This Weeks HOROSCOPES! -
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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 03:28 AM Thread Starter
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Aries: (March 21—April 19)
Things suddenly get awkward when your coworkers notice your resemblance to the Easter Island statues and put two and two together.

Taurus: (April. 20—May 20)
You'll be damned if you know what those guys on the Spanish-language station are saying, but they're definitely having a much better time than you are.

Gemini: (May 21—June 21)
It's time to acknowledge that your "trusty right-hand man" is really just a little face you drew on your thumb and forefinger.

Cancer: (June 22—July 22)
When the credits roll at the end of your life, the words "Directed By Henry Jaglom" will go a long way toward explaining things.

Leo: (July 23—Aug. 22)
This week's events will give you cause to reconsider the wisdom of the phrase "Never give up."

Virgo: (Aug. 23—Sept. 22)
Stop telling everyone you are popular with the ladies. Only your magnificent body is popular with the ladies.

Libra: (Sept. 23—Oct. 23)
There is nothing morally wrong with anal sex, but your failure to exercise sufficient precautions has gotten you ass-pregnant.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24—Nov. 21)
You will abandon your attempt to make the world's largest pancake after finding out how depressingly serious other people are about it.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22—Dec. 21)
There's nothing wrong with waiting tables while waiting for your big break, unless you're that girl Annette at the Las Vegas McDonalds.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22—Jan. 19)
You are the very picture of goodwill, honesty, and social grace. Note that use of the word "picture" also implies a certain two-dimensionality.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20—Feb. 18)
You have many thoughtful questions about fate, destiny, and the future. It's a shame so many concern the Red Sox.

Pisces: (Feb. 19—March 20)
Sometimes, there are things a friend is too nice to tell you. Luckily, you don't have any friends like that.
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 05:43 AM
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Location: Not paradise thats fo sho
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LOL!never give up?hmph!give it up??pfffft!

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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 05:47 AM
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: My sin, my soul.
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what website did you get this from?

i remember years back there was this one website that gave fucked up horoscopes...

....This is fucked up, fucked up....

This is your blind spot, blind spot.
It should be obvious, but it's not.

You cannot kickstart a dead horse
You just crush yourself and walk away
I don't care what the future holds
Cause I'm right here in your arms today
With your fingers you can touch me

I'll be your black swan, black swan
I'm for spare parts, broken up.

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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 06:23 AM Thread Starter
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OK, I confess I got this from
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