Re: How to reject someone and remain friends?
There's no point gently letting someone down, because being rejected feels the same either way. Just tell them they are fucking ugly/stupid/emotionally unstable, etc., and while those are qualities that you would overlook and perhaps even cherish in a friend, you would RATHER DIE than date someone like that.
In fact if you do that, they will get over you pretty quickly! You're really doing them a favour.
I exaggerated a little, but the idea is to be extremely firm so that you not only gun down whatever hope they have, but also subject the corpse of that hope to being hanged, drawn and quartered, before setting the final remains on fire and tossing the ashes into the Caspian Sea.
A single flow'r he sent me, since we met./All tenderly his messenger he chose;
Deep-hearted, pure, with scented dew still wet - One perfect rose.
I knew the language of the floweret;/'My fragile leaves,' it said, 'his heart enclose.'
Love long has taken for his amulet/One perfect rose.
Why is it no one ever sent me yet/One perfect limousine, do you suppose?
Ah no, it's always just my luck to get/One perfect rose.