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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old Jul 8th, 2003, 04:00 AM Thread Starter
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Not sure what to do? Help!

My friends grandfather is dying. I want to offer her my support but I don't want to be all, "It'll be okay" when I know it's not. I'm not sure how to comfort her. I've never had anyone in my family die so I can't really relate so I'm not sure how to help or just even support her.

Can anybody help, I feel so bad for her and guilty that I can't do anything!

I worry that she'll expect more from me, to have words that everything will be okay but I wont!

Help! I'm not sure what to do.

"They came for the Communists,
but I didn't speak up because
I wasn't a Communist. They came
for the Jews, but I didn't speak up
because I wasn't a Jew. They came
for the trade unionists, but I didn't
speak up because I wasn't a trade
unionist. They came for the Catholics,
but I didn't speak up because I was
a Protestant. Then they came for me,
but by that time there wasn't anyone
left to speak up for me."
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old Jul 8th, 2003, 04:23 AM
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i've lived through my great grandfather and mother dying, both my grand fathers dying and my dog dying who we had to put down about a month ago and it was devastating.

there is nothing much you can do except be there for her. when it comes down to it (especially an older person) then if they are suffering then passing away might be the best option for them. it is a hard thing to go through but one way to do things is to celebrate there life rather than mourn for what has happened.

noone was really there for me, 3 of them i was younger than the age of 10 so i didn't know what to think and i didn't really talk much about it i just kept it to myself. one of my grandfather's passed on 2 years ago during one of my final exams in year 11, before i left the hall i was told that my mother as some news for me. not the best thing to have to go through during final exams.

certainly don't say everything is alright, steer away from that sort of thing. say things like they led a good life and they were suffering so maybe it was for the best and listen to them and comfort them. sorry but i need more information to help any further.

Go the aussies! stosur!!!
and good luck russians: dementieva, safina, kirilenko, sharapova, kuznetsova, bovina, zvonareva, dushevina.

also good luck to: azarenka, lucic, sprem, vakulenko, vaidisova, safarova, ivanovic, groenefeld, mirza, krajicek, kvitkova, larcher de brito, lisicki.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old Jul 8th, 2003, 04:35 AM Thread Starter
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Need more inforamtion??

Well he suffered from Cancer of the kidney's. He had an operation but it left him in considerable pain ever since. After his father died recently he sort of gave up on life and has been say, "I just wish I would die" etc etc.

He was doing okay for a while and his health was stable but now it's crashing rapidly and they don't think he will be alive for much longer. Not sure if he is in hospital or not.

I haven't seen her but I got her message today and she is really upset and has already visited him but doesn't want to again because she's so upset. I told her she should because otherwise she'll regret it when he's gone.

"They came for the Communists,
but I didn't speak up because
I wasn't a Communist. They came
for the Jews, but I didn't speak up
because I wasn't a Jew. They came
for the trade unionists, but I didn't
speak up because I wasn't a trade
unionist. They came for the Catholics,
but I didn't speak up because I was
a Protestant. Then they came for me,
but by that time there wasn't anyone
left to speak up for me."
Viva is offline  
post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old Jul 8th, 2003, 04:39 AM
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i think what you said was good, that's what i would have said and would have liked to of heard but not knwoing you're friend i really can't say it was a good idea or not.

when i said i need more information i meant was the person suffering and did they want to go and that sort of thing. if her grandfather is unhappy then his decision should be respected and the pasing should be seen as a positive thing because it meant his suffering was over.

Go the aussies! stosur!!!
and good luck russians: dementieva, safina, kirilenko, sharapova, kuznetsova, bovina, zvonareva, dushevina.

also good luck to: azarenka, lucic, sprem, vakulenko, vaidisova, safarova, ivanovic, groenefeld, mirza, krajicek, kvitkova, larcher de brito, lisicki.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old Jul 8th, 2003, 04:49 AM
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The only thing you can do under thes circumstances is to be there for your friend. Make an extra effort to spend time with her. If she wants to talk, listen. If she wants to cry, offer her a shoulder. Don't offer advise unless she asks. Most of all let her know that you care. That is what she will remember, not what you said or didn't say.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old Jul 8th, 2003, 08:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JaneAgain
The only thing you can do under thes circumstances is to be there for your friend. Make an extra effort to spend time with her. If she wants to talk, listen. If she wants to cry, offer her a shoulder. Don't offer advise unless she asks. Most of all let her know that you care. That is what she will remember, not what you said or didn't say.
Just be sure she knows you're there, someyears ago something similar happened to me and my friends were supporting me every moment, just left me one weekon my own to think as I asked them, but after that they were ready to go for a coffee or so anytime I needed it.
Now I think about it and I really apreciate it....actually I think I can't imagine leaving without them trying to annoy me about anything right now

"Qui n'a connu
Douleur immense
N'aura qu'un aperçu
Du temps
"


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