My feelings are hurt! (venting thread) -
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old Dec 4th, 2002, 06:17 AM Thread Starter
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My feelings are hurt! (venting thread)

I just needed to come on here and vent and pout!

As I posted on another message board, I bought a DVD player for a friend of mine. Well, I thought about it a lot and was very excited to give this present to my friend who is actually my boyfriend, so it is more special.

Well, I called him tonight and told him how I couldn't wait to give him his present because I truly thought he would like it. He then proceeded to kind of list things that he hoped I didn't get him. Of course, one of the things he listed was a DVD player.

I played it off and didn't tell him that I had indeed gotten him a DVD player and I just got off the phone with him because I told him it was bedtime.

Now I am very upset about this whole situation. He really hurt my feelings by doing that. I don't think it is polite at all to list to people things you don't want for Christmas if they told you that they have already gotten you something. They might have gotten you what you didn't really want! I understand telling people what you don't want if they HAVEN'T yet gotten your gift, but not afterwards!!

I feel like I'm stuck now. If I just go ahead and give him the gift, then it will be very awkward because I will feel bad knowing he doesn't really want it in the first place and I know he will feel guilty once he sees what it is. If I exchange it then it is just really hard because I have to come up with something totally different to get him and hope he actually will like it this time. I got him a DVD to go along with it, so I would have to return that to and start back at zero!

I really want to point out to him that he shouldn't do that, but by doing that I'll give away the whole situation. He is also having a very stressful week and I don't want to add to the stress right now by making him feel bad, because I know he will. He is a very sweet guy but I guess he didn't realize that he was saying the wrong thing.

Sorry to vent so much and sorry this is so long. If anyone has suggestions on what to do, I am all ears. Unless I really think of something better to get him, I think this gift will remain and maybe he can learn a lesson from it.

The moral of this story is to "talk not about what you don't want, but voice what you do want." Sure would have made my life easier.

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old Dec 4th, 2002, 06:34 AM
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Well, if I were you I'd come clean about getting him the DVD player. I'd explain my reasons for choosing that gift for him. Obviously, you thought it would be something he'd like. At this point, I'd ask him about the things that he would like to have so that I wouldn't make the same mistake twice. In all honesty, I have gotten far too many gifts that I didn't like, but I would never tell someone that I don't like it or name things that they shouldn't get me because I truly believe that it's the thought that counts. I'm just glad to be in someone's heart and thoughts enough to receive a gift from them, but some people have different beliefs. So, I wouldn't mention that I don't think it's right for him to tell people what not to get him. Afterall, it's his little way of letting you know that if you bought one of those things, then it's just a waste of money because he won't be using it. I'd much rather spend money on something he likes. I would also gather from this experience that your boyfriend doesn't like suprises that much when it comes to gifts.

Dammitt, Venus!!!
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old Dec 4th, 2002, 06:34 AM
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that's awful

I really don't know... how about giving it to him and saying that you know he said he didn't want one, but you had already bought it and say that maybe the two of you can return or exchange it if he really doesn't want it. It is a really rude thing to do, list the stuff you don't want, and he should apologise to you... I guess he's stressed out and maybe not thinking about what he's doing. Don't take it to heart.

If he doesn't apologise, maybe next year just get him some of those little cottonbud ear cleaner things, or some toothpicks...
Melanie2 is offline  

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