What Not to write in your Leaving Cert English Essay
I think something similiar was posted before (but not exclusively these) and as I just did my leaving cert english paper today I thought it was a good time to post it.
This was sent to me recently via email and I found it very funny, it almost made me wish I was correctly the leaving cert English papers. Some of the following quotes are pure genius!
Quotes from (real) leaving cert English essays:
- His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a tumble dryer
- The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
- McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.
- He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
- The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease
- Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Ballina at 6:36 pm travelling at 55 mph, the other from Claremorris 4:19pm at a speed of 35 mph.
- The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the full stop after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
- John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
- The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
- Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
- Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
- The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
- The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for while.
- He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame.Maybe from stepping on a landmine or something.
- Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from the "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" ad.
- She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
- It came down the stairs looking very much like something no-one had ever seen before.
- The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a lamppost.
- The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free cashpoint.
- It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.
- He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart reversing. She was as easy as the Independent crossword.
- She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature British beef.
- Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
- It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
- Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
"I think if people ask, How is Marion Bartoli? They will always respond, She's a nice person. That's what I'm most proud of..