Can long distance relationships work? -
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 14th, 2003, 08:53 PM Thread Starter
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Can long distance relationships work?

My boyfriend had to return to Finland and I miss him terribly.
I've never been in such situation and I just don't know how is this going to work out... Do you have any experience?
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 14th, 2003, 08:57 PM
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euhm no, I don't believe in it anyway. It's possible if it's temporary, but it can't last long I think.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 14th, 2003, 08:59 PM
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it requires a lot of trust and a lot of control. both of which are hard when a person is far away.

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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 14th, 2003, 09:15 PM
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I think that they can work in the short to medium term - i don't think it's something that can be done long term because you really do miss out on an important element of relationships. It requires a helluva lot of trust, a lot of communication and a lot of effort from BOTH parties - i think it can be done but regular communication is key.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 05:10 AM
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well, my bf was away for about 9 months and it was hard for me cuz i love sex. i did sleep with a guy ONCE ONLY during this period, and totally regret it and well, i still havent told my bf about it, but i think he knows, but he loves me too much to dump me. which is a good thing on ym part, cuz its like a second chance.

but it can work if you're not a whore like myself.

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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 05:41 AM
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Its really a question that you have to answer yourself, Do you think it will work for you? Can you hold a long-term commitment for a large period of time without seeing your partner?

Just my 2 cents, I have never been able to seem them work, If they have succeded in working, the 2 partners must have a strong relationship filled with a overflow of joy, honesty, love and be able to pull the hard yards like a long distance relationship. Usually those cases are very rare, They usually lead to unserious thinking "It will work...I know it will..lets try it" then a period of time later, it's all to time consuming to keep the relationship up, And it doesn't necessacerily mean that you don't love them, you honestly probably care deeply for them, but physicially not been there with you is depressing, and probably lonley on your behalf.

It's really up to you Joana, you really have to decide yourself if you are able to keep up this commitment, and for your boyfriend to pull his way aswell, trust is a large issue, so is honesty. You decide yourself what is vest for you and your boyfriend, you will hopefully make the right decision.

I had a friend whos Girlfriend was moving to Berlin, and from the relationship, you would seem they were inseparable, lovey dovey, flirting, really commited. She ended up leaving, they tried the "long-distance" relationship, it worked well for a few months, he was patient, though persistent, She was aswell, after that the phone calls were becoming less and less, letters did not arrive weekly as they usually should. He got to the stage where he was becoming lonley, maybe a bit impatient waiting for her to come home. This was holding him back with alot of lifes little issues, ie: College, a bit depressed. So he made the phone call to end the relationship. She wasn't very hesitant mind you either. Once he did make the phonecall, he was saddened, but was getting on with life much easier, he did find another girl-friend as well.

It just goes to show what impact it can leave on you.
Good Luck anyway
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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 08:19 AM
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At one point a decision has to made anyway, one of the two has to move at one point. You can't have a long distance relationship forever.

My sister's boyfriend is Australian. They haven't been together for that long, yet he's moved here for an 'indefinite' time. They'll see how it goes. He's looking for a job here, will learn the language, wants to get settled in. He hasn't sold everything in Australia though. It's not as if they're married, they're just trying to give the relationship a chance and that's a bit difficult when you're half a world apart.

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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 09:06 AM
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Agreed, my bf left Spain to come and live here with me because neither of us were happy with a long distance relationship when I had to come here for work. After just a couple of weeks we realised it would be all or nothing. But its the best thing we ever did

From other past experiences though, I'd say long term relationships are more or less doomed, but that only me talking. A friend of mine is Swiss and has a Mexicn girlfriend and they have been together for five years and will marry next year. They only get to see each other every few months, but it seems to work. Each to his own...

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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 09:33 AM
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My friend's boyfriend is also in Finland while she's stuck here.
The relationship has been ongoing for five years now.

E-mail's everyday, scanned pics and small packages makes the distance not so hard to think about for them.

(don't make me start on mine.......)

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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 09:44 AM
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It definitely didn't work for me, but good luck to you if you are up to it.

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Be kind.
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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 02:09 PM
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If it is for a definite period of time (like he is going there for a few months or whatever) then I think they can work. Like if you meet a person at University and then have to be a part for the summer becuase you are from different cities. But I know a girl who wanted a long distance relationship with a guy who lived in another city AND went to school in a different city from her. So they would NEVER be "together" properly. Sometimes I figure if you're never going to be "together" then what's the point of having a relationship? You might as well just be friends because that's all you're getting from teh relationship anyway.
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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 02:45 PM
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My boyfriend's in the USA and although we still talk every day on the phone and send each other packages the relationship just can't go back to the same anymore. We still like each other but this won't work because we will hardly be able to see each other again often and we both know that both of us will find ourselves a partner soon. So I don't think it works.
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 05:17 PM
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I've just started one. I don't really believe it can work in the long run but i'm willing to make an effort if it is worthwhile and move at some point.

I have my best friends far away from me and i manage to keep their friendship and even though i know it's different, i still want to give it a try.

Anyway good luck to you.
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 05:26 PM
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uh davy...we've been having a long distance relationship for several months now (and a very open one too i might add ), have you forgotten??

Men när natten är ljus - I ditt sjuttiotalshus
Och du är ånga, spår av ett moln
I en dröm om att fly till någonting nytt

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Så är jag din, din, din att ta med
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old Aug 15th, 2003, 05:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Super Maeike
uh davy...we've been having a long distance relationship for several months now (and a very open one too i might add ), have you forgotten??
lol yeah, well no i didn't forget but you're so close to my heart it's like we're never apart
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