #4 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 04:44 AM
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Sleep around as much as you like. I never believed in the double standard and I doubt that many intelligent men do these days. In fact, it's often women who are the first to call other women whores, ho's, molls, or whatever the fashionable term is.

As I said in the other thread, this business about men "using women for sex" is a bit of a myth. Maybe in some jock sub-cultures it happens like that, but I've never observed male behaviour that simple.

What is true is that men are not good at monogamy while being fearful about non-monogamous women. It all goes back to the primal fear of being saddled with another guy's kid. We want to spread *our* genes, not look after some other bloke's. It's a silly thing to worry about in modern society, though.

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post #5 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 05:13 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bacardi
GIRL POWER

It would be so funny if we've finally reversed the roles on men. Let them see what it feels like to be used for sex. Of course, if we sleep around we're still slutty, and if they do it it's just experienced.
Sleeping around is fine. Cheating is not.

"..just knowing that as long as i choose life, there is hope."

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post #6 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 05:14 AM Thread Starter
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True, but I dunno I live with and am serious with another girl..... So I shouldn't have cheated. I just don't get why he's gotten so clingy when I explained to him it was SEX ONLY

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post #7 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 05:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bacardi
Have men and women switched their expectations in life?

I've noticed in recent years, it seems to me that more men are looking for the stability of commitment, marriage, and family while women on the other hand have started to avoid it.

For example, the past 2 males I have been involved with; one as recently as less than a month ago, has gotten rather smitten by me. He's calling, messaging, and telling his friends how much he likes me, misses me, and wants me. Now I only got together with him one afternoon for the sole purpose of sex. I even explained that to him, and he understood at that time. Besides, I thought all guys are just after sex anyway, so this shouldn't be an issue for him. Well since that day, I haven't seen him anymore but I've heard from him a lot. And he also talks to my friends about me all the time! So what's the deal?

The above situation has also happened to several of my female friends in recent years as well. And this isn't the first time it's happened to me. I'm happily involved with someone else on a very serious level so I don't have time for him. You would have thought with him being a 19 year old male, he'd be thrilled just getting a piece of ass. How weird!

So now, I seriously wonder, do the guys on here look more for commitment, marriage and family more than us females? Have the females grown to think that the times of the past when guys only wanted sex is how we should live? Basically what I'm wondering is, what is with this recent trend I'm seeing. Have we switched our expectations with the opposite sex?
I don't know. Gitta give it a few more years to see if this become a trend and what not. TO ME I can't cosign cuz even though I luv the brotha's I know they can be trife also and always be thinkin with their willy instead of their brain.
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post #8 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 05:17 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bacardi
True, but I dunno I live with and am serious with another girl..... So I shouldn't have cheated. I just don't get why he's gotten so clingy when I explained to him it was SEX ONLY
Then it 's OK. It's honest, and if it is not OK with your partner, your partner will have an option of leaving you. It is fair.

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post #9 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 05:22 AM
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Originally Posted by *~ The Leopard ~*
Sleep around as much as you like. I never believed in the double standard and I doubt that many intelligent men do these days. In fact, it's often women who are the first to call other women whores, ho's, molls, or whatever the fashionable term is.
PREACH!!!! Women do that ish on the regular! They do it also as if callin other women ho's and biacthes will gon give them points with dudes.

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As I said in the other thread, this business about men "using women for sex" is a bit of a myth. Maybe in some jock sub-cultures it happens like that, but I've never observed male behaviour that simple.
Sorry boo but TO ME most dudes think with their willy before anything else.

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What is true is that men are not good at monogamy while being fearful about non-monogamous women.
Yeah but they'll run up in these types a chicks with a quickness so they might be scurred a them but they don't mind hittin it.

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It all goes back to the primal fear of being saddled with another guy's kid. We want to spread *our* genes, not look after some other bloke's. It's a silly thing to worry about in modern society, though.
I know what u sayin but somehow dudes always manage to get themself in some baby mama drama.
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post #10 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 06:12 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *~ The Leopard ~*
Sleep around as much as you like. I never believed in the double standard and I doubt that many intelligent men do these days. In fact, it's often women who are the first to call other women whores, ho's, molls, or whatever the fashionable term is.
my intro to comm teacher had an interesting class participation exercise one day...she had us name as many derogatory terms for a promiscuous woman as we could...we came up with about fifty. then she had us do the same for men...it came to less than ten. i'm sure there was a point to mentioning this...anyway...

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As I said in the other thread, this business about men "using women for sex" is a bit of a myth. Maybe in some jock sub-cultures it happens like that, but I've never observed male behaviour that simple.
it hardly ever seems that way. from what i can tell, women are used more as ego-boosters. sex is just a way of accomplishing this, i guess. women also seem to put more meaning behind sex than men do. or at least, i do.

Quote:
What is true is that men are not good at monogamy while being fearful about non-monogamous women. It all goes back to the primal fear of being saddled with another guy's kid. We want to spread *our* genes, not look after some other bloke's. It's a silly thing to worry about in modern society, though.
lol, men just aren't good at monogamy...PERIOD! and i don't buy that crap about wanting to "spread your seed." i think most men just get bored and look for the easiest way to end a relationship...cheating.
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post #11 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 06:26 AM
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intelligent men? now there's an oxmoron!

on a serious note, i agree with miss thang. we're gonna have to wait a few more years but lets face it. we women have come a LONG way.i'm proud to be a woman!we are family, i got all my sistas and me!

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post #12 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 06:33 AM
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It's funny, though, my impression has always been that women take relationships less seriously than men. For example, I've been dumped numerous times, including by some girls whom I loved dearly and would never have broken up with in a million years, whereas I've only ever dumped someone once, and I still feel bad about it, many years later.

That doesn't mean I've never had a one night stand, or had sex with someone who was just a friend (on a mutual understanding that it wasn't serious). Of course I have. But I honestly don't think I have ever in my life "used" someone in the way you peeps describe. I have certainly never "cheated" on someone to bring about the end of a relationship. That idea is totally foreign to me. Nor has any male friend of mine ever mentioned doing such a thing.

I think you girls just hang out with a lower class of men than I am used to.

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post #13 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 06:48 AM
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^^ yeup. i'll vouch for your last statement.

i don't come across many people like you, joui. maybe that'll change as i get older...but i doubt it.
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post #14 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 12:01 PM
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Bacardi - this is nothing new. There have always been sensitive men out there but as Joui says, they tend to be the better educated ones. You are fortunate to be attractive to the kind of man who wants commitment, although with your particular sexual orientation, I can see how that complicates things .

At twenty, I couldn't wait to be a dad and when (at 22) that came to be, I was so happy, I cried my eyes out. The sight of my little new born girl in her Mother's arms made me realise that my roaming days were over and I can honestly say now that, twenty years on, that still holds true. I have no problem being commited to the mother of my children; sure, I 'look around', so does she (she's currently besotted with a bloke called Aragorn(sp) from some film about hairy people of restricted growth) but I've never been tempted to take it any further.

Oh. And I'm not unique either; I have many male friends, older and younger than me who feel the same way!



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post #15 of 40 (permalink) Old Dec 27th, 2003, 03:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *~ The Leopard ~*
It's funny, though, my impression has always been that women take relationships less seriously than men.
Chile I wonder bout the chicks u was goin out with. Maybe it a American thing but we take relationship way to seriously. When I was in college and at all my job and even in my hood there is always some chick (includin me ) who was cryin and talkin bout some drama that have to do with their man.

Quote:
For example, I've been dumped numerous times, including by some girls whom I loved dearly and would never have broken up with in a million years, whereas I've only ever dumped someone once, and I still feel bad about it, many years later.
Well chile u aint no average dude.

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That doesn't mean I've never had a one night stand, or had sex with someone who was just a friend (on a mutual understanding that it wasn't serious). Of course I have. But I honestly don't think I have ever in my life "used" someone in the way you peeps describe. I have certainly never "cheated" on someone to bring about the end of a relationship. That idea is totally foreign to me. Nor has any male friend of mine ever mentioned doing such a thing.
Well u definately aint like a lotta dudes that most of the girls up in here know so go ahead boo!

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I think you girls just hang out with a lower class of men than I am used to.
Maybe it aint bout class but that dudes we done hooked up with wasnt secure with themself like u.
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