If you ever have a shiny new car, I will track it down and I will key it, regardless of what part of the world you live, it's just a matter of time. It might be days or years but eventually I will key your car.
This is how it will happen.
One of these days, you'll finish your errands at the mall or perhaps you've just finished work and you return to your automobile, only to find that I've gotten to it.
Long, swooping scratches will adorn your doorpanel, evidence of my slow, deliberate caresses. Lacy curls of paint will lie piled on the ground like lingere at a lover's feet. Perhaps a new dent and crease in your car's fender will greet you, showing you where my body slammed the body of your vehicle in the heat of pure car-scratching passion.
In that moment, you will know that I had my way with your ride. I made my nasty, lusty communion with your car, and by extension, with you.
You may have a cigarette now.
Car Key Boi