Subject: Mercedes Benz parked on 18th st. Car had plastic rims that were made to look like chrome.
Offense: Found *large* tube of KY jelly and a male real doll in the back seat. Also the windshield said "Top Down, Chrome Spinnin'" in the tint.
Punishment: Used the teeth on my extra-sharp deadbolt key to create a triple-row scratch, from the right taillight to the passenger side door. Mostly straight, but violently jaggy at the end as a deliberate, extra little "fuck you." Also wrote the initials "CKB" on the hood.
As I finished that a short dish washer looking fellow started running of the basketball court toward me screaming something like "You muthafuckin cocksucker!" I gave the car a final *DEEP* scratch and got the fuck out of dodge.