I sent a letter to the Probe (and a couple of others) about a week ago. The Probe is a newspaper in Trinidad West Indies which describes itself as the 'best selling weekly blah blah"
they published my letter today, a transcript is below
Click here to view scan of letter page
Re: A good will warning to the people of Trinidad
I am the Car Key Boi and I key cars. I am a true master when it comes to dragging my key against the shiny paint work of someone's car and adorning it with my artwork. I'm from Pasadena in California USA, but i'm currently on vacation in the Caribbean, and more specifically, I will be in Trinidad for the next three weeks. So in the spirit of the New Year, I'd like to wish yuorselves, and the good people of Trinidad, a happy and prosperous New Year, and also to inform the people, how they can prevent their car feeling the wrath of my key.
If there's one thing that the Car Key Boi cannot tolerate, it's vehicles with too much bling-bling, that's to say vehicles with too much chrome bull, such as exhaust tail pipes the size of a cannon, tacky chrome arches, those ridiculous rear light clusters and so forth. In addition, the ONE thing that is guaranteed to make me break out my best keying tool (my Swisstech Utili-Key) and go berserk on their door panel, is the offence of displaying a dangling CD disc from the rear view. What the hell is that all about? do those idiots think they actually look cool? cruising down the main road, with a 50 cents CD disc dangling from their rear view?? Well, it doesn't look cool, and if I see any vehicles displaying that obscene object, I'm going to have my way with that ride, and the Car Key Boi always makes the kill.
So to avoid my key, remove that damn 50 cents CD disc, and if yuo have too much bling-bling, try to be discreet with it. DO NOT display yuor car in full view of the parking lot with the ICE system at full blast and all the doors open. That kind of behavior is guaranteed to drive me insane, and sooner or later, like the night itself, I will creep into yuor neighborhood, key in hand, and proceed to carve out yuor door panel AND the hood, with long swooping scratches, evidence of my slow deliberate caresses, that will adorn yuor vehicle. Lacy curls of paint will lie piled on the ground, like lingerie at a lover's feet. In that moment, yuo will know that I had my way with yuor car, and by extension, with yuo.
And remember, if yuo find a small six inch line in yuor paint, that wasn't me. When I key yuor car, yuo'll know it.
- Car Key Boi
(a parking lot somewhere in Trinidad)