i was having a bud with CIA Boi and National Advisor Boi discussing, amongst other things, when we should tell our President to order the bombing and invasion of Iraq (we decided on mid Feb)
anyways, during the convo, CIA Boi told me he was looking for some more dudes to join the CIA so that they can serve our great nation, defending it's freedom and the American Way, but more importantly, travelling to other countries as our representative and meeting new people and killing them for us
these highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks that CIA Boi does before he even considers yuo for the position.
anyways, during our drinking session, CIA Boi told me this story about his last recruitment drive, and now i'm telling it to yuo
CIA Boi was looking for another assassin and he had over 2,500 applicants. They were sent through the usual background checks, training and testing blah, and that 2,500 was narrowed down to only three dudes but only one position was available.
so the day came for the final test to see which dude would get the extremely secretive job. CIA Boi administered the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.
"we must know that yuo will follow yuor instructions no matter what the circumstances" explained CIA Boi
"inside that room yuo will find yuor wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her"
the first dude was shocked and said
_"yuo can't be serious! I could never shoot my own wife."
"well, yuo're definitely not the right man for the job then"
so CIA Boi brings the second dude to the same door and hands him a gun
"we must know that yuo will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances"
"inside yuo will find yuor wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her"
the second dude looked a bit shocked, but nonetheless took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, and then the door opened and the dude came out with tears in his eyes.
"tried to shoot her but I just couldn't pull the trigger, if it had been anyone else i would've done it, but not my own wife. I guess i'm not the right man for the job"
"No", CIA Boi replied, "yuo don't have what it takes. Now take yuor wife and get the hell home yuo moralistic piece of shit"
CIA Boi is now down to the last dude to test. Again he leads him to the same door of the same room and gives him the same gun.
"we must be sure that yuo will follow our instructions no matter what the circumstances. This is your final test. Inside yuo will find yuor wife sitting in a chair, take this gun and kill her"
the dude takes the gun and opens the door and before the door had even closed all the way, starts letting loose with the lead, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then suddenly, CIA Boi hears a shitload of screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes, and then all went quiet. CIA Boi was thinking "WTF??????" when suddenly the door opened very slowly, and there stood the last dude who was panting and wiping sweat from his brow
eventually he catches his breath and says
"you guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with fucking blanks! I had to beat the bitch to death with the chair"
CIA Boi replied "congratulations, welcome to the CIA"
- Car Key Boi