Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Preston, England
This Weeks HOROSCOPES!
Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Things suddenly get awkward when your coworkers notice your resemblance to the Easter Island statues and put two and two together.
Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
You'll be damned if you know what those guys on the Spanish-language station are saying, but they're definitely having a much better time than you are.
Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
It's time to acknowledge that your "trusty right-hand man" is really just a little face you drew on your thumb and forefinger.
Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
When the credits roll at the end of your life, the words "Directed By Henry Jaglom" will go a long way toward explaining things.
Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
This week's events will give you cause to reconsider the wisdom of the phrase "Never give up."
Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
Stop telling everyone you are popular with the ladies. Only your magnificent body is popular with the ladies.
Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
There is nothing morally wrong with anal sex, but your failure to exercise sufficient precautions has gotten you ass-pregnant.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
You will abandon your attempt to make the world's largest pancake after finding out how depressingly serious other people are about it.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
There's nothing wrong with waiting tables while waiting for your big break, unless you're that girl Annette at the Las Vegas McDonalds.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
You are the very picture of goodwill, honesty, and social grace. Note that use of the word "picture" also implies a certain two-dimensionality.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
You have many thoughtful questions about fate, destiny, and the future. It's a shame so many concern the Red Sox.
Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Sometimes, there are things a friend is too nice to tell you. Luckily, you don't have any friends like that.