Having trouble reading and writing?
Illiteracy is a pwoblem for many people in the UK, and definitely Ireland, the home of illiterate toothless simpletons*. You buy a copy of your local paper, but can only just make out the pictures. The words mean nothing. Why is that building on fire? Why is that person holding a large cheque outside a hospital? Is it a large cheque? Is it a hospital? Why are they smiling? What's the capital of Uruguay?
So many questions that could be easily answered by LEARNING TO READ.
Which reminds me, you can't read this can you? Jeez, I wonder why? Is it because your parents couldn't read themselves? Is it because when you actually WENT to school (which was bloody rare cos of your horrendous truancy record.), you spent the majority of your time along with your friends of similar worthless ilk sitting at the back of the class flicking pens and blowing small spit-soaked bits of tissue paper at those who actually went to school for it's purpose... to be educated? Was the only paper you bought typical of your stupid brainless mind? The Daily Sport to "look at the tits"?. The Sun for "Page 3?". In questionnaires, did you put "Escort" in the "Last book read" column?
Did you frequently interrupt lessons by forcing the helpless frail young teacher to consistently tell you to stop chewing gum... and taking it out your mouth... and putting it in a girls hair? Was you responsible for John Yeoman's nervous breakdown? Only 16, he could have gone to Oxbridge but you burned his coursework.
Did you come out of school and actually learn something useful? No. Hold on, to you, disceting a kidney and then throwing it at the blackboard was your idea of science, you learn't nothing, you didn't even learn how much of an arsehole you was, which let me tell you, is a very big one, we're talking a black hole.
Speaking of black holes, your life is one. You'll never be a respected citizen, you'll never amount to anything, you'll never learn to read, write, or do anything useful. Except make ladders on a conveyor belt.
No-one's crying, no-ones bothered... hey, you can't even read.
*Stereotype used for the purpose of the statement, not all Irish people are illiterate toothless simpletons who drink Guinness and think leprichauns are real.