Are you attracted to the person or the gender? - TennisForum.com
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post #1 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 02:26 PM Thread Starter
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Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

Seeing as non-tennis has become a hot bed of sexuality related discussion recently I wanted to get the views of the forum on a real life situation that I find strange. I've changed their real names.

Megan, one of my mother's friends, is a lesbian in a happy civil partnership. However, she has taken the decision to have a sex change operation and live as a straight man. Thus far I see nothing strange.

What I do see as odd is that she has told my mother that because she is having this sex change that she will have to split from her partner, Katie, because Katie is a lesbian, and thus attracted to women - meaning that once she is a man her partner will no longer be attracted to her.

I can see the argument here, but don't really think it is logical. Even after Megan is a man, inside she will still be the person she was before - the person Katie fell in love with, a sex change will not change that. My understanding was that you were attracted to the person not to their gender, and so I don't see why Megan and Katie would have to split despite still both loving each other.

Am I alone in this opinion or have I misunderstood something? I'm interested to know your thoughts. If your partner had a sex change would you have to end the relationship because they are no longer a man/woman, regardless of the fact you still love them?



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Last edited by Sean.; Apr 7th, 2011 at 03:19 PM.
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post #2 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 02:34 PM
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

I think the fact she is getting a sex change shouldnt really change the relationship she is still the same person she was before except the other gender like you said. she is still the person the other girl fell in love with.
Also what did katie have to say bout this?




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post #3 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 02:39 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

My mother doesn't really know Katie, but as far as I'm aware she supports and understands Megan's decision to have a sex change. I think it's a mutual decision that they have to end their relationship rather than one of them desiring to.



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post #4 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 02:41 PM
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

With the Katie person I don't see a problem. I find the sex change part more confusing.

Katie is a lesbian but she is also a person. When people fall in love and are in a relationship they expect to grow and change together but they still expect the person to remain the same in some key ways. I am certain that you would not be calling Katie strange if one day she woke up and Megan was a bear or turtle. You might say Megan is still the same Megan, but that's pc nonsense, Megan has changed drastically, who she is is completely different. I am sure Katie still loves the Megan she fell in love with, but she can no more marry and be in a relationship with megan the turtle than with just any old turtle.

I understand that a sex change doesn't turn you into a turtle but it's a device I am using to try make clear a different p o v that might be difficult to understand otherwise. In many or even most was Megan will remain the same but in other keys ways it is simply wishful thinking to say she hasn't changed.

There is nothing wrong with turtles, but Katie didn't marry a turtle. She should not be looked down on for not wanting to stay with one now.

Edit: and I hope megan is ok with Katie moving on. Because Megan can't have her cake and eat it too, either there is no difference in gender and which point either one is fine or there is a difference and thus being one is incompatible with who she is.

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post #5 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 02:42 PM
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

There always has to be a level of physical attraction. A different gender can change all that. I mean it's not just the parts that will be rebuilt. She'll take hormones and change entirely into the guy she wants to be. And that might not be who Katie wants to be with.

If only the inside of a person matters, we wouldn't even be gay or straight in the first place.

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post #6 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 02:50 PM
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sean. View Post
Seeing as non-tennis has become a hot bed of sexuality related discussion recently I wanted to get the views of the forum on a real life situation that I find strange. I've changed their real names.

Megan, one of my mother's friends, is a lesbian in a happy civil partnership. However, she has taken the decision to have a sex change operation and live as a straight man. Thus far I see nothing strange.

What I do see as odd is that she has told my mother that because she is having this sex change that she will have to split from her partner, Katie, because Katie is a lesbian, and thus attracted to women - meaning that once she is a man her partner will no longer be attracted to her.

I can see the argument here, but don't really think it is logical. Even after Megan is a man, inside she will still be the person she was before - the person Katie fell in love with, a sex change will not change that. My understanding was that you were attracted to the person not to their gender, and so I don't see why Megan and Katie would have to split despite still both loving each other.

Am I alone in this opinion or have I misunderstood something? I'm interested to know your thoughts

To the gay men/women on TF: If your partner had a sex change would you have to end the relationship because they are no longer a man/woman, regardless of the fact you still love them?
Interesting. I am really not sure what would I do in this situation, but if I would be attracted to men only, and if my BF would have a sex change I would most likely end a relationship. Person who changes sex changes way of life completely and that for sure wouldn't be the same person anymore.
To add, I am completely against sex change, I find it disturbing.
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post #7 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 02:50 PM
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

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There always has to be a level of physical attraction. A different gender can change all that. I mean it's not just the parts that will be rebuilt. She'll take hormones and change entirely into the guy she wants to be. And that might not be who Katie wants to be with.

If only the inside of a person matters, we wouldn't even be gay or straight in the first place.
Game. Set. Match. Right there.

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post #8 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 02:56 PM
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

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To the gay men/women on TF: If your partner had a sex change would you have to end the relationship because they are no longer a man/woman, regardless of the fact you still love them?
Ask the same question to the straight men/women on TF too.

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post #9 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 02:59 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

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Ask the same question to the straight men/women on TF too.
But straight men/women would very rarely, if ever, be in this situation as it's pretty much exclusively gay men/woman that have sex changes.



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post #10 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 03:05 PM
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

I don't think that's the case at all. But someone who has more information on that can inform me if I'm right.

Regardless -- it's irrelevant. If the same situation occurred in a straight relationship, do you think the reaction of the "control" member would be any different? In fact (not to stereotype), I think the love the inside/love the outside dichotomy would be even more pronounced.

You think many straight guys would stick with their girlfriend after she got pipe added?

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post #11 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 03:16 PM
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

Chastity Chaz Bono's girlfriend stayed, as far as I'm aware. I guess it depends on the people involved. Money may be a factor in that one, though.
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post #12 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 03:16 PM
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

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But straight men/women would very rarely, if ever, be in this situation as it's pretty much exclusively gay men/woman that have sex changes.
Not at all. Transgender people can be any sexuality. In fact I think it's pretty evenly distributed between hetero- and homosexual.

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post #13 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 03:17 PM
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

Gender. As far as whether or not I would react the way Katie did, it depends on how deep the connection my partner and I have at the time and whether or not it's strong enough to handle as drastic of an alteration in our relationship as a sex change operation. Knowing the kind of person I am now, I would not want to be with my partner if she became a man. But, again, it depends on that partner.
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post #14 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 03:18 PM
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

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Even after Megan is a man, inside she will still be the person she was before - the person Katie fell in love with, a sex change will not change that.

Maybe. But after a sex change it's very likely that a person would change. It's a life changing event and people can change without even going through such a change.

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post #15 of 59 (permalink) Old Apr 7th, 2011, 03:18 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Are you attracted to the person or the gender?

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Not at all. Transgender people can be any sexuality. In fact I think it's pretty evenly distributed between hetero- and homosexual.
Really? Ok, I didn't know that. I'll change the original post.



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