how do you get over something? - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 14th, 2012, 09:50 AM Thread Starter
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how do you get over something?

Its been a year now, and I'm still not over it, even though I've widled it down to an obstinant little core of an issue.

It's a very complicated issue, but nothing violent or life-alteringly traumatic. It was basically harrassment--bullying. I played my part. I am not a complete victim. Having said that, it's all I think about.

Any advice, thoughts, philosophy?
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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 14th, 2012, 11:43 AM
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Re: how do you get over something?

I don't think there's a universal recipe for everyone... we're all wired differently and react to events our own way. What is "easily" forgotten for one remains vividly in someone else's memory for a very long time.

From what you wrote, I got the impression you feel partly responsible for what happened, whatever that is... I mean, there seems to be something about it which makes you think you weren't a victim but sorta played along. Maybe that's the part that's bothering you and which you can't get over, because you haven't yet figured out why you did play along, or what drew you to do so.

It's hard to tell, knowning so little about it, but it seems to me there's some unresolved "conflict" with yourself, that doesn't let you be at peace with those memories. Not sure if my thoughts help, but do feel free to ask for more

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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 14th, 2012, 09:57 PM
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Re: how do you get over something?

No one can get over it.

Just learn to accept it and realise that it once existed in your life.
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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 14th, 2012, 11:38 PM
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Re: how do you get over something?

I'm sure if you gave more details, we could help you better..
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 15th, 2012, 01:08 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do you get over something?

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Originally Posted by Andy_ View Post
I don't think there's a universal recipe for everyone... we're all wired differently and react to events our own way. What is "easily" forgotten for one remains vividly in someone else's memory for a very long time.

From what you wrote, I got the impression you feel partly responsible for what happened, whatever that is... I mean, there seems to be something about it which makes you think you weren't a victim but sorta played along. Maybe that's the part that's bothering you and which you can't get over, because you haven't yet figured out why you did play along, or what drew you to do so.

It's hard to tell, knowning so little about it, but it seems to me there's some unresolved "conflict" with yourself, that doesn't let you be at peace with those memories. Not sure if my thoughts help, but do feel free to ask for more

Great advice! Thank you. Are you a psychologist?
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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 15th, 2012, 01:10 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how do you get over something?

I'm contemplating whether or not to post it on here. It's very embarrassing, and with the exception of you three, the people on wtaworld are vicious.
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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 15th, 2012, 06:34 AM
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Re: how do you get over something?

Let us in, usually on non-tennis issues, people on here are quite supportive.

But if you choose not to, I don't think one can completely get over something, I think the pain can definitely ease when you choose NOT to think about it, whenever you do, you stop yourself and eventually you think about it less. The saying is true that time heals all wounds

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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 15th, 2012, 07:27 AM
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Re: how do you get over something?

I think I know what you're talking about. I was very viciously bullied myself, and like you wasn't completely the victim. It's been 4 years and I still think about it a lot, but I can understand why you don't want to write it all up. Some things are too personal, and for me to talk about my situation - the shorts version requires 40 minutes solid of talking.

Time is a healer, after 4 years it's better than it was after 1.

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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 15th, 2012, 09:01 AM
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Re: how do you get over something?

Ontario's anti-bullying bill, also known as Bill 13 or the Accepting Schools Act, passed through the legislature just before noon today by a margin of 65-36. Only the Progressive Conservatives voted against the legislation

- The Canadian Press Posted: Jun 5, 2012 6:30 AM ET Last Updated: Jun 5, 2012 12:53 PM ET (cbc.ca)





"It's A Girl's World" - CBC IDEAS with Paul Kennedy, click here to listen)

Part1 (54:00)

Social aggression in girls is now being studied for the first time after decades of research on physical bullying among boys. Research conducted around the world shows that girls everywhere are motivated to use their closest relationships as weapons, regardless of class, race or family background. Why do girls resort to covert tactics like shunning, exclusion, eye rolling and rumour mongering to win and keep their place in the social hierarchy? Through insightful commentary from leading North American experts and an insiders view into the workings of a clique of ten-year-old girls, the foundation of the hidden culture of aggression in girls and hopes to combat it through challenging societal attitudes are explored

Part2 (53:59)

What are the costs when society insists that "catty" behaviour is normal, natural and expected from girls? Fourteen-year-old Dawn-Marie Wesley paid the ultimate price when she killed herself to escape the persistent social torment of her friends. She named three girls in her suicide note resulting in criminal charges and a precedent setting court case. This is a cautionary tale for every player in a social dynamic that can easily spiral out of control. Through exclusive interviews with Dawn-Marie's family, closest friends and one girl convicted of criminally harassing her, a startlingly complex picture of denial, blame, guilt and a continuing struggle to heal emerges.

Part3 (53:59)

New evidence suggests that women pack up their social baggage from childhood and tote it to the office with their briefcases. Professional relationships among women at work are mired in the same dynamics that propelled them into hurtful behaviours in their younger years. Now the stakes are higher - their career is on the line. More than that, the male-dominated organizational structures of the workplace may actually foster resentment, cut-throat competition and power struggles among female bosses and their employees. After four decades of feminist efforts and hard won parity with men, a woman's success may well come at the expense of her own sex.

Last edited by PhilePhile; Jun 16th, 2012 at 09:29 PM.
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 15th, 2012, 11:40 AM
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Re: how do you get over something?

I dropped you a PM, supergrunt

Time's definitely a healer
. Sharing your story and feelings with someone may help you get a different perspective on things and speed the healing process up a notch or two... if nothing else, it'll probably make you feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off your shoulders. But... that doesn't mean that you have to share your stories with us here - that can only be your choice

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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2012, 07:40 PM
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Re: how do you get over something?

Extract revenge 1,000 fold for any transgression committed against you, no matter how large or small, and stay liquored up all the time. You will feel better.

"When we are young we generally estimate an opinion by the size of the person that holds it, but later we find that is an uncertain rule, for we realize that there are times when a hornet's opinion disturbs us more than an emperor's" - Mark Twain

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"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats." - H.L. Menken
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2012, 09:01 PM
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Re: how do you get over something?

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and stay liquored up all the time.
hey, hey, what about your liver? come on
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2012, 09:26 PM
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Re: how do you get over something?

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hey, hey, what about your liver? come on
Nobody's liver can be completely innocent, it must be guilty of some transgression worthy of extracting revenge.

"When we are young we generally estimate an opinion by the size of the person that holds it, but later we find that is an uncertain rule, for we realize that there are times when a hornet's opinion disturbs us more than an emperor's" - Mark Twain

"The noblest work of God? Man. Who found it out? Man." - Mark Twain

"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats." - H.L. Menken
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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2012, 09:32 PM
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Re: how do you get over something?

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Originally Posted by supergrunt View Post
I'm contemplating whether or not to post it on here. It's very embarrassing, and with the exception of you three, the people on wtaworld are vicious.
You're right about the viciousness of some of the people hear. I'd never post my personal business here or facebook or any other social media because sooner or later someone will use it against you just to be cruel.

Before you speak to me about your religion, first show it to me in how you treat other people; before you tell me how much you love your God, show me in how much you love all His children; before you preach to me of your passion for your faith, teach me about it through your compassion for your neighbors. In the end, I'm not as interested in what you have to tell or sell as in how you choose to live and give.

Cory Booker
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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old Jun 16th, 2012, 11:31 PM
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Re: how do you get over something?

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You're right about the viciousness of some of the people hear. I'd never post my personal business here or facebook or any other social media because sooner or later someone will use it against you just to be cruel.
Amen. People should keep this in mind.

Also, extracting revenge may only be a momentary satisfaction. Move on, and live your life, a better life, on your own terms and with that experience as a life lesson. You can't change the past, just make a better future for yourself and society. Platitudinous, I know, but...better than being sunk in thought or depression about what was done.
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