Think it's best to keep my reply brief, because otherwise I'm afraid it might get hard to keep track of things:
[*]I never said that Serena's comments were sexist, nor as far as I can tell did Cajka. I believe Serena was basically thinking aloud about a topic she hadn't thought much about before. Knowing about cases like Cajka's might have helped her avoid that.
Sexism point right here.
I truly believe that Serena is a good person, but her point of view here is pretty sexist, although she's a woman.
[*]I could be wrong, but I don't think we (you, I or Cajka) are in very serious disagreement about anything here, we just see some details differently
Thank you for your reply.
You completely misunderstood my post. Why did I say that Serena's comment was sexist? Not because I thought that ppl shouldn't be careful and avoid dangerous situations. It's because she focused on the victim, not on those guys. I said that kids shouldn't drink, I said that adults (BOTH MEN AND WOMEN) should drink moderately and act responsible. How did you miss that part?
What's my problem here? Well, people focus on the wrong things that this girl did. Getting completely drunk is wrong, irresponsible and stupid, but how about raping someone? What did Serena say? I can't be bothered to search for the quote, but it was like: Sure they did something wrong, but is it fair what they got? What did she expect? She was lucky.
I live in a sexist society and I can tell you that this is a typical sexist point of view. A woman that gets drunk is a lowlife, slut, she's offering herself to men. If she gets raped, well... it sucks, but she asked for it. If a girl behaves that way, you can't blame someone who took an advantage. How about teaching those guys some responsibility?
For example, if you get drunk and lose your wallet and I find it, what should I do? If I keep it, it's a robbery, although it's not my fault that you lost it. Being robbed sucks, now try to imagine how it feels to be raped. And then some people feel entitled to tell you that you should have done this or that, they blame your parents and about those who raped you... Well, sure what they did was wrong.... ? Come on now. Well, what about them and their parents?
I decided to go outside and argue with that idiot? Did you read my post at all? This is highly insulting. If you weren't bothered to read my post, then don't comment on it. It's nice that you want to defend your favorite tennis player, but enough is enough. He started arguing with me, I didn't decide anything. I tried to explain that he misunderstood the whole thing, I tried to ignore him, but he didn't give up. I tried my best to stay civil, just like I'm trying to stay civil now after reading the insensitive and rude sentence you wrote.
I said that a sane person would report him, but I was too scared. I also said that the justice system in Serbia is awful, but you decided to make your own conclusions. I totally promote violence, I got what I deserved. Too bad he didn't rape me as well, right? I said I have no regrets, but only because that's the only punishment he could have received here. For example, my neighbor killed his lover and he stayed in prison for 4 years. If I lived in normal country, I would have probably reported him immediately. What's the point of putting my father in danger? But I didn't trust our police. It's so easy to be a smartass judgemental prick when you live in a normal country.
And what is the most important, I never asked my father to beat him up, it wasn't my idea, I'd never suggest it. but I can't say I feel sorry for him. Even if I went to police first, it wouldn't stop my father. I couldn't hide it. My father barely recognized me in the morning, my face was all in bruises. His reaction wasn't right, but I completely understand him.
Serena's comments were comments selected
by a reporter. She could have said other things as well. I also mentioned in my post before the one you are responding to you that Serena's attention was on the victim, not the rapist....
I also thoroughly read your post, over and over again to ensure I was responding fairly and accurately. This is a serious and highly controversial topic. I spent a lot of time on my own posts to make sure they at least somewhat accurately reflected my point of view / interpretation of your words.
I apologize if you felt I was being smartass, or judgmental, but this was not my intention. I also did not suggest that you should go to the police, especially after reading what you had written. I want to reiterate that in no way were you wrong or to blame in your story, based on what you have told me. Yet based off your story alone, I felt you did not have to tell him to go to hell because for your own safety, that likely would not have been beneficial. Additionally, there were likely better options out there for you to promote your own safety in that situation, though obviously it depends on more detail about you and the situation you were in. I could focus on the guy who beat you up instead, but he is not the one talking in this thread, and so I have zero information on his perspective.
I've also been sexually molested. But there was no need for me to point that out. Maybe it's because I don't believe in punishment as much as I believe in rehabilitation? Not sure.
To be honest though, I don't feel comfortable talking to you at the moment. You have resorted to name-calling which I feel extremely uncomfortable with and saying things such as "I got what I deserved". Additionally, I don't feel I was being abusive, and you haven't elucidated anything to suggest that I was. You also have not elucidated anything to suggest that I lack self-awareness or responsibility. I sincerely apologize though if I got your story incorrect, but there is nothing to suggest that I didn't based off your posts alone.
Additionally, I am not defending my favorite tennis player. Even if my favorite tennis player were Serena Williams, I feel it is pretty apparent in my posts in this thread that I feel Serena's comments were insensitive, but it doesn't seem to me like they were sexist. Create a scenario in your head and they could be, but based off her comments alone, there is no sexism. As someone posted out on another website and as I posted earlier, receiving blame for a (criminal) situation and trying to promote one's own safety are not mutually exclusive.
Ultimately, I empathize with your bruising and I hope you are well and have recovered. This is the internet and if I am coming across as mean, I am genuinely sorry, and hope you do not feel misrepresented in any way.